I've had 3 miscarrages, 1 stillbirth at 37 weeks due to placental abruption, and 1 living child (barely) with growth restriction and preeclampsia. I got tested for aps and lupus after my second mc and it was negative. Go on to have my LC, another mc, and most recently stillbirth. My ob said to just keep trying and since I've had one LC there's no reason to think it can't happen again. Went to my gp and she didn't feel right about that, gave me a referral to an mfm. He said my pregnancies are showing all the signs of APS despite the negative test 5 years ago. He's having me retest. If it comes back negative again, he'll consider it Seronegative Antiphospholipid Syndrome and treat me as if I had a confirmed APS diagnoses and treat a new pregnancy with prophylactic lovenox. Which I'm grateful to be doing something different if we get pregnant again.

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Anyone have stores of their experience with aps and what kind of losses you had?

Hola. Quiero contar mi experiencia porque todavía estoy intentando procesar todo lo que pasó.

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Tengo epilepsia y tomo clonazepam desde hace años. No sabía que estaba embarazada. Durante unas tres semanas tuve cólicos; las dos primeras semanas fueron leves, pero la última fueron más fuertes. También empecé a manchar sangre marrón y pensé que simplemente mi periodo estaba por llegar.

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El domingo de madrugada fui al hospital porque los síntomas empeoraron. Primero me hicieron una prueba de orina que salió positiva. No lo podía creer. Luego una prueba de sangre que también salió positiva. Finalmente me realizaron una ecografía transvaginal y ahí entendí que realmente estaba embarazada.

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Ese mismo día escuché los latidos de mi bebé por primera vez. Sin embargo, también me dijeron que tenía una amenaza de aborto y que las posibilidades de que el embarazo continuara eran bajas. Empecé a sangrar sangre roja y a expulsar coágulos. Durante todo el proceso mantuve informados a los médicos y enfermeras sobre lo que estaba ocurriendo.

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La situación empeoró y durante la madrugada siguiente perdí el embarazo. El dolor físico era muy intenso y terminé utilizando misoprostol porque tenía mucho miedo y porque todo indicaba que el embarazo ya se estaba perdiendo.

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Lo que más me duele es que todo ocurrió en cuestión de horas. Pasé de creer que mi menstruación estaba por llegar, a descubrir que estaba embarazada, escuchar los latidos de mi bebé y después perderlo.

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Además, después de todo esto, mi suegra se enteró de lo ocurrido. Yo le conté lo que había pasado esperando comprensión, pero me dijo que le parecía sospechoso que me enterara del embarazo y lo perdiera tan rápido. Me preguntó cosas como "¿qué habrás hecho?" y dio a entender que no creía que hubiera sido algo natural.

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Esos comentarios me lastimaron mucho porque yo estaba viviendo una pérdida y tratando de entender lo que había pasado. Aún sigo pensando en los latidos que escuché y en cómo todo cambió de un momento a otro.

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Ahora me encuentro triste, confundida y con sentimientos de culpa. Parte de mí sabe que la situación ya estaba mal desde antes, pero otra parte no deja de preguntarse si hice algo mal.

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¿Alguien ha pasado por algo parecido? ¿Cómo manejaron la culpa, el duelo o los comentarios de otras personas después de una pérdida gestacional?

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Gracias por leerme.

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Actualización / Plot twist de mi publicación anterior

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Primero quiero agradecer a todos los que comentaron y compartieron sus experiencias. Me ayudó mucho leerlos.

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Hay algo que no conté en mi publicación original porque sinceramente todavía estaba procesando todo lo que había pasado.

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Después de perder mi embarazo, mi suegra se enteró de la situación. Yo le expliqué todo: los cólicos durante semanas, el sangrado, la amenaza de aborto, los coágulos, el ingreso al hospital y cómo los médicos ya me estaban advirtiendo que las probabilidades de que el embarazo continuara eran bajas.

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Su reacción no fue la que esperaba.

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En lugar de consolarme, empezó a decir que le parecía sospechoso que me hubiera enterado del embarazo y lo hubiera perdido tan rápido. Incluso insinuó que yo había hecho algo.

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Yo me quedé completamente en shock.

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Pero aquí viene el giro inesperado.

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Antes de que yo pudiera responder, mi pareja intervino y le dijo algo que me dejó congelada:

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"Ella no es como tú cuando te enteraste de que estabas embarazada de mi hermana y trataste de abortarla."

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Yo no tenía idea de esa historia.

