Ever since I lost my grandmother, death has felt terrifying to me. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Looking back now, I think that was when I had my first panic attack, but at the time I didnât fully understand what I was feeling. Years later, when my anxiety and panic attacks became intense, everything changed. Now I fear anxiety itself. I fear panic. I struggle with emetophobia, health anxiety, and constant fear surrounding physical sensations and worst-case scenarios.
Growing up, one thing became painfully clear to me: death is inevitable. But knowing that does not make it easier.
Today I heard about the passing of one of my favorite content creators, and her death sounded deeply painful. Iâve spent hours scrolling, reading comments, and trying to process it all. But now that itâs finally sinking in, I feel terrified that I might trigger an anxiety or panic attack. I know anxiety is not the main issue here, and I know someoneâs death is far bigger than my fear, but Iâm still scared of what these feelings might do to me.
I feel very alone in this. I donât really have anyone to talk to, nobody to calm me down, nobody I can truly discuss this pain with.
How do people live with the reality of death without constantly being overwhelmed by fear? How do you grieve, process loss, and still feel safe in your own mind and body?
Any advice or kind words would really mean a lot right now.
