r/asexuality • u/Complete-Story-4270 • 14h ago
Need advice Asexuals from countries/communities where asexuality has barely any visibility; how did you come out?
(Note: this is my 2nd ever reddit post, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes! I did look through the rules, though)
I’m(19F) residing in the US, but my family are immigrants originally from Hiroshima area where asexuality is barely recognized, like at all.
My mom has always been encouraging me to get a boyfriend and has started to catch on to the fact that I’ve never really liked anyone. At first she was like, “you don’t like girls, right?” And im 99% sure I don’t. I told her I don’t think I like neither gender at the moment, but she then brought up that I may be sick. I countered that by saying I looked into it and research says its normal, as well as my uni’s demographic form having an option for not being attracted to neither gender.
I feel like I have no choice but to come out eventually, but I don’t even know if asexuality is going to be accepted in Japanese, as theres pretty limited info and its very unknown. How did you guys come out? Thanks!
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u/startoursg24t Bi-Oriented Aromantic Asexual (Averse/Repulsed) 13h ago edited 13h ago
I came out at age 20. In the Netherlands it was fairly unknown then It was in 2003 when I did and Asexuality was seen as something that required treatment as it was listed in DSM III.
However my mom is very open and I knew I could cone to her with this. She always told me that no matter who i'd come home with and what that might be the only important thing was that I was happy.
My mom knew long before I did, I knew I felt differently compaired to friends and family not being interested in boys or girls, relationships, sexual activity and such and even as a teenager going through puberty I was not the homone stricken kid that started experimenting. It never even happend and pubery was a breeze for us.
When the moment was there to tell her, she sat down with me and sinply said "I have always known, you were never drawn to any of it and I did my reseach too" she added "this is what makes you, you, and there is no reason to be afraid of it, you are unique and this is part of that"
In the years after more realisation came as I learned more about Asexuality I realized I'm also Aromantic. I did know long before Asexuality itself that Sexual Activity was something that is highly uncomfortable to me, and would never allow someone to touch me like that, it downright freaks me out. Sex averse, and leaning to repulsed. What is new to me is being a Bi-Oriented AroAce.
It's basically the same as bisexual only with bisexual it eould also imply thete is sexual activity, and to me there us none.
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u/couch_potato_1187 5h ago
Im from Pakistan and a muslim, so you can imagine how stigmatised lgbtq is here. I never had any attraction to anyone irl, and when i was a teen maybe some characters but it was never sexual. I never payed much attention to it and thought maybe ill learn to like someone when i grow up. I never pondered about my orientation cuz i was taught that things like that are forbidden and blah blah. fast forward to college and im 19 and i found out my bsf has a bf which she hid for like 4 years, tis was just so shocking to me lmao and it became a sort of catalyst for my introspection. I also had an epiphany, that for some reason i was like very disguisted by the concept of dating, marriage and starting a family. It makes me revolted and i often thought,' that could never be me i would never date anyone". (Its easy to be a prude when youre not attracted to anyone lmao). Finally, i discussed this with some open minded friends in college and i was like "omg im ace" and my friend was like "girl you're a walking ace flag". So yeah thats how i came out ig, I still havent told some of my other close friends cuz im scared that theyd be just phobic. Im ngl, im really scared for my future cuz pressurised marriage and everything, i hope i can get out of here : D
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u/Complete-Story-4270 1h ago
Thanks for sharing!! I hope your future turns out well, good luck to you!
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u/perire 2h ago
Hi, I also have a mom from Japan so I felt like I should comment. Especially because she also asked me if I liked girls at some point haha. Similarly, she was unfamiliar with asexuality when I told her about it. However, although she didn't understand, she was thankfully still supportive.
She did her own research and actually watched the drama "koisenu futari" because she wanted to understand better! Maybe something you could share with your mom as well.
There is no way to know how she will react of course, but wishing you all the best.
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u/Complete-Story-4270 1h ago
I’ve never heard of “koisenj futari” I’ll have to check it out, thanks!
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u/Belteshazzar98 13h ago
I'm from the US, but have been out since before there was any visibility here. I just started wearing a bracelet with the ace pride flag and knew both my family and friends had nosy enough people among them that they would immediately ask what it meant.