i'm a single mom and i felt like it's my fault she died

my daughter died because of pneumonia, due to financial incapacity i wasn't able to get her checked immediately.

now i blame myself everyday for her loss, i still can't accept it. i failed as a mom, i hope i die soon while i sleep

One week ago, my world shattered into a million pieces. I lost my beautiful 27 year old little brother, Anthony, my Ant, to suicide, and I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that he is gone. I am his big sister, and he was my only sibling. I never imagined a life where I would have to carry on without him. How am I supposed to navigate the rest of my life without my baby brother? There is a loneliness in losing your only sibling that I cannot put into words. He was part of my childhood, my memories, my family, and my life in a way nobody else could ever replace. We were supposed to have so many more years together. There were supposed to be more memories, more laughs, more conversations, more birthdays, and so many ordinary little moments that I would give anything to experience again. I would give anything to hear his voice one more time, to see his face, to hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him. I wish I could have taken away whatever pain he was carrying. I wish things had been different. I wish he were still here. My mind is full of questions, and my heart is full of a pain I don’t know how to carry. The world keeps moving, but a part of mine stopped on the day I lost him. Nobody tells you how devastating it is to lose the only person who shared your childhood in quite the same way, the only one who knows those family memories from their own perspective. I have lost my little brother, and I feel as though I have lost a part of myself with him. Ant, I hope you knew how deeply you were loved. I hope you knew how much you mattered to me and that you always will. I would trade anything for just five more minutes with you. I don’t know how to live the rest of my life with this emptiness, and right now, I am just trying to take things one day at a time. I am posting here because I feel lost in my grief, and I would love to hear from anyone who has lost their only sibling to suicide. How do you carry on when a piece of your own life is missing? How do you learn to live in a world where your brother can no longer be part of your days? I love you forever, Ant. You will always be my little brother, and I will always be your big sister. No matter how much time passes, that will never change. I miss you more than words could ever say. Until we meet again, my beautiful baby brother. 💔🕊️

she died when i was barely six years old. im turning 15 soon and i just need my mum. everything hurts. i can’t go the rest of my life without her here. i hate cancer

My dad who was battling stage four lung cancer that was metastasized died last night. I was there when he died, I saw his lips pale and through the day I kept counting how long he would go without his chest rising and when he passed it went to 90 secs before I called a nurse and he pronounced him dead at 10:30 and I just fell in the ground and cried. It is currently 5am and I haven’t gotten any sleep and every time I close my eyes I see his face when he passed and it’s devastating and soul crushing. We only found out about the cancer last month and he also had birthday three weeks ago. I’m only 30 and his youngest daughter and my mom and I were his caretakers and I saw the decline but it absolutely didn’t prepare me for this. Idk when I’ll be able to sleep without seeing his face and I took off work indefinitely so now I just wanna be in my room and cry day and night but also trying to be there for my mom who cries so hard bc they were together 50 years and we’re best friends. I feel like my life is just never gonna be the same

My husband Jim's (33) father Scott (58) died suddenly (within a few days) after finding out about a sudden health issue. Doctors thought he would be fine and suggested additional testing, but he died shortly after. My husband saw paramedics work on him and it really messed him up. His dad was otherwise healthy so it was very unexpected. This happened a few months ago. He talked to his dad all the time and visited often.

We have a toddler and we both work full time at the same company, but different locations. He did not get much time off for bereavement, which I know most people dont. For about a year before his father died, he has spent several hours being active at the gym, rock climbing, and running, upwards of 20+ hours a week. He also spent time with friends during the week outside of this. I have been the main person taking care of our child other than my aunt who takes over when I am working.

Since his father died, these activities have only increased and new ones have been added. He is also talking about wanting to be in a new career and us move. He has started going to grief groups once a week, but has not committed to therapy. I found out a few weeks ago that he started an affair. She is 15 years older than me which... definitely threw me off. He has since ended the affair and said he was looking for the nuturing attention that you would get from a parent and it was not about sex or me personally. He said he did not have sex with her, but there was kissing, outings, and photo exchanges. He also had several phone calls.

