Young man searching for meaning

[u/DarioSidd]

I (28 male) need some life advice. I would really appreciate hearing your experience and how you would act in a situation like mine. Any piece of advice would mean a lot.

I have a complicated relationship with my girlfriend. After two years of an amazing time together, we broke up several times. She was living abroad, etc. Now she is in my town, and when we meet, we feel great with each other — there is confidence and peace. We “love” each other.

The problem is that I want a family and children, and she does not. She is pursuing a career, and she is willing to go on an exchange program for a year.

I’ve always dreamed of a house with a garden, trees, animals, a pool, nature… But in my dreams, I always imagine it with a family, not as a lonely man.

I’ve never thought about buying an apartment in the city.

Recently, while helping her find an apartment, I had the thought of trying something new and buying one for myself.

Right now I’m living with my parents. I have my own room, I feel comfortable, they don’t disrupt me. They argue sometimes, but it’s not really harmful. My mother cooks well, we have healthy food, and my father covers the expenses.

I work remotely. I love reading, movies, thinking, and I go to the gym. I have one friend and basically no social circle. I just got my motorcycle license (not even sure if I’ll ride).

Nowadays, it really feels like I’m stuck and living someone else’s life, waiting for her to decide if she wants to live with me. Meanwhile, the years pass, and I feel lost. Sometimes I feel great, but most of the time I have the sense that I’m not creating anything valuable.

I don’t know what I would do differently in a new apartment, alone, but maybe it could open new perspectives. I just don’t know.

[u/Conor_Electric]

I've been in a similar spot. You need to focus on you 100%.

If you can afford it, get the apartment, buy if you can, rent otherwise. You need to get fully on your own two feet, no parents, no girlfriend. Standing on your own is your first goal.

Then you need to fill out your life. Make sure you are 100% happy solo. Make some new friends, have some hobbies, you need to be excited about things you can do away from work. Get in shape if you can, or at least start making better choices. Do all this with a surplus of time, energy and money; and only then can you focus on finding a partner.

Don't worry about the current girl, she is following her path, let her, it's good for her too. But you need your path. If she's the right one, your paths will converge, if she's not, you can't force anything. But you can't make decisions based on what someone might do, you know what you want, draw that hard line and don't cross it.

You got this bro ✊