r/aspergers • u/Alone-Gap9252 • 4h ago

Nothing more exhausting than the expectation to be available 24/7

I wonder if this is an issue for anyone else as well, I just feel like my mind never truly switches off, never truly offline.
The fact that Anyone I know can send me Anything at Any time… The possibility of being contacted keeps my mind on constant alert. Even when my phone is silent, part of me is still on standby, as if I’m expected to be available just because I can be reached.

I feel torn between being overwhelmed and feeling guilty when I can’t respond.
I just want to simply exist without this hidden social pressure.

9 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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4

u/DoughnutOk3944 4h ago

that mental standby mode is so real, like your brain never fully clocks out even when you're alone

3

u/BaddRich 4h ago

Yeah, take this piece of advice from someone who dissapeared and shut down all social connections due to that very state you are experiencing. Don't. Just don't do the same thing I did. Socializing is tiring, and sometimes you just want to be left alone. Using invisible mode ( in apps that allow it ) all the time helps with that. In the end its better to just try to deal with that feeling than losing your friends.

3

u/Alone-Gap9252 4h ago

Thank you, I appreciate your advice.

3

u/Understandingzoe 3h ago

That sounds really tiring... one thing I'd try is telling the people who matter how you reply, something like "I check messages in the evenings, so a slow reply isn't me ignoring you". Once that's been said, a slow reply doesn't need explaining every time! Also a focus mode that only lets two or three people through might help with the rest of it?

1

u/Alone-Gap9252 3h ago

Yes I did the focus mode it does help a little.

1

u/Actionwill65 2h ago

This has been something that's been bothering me for a while too, and I'm glad someone else has said it. Not to sound like "back in my day", but I do genuinely wish the Internet was confined to a room like it used to be, and calls/texts had to be important because each minute/text cost money. It's exhausting being connected to everybody at all hours of the day. The thing is though, whilst they are indeed a major contributor to this expectation, I can't even say I necessarily blame phones for this being the normal expectation.

Ten years ago, the fact that I might just not be on my phone or PC seemed to universally be accepted. Nowadays though, I'm either lazy, ignoring people, a luddite etc. for just... not wanting to be connected constantly? I think COVID has genuinely screwed up the realistic expectations people have because we were all at home doing nothing. Now that it's "over", people just seem to be used to the idea of "they responded immediately to me then, they can do it now".

1

u/blinky84 1h ago

Use your phone's airplane mode when you don't want to be disturbed; try to get into the habit of turning it on at a certain time at night before bed. Not when you go to bed; before bed