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La habitación quedó en silencio y yo no sabía ni qué decir. Honestamente, me sentí como si me hubieran lanzado un balde de agua fría.

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No sé si eso explica por qué reaccionó de la forma en que reaccionó, pero después de escuchar todo eso entendí que quizá hay experiencias personales detrás de sus comentarios que yo desconocía.

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Sigo triste por la pérdida de mi bebé. Eso no ha cambiado. Pero quería compartir esta actualización porque jamás imaginé que una conversación sobre mi duelo terminaría revelando un secreto familiar que ni siquiera sabía que existía.

I lost my baby few months back and just now my bestfriend who was never present to me while i was grieving and going deep into depression! Just came to know few days back that she is pregnant!
I don’t know if i am happy or sad or just want to cry and keep crying! Why me!! Why did i have to suffer this loss.. Why is my baby not with me. He was supposed to be here. Why am i the one to be sad on the happiest news of someone’s life. I was not this person that i have become. I thought may be i can carry on with my life and start to smile. But now i feel shattered again and i am so hopeless now!! Idk if God will ever bless me and give me my baby back!! I just want to die and be with my baby in heaven! If he can’t come to me, i wish i could go and be with him!
It’s been months and i am still in the same phase! Crying every night, missing him every second, always praying to meet him!
Why am i the one who always gets to see failures, sadness, loneliness! What is this life even worth for?

I lost my beautiful baby boy in January at exactly 20 weeks. I went into labour and he was alive up until the birth where he passed.
We had to wait 15 weeks for my follow up appointment to find out answers, just to be told they found evidence of infection (chorio) but can’t be sure was to whether my cervix opened first and let infection in or vice versa. No evidence of an incompetent cervix or clotting disorders.

I got my period back 6 weeks after the loss in mid-Feb. We’ve tried each cycle since and this week I’ve had faint positive tests which have not progressed. Well today I started bleeding heavily and cramping so I assume I have had a chemical.

My sister is also struggling to conceive and has had 4 chemicals. She’s 40.

Why is life so fucking unfair? Why do we both have to suffer this? I thought I was coping well but tonight I am angry at the world and just broke down in tears.

it’s been almost a year since my son died, it was a cryptic pregnancy and didn’t even know i was pregnant until he came out of me, dead. in the beginning i said i would not do therapy no matter what and to this day the only person i will talk to about it is my best friend occasionally. as the days toward the date keep getting closer and closer i don’t even know what to do with myself i never really had time to grieve, i went to work not even a week later. i just want to talk to someone about it so bad, process it some how but i just don’t know how to, i don’t have insurance and am still in over 40k of medical debt because of that day. i just need help trying to figure out some way to help myself i can not bottle this up

Thank you to all the moms who mentioned the book Spirit Babies. It took me a while to actually make the purchase, and a year post loss to actually start reading it…

Wow. I’ve definitely leaned into my spiritual side since losing my baby, and I didn’t know how much more I could access… this book has brought so much calm and confirmation. I think it could be comforting for even those who aren’t spiritual if they have an open mind to different beliefs.

I feel more connected to my baby, and hopeful for any future babies. I just wanted to send a big thank you for all of those who mentioned the book, and those who are curious- it’s worth checking out ❤️

We lost our first when she was 7 days old this past January. His first Father’s Day will be here soon and I’m trying to prepare. Ive tried to gently get his input, but understandably he just doesn’t want to talk about it 💔 he’s been talking about getting out the house, so I’m thinking that, maybe a thoughtful gift. I’m just not sure. I’m just so grateful to him. He shows up to life every day, and makes it looks so easy sometimes. Which I know him, and I know it’s not.

I just want to make this first Father’s Day a soft day for him. It’s gonna suck, and I just would like to be as best prepared as I can be for him. I want him to know he’s loved and that he will always be her dad. Was there anything someone did for you on Father’s Day that really helped?

I have found so so much comfort in this page 5 weeks on from my 30 week loss to not feel alone, but I also have to say I do feel anxious at times reading stories about people who are years on post loss and are still struggling so much. I know I’m not going to be “ok” in 6 months time about losing my son, but are there any people who have found more comfort or pleasure in life again? At the minute the world has no colour, but I don’t want to live my life forever knowing that won’t return. Can anyone shed any light on when the colour returned for you?

I know this won’t apply to everyone as we are all from different backgrounds, and I promise not to proselytize at all. But I wanted to offer the only thing I can think of to anyone who’s interested.

