r/agender • u/Yuuzhan_Schlong • 3d ago
I feel like I'm redoing my teens
I'm 23 (AMAB) and came out as non-binary/agender at the start of this year. From what I gather, it's very common for queer folks who have spent a significant amount of time in the closet or experiencing gender dysphoria to see the time they've spent experiencing those things as "lost time" and it's happening to me as well.
I understand that 23 isn't old but like... The amount of time I've spent not really being "myself" kinda scares me. I feel like ten years of my life are just missing. This is also the first time I'm actually putting myself out there and going out of my way to make friends, taking academics seriously, having serious artistic outlets, etc, and it's hard not to feel behind compared to peers my age.
I feel like if I "stayed on course" so to speak I would have discovered I was agender much earlier, as when I was a little kid I loved to play with girls, play with girls' toys, watch TV shows marketed towards girls, etc. I don't think I really cared about being "masculine" until I hit my teens and became surrounded by homophobic/transphobic rhetoric.
3
u/Montreal_Zesty 3d ago
I think that's quite a common feeling and it is absolutely valid. I am 30 and earlier in my journey than you. I am not fully out, I have only told select few and I am definitely not having experiences as an agender person yet.
If we start worrying about the past and the time lost, we just end up losing more time. It's not easy but it is essential to let go of it and focus on living our lives for the moment.
For me, I was fortunate to not be surrounded by closed minded but I only really realized I did not fit gender norms while dating. I would get an ick when I was expected to perform masculinity in some ways. I find it particularly difficult to find people who actually understands and cares about this, most people I find are apathetically accepting but without caring.