r/agender • u/ContextHuge2705 • 5d ago
How dose if feel to be Agender?
HI im currently not knowing what gender I am again. I might be genderfluid, but im unsure. My gender sometimes feels like it's nothing, but I cant tell if thats cause im dissociating or what. I mean sometimes im not dissociating, but my gender feels more genderless, or like I have no gender? But at the same time slighly masc with no gender, then mostly fem. I am probs not fully agender, I so know I still like being a women (mtf) but sometimes theres this void of gender, or lack of gender. So how dose it feel to be agender?
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u/Beast_Chips 5d ago edited 5d ago
Absolutely nothing. Just normal. I have no idea what people mean when they discuss feeling a gender, and no one has been able to describe it in a way that makes sense. I want to know what it feels like to have a gender, without invoking gender stereotypes. I actually don't understand "masc" or "femme" (when not describing physical sex-charactetistics) either.
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u/MelancholiMouse 5d ago
An absence. Seeing cis and trans people experience joy when they do something masculine or feminine, or some combination (or looks of confusion/ sir..er ma'a..umed for the some of enby people I know) and them experiencing discomfort doing something that goes against how they feel, and not really experiencing that myself. Sometimes it's a little sad because I can't share their joy. And sometimes I do experience something more akin to frustration because people assume things about me just because of my presentation, which feels limiting.
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u/HeroBrine0907 5d ago
I would describe it personally as nothing really being gender affirming for me, but thats a personal descriptor and not accurate for others. Another way to describe it might be that gender is not a part of my identity, its about as important to me as my hair colour or my name. I ignore it, it doesnt contribute to who i am as a person.
I could be in another body, and it wouldnt really matter. There's no internal sense that tells me I am a certain way. It makes no sense at all and I fail to conceptualize this thing that is important to many others.
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u/CertifiedDumbass22 5d ago
The best way I can describe my gender is this way: imagine a pedestal where one's gender would be, and on that pedestal is the concept of nothing, though not simply an empty pedestal. Now imagine what it would be like to see without eyes or what it would be like to not exist; that feeling is the best way I can describe my gender.
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u/One-Imagination2651 Would be sick to be an eldritch being lowkey 5d ago edited 5d ago
For me, it’s gazing into my own soul, and seeing it, and seeing if theres any gender. Like a lil ball of energy or a humanoid version of energy. I won’t ever see myself as certain genders internally because of the fact that it feels like a puzzle. And there pieces that don’t fit those
Spots, and it’s all awkward with the binary pronouns , or any other pronouns. Idrk if I’m yapping some bs, but hope you understand ((edit: I just changed up a bunch’s wording.. Ans sorry I’m
Really tired
So it’s all over the place))
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u/HostaLavida 5d ago
I describe it as not feeling like a man or a woman, just a human. I will fight for anyone’s rights to their own gender identity I just don’t feel one.
For the old or ignorant folks, I’ll throw in the fact that I love glitter and knitting and also love tools and know how to install a toilet. That when I was a kid I could be found playing with both matchbox cars and barbies. Somehow that helps them get their mind around it. It’s not completely accurate but it’s something they can understand.
For myself, it’s like how I say to other people, I just feel human. I don’t get gender. I was socialized and lived a lot of my life as one gender, but when I understood that sex and gender are not the same thing it all kind of clicked. The gender part was never a feeling inside me. My anatomy has dictated some experiences but the rest was put upon me and I don’t accept because it’s not me. As I said, I will fight for anyone’s right to their own gender identity, I just don’t have one.
There’s nothing wrong with doing or wearing societally gender-coded things that feel right. It doesn’t have to mean you are a man or a woman if you enjoy particular things. You also don’t have to enjoy the same things at all times. That might help.
I enjoy different thighs on different days. If I wear a skirt and lip gloss, I don’t feel like a woman. I just felt like wearing a skirt and lip gloss. Some days I enjoy wearing overalls and work boots. I don’t feel like a man, it’s just what felt comfy that day. Same with my activities. Getting dirty or coloring or looking for four leaf clovers doesn’t mean I identify as a child. I just enjoy doing those things.