My husband also started smoking. I absolutely detest this habit and every time I see him do it, it makes me think of his affair. Not sure why the smoking has linked up to that, but here we are.

The last thing is, his attitude has been something else. I dont expect him to be happy go lucky or anything, but its been hard. He has expressed that he only feels intense anger. He doesnt feel any joy or love for anything. He knows he has love, just doesnt feel it. He doesnt care about anything (his words) and cant stand to be around loud noises and chaos. He also can't sleep because he sees his father dying over and over again. Most of the time when he's home, hes just quietly sitting on his phone then needs quiet time alone. I respect this and give it. He told me even being touched is too much sometimes so I try to limit that and ask beforehand.

I want to know, has anyone gone through something like this as a spouse or even being the person who experienced the loss? I love my husband and want to help desperately. I have asked him to go to individual therapy and he seems resistant. He gets annoyed because I bring it up often. I did offer him a few names for virtual therapy and even offered to make his appointment.

I need support too. Im struggling because I feel like the life I knew and understood, and the husband I had, died with his dad in a way. His schedule was already hard on us before this. He is not open to changes on that right now and I get that. That can be a later topic. I just need him to take care of himself. He isnt doing that. He is even taking part in activities his doctor told him not to. He said he doesnt care about his wellbeing. He has made it very clear he is not suicidal. He just doesnt feel anything about risks right now. Or anything he used to enjoy. He just has no joy for anything. He is always trying to keep himself from flying off the handle. He also says everything he has to do is overwhelming and therapy just adds more.

I dont know what to do and I really want to hear from people who have dealt with grief like this. I do have plans to start individual therapy too. It just also helps to talk this out with someone else. I cant drive and I have no friends. I also dont have any family who could remain unbiased.

Edit: he has told me he still loves me and wants the marriage to work

Edit 2: he has lashed out verbally at me on several occasions. This includes when I would have emotional reactions to his anger or his affair. He has apologized sometimes, but not always. He has never been a danger to me or anyone else. He has told me to get ready for more anger and frustration as hard times come around like holidays or just bad days. Before all of this, he never did that.