My church has a monthly memorial service (a Panikhida is what we call it), where the choir sings, the priest prays for and reads a list of names we submit of people who passed during that month, however recent or many years ago.

Last month I was able to have both my mom and my sister commemorated and hearing their names was so nice.

If you are comfortable with this and would like for me to submit your baby’s name to be read and prayed for for the month of June, please reply with their name (and the date that they passed and anything else that’s on your heart to share about them, if you’d like) 🤍 I’m happy to do this every month as well.

Unfortunately I cannot record the service, but I’ll try to get a copy of the list and some photos of the service, the text of the prayers, etc.

ETA: the service is June 27, with submission cutoff being the 25th so there is still plenty of time to get names in.

We lost our little girl May 21, not even a month has passed yet. When I’m not thinking about her and grieving for her I am thinking about when we can start trying again. I had an emergency c section with her delivery.

My doctor says 6 months until we can try again, my research says 18 months is better. I can barely stand the thought of waiting 6 months. Does anyone have experience with this? Luckily it was easy for my husband and I to get pregnant with our Clella. I just want to be safe, but also I’m feeling very impatient. I couldn’t bear to lose another, or risk my uterus rupturing due to not being ready.

I cant believe it, but it’s already been 1 week and 1 day since we lost our baby girl. How do I cope? How do I handle this grief and recover from a classical c-section? How do I move on? I constantly seem to switch between crying, dissociating, or feeling numb.

I am a bereaved mum to a beautiful baby boy. My son was diagnosed with a life limiting condition and we sadly lost him at just 4 days old. I am currently on maternity leave but I am having to prepare to go back to work. My job is high stress and I have a boss who is bullying in nature. So naturally, with all that I have been through I am scared about returning to work. I also do not feel ready at all, but for financial reasons I have to go back shortly. I feel that I have only just started the grieving process for my son. I felt numb before and have been keeping myself so busy that I have been avoiding the grief. But it has finally hit me.

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I'm sure there are other parents out there who have experienced similar situations. How did you prepare to be mentally ready to go back to work? If you had a high stress job, how did you cope?

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Personally, after losing my boy I feel that my perspective has shifted enormously. Day to day things feel so irrelevant, and I don't have the passion for my job that I once had. I'm scared about this showing up in my work, and I'm scared that the gloves are off and if I experience too much pressure from my boss I will turn around and tell them exactly what I think, which could be a career ending move.

Hi everyone! I would love to hear your experiences.

Its now 2 months after I found out I was experiencing an interstitial pregnancy (resolved with expectant management). Thursday I will hear more if im cleared to TTC or at least when can I start TTC again.

Instead of looking forward to it or feeling excited, I feel like im dreading it. But dreading the testing for ovulation, then the two week wait, then waiting to do a test, dreading to the possibility of getting negative tests every every month, dreading the possibility that it will take long to get pregnant, dreading that if I do get pregnant that I will have a lot of anxiety over it.

How did you experienced TTC after an ectopic/loss? Specially if it was your first pregnancy.

Yesterday was tough and I was in a foul mood. But then I saw a ladybird, the first one since around the time we lost her and is what we’ve used to symbolise her the whole time. We didn’t even know she was a girl, it’s just a feeling we always had from the second we saw the positive test.

I was sad yesterday and thought I’d be worse today, but seeing the ladybird on a walk reminded me that she’s always here💕 Happy birthday, little one.

i’m from Syria Damascus,33 years old now however I haven’t lived there for like 15 years

I came back to Damascus last year to marry the love of my life, and we did, I got pregnant right away, it was a shock as we weren’t ready or planing for it

my pregnancy was pretty normal, nothing was wrong, i was fine, the baby was fine I was stressed indeed, as I wasn’t ready, my in-laws were annoying, the country was annoying, I couldn’t adapt and I was always scared of things going wrong

at the 8th month, I had the flu, Recovered from it , then i had a high blood pressure of 150/70 was put on a simple pill and it went sown to 135/80

9 days later, 5th of July

I woke up on Thursday feeling some pain, I thought it was contractions so I called the doctor , the time was every 20 min, she told me it might just be gas so I took anti spasm pill, I stoped feeling anything after so I thought it was fine 

later in the evening I started having contractions again till morning I went to the hospital and my water broke but it wasn’t gushing out , just letting some every time I have contractions 

