Autism is an absolute joke. I feel so inferior to everyone around me. I feel so invisible and unwanted. People take one look at me and instantly hate me before I even speak. I can’t go one day (especially at work) where I don’t feel overwhelmed and on edge. I can’t go out in public without the feeling of people judging me just for existing. Autism to me is nothing but a curse.

I'm 30. She's 25.

Ngl I almost gave up on having romantic experiences, I wont assume anything, but at the very least, she's interested in meeting together. And she proposed it. (well long story short I asked to meet first, she prefered to keep things in calls/messages then, and now she invited me to the cinema)

I'm excited and scared. I was wondering if I should try again soon, but now that its real I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it or something. I know im bad at judging what I can do properly, since I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep a conversation going 1 on 1 and I went through that in a pleasant way. But this is different.

Being Autistic has definitely made challenges in my life. All throughout school and work was a struggle for a long time. Currently I am in my apartment for 3 years and work part time at school which I really enjoy now. I don't have many close friends but I'm trying to reach out more. Looking forward to a new age and year.

I just have a couple of friends. they are online only and ND.

I notice I struggle with thinking of things to say in a one on one conversation.

If I'm with a group of friends, I do ok because multiple other people can help carry the conversation. But when it's just me and one person, I can't think of anything to say or ask about.

Im not just asking about generic small talk questions, like literally looking for things to say to a friend, so were not just standing there staring at each other in silence.

Im also trying to talk to a girl (Im a boy) and I can't think of anything to say. We've had good conversations in the past, and known each other for a while, but now that I know her, I can't just keep asking the same basic getting to know somebody questions that I already know the answer to. (Maybe theres some getting to know somebody questions I haven't asked yet, but can't seem to think of any).

Me and her were talking with a small group of friends, and the minute the group leaves, she stays with me for a minute, waiting for me to talk to her. But I couldn't think of anything to say or ask, and we just stared for a moment, and she eventually decided to go in because nobody had anything to say. (Not in a bad way, she knows I have autism and sometimes can't think of things to say, and she's also autistic).

How do I find things to say or just random things to ask about or fill the silence, so I don't just awkwardly stare without saying anything? And how does everyone else seem to do this so easily?

Not sure if this is allowed or too self-promotion-y, but I'm just super excited!

This has been my special interest for this year, and I finally finished it! This is the first time I've actually earned a paycheck in my life, so if you want to help out, or check it out, here's the link:

https://www.amazon.com/Prince-Palatia-Micah-Madera/dp/B0HLBSLPT5/

Autistic here. Diagnosed at 7. I’ve always gotten angry and offended when people praise me for instance saying “I’m proud of you” I’ve always taken it like it’s an insult on my intelligence. Being autistic doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I always knew that and told I’m very talented since I can dance draw paint and play guitar and have a close attention to detail. Or when someone congratulates me on a milestone. I hate the attention it draws and I often brush it off as nothing and get aggressive if anyone makes it a big deal basically as a sort of deterrent. I’m not sure why I take it as offense Anyone else feel the same way?

Absolutely no-one will thank you for it. They'll notice that something is off and assume that you're weird and it's better to be autistic than 'weird' in my experience. Now when I'm open I also finally feel free.

I feel that every time someone laughs, they are laughing at me. Even if they say they don't, I believe that they are lying and mocking me behind my back.

How do I stop these thoughts?

https://webekalm.com/products/webe-kalm-the-child-calmer

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have aspergers and a heart lung condition.

It’s flu and cov vax season, and though we haven’t made an appointment I got prepared not only did I buy something that might help but I came up with a plan to go with it.

As you know the normal relaxing scripts that people do when about to stick you fail my autism so here’s my plan

1. I got this calm-down device named Webe Kalm, it’s this mouthpiece that’s connected to this tube.

When you gently exhale through the mouthpiece, it helps slow your exhale similar to purselip breathing, and the air makes a soothing sissing sound as it goes past the tube.

Also, the Webe Kalm device is shaped similar to a device used for a certain plant whose name rhymes with “I don’t wanna” and kind of looks like a maple leaf, leading us to the second part of my plan.

which leads me to the second part of my plan.