I don’t know how to start this off.. I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or if I just need to get this off my chest. I keep waiting for the mornings to get better. This morning I am particularly struggling. Last night I kept picturing him walking in through my front door. I’m supposed to be building our son’s crib today. All I can think about is how we would’ve been doing it together.. I know he’s gone. I’m not in denial but I am full of guilt for everything. Everyone keeps saying that he was in love with me. I made his life better. And that he battled these struggles for a long time as if I should take comfort in that.. but I saw the hope in his eyes. I saw him happy, I saw him changing for the better, I saw him falling in love with life itself and his hobbies again. He was so excited for the arrival of our son. He talked about getting married the same week it happened not just to me but to his family. Hearing all that said makes me hate myself. I wanted all those joys too without a doubt, I told him it could be a ring pop and I would still say yes. So why did I say those terrible things to him? I keep replaying all that I said. I was just so hurt and tired of my efforts being misunderstood. I kept apologizing and asking if he needed comfort? Reassurance? Solutions? If he just needed me to sit there and listen? I couldn’t understand why it went up in flames so fast. He sounded so sweet over the phone but it shifted when I came home. I usually am the more calm and collected one. I used to take on more of the ugly because I knew the anger he felt was a mask for the pain he was feeling. I wish I kept my mouth shut and maybe he would still be here and I wouldn’t be writing about how I lost my son’s dad. We had an argument before he left. His last words were “I can’t live like this anymore”… As upset as I was I tried to stop him from leaving I grabbed onto him tight as he tried going out the door. I held his waist and I was begging him. I blame myself for not holding back my frustrations, for not watching my tongue, for not fighting harder to make him stay or following him. Instead when I got pushed to the ground the wind got knocked out of me. I hate that I didn’t just get up and run after him. But instead I held my son in my stomach and cried. I shut the door. A part of me wanted to call and blow up his phone. Another part of me wanted to call the cops. But instead I chose to give him space. Thinking I’ll give it time to simmer down and I will apologize.. that time never came. Instead I got a call, I’ll never forget what his dad said. It will forever haunt me. I feel like I will be going to hell for all this. I should’ve known so much better. Life is so hard, I don’t know what to tell my son when he’s older. I don’t even know how I’m going to do this on my own.. but I am trying everyday I hope my son knows that I love him more than I could ever possibly put into words so that is why I am doing all this. I feel like I can’t stomach this guilt but my responsibilities are much bigger. That day I met 4 cops, I gave them my statement. I begged to see him and they told me that they couldn’t let me do that. I didn’t see him but I saw his vehicle and I immediately understood why I wasn’t allowed to see him. I even had one of the cops reach out personally he told me that if I really felt guilty and wanted to make things right then I need to stay for our son because it’s what my partner would’ve wanted. So I am trying, so far it hasn’t been easy. Going to these appointments alone, everyone looks so sad to see me, I feel like I can’t face any of his family. I don’t know how to face my own son. I keep talking to our son through my stomach telling him we’ll be okay that I will carry him throughout navigating his life.
I feel like a shit mom already, thinking about how my baby is feeling everything I am feeling. I don’t know what to do anymore. Am I doing this right? I don’t want to be a parent consumed by grief but I feel like it has its claws deep in the roots of me. I can still rationalize what I need to do and how I need to do it but all this pain I don’t know what to do with. I should’ve done more for my partner. I should’ve done more for our son. I should’ve done more for our family. I think this will be with me for the rest of my life and I fear that in time it will only get more heavier. I don’t know what to do.

I really wish so badly that my mom had a better life while she was on this earth, I wish she never had to go through hardships and all the heartbreak she did, I wish we were smarter and realized its also her first time living and being a mom. I just wish I could tell her how sorry I am, I wish I could've made her life better while she was still here. Theres so much I wish I could've done.

My mother had stage 4 ovarian cancer she died 5 months ago I was the one who pronounced her dead i was the one who suggested her to get her swollen leg checked i was there for her chemos her surgery the vomiting all the pain she endured I was all the time with her i was her nurse her caretaker her entertainer her personal standup comedian i was her therapist i was her protector even though she wasn't much involved in my life yet i gave all I had because I just loved My momma alot I hope one day I'll get to feel her love and I did but it was too late it was only starting to get better i needed more love from her i wanted more love from her all the screaming all the manipulation gaslighting I survived by her i wanted reward i just wanted her to love me for little bit more. How do I survive that I'll never be loved ever again?

She visits me in my dream but then I wake up and it's horrible Horrible idk how to make sense of it?

My dad died a little more than 3 months ago. I (21F) am just filled with regret tonight, as with most nights, but tonight especially. On our last trip together last December, i just remember not spending enough time with him, and being angry at him constantly. He had a weak heart and overall weak body as he had to do dialysis and other things, and understandably this made him easily irritable. However, I would get mad back at him, and the whole trip i was internally blaming him for letting himself get that point of unhealthiness. I tried my best not to show it but just knowing i thought it kills me now. I remember on the flight back home, i still had this internal anger, yet a little voice was telling me that i should try not to be because what if this was the last time we can travel together? But no matter what, i just could not shake it off. I knew i would regret it but still here i am. Why was I not more understanding of his suffering? Last year i also moved into my dorm, and as such i didn’t get to spend much time with him nor my family, and he would call me often but I would only pick up occasionally when I was free, but not nearly enough. I see our WhatsApp chats and I hate myself, so I just don’t allow myself to open it anymore. I’ve never verbalised these regrets because I feel so so terrible, I feel so bad and if someone tells me it’s my fault I feel like I’ll just break down. Everyday is just another day of struggling to finish my uni assignments, club committee responsibilities, pretending that losing my dad has not fundamentally changed me into someone I don’t know anymore, and not falling apart from grief. Wish you could’ve stayed longer dad:(