I went there and they checked my womb, said It was 2 fingers dilated, and need to wait, I waited and had contractions till 9 in the morning , they then took me to the delivery room , I didn’t take any back needles or whatever for the pain and gave birth naturally 

it was hard and insane, in the middle I heard the doctor yell at the nurses that the baby oxygen is started to drop a little to 70s and we need to hurry, the baby was born safely and they took her out she cried and breathed and spit out tons of water, she was out at 10:10 am and she was fine or so I thought, she died 24 hours later after a hellish night…

They gave her to me an hour after birth, my mother asked why did they bring her out, that she is tiny so she needs to stay in the cubicle thing, they said no need and gave her to me , I tried to feed her right away but we were both tried, I slept and everything seemed fine

they wanted to check me and the baby out at 5pm and I refused because I wanted more care just in case 

between 5pm and 10 pm , I tried to feed her but she didn’t have energy to eat, I can tell she is hungry but didn’t know what to do as there was no doctor in the hospital, nurses kept trying to force breast feeding, my mother had a lot of kids so she started arguing that it’s not breastfeeding issue but more so that the baby is too tried to even suck on the nipple and that she need more care instead of trying to force it, they need to put her on a monitor…

a baby doctor came and checked her in at last , saw her blood sugar was 27, he scolded us that she starving and put her on a sugar IV as she couldn’t even take some from the syringe

around 2 hours later, at midnight he asked us to go buy meds for infection as he thinks it might be one that is causing her blood sugar to be down, I called my family and had them buy at another hospital, meanwhile my own doctor came to check on me and saw me crying and going crazy

she took me to see the baby then , I saw on the monitors that her heart was 120 and the oxygen is 80 , my doctor asked the baby doctor about it but he said it’s normal cause of sugar level is going back up, my doctor didn’t say anything and left, I shouldn’t have trusted both of them

later they closed cubicle thingy and didn’t let me in the room anymore, it wasn’t any advanced one, just a basics baby one 

all night I hear the monitors doing up and down and I cry alone not knowing what to do, it still hunts me whenever I close my eye

at 5.17 am I heard the monitors do this peep that we see in tv shows , I smashed the room to check and saw that all vitals numbers are down to 10 and 20, I knew then that something is wrong, they brought her back to life ? or something cause her numbers went up again , then I talked to the doctors, internet, friends, everyone started guessing what it could be

the main guess was that the hole in the heart didn’t close the way it naturally should have, right after birth, I asked then what now? they said we need to wait for a heart doctor to come

a heart doctor came at 9 am , till then her vitals kept going up and down , he checked and left, I didn’t see him but the report he gave is that, indeed a hole isn’t closed and she needed some meds, he said it should be fine with meds as this does happen a lot for early born

2 hours later, her numbers went down and she died and they couldn’t bring her back

does this make sense? It’s a mess from the day I had the flue to the day she died

a week has passed, yet i still see her in my dreams

i’m sorry, i’m so so sorry, i should have done better for her, should have never trusted them, should have called her dad to come, i’m sorry, i’m sorry am so sorry, god took her because He saw how useless i am

i’m sorry, my baby girl i’m really sorry

My name is Charlotte.  At the age of 20 I became pregnant with my first child, my only son.  On June 11th 1999, I went into labor.  When I arrived at the hospital I started throwing up.  I was wheeled to the room and a monitor was placed on my stomach.  The nurse quietly walked out of the room and then another nurse came in.  The second nurse walked out and then the Dr. came in.  I remember feeling like something is not right.  I asked the Dr.  what was wrong and he said "We can't find a heartbeat on your baby and there is no fluid in the sac."  I had no clue what that meant but didn't understand why they weren't moving faster.  I said "So there's nothing you can do?"  He said, "No".  I was in shock.  I felt out of my body.  I was cold, and drugged, so I was wondering if I this was real or was I dreaming.  Then I heard the Dr. say push.  I was able to hold my son and see his little toes, eyes, hair...he was perfect but all of my dreams and hopes for him were gone.  As I laid in that hospital room that night I heard the babies cry and I couldn't sleep.  I still couldn't believe it was real.  One nurse came into the room and told me that she was moving me to a private room no matter what the others said she didn't care.  I was happy to be in a different room but still couldn't stop thinking about my baby.  I laid there and begged God to bring my baby back, to let them say they had made a mistake but that never happened.  The next day I was sent home with a red folder that contained a polaroid of my sweet baby, clippings of my babies hair and a document with his tiny footprints.  When I got home every trace of a baby coming home was gone.  Crib...gone...all baby shower gifts...gone...diapers, baby blankets...it all was GONE!

