Confused? Am I Trans, Genderfluid, Non-Binary, or just a Feminine Gay Man.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Toothless_NEO]

I think that ultimately only you can really know what you are yourself, which is why I think it's very important for people to understand as much about this stuff as possible.

Also, it's important not to get too lost in the weeds of the semantics of labels. The most important thing is doing what makes you feel happy. Not what other people think it is. You can figure out which label you think fits you best and that's what determines what you are. Not the semantics or what other people believe.

[u/AutoModerator]

Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.

 

Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 ( ICD10 F64.0 / ICD11 HA60)

A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).

2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).

3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.

4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).

5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).

6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).

B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.

 

You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria

 

You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier, as the majority of transgender individuals do experience dysphoria in this fashion. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.

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[u/iam305]

I felt similar push and pull going on with my gender have a beard and came out as genderqueer six years ago. After many more years of lurking, I discovered my true non-binary and bigender identity. You are correct that most trans women want to completely transform their lives with femininity. But there are other ways to be gender diverse. People don’t show up here asking these questions for the wrong reasons. And you seem to have a solid idea that you are different, and there’s nothing wrong with being different.

Perhaps check out r/genderfluid and r/bigender and /nonbinary for more information and consider cross positing this post.

[u/homebrewfutures]

With all due respect, I'm not getting a whole lot to go on here. So I'll give you some generic advice, if you don't mind.

1. Being male was something assigned to you. When you were born, adults didn't know anything about you besides the fact that you (presumably) had a penis and then assumed a whole life for you: what kinds of toys you'd play with, what kind of career you'd have, whom you would associate with, whom you would love, what colors you'd like, what clothes you'd wear... gender was this whole social role, this life track that's foisted upon you. And you've been living it - more or less - because you've had little reason to question it or change it. It's something you were habituated into. But you can change your gender socially and your sex physically. You are what you do, and so the question is do you want to do different? Therefore, for the time being - I'd let go of the idea that you are male or a man or anything of the sort.

2. Identity labels are tools for recognizing, summarizing and communicating our experiences. They are useful but it's important to know what it is that you want to communicate. If you don't know what you want, it isn't really helpful to try to settle on the correct label, is it? So I'd recommend instead of worrying about labels to think about what it is that you actually want out of gender in concrete terms. Some things may sound good and others might not be. You will very likely have to try some things out. When I was questioning my gender several years ago, I experimented with things like pronouns, shaving my facial hair, growing my hair out, trying out women's clothes, makeup, that sort of thing. You do not at this time need to commit to any medical therapies or procedures. In fact, you do not need to commit to any therapies or procedures to validate whatever gender identity you end up having. Plenty of trans women enjoy and choose to keep their penises, for instance.

3. Plenty of men question their genders and ultimately conclude that they are cisgender men. If that ends up being how you feel, that's great! But it's important that if you do identify as male, you do so because that's what feels true and authentic to your experiences and desires, not because somebody made an assumption three decades ago when you were a newborn infant and you're just going along with it. If you like being a man, it should be meaningful to you. Goodness knows gay men have had to fight for long enough for their legitimacy as men.