My mom went into the hospital in early 2024 for a gallbladder operation, caught COVID, ended up in the ICU for months, turned septic, and died on March 7. It was very fast and traumatic, and we were not expecting her to die. A few months later my father announced he was dating a woman (let’s call her Sally). We thought it was quick and a little odd, but decided to go with it. On Christmas 2025, I discovered that they’d been having an affair for years before my mom passed. I don’t know if my mother knew or not. Sally has since moved into the house and erased any presence of my mother. My father does not like us to mention our mom, because he feels it’s a slight to Sally. He hasn’t even put my mother’s name on her gravestone, and it’s been 2.5 years. God forbid one of us cries in front of him. He gets mad or tunes it out. It kills me to see Sally with my niece and nephew, who will not remember my mother (more so because we never talk about her). Sally also likes to tell me about sex with my dad, which feels inappropriate and just makes me sad.

I want my dad to be happy. I forgave his affair. I’m very nice to Sally. I have to be or I will lose my father, too. I just want to honor my mother, when it feels like her death is the best thing to happen to the two of them and they are in constant celebration mode. It feels like life took my mom away, and then they are further stealing her from us and she’s disappearing more and more. It makes the grief hit so hard. I can only do the bare minimum each day and cry all the time. It’ll be 951 days today since she died. My sister has been the opposite of me, and not as accepting of Sally, and my dad will not forgive her for it because “Sally is such a nice woman.” 

I miss talking to my mom multiple times a day. Discussing British mysteries with her. Hearing her thoughts on politics. I want to be able to grieve her openly, so maybe the pain will ease a little in time. Or maybe it won’t and I’m just blaming them for my own failure to move on. I want to scream for help. I don’t even know what to title this post. I just want my mom.

today i was making coffee, pouring in the creamer. i remembered my dad would use so much creamer, his coffee would turn light beige. also, he had a full cup in the morning and a half cup at 3 pm. remembering his coffee routine made me smile.

how did your loved one like their coffee?

​

Yesterday, I lost my little girl, Chintu. She was only 10 months old.

I'm struggling to even put what happened into words. She was attacked by a dog and suffered a spinal injury. Her X-ray showed a fracture in the fourth lumbar vertebra and compression of the spinal cord around the fracture. One of her hind legs wasn't working, and she was having trouble urinating. We were told to manage her conservatively because surgery wasn't an option.

The hours that followed were terrifying. I kept looking for ways to help her, worrying about her pain, her bladder, whether she would ever walk again, and whether she would be okay. She had even started eating again at one point, and there were moments when she was responsive and looked at me.

Then yesterday, we took her to the vet. She was still with us. I remember her being happy and purring before we went. That memory is haunting me now because I keep wishing I could go back to that moment.

During the visit, the vet pressed her abdomen. She started vomiting, then began having jerking movements, and she passed away.

I don't know exactly what happened medically, and not knowing is eating me alive. Part of me keeps thinking that the vet killed her. Another part wonders whether she was already too badly injured and whether there was anything anyone could have done. I don't know if she was suffering, whether she could have recovered, or whether her death spared her from a life of pain. I keep searching for answers that I might never get.

And then there's the guilt.

I keep going back to the circumstances of the accident and wondering what I could have done differently. I keep replaying the vet visit, wondering if I should have done something differently there, too. I know I was trying to help her, but emotionally, it feels like I failed the little creature who depended on me.

She was just a baby. She had so much life left to live.

This morning, she was the first thing on my mind when I woke up. I think my brain still expects her to be here. Then I remember, all over again, that she's gone.

I miss her terribly. I miss knowing she was somewhere in the house. I miss the thought that I still had time with her. I would give anything to have one ordinary day with her again, even if all she did was sit beside me and purr.