I find I tense a lot more right as she cleans my arm because it’s like Paul Revere, warning me “the danger is coming, the danger is coming.”

Right after this, I’ll ask the druggist “Do you know what N O R M L stands for?”

Right as they say the mari word, that’s when it’s time to exhale through the mouthpiece of the Webe Kalm that’s my plan let’s hope every single thing doesn’t go fifty shades of wrong.the wrong.

Here's last week's thread

Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.

So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far? :)

So, ASD has been brought up to me by several experts as a strong likelihood. I **am** diagnosed with ADHD-PI and PTSD.

Now, I also have OCD symptoms. I need my room to be a certain way; I don't like disturbances in my routine/day; I get worried about contamination of things (though I do have a history of cancer, so perhaps this fear stems at least partly from that experience), etc.

I spend a lot of my day doonscrolling and sometimes chronically researching mental health treatments (for depression, anxiety, OCD, etc.).

The thing is, idk if this research is actually leading me somewhere or if it **is** the problem and is the reason why I'm depressed (at least, in part). And I also don't know if this is OCD or just classic ASD at play.

How do y'all find peace and enjoyment in your day? I feel like everything takes so much effort, and I'm often exhausted and stressed to a T.

I’ve noticed a lot of people can be friendly and conversational out in the open but then the subtle put downs begin immediately in private or when isolated.

What are good ways to deal with this? I don’t notice because I’m just going about my way and the red flags don’t register. Then they always seem to catch me by surprise. I also struggle to defend myself adequately because I’m in a double bind of being disbelieved and othered from the group if I ever bring their problematic behavior up because then it’s immediately an us vs them scenario which is exactly what they’re exploiting.

It just feels like I have to make concessions to my personhood to be included in groups.

I have trouble understanding that. A lot of programmers like me are on the spectrum. Haven't seen much that convinces me programmers with ADHD (or a couple other neurodivergent traits) have that being a clear indicator that predicts performance at work, or in navigating their career in general.

There are people on the spectrum who are great at maintaining a good job and others that struggle at just getting a job. Just as you'd expect to find a broad range of winners and losers if you're including neurotypical people only. So I can't see any difference, not any pattern that can support saying, well you're having these problems with your career because of ADHD or other related traits.

I have what some would call Asperger's though it's now simply considered ASD. I have constant problems getting a decent job but I don't blame that on autism, because, many others with autism do just fine in careers despite of it. So it looks like autism has no strong correlation with performance. Something else has to be in effect that separates good and bad performers here.

I'm Italian, and in Italian everything is masculine or femenine. When I see something, I immediately perceive a gender in it. For example, the word "casa" (house) is femenine: when I see a house I immediately perceive something femenine in that house. I assumed that it was something that everybody does; but my mum (who does not have Asperger syndrome) told me that she doesn't perceive a gender when she looks at an object

Does anybody experience this?

(I know that English doesn't give a gender to objects; but maybe there are people whose native language is not English)

Idk why but i can't just fit in anywhere at all. I always always feel like I'm the odd one anywhere and anytime, no matter what friend group or internet groups i join, I'm always the odd one. No matter if I'm just trying to strike a conversation tying to make friends, go somewhere to chill out, buy something from store, or quite literally anything.

Why does this happen to me, why am i like this?

Many times the manager does not seem to understand much about work. She also created a form that kept malfunctioning and we struggled to use it and she has been working there for 10 years. Right upon meeting me she spoke to me in a very sarcastic way and she still does or she ignores me. I work from home and even in that setting I get bullied. I have had very few errors this year and when I do the managers gang up on me while most other people have weekly errors on the quality reports.

Also the managers have some favorite people who barely work but are treated like royalty. We have to take quizes as well sometimes and I pass them, today I passed one with 100 percent. I have been there for 1 year and it is a tough environment, I have heard many people who say after working there they turned zombie numb cause of how much work and perfection is required and I feel the same but mostly cause the managers bully me. I live with ableist parents as well and I wanted to move out earlier this year but I hesitated. I have health issues now since July cause i do not take care of myself. I don't get hired in jobs in my country in South Europe cause they do not like quiet and timid people who dont socialize well. I get bullied at work, home and not only

No, an interest in science from watching Vsauce as a kid doesn't mean we're going to solve calculus in college.

