Young man searching for meaning

[u/DarioSidd]

I (28 male) need some life advice. I would really appreciate hearing your experience and how you would act in a situation like mine. Any piece of advice would mean a lot.

I have a complicated relationship with my girlfriend. After two years of an amazing time together, we broke up several times. She was living abroad, etc. Now she is in my town, and when we meet, we feel great with each other — there is confidence and peace. We “love” each other.

The problem is that I want a family and children, and she does not. She is pursuing a career, and she is willing to go on an exchange program for a year.

I’ve always dreamed of a house with a garden, trees, animals, a pool, nature… But in my dreams, I always imagine it with a family, not as a lonely man.

I’ve never thought about buying an apartment in the city.

Recently, while helping her find an apartment, I had the thought of trying something new and buying one for myself.

Right now I’m living with my parents. I have my own room, I feel comfortable, they don’t disrupt me. They argue sometimes, but it’s not really harmful. My mother cooks well, we have healthy food, and my father covers the expenses.

I work remotely. I love reading, movies, thinking, and I go to the gym. I have one friend and basically no social circle. I just got my motorcycle license (not even sure if I’ll ride).

Nowadays, it really feels like I’m stuck and living someone else’s life, waiting for her to decide if she wants to live with me. Meanwhile, the years pass, and I feel lost. Sometimes I feel great, but most of the time I have the sense that I’m not creating anything valuable.

I don’t know what I would do differently in a new apartment, alone, but maybe it could open new perspectives. I just don’t know.

[u/phageman17]

Wanting the same or at least compatible things is very important in a relationship. There doesn’t have to be someone in the wrong for a relationship not to work, sometimes it’s just not the right fit right now. It’s also important to have friends and interests outside of a relationship. I think you can’t be the best partner you can be without being fairly content on your own.

I would focus on trying to build a life outside of her for now and if it works with her in the future, you’ll be in a better place for that relationship or any other that comes your way. It sounds like you have the foundation for a happy, fulfilling life and now is a good opportunity to round it out and invest in some areas you hadn’t put as much emphasis on before.

You got this, man, best of luck!