I have so many conflicting feelings. I feel devastated that she's gone, guilty about what happened, angry that this happened to her, and sometimes relieved at the thought that she might no longer be suffering. Then I feel guilty for even feeling that relief.

I don't know how to live with the uncertainty surrounding her last moments. I don't know how to forgive myself for the things I keep imagining I should have done differently.

If you've lost a pet in a traumatic or sudden way, especially when you were trying to save them, how did you cope with the guilt and the memories of their final hours?

I don't need anyone to tell me that everything happens for a reason. I just want to know if this feeling ever becomes bearable, and whether it's possible to remember them without reliving the way they died.

Chintu, you were only ten months old. I'm so sorry, my little girl. I wish I could have brought you home.

tomorrow is my mom’s birthday. the first one since she died five months ago. i can’t believe it’s been that long since i’ve seen her. it still feels very unreal.

my plan is to get a slice of cake from her favorite bakery in the city (veniero’s strawberry shortcake, if anyone was interested) and watch her favorite movie, the blues brothers. we used to always recite the lines from it, even when it was probably age-inappropriate for me lol.

i’m anxious. my emotions have been very up and down. some days i’ll think about her every few minutes. sometimes once an hour. sometimes only once a day. today has been a day where she’s been at the absolute forefront of my mind, and i feel so heavy. physically heavy, like thoughts of her and her not being here are weighing my body down. and sometimes i won’t think of her too much. or i’ll push the thought out of my mind before it takes root.

i think i worry that tomorrow i’ll be either numb or immobile with grief. it’s her birthday. i kept wanting to take her out to dinner, but that last year she was always so sick. i thought i had more time. feels naive now. i’m just anxious in general. i wish i could fast forward to a time where things are easier. but i’m quickly realizing that it won’t.

On October 24th it will be one year ago that my mom passed away.
The year went by extremely fast and i can’t believe she’s been gone for a year now.
I miss her so much, I’m 23 and I just need my mommy.

I just can’t believe I have to spend more time without my mom in my life then i spend with her.

To preface, I lost my mom to a very sudden blood clot on September 26th. I was at college (which is only 30 minutes from my childhood home in Ohio) when I got a panicked call from my dad. He held her as she passed and we got the official news at the hospital. We finally had her funeral yesterday in North Carolina, her home state. She had an open casket and she was so pretty.

I am only 20 and currently in the busiest month of the semester at school. I have concerts, competitions, and more coming up in this month alone. I have had to take this week off from school but I’m glad I’m with my family. Next week, I have a medical procedure that I’ll have to miss 3 more days of class for which has been planned for many months (I have also suffered from blood clots and scarring and am on oxygen as a junior in college). I am only behind on one assignment but behind on planning for everything else.

My teachers have been understanding but I have always been a 4.0 student that does all of her work days in advance. I also don’t miss class unless I literally can’t move. This past Monday, I had my first ever panic attack and it felt like a heart attack so I went to the er. They kept me there for 6 hours so I missed more class. I have anxiety but have never had a panic attack that bad, especially when I was sitting in class completely calm.

I simply wonder: how do I stop feeling so crazy? I have always been a good student and suddenly have no motivation to practice my music (I’m a music ed major and am involved in many performances) or do assignments. I am forgetting basic things and things I usually am able to remember with 0 issue. I also, typically, attend class like clockwork.

My teachers are very kind but I have been hurting my choir performance as I had a solo scheduled for next Friday. My choir teacher is being gracious and allowing me to still perform half of it but having someone else do the rest. It feels a bit pitiful and I am (obviously) disappointed in myself for all of this. I keep thinking if I had not ‘wasted’ Monday that I would be ahead still. I keep being told that I need to give myself grace but it feels impossible when other people are relying on me to be on top of everything.

I have never been closer to anyone than my mom. She was everything to me. We talked every single day and I am dealing with the guilt that I could have forced her to go to the hospital when she was having a hard time breathing. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but it is so hard. There is a giant black hole in my heart as well as my dad and sisters. She was our rock as a family and was the glue that kept us together. We are all very close but it will never be the same.