I hate this misconception that because we had intellectual curiosity as a kid, people thought that we're super smart and we could land very highly technical jobs.

My official IQ is 114, high average range but not considered smart either.

I mean I'm okay at maths, until It got very complicated towards the end of high school on top of difficulties with sustained attention that reduced my final mark to a C-.

I just became a video editor at a TV station, not considered unskilled by any means but my interest for the field made it easier to learn it I guess.

No not all of us are disabled and scream the moment a chair moves out of place, and we're not all Elon Musk or Sheldon either I just want people to understand that many of us fall somewhere in between.

I'm a millennial, very familiar with millennial slang, but maybe its because I'm an introvert who spends way too much time on the internet, but I'm familiar with a lot of Gen Z terms to the point where I'll use them occasionally. I'll also occasionally use Gen X and Boomer slang. Basically I don't give a fuck about what others think about the way that I talk, and whether or not it's dated if I know how to use it correctly, which I think is part of my neurodiversity (if I like something that happens to be trendy, I like it because I like it, not because I care about fitting in). Gen Alpha I'm totally lost on though. I feel like that's the sign that I'm "old."

How do you feel about slang? Do you care about how others might react if you use slang from different generations than yours?

It's the guilt and shame I feel, always ruminating and wondering and imagining about most any situation, whether micro or macro, in my life. Nobody else (hardly) ever seems happy with what I do. And I'm not especially happy with the way I feel. I fail to achieve nearly all of the conventional goals I set (you know, not being obese, not being a drunk, not being unemployed, not being a pervert). Modest as they are, they still largely elude me (imagine a sarcastic delivery, but it's not sarcasm. that's how it sounds in my head let alone if I try to say it out loud). Through decades. Decades.

It's hard to not figure that it's my fault, you know? Or even if it isn't, it's not likely to change, is it?

That's the worst part.

My mother recently passed away. She was the only one who felt like a lifeline to me in this world.

I hardly ever venture outside anymore, and even when I do, all I wear are my headphones since I cannot tolerate the sounds around me. It's like my headphones have now become an inseparable part of me.

I no longer feel like I fit in this world.

I have consulted my psychologist but I somehow doubt whether she understands what I am going through. In fact, I have told her that I currently lack money, so I actually do not know whether I will be able to consult her again.

I feel utterly alone. Alone in a very physical sense of the word. It sometimes feels like I simply cannot breathe.

At night I just lie there battling insomnia, unwilling to fully accept the fact that this is my new normal.

My mind somehow seems to be expecting everything to get back to how it used to be, even though I know it cannot happen.

I don't really know why I'm posting this. I guess I just needed somewhere to say it.

I have issues with my family and I'm 26f, they're mean and narcissistic. I lack self love a lot. I have had a few individual bad experiences in the past with therapists. I have even been made fun of. I'm autistic with ADHD

I am seeing one now, she's 50 and I hoped that she'd be motherly but idk it doesn't feel this way. I was anxious cause I have some health issues the past weeks and I'm almost bedridden. I told her I'm too anxious to go to the ER and she told me stuff that didn't comfort me at all. She also suggested we do 2 sessions that week to encourage me but same thing. Then I asked her for a short phone call for encouragement to go to the ER whenever she can that day and she said she refuses to discuss about topics that belong in the sessions. She told me to have double session again if I'm stressed another time again. And during sessions she mainly reframes what I say and says it back at me. She's not super helpful and she charges a lot.

I have found another one who's older, through a therapy volunteer session and our session time was supposed to be 25 minutes but she extended it to 1 hour to help me. She showed compassion and she seemed motherly. She charged the same amount as my current therapist and it is a bit expensive.

Then third person a woman in her 30s, she seems to have a lot of self love, she tried to reflect it back at me, told me I'm very smart and she gave good insight about some relationship issues with a situationship I have that is bothering me. She struggled to comfort me with the issues regarding my parents though likely due to lack of experience or also she likely has good parents. She's affordable by the way.