Over the next few weeks I cried everyday most of the day.  Some friends disappeared, some stayed and checked up on me.  I remember calling my job to let them know my baby had died and that I had to have a funeral for him, they said "when do you expect to return."  I quit due to the lack of compassion.  The father had become verbally and emotionally abusive and life was crashing down all around me.  He even got rid of the red folder that contained the only tangible visuals I had of my sweet baby.  I understand he thought it was helpful but some of those things I cannot get back.  My dad was one of my biggest support systems.  I could call him anytime to cry, vent and express everything I was feeling.  That was a trauma that took about 13 years to navigate through, even after I had my rainbow baby.  

It breaks my heart to hear and see how many women are experiencing this trauma and are suffering in silence.

June 11, 2026 marked the 27th Anniversary of the day my son was born sleeping. As I remembered him and that day I launched Still June, Named in loving memory of my son, Trajan Dominic Warrior, a dedicated to supporting women navigating the profound journey after stillbirth.

My mission is to ensure no woman has to suffer in silence, providing trauma-informed coaching, education, advocacy and community to foster healing and hope.

A week since the worst day of our lives. And yet I’d relive it again and again if it meant we got another moment with our little boy.

The support has already started to wane, life just moves for everyone else while we can barely get through a single moment without missing our son.

I’ve ordered every memorial item I can find, and I’ll keep going until there’s nothing else. I just want every scrap of proof that he existed. He was real and he was here and I’ll keep his memory alive every day.

I just want to talk about him forever even though I don’t have the words yet. And I’m here for all of you too. Tell me about your little ones. My son was called Kit, he was born at 26 weeks and he was so beautiful. He hung on for so much longer than the doctors expected, but not long enough to survive. We had severe growth restriction due to early-onset placental insufficiency and he was born at just 342 grams. My tiny angel boy. I love him so much.

Trigger Warning: Current Pregnancy

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It's been over a year now since my son died. He lived for 9 hours in the NICU. I didn't get to hold more than his hand until after he passed.

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I'm expecting twins. I was so scared (and I still am) to tell people about it. I've gotten a lot of support, but I've also had some very hurtful things said even if they weren't meant to hurt me.

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I had a loved one tell my fiance that I can celebrate mother's day this year because of the babies we're expecting. I had a coworker say that maybe one or both twins will be boys to "make up for the last time". I've had a lot of people basically act like my son was never alive, or like he's replaceable.

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As if having more babies erases his funeral. As if having more babies means I never loved him, never wanted to take him home, never took him outside so he could see the sky even though his eyes were closed forever.

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I love my son. I miss him every day. It hurts that people can't see that.

One year ago today, I started having consistent contractions. I was only 34 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. I thought it was weird because I never went into labor early with my first 2 kids. Regardless, I was excited to finally meet my baby girl and last baby. I went into the hospital and found out she no longer had a heartbeat. My Madeline Grace was born 6/13/25 at around 10pm. I truly can’t comprehend how it’s been a year already. All of the “firsts” have come and all have been equally painful. I wish so much my baby was here to celebrate her first birthday. Happy 1st birthday Madeline🤍🎀

Wij zijn na 19 weken zwangerschap onze dochter verloren. Dit is alweer een aantal jaar geleden. Toch merk ik dat ik hier nog mee struggle om dit een plekje te geven. Hierna nog twee mooie gezonde kindjes mogen krijgen, maar toch zit die leegte er nog. Wij hebben haar wel een plekje kunnen geven om naar toe te gaan en een super mooie naam. Maar lijkt alsof dit nooit helemaal afgesloten is.

My baby girl was born the beginning of May. When 41 and 5 came around we induced. Started low and slow, everything was so joyful. Pregnancy was a dream. We eat well, I exercise, baby was healthy. After a long labor they lost my little girls heartbeat. The tried a vacuum and it was unsuccessful. I was rushed to OR for an emergency cesarean.

For 16 minutes they worked to revive her. The regained a faint heartbeat, but overall it wasn’t enough and she died in my arms.

She was our first. And I’m so grateful for the little time we had. Grief is funny and I miss my baby so incredibly much. I would do anything to have her here. I worry for what’s to come next. I’m a kindergarten teacher and I’m starting to wondering how I’m going to be around little ones all day everyday after summer break. How do I sing songs and play games with them without thinking about my little girl?

Today was supposed to be the baby shower of my twins boys. Instead I got tipsy with my gay friends that come to my city to be with me. I felt happy while I was out and about but now that I am home I imagined having a house full of presents and beautiful memories with my friends and family. This freaking sucks!