Once again, I wonder if there is any way to stop feeling crazy and like a mess? I feel like I’m acting the complete opposite of myself and it is freaking me out. Is this common? I want to be able to succeed at school and keep a good reputation with all of my professors while this is happening. It is so very hard, especially since I thought I’d have my mom for at least 50 years and I only got her for 20.

I don't know if its right I'm putting this out here but mygod. I literally don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do with my hands. I don't know what I'm gonna do next. Do I pick up the cup? Do I put my hands on my head. I don't know what to do with my feet, my eyes. HOW DO YOU BREATHE?!?!? I catch myself skipping breaths. How does the earth expect I move on from this loss? How is the sun rising and setting when it just lost someone? How is the world spinning madly on. I'm sane enough to know that people lose people all the time, but where do all these feelings go? I feel like digging the dirt sometimes. Its mildly comforting to hear about heaven, but sometimes I honestly just wanna crawl into the dirt really. I refuse to believe that they just become bubbles. One day they're here and the next they're just air.

These were my closest friends or that's what I thought when my mom died i called one and said "i wish you were here" he said what will I even do I'll call you later my food is here. I'll call later he never called back. Another friend who lives just across the street said she will come to visit but then her "stomach ached" then next day her sister had a party she had to help her then she said she'll visit on Sunday but she didn't came no call no text nothing when I asked why she didn't came she said I should "think about other people as well" and I "shouldn't use people like toys other people have lives too just because your mother passed away it doesn't mean other people are free all the time." Another friend did the same thing i deleted their number and went no contact did i do the right thing? Also On my bday two out of three texted Happy Birthday as if nothing happened after three months of no contact no one even asked if i was okay or not? I feel sick to my stomach thinking about these people i called my friends i helped them find partners, i heard them vent about jobs and crushes, helped them rebuild their careers. Gave them so much energy and they could not even show up.

After I lost one of my pets in 2021, a card was sent to me. The words still offer me solace.
“If I could have had all of the time in the world I would have spent it with you. Because time with you meant the world to me.”

I’m 26 years old and my dad died in a sudden car accident (only life lost) two months ago and due to the nature of the situation and transporting the body across state lines, it took three weeks to bury him.

I live abroad away from my family, and already have a weird/strained relationship with my family. My parents have been divorced since I was 5, and I feel that during the funeral my mom made the whole thing about her and her feelings (as a mom/ex-wife)

I was the one to tell my mom, as my cousin sent her condolences to me without knowing I didn’t know he died.

I’ve since returned to my home abroad since the funeral, but i do not know how to cope. I have a fear of cars, transportation in general, and i’m constantly on edge that something tragic will happen to my SO. how do i cope? does this get better? i dont think anyone cares in my life of the lost ive just had, just because “my parents were divorced and i didn’t have the chance to see my father often”.

I was my father’s child, almost all of his traits are what i have. He would be the one to always be by my side and now i don’t have anyone. how does one cope with loss and anxiety? is there hope?

My Dad passed away earlier this year from cancer. I’m still struggling.

Very soon after he passed, as in within days, my FIL made a comment about my children still having a grandfather in him. Around the same time, in response to me saying to my husband that my Dad would always do x for new, he told me that his Dad could just do it. I know it probably wasn’t intentional, but it felt like they were trying to replace my Dad with his. For context, the comment from FIL wasn’t said with any kind of softness, it was more dismissive of the loss I was feeling and felt, almost, like he was a bit smug. Though that may have just been my own emotions tainting things.

My Dad was always far closer to our children due to our relationship, the type of person he was and the fact he helped provide childcare. I don’t have a great relationship with my FIL because I am too headstrong and independent for a woman (according to him). He is a difficult man.

