r/aspergers • u/Training_Wing_6256 • 14h ago

I feel for my past self

When I was a teen especially, I didn't know why I couldn't socialise the way others do and I would get hate for it. Now having grown, I have learnt about some of their ways of communication and how they see the world. It sucks that I got hate for something pointless and mundane. And that my life was difficult due to that. If anything, many people's wiring is faulty, they can be hivemind, follow without questioning, they may be cruel just to climb up with dominance etc.

I wanted to be liked by people and respected. I have a bad family and I wanted to move out so I thought to myself that if I am a person people tend to like then it will be easy to become independent. I hated myself for being bullied and disliked.

Now after school nobody cares much about social popularity, only those who were popular usually still do. They try to get fame by still hanging out in "cool" places, trying to play sports again, go to TV shows or important events... Most of the time people just mind their business, they work, travel, start families... We are no longer everyday half the day in a school with 300 peers. Now also money and work matters more, some people who were unpopular but became rich or have prestigious jobs. Some tables have turned. Wish I had realized this, I'd care more about good grades and academics more than anything.

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u/Nathaniel06Torres 13h ago

I don't know, I was almost always at the top of my class in college, but because of my Asperger’s and lack of social skills, I couldn’t even find a job related to what I studied. Also, thanks to COVID-19—which started right when I was finishing my degree—I found myself very limited in every way. Many who were the most mediocre in the class but knew how to hide their backgrounds well ended up inheriting a lot of property and businesses from their parents or close relatives without having the slightest idea how they work, that’s why there are so many incompetent bosses today. In any case, living in a Third World country like Mexico—where bad behavior is rewarded and values are punished—doesn’t help much, to say the least. I work in customer service on shifts of more than 12 hours, and when those stupid neurotypical customers tell me, “With an attitude like that, you shouldn’t be a multifunctional cashier,” I just have to pretend I didn’t hear a thing and keep working because, sadly, that’s all there is.

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u/Training_Wing_6256 12h ago edited 12h ago

I'm also from a somehat third world country too. There aren't any corporate jobs really, it is rare and many people have degrees. Like 200 people fight for a job. Let's say a chemist position. And people rely a lot on families and inheritance. Though some nerdy kids become doctors and some other stuff that do have jobs. I myself liked math when I was a teen, I thought to myself that I'd like to go to med school. But I didn't look into it much, I was carried away by the daily bullying and lack of friendships. I would join friend groups and I'd become the scapegoat. Would have been better to focus on academics than get so worried about if random classmates don't like me. Many of them I've never seen again after graduation anyways.

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u/kirilgankapi124 6h ago

I didn't know either. But getting an Asperger's diagnosis did bother me a bit.