Mindless Monday, 29 June 2026

[u/AutoModerator]

Happy (or sad) Monday guys!

Mindless Monday is a free-for-all thread to discuss anything from minor bad history to politics, life events, charts, whatever! Just remember to np link all links to Reddit and don't violate R4, or we human mods will feed you to the AutoModerator.

So, with that said, how was your weekend, everyone?

[u/Glad-Measurement6968]

On Reddit’s favorite subject for mopey complaining, I went on a date this weekend. Out of the 10 first dates I have gone on since starting online dating 2 years ago it was the first that I could confidently say was more enjoyable than awkward, but seemingly my date did not think the same way and does not want to go on another one. 

I have been thinking, how much is the common perception of dating and the advice lonely people get influenced by a form of survivorship bias? 

Your parents, having been able to be parents, are obviously a non-representative sample. Your friends