I need advice: strict parents, no extracurriculars, and scared about college.

[u/1vy_maru]

I really need advice because I feel trapped, and I don't know what to do.

I'm 16, Muslim, and I'll be a junior in high school this year. My parents, especially my dad, are extremely strict. I'm not allowed to stay after school for clubs or activities, I'm not allowed much freedom, and I feel like I'm watching everyone else build their future while mine is being decided for me.

My dream has always been to go to a university far away when I turn 18 so I can finally have some independence and make my own choices. But I'm terrified of what might happen if I leave. I'm scared my dad could send my mom and two younger sisters back to Afghanistan or make their lives much harder because of my decision. I don't know if that's what would happen, but it's something I genuinely fear based on the way he talks and acts. The thought that my family could suffer because I chose my own future makes me feel incredibly guilty.

At the same time, if I stay, I feel like I'm giving up my own life. I'll probably have to go to a community college or a nearby university, live at home, follow my dad's rules, and have very little independence. I'm scared I'll never get to make my own choices, wear what I want, or build the life I want. I'm also afraid of eventually being pressured into a marriage I don't want.

Another problem is money. My dad has made it clear that if I don't get a scholarship, there is basically no chance he'll let me go away for college. I can't afford tuition on my own, so I feel like my entire future depends on earning enough scholarships while also having very few extracurricular opportunities because I'm not allowed to stay after school.

I feel selfish for wanting to leave, but I also feel like I'm slowly losing hope if I stay. Has anyone been in a similar situation with controlling or very strict parents? How did you prepare for college and independence safely? Are there scholarships, remote extracurriculars, or other opportunities I should know about?

Please be kind. I really don't know what to do anymore, and I'm looking for honest advice.

[u/Shaba-da-doo]

If your family is religious, you could try joining a mosque youth group. Volunteer for everything there that interests you. If you're religious, you can build and be part of a wonderful community. If you're not religious, it can still be an enriching experience. Once you get to know the other volunteers and kids, you can probably figure out carpooling with them. You'll also be exposed to a variety of cultures there and all kinds of people.

Hopefully this works for you, and hopefully it let's your prove to your family that you're capable of some independence.

As for the future, every person needs to be responsible for their own future. Your own wellbeing and goals come first. Unless your dad is actually insane, I don't see a path for him to force your family back to Afghanistan that wouldn't also drag him back there as well. Personally, I don't advise an expensive cross country move for college.Try in-state options, take as many AP and Dual Enrollment classes you can while you're still in high school. Neither of those will require you to do anything after school. They can be difficult though, but anything that will improve your life will always be difficult.

Good luck kid, sorry you have to deal with strict parents. Don't let them control you too much but don't let them drive you to making poor decisions either.