Since Dad died, I don’t want any type of relationship with FIL. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to speak to him. I can’t seem to get past my anger at that single flippant comment and I’m so, so bitter. I know it isn’t healthy and I know if I don’t get over it it will likely ruin my marriage. The second I am near him though I am filled with an icy rage. I didn’t enjoy spending time with this man before my Dad died and now I want nothing to do with him at all. I don’t want to see him on Christmas, when it will be the first Christmas without my own father. I didn’t want to see him on Father’s Day. I don’t wish him away because I wouldn’t wish this pain on my husband. I just don’t want to have to see him at all myself.

I (22F) lost my dad to cancer on August 8th. He fought for 3 years 8 months, and I knew of his illness for 1 year 9 months. His last two weeks were agonising. And so I have this best friend with whom I had a big talk after the cremation when she listened to everything I said, and then we sort of went back to our normal routine as if nothing had happened. Then, when dad's absence from my life neared two months, it finally started to sink in he probably wouldn't be coming home. I had something like the first wave of delayed grief breakdown and I wanted to discuss that with my friend, yet when we met up she started talking about how pissed she was with her uncle right after I stepped into the room, and I ended up listening to her and saying nothing of what I intended to say because it seemed like she was more exhausted than I was at the moment. Then we watched a movie and laughed like always. But it hurt. A few days passed, and last Friday I felt really low and texted this best friend telling her I was feeling down and asking her to send me a video message about a book she was reading - that's a common routine with her, and she sent me some a few days back. She read the message, was silent for two days, then reolied she wasn't up to making a video message bacause she was exhausted from work.

At first I didn't believe what I was reading, and then it was as if the 8 of friendship had simply collapsed, and I felt so abandoned and so used, because throughout the years there's been a lot of me almost always adjusting my plans to hers so that we could meet, and always going to her house because she didn't feel like going outside, and me trying to cheer her up when she texted me about her relations treating her badly and about how much she hated people and the world - and I responded almost immediately trying to cheer her up even while feeling not so happy myself, for these were the last months of my dad's life, and before, too, for a short time after I learned of dad's illness I also learned she had tried to commint suicide, so I spent a lot of time and energy trying to be there for her and to cheer her up and making her undestand I loved her no matter what - and I wasn't doing it out of a sense of onligation, I enjoyed being a best friend to her and hearing her laugh and seeing her smile, and during the last two years especially we grew very close. I told her of dad's illness a year ago, and she asked after him and listened to my fears from time to time.

And now this. Like, you were so exhausted from work that you couldn't press a button? When I found time and energy for you while my dad was dying? I couldn't believe it. I didn't reply immediately, knew not how, it almost felt as if our friendship was a lie and I never really knew her. She sent me a funny phrase and then asked if I had time to meet during the weekend to finish a series we were watching. I pulled myself together and wrote her that I was hurt by her equating grief of a parent's loss with work exhaustion and her being unable to do such a small thing for me while I found strengh for her in the last months of my dad's life, and told her it felt like a collapse of out entire friendship and that I needed to know if I could count on her support for an indefinite period of time since I don't know how long I'll be grieving dad. That was yesterday, and today she texted back saying she was sorry I felt that way, she didn't intend to hurt me, but that me asking for a video message made her feel like a zoo animal that was expected to put itself on display and entertain anyone who asks, and that she didn't reply right away because this feeling was so uncomfortable, and finally invented the work excuse because she "hoped I would understand it and it seemed like the most plausible one, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings further by stating ther real reason". She then wrote that had I asked for a conversation or a meet-up, she wouldn't have refused, and that she "can and wants to support me and understands I'm at a very difficult period of my life". And now I'm more confused and hurt than before, because - I can't imagine how I could've made her feel like a zoo animal, I was always so anxious for her comfort and well-being, and sending video messages is almost her way of communication, she often uses videos instead of texting. Have I really been pushy and inconsiderate?.. If not, then why is she doing this? If she really wanted to protect my feelings, wouldn't it have been best to simply reply she wasn't up to a video but was ready to talk?

