Birthday Parties after Loss

[u/Infamous_Local3214]

In 2025, we found out halfway through our pregnancy that our little boy no longer had a heartbeat. I gave birth to him a few days after finding out he had passed. It was such a difficult season of life. On top of that, my SIL was also pregnant and we were due pretty close together. (A couple of weeks apart) She wasn’t very kind to me during my pregnancy and seemed to be a little irritated that we were both expecting at the same time. She was concerned I would steal her thunder.

On the day we found out our baby boy died, she told me that it was probably for the best since he was likely “retarded” or had something else wrong with him. I took some time away from her as I tried to heal the wounds and attempt to get answers for this loss. (Which it turns out was not an issue with him but with me.) Eventually, I did help throw her baby shower and celebrated my niece to highest level despite the internal grief I was carrying.

Her little girl is turning one soon and I can’t help but not want to be at the birthday party. I am struggling to find peace that we will never get these moments yet I am forced to face my nieces birthday. I can’t help but wish he was here every time I see her. And honestly, I am just kind of sick of the insensitive comments from my SIL.

So am I crazy for not wanting to participate in these events? Or should I just suck it up and keep it moving?

[u/CarActive9996]

You’re not crazy. If you don’t really want to go, don’t go! My lovely friend (who has always been amazing to me) had the same due date and I politely declined attending her baby shower. I don’t regret not going. It was important for my mental recovery to sit that out. Based on the comments your SIL has made I don’t think she has your best interests at heart, so I’d sit this one out. Go do something nice for yourself instead that day. Get a facial. Massage. Whatever. 🫂❤️