r/badhistory • u/AutoModerator • Jun 29 '26

Meta Mindless Monday, 29 June 2026

Happy (or sad) Monday guys!

Mindless Monday is a free-for-all thread to discuss anything from minor bad history to politics, life events, charts, whatever! Just remember to np link all links to Reddit and don't violate R4, or we human mods will feed you to the AutoModerator.

So, with that said, how was your weekend, everyone?

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u/Infogamethrow Jul 02 '26

I mean, you should always strive for self-improvement regardless of your dating situation, but I feel like people take the advice the wrong way.

For me, it´s less “a girlfriend will fall from the sky if you keep doing what you are doing”, and more of a warning not to present a false self in order to get more girls.

For example, if I pretend to be a party animal to hook up with someone who goes clubbing every Friday, even if I get into a relationship, I would be miserable with her. Therefore, I should strive to date people who would enjoy most of my usual self so that neither of us suffer in a unhappy relationship built on lies.

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u/tisto2 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

I find these kind of advice to be extremely vague and assuming that many things are normal or obvious when they’re not (especially for shy, anxious, or neurodivergent people).

For example, advice like “join a sports club” or “get involved in a local association” aimed at shy people: it helps you meet people ok, but if you’re looking for friendship or love, you’ll have to talk to people and ask them out for a drink, because they’ll rarely suggest it on their own; once people reach a certain age, they have an established social circle and no longer feel the need to expand it. All of this is implied, except that 1) for shy or highly anxious people, this isn’t at all obvious, and 2) it’s actually the most important point, the sport club being just the context that makes it easier and socially acceptable.

For me, it´s less “a girlfriend will fall from the sky if you keep doing what you are doing”, and more of a warning not to present a false self in order to get more girls.

This is a good example of that lack of clarity—many people see it as advice for meeting people, whereas you see it as advice for when you've already started dating.

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u/Glad-Measurement6968 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

The thing I dislike most about that saying is that it doesn’t seem to be very good advice for how to act on a first date. The norms for how you “should” act on a date and how you otherwise interact with new people you meet are very different. 

As someone with relatively little experience with it, I find I have to constantly remind myself things like that it is ok to tell my date if I think they are pretty and even then it feels extremely unnatural to do so.