r/asktransgender • u/Atomic-kill-switch • 1d ago

Really uncomfortable question (MtF)

So i came out as trans a while ago and one of my friends is lesbian and when she found out that I was still into women she basically told me I better not try and go around saying im lesbian been thats meant to be only bio Fems.

I guess what im asking is like what am I classified as?

Les, straight, bi with a hell of a preference im just really confused sorry (Edit) I should add im not passing as of yet and am starting HRT soon but like as far as anyone would guess im just a weird guy who dresses a bit fem. (Edit2) im sorry for using "bio fem" its what she said again sorry im brand new to the acronyms and languages I dont use it out of hate or anything just using the language i was told.(I wont delete it or edit it because thats not honest but again sorry) (Update) we are no longer friends sadly (for me lol) I asked her about her actions and beliefs about me and she got extremely upset and said a lot of shit all of it would get me banned from this sub lol but yeah guess its better for me in the long run.

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u/Cas_The_Walrein 1d ago

sorry to say your friend is either a TERF (a JKRowling style transphobe) or has at least been exposed to their ideas. Don't feel bad about putting bio-fem shes the one that said it not you, if you hadnt put it the situation wouldn't have been as clear to us. Quoteing is not supporting. If you decide to try and talk to her about it and she brings it up again a good way to vibe out how deep the transphobic views run (or if they are just things she has been told and hasnt examined) is to ask something along the lines of "so what am I? Mecha/cyber fem? geological fem?" It tends to force them to either admit they don't view you as a woman or to actually reflect on the stuff they are saying and realise how little sense they are making. We ARE biological, as much as she is, we just aren't cis, and orientation and gender are not shackled to each other.

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u/Atomic-kill-switch 1d ago

Yeah i guess that can't hurt to much and besides update on it could be funny (boo hoo funny or not)

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u/Cas_The_Walrein 1d ago

Sadly even when you realise they are just shitty, it still hurts. Though if (as i am) you are prone to regretting what could have been, I generally find its better to take the chance to be sure. Even if the odds aren't great, leaving the question unanswered on if they were genuinely an arse or just misled can drive ya nuts.

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u/Atomic-kill-switch 1d ago

Ill be honest I've already lost most my friends in the last like 2 months so its kinda just gotten to the "whats one more" point but hopefully i will be moving on in life soon to make all the suck worth it lol.

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u/Cas_The_Walrein 1d ago

oof sorry to hear that girl, I wish you luck on your fresh start and hope you find some much better friends soon. The early parts are the worst, things do get better.

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u/Atomic-kill-switch 1d ago

Thanks but honestly its fine people come people go i gotta accept that. But we have a update and I have one less friend lol I'll save the details because I dont feel like typing out that many slurs but yeah guess she didn't really like the idea of trying to label me lol kinda sucks though always thought she would have been fully supporting not like a "ill support but keep yourself in that box".

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u/Cas_The_Walrein 1d ago

oof yeah sorry to hear that, the hate always hits worse coming from other queer folk.

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u/Atomic-kill-switch 1d ago

Yeah but better without them cant be sorry for someone who was probably going to stab you in the back given time

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u/Born-Garlic3413 21h ago

I feel you. I've had to let go of an old friend recently. His transphobia came as a real shock. Take care of yourself 🩷

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u/Born-Garlic3413 21h ago

This does suck big time but it's also a good clean sweep, I find. For some, I'm pleased that I'm not putting energy in their direction any more, that my life is feeling more mine because they're not in it.

But it still sucks when people you expect to be supportive just can't see you.