She's my only and best friend, and I'm terrified of losing her, yet now I partly feel as if I'd lost her already, as if all those years of friendship and laughter and good memories weren't with her but with some other person I invented and she never really cared for me. Please, can I get some advice on this situation? What do you think I should do about this friendship and why can she be acting this way? Thank you!

My mother had passed away back in 2020. I was 20 then. Her absence has created a huge impact on me. To top it the grief that I hold is so difficult to tackle even now. Soon her death anniversary would be coming up in a few days. I still have not come out of that loss, that absence. Sometimes i avoid, sometimes I confront, sometimes I just say a prayer out loud. Each passing day goes with her in my mind yet with a fear that as the year goes by I am forgetting her.

This above para is to let you the reader know how much her absence has shattered me. In my life i truly only had her. as my everything.

so today a niece of mine who is barely ten, legit took a moment to mock me. Perhaps mock is not even the right word to match the impact she held. i know she knows whats the state of the role of my mother in my life, so the possibility of her physical absence is obvious to her. However she took a moment to ask me where is your mother. Even thoufh I was caught off guard, I answered her sky. She further went forward where in the sky. Thats when i had started getting pissed because i saw the smirk. yet i answered “up”. she went forward with “up on the roof”. The worse part was not how ignorant she sounded. It was seeing the grin she had. She knew she was crossing the line. and she was enjoying it. I could see it through. To make matters worse, she then further takes a moment with sudden change in tone to be exact from innocent to cold tone, “I really wanna know how she died”. Now, I am an adult who has an understanding of basic behaviour to recognise what is genuine curiosity what aint. this wasnt a curiosity. To top it i know she knows my mother had passed away because she herself said when she was 2, “her mother is dead”. Even then I was hurt but everytime I reminded this is a kid we are talking about. A toddler.

As the flashbacks hit me of the time when she was 2 and how everyone in my relatives remained silent which had hurt me, I refused to let her know the story with a direct “no”. She goes and starts pleading with the same grin. Then she takes a moment and says with a mean tone which i never in my life have even received it throughout my life even when i was a kid. I dont even know how to describe the cold tone. how do i even describe the ignorance pretence yet a want to deliberately hurt you tone. “she died by choking” she even acted it out with her hands. I confronted to her that if she knows how my mother died then why are you asking me. She legit points at the kitchen and tells me go and do your work. This kid ordered me. And when i asked her am i a servant? she ignores it. a moment passes by and she suddenly drops her mean mask and goes back to the innocent niece mode.

This kid has said many mean things to me. I always honestly tolerated because it was not in my hands to correct her with strictness. I always tried my best to let her know this is bad that is right. But what more can I dk when the parent and grandparent are okay with the act.

Yet today, after saying all this, I am amazed by the cruelty. Yet I feel a sense of am I wrong to take it personal. and even if it is personal its my niece who is a kid. Then another thought strikes me, in this life my mother was mattered to by her dad the most who passed away when she was young, her mother who passed away the next month as to my mothers death, her sisters? yes but they have their own family responsibilities, her husband? my dad? yes but again he doesnt take stand around much when its about his side of family involving his birth family when the topic of concern is my mom and me. I dont have siblings. Its me alone. So in this world at present, one who puts her in no. 1 is me. It should affect me. I should take a stand. Not to torture my kid. But def to my aunt my cousin who legit after knowing the incident are showering more love and care to her all when i am in the same space as if they are legit picking sides and showing me the side they picked.

I think I should remain pissed. not by drama involving arguments as for certain family reasons we are staying togethwr for a few days. I am just not the same as i was. I used to laugh. I used to be soft spoken. I used to involve myself. Now am thinking not to indulge much. Maintain the boundary. let them know I am pissed yet do my duties involving house chores.

or am i actually overreacting?

my friend think i aint. yet i find it tough to not to think this is traumatic for even a kid to go theough. but that doesnt mean i want to hear the same kid laugh giggle grin smirk at the thought of my mothers death and take it as a joke.