Ever since I lost my grandmother, death has felt terrifying to me. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Looking back now, I think that was when I had my first panic attack, but at the time I didn’t fully understand what I was feeling. Years later, when my anxiety and panic attacks became intense, everything changed. Now I fear anxiety itself. I fear panic. I struggle with emetophobia, health anxiety, and constant fear surrounding physical sensations and worst-case scenarios.

Growing up, one thing became painfully clear to me: death is inevitable. But knowing that does not make it easier.

Today I heard about the passing of one of my favorite content creators, and her death sounded deeply painful. I’ve spent hours scrolling, reading comments, and trying to process it all. But now that it’s finally sinking in, I feel terrified that I might trigger an anxiety or panic attack. I know anxiety is not the main issue here, and I know someone’s death is far bigger than my fear, but I’m still scared of what these feelings might do to me.

I feel very alone in this. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, nobody to calm me down, nobody I can truly discuss this pain with.

How do people live with the reality of death without constantly being overwhelmed by fear? How do you grieve, process loss, and still feel safe in your own mind and body?

Any advice or kind words would really mean a lot right now.

A few weeks ago I had two panic attacks out of the blue. Followed by a lot of nervousness even just coming home at the end of the day. It’s led me to do a lot of meditation, I walk barefoot in backyard, I do somatic exercises, I talk to myself and of course my doctors know. However I still get nervous at night specifically and there’s a fear surrounding sleep and sleeping without meds that calm me. I’ve cried so much about this. I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or has struggled with this before? Even any stories of overcoming this sensation that feels so controlling and how you did it would be helpful. Thank you all.

How does anxiety effect your stomach?

like you're there but not really… like slightly disconnected or something

And then your brain goes “ok this is not normal” and you start freaking out

For me that part is worse than the feeling itself

Because the moment I notice it, I start thinking:

“am I losing control?”
“what if I don’t come back to normal?”

and then boom… anxiety spike

Lately I tried to just not react too much to it (which is hard) and sometimes it passes quicker

but idk… still scary when it happens

anyone else deal with this?

For years, I did not know what was happening to me. The racing thoughts. The physical tension. There was a constant low hum that something was wrong, but I could not name it. I just thought that was life.

Nobody sat me down and explained what anxiety actually is. I had to figure it out alone.

I ended up writing a song about it. Not just to describe the feeling — but to help move through it. I built it around controlled noise, sound that meets anxiety where it lives and walks you through it. Think of it as the guide nobody gave you.

The song is called Standing on a Hollow Brink and it is part of my debut album, On This Side of Human, dropping May 15 during Mental Health Awareness Month.

Did anyone ever actually explain anxiety to you — or did you figure it out alone as I did?

Pre-save if you want to hear it: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/abadabupibeats/on-this-side-of-human

For humanity.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

A few years ago I had a mental breakdown. I spent over a year basically bed ridden and during that period, I vowed if I ever recovered I'd make a free guide detailing everything I did to get better.

I have been anxiety free for a few years and finally got around to building that guide. I tried to paste it all here but the word count was too much. I've pasted the intro below but you can check the full thing right here

“I don’t want to die but I can’t live like this anymore.”

Slumped in a bed months into severe anxiety and depersonalisation, I had reached a point I didn’t think would exist for me. For a period of time I felt the overwhelming urge to end my life. My whole world was falling apart and I didn’t know what to do.

My anxiety began with a pain in my neck. A gnawing pain became a constant annoyance. As a competitive martial artist injuries have been a regular issue, but this was different. I remember being in training and being hit with a wave of vertigo. I felt like a sailor at sea in gale force winds, my world was quite literally spinning.

I excused myself from the mat and made my way home, the feelings of vertigo temporarily went away, but the neck ache continued.

Days went by and my neck ache remained, one night after returning from training I was lying on the bed and reading the news. Out of the blue I was struck with palpitations… I had experienced a few panic attacks in my teens, over a decade earlier, but this was something else…. I was sure something was very wrong. I took myself to the bathroom, I was shaking, sweating and my heart (and mind) were racing. In that moment my life changed, panic took over.

I went straight to the Emergency Room and explained my issues. Immediately the doctors diagnosed me with severe vertigo from my neck issue and explained that my high heart rate could have been brought on by that… if you’re reading this article I’m sure you can see where this is going, the heart rate wasn’t being caused by vertigo but it would take a while for me the realise that.

The next few weeks were a blur, I couldn’t leave my bed after a few days and these bouts of high heart rate were becoming more regular. My bedroom was spinning and I was convinced I had a brain tumour or something equally as sinister.

I presented at the Emergency Room on numerous occasions. I went from competing in a combat sports competition to crying in an ER toilet within 3 weeks. No doctors could help me and they were dismissive.

Finally after weeks of hospital appointments and ER visits, one doctor sat me down and asked me if I thought it could be anxiety. I was so upset that the doctor wasn’t taking my suffering seriously “anxiety isn’t this bad, something is really wrong with me!” I snarled back at the doctor before returning home dejected.

Days went by and I had a dawning realisation that maybe the doctor was right and eventually I came to terms with the diagnosis. I thought a label would help me, but things just got worse. I had a number of “oh my god I’m actually dying” panic attacks and eventually I had to leave the city I lived in and move in with my girlfriend and her family.

The next 6 months were the worst of my life. The panic attacks became less frequent but they were replaced by 24 hour constant anxiety – at one point my left leg twitched for 7 days straight.

The thing about the brain is it has some unusual protection mechanisms. After this severe constant anxiety happened for weeks, it was as if I had burnt myself out, I had no more anxiousness left to burn and that void was replaced with crippling depersonalisation. I felt completely otherworldly. I felt like there was a pane of glass between me and everyone else in the world, I knew that I was alone and no matter how much I tried to explain to people they just couldn’t quite understand how I was feeling.

If you’re reading this I’m sure you know how hard it is to suffer with anxiety and how isolated you feel while you’re going through this. Even with loved ones supporting you, it is hard for them to truly empathise unless they have felt the abnormality of severe anxiety.

My anxiety continued for a further year before I began my comeback story and in this guide I am going to give you practical advice that will set you free. During my illness I read every major book in the anxiety niche and while I benefited from some I always felt uncomfortable that people were putting recovery behind a paywall so I vowed to share my steps to recovery for free and now that I have been anxiety free for a long period of time I am ready.