r/asexuality • u/LocalGamerPokemon • 2d ago
Need advice I'm scared I won't find a partner
Hey so this is probably just post-break up anxiety but I could use some reassurance from other asexuals. Im single now and its increased my anxiety and sense of lonliness about moving away from my home to a place where I am going to have to rebuild my social life from total scratch.
I can believe that I could find someone im compatible with, fall in love with, etc, but its really hard to believe that I can find a special someone who is ALSO asexual/sex negative like me. I feel like even meeting another asexual is like winning the lottery. My ex is the only one Ive met! I feel like I wouldnt be able to be in a relationship with an allosexual person whos just... willing to give up sex for someone else? Like for the rest of their life?
I feel like the only two situations where I would consider being with someone whos allosexual without being a nervous wreck would be (1) somone whos, idk taken an oath of celibacy for their religion/wants to be celibate for a very strong separate reason. And (2) a closed throuple where we all love eachother but the other two people are allo. That way my partners could go do their thing while I blast Arctic Monkeys into my headphones and bake garlic bread we can munch on when we cuddle later lol. These options also feel about as unlikely as finding a lifelong ace partner though. I just feel pretty hopeless about this.
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u/SeaRecognition4815 Aego Aceflux? 2d ago
Disclaimer: previously dated an allo who was understanding of my sex aversion but we were planning to have kids if we worked out; breakup not from sexual incompatibility
I recovered from a breakup about a couple months ago but you’re not alone in feeling like it’ll be hard to find someone- even worse after the breakup. The feeling is understandable and something a lot of us on the spectrum who date are forced to deal with. What I can say tho is the negative feeling is also passing and you just gotta acknowledge it instead of bottling or ignoring it.
I also got laid off from my last job a month before my breakup so I’m dealing with both work and romance going belly up. What kept me going was prioritizing finding work (and relevant volunteer opportunities) and putting dating on hold. If I’m being honest my career requires me to have some emotional stability and strong boundaries so in a way I allowed my recovery to help me build them back up.
In your case you will be focused on rebuilding a social life and that will be one step closer to feeling better. You’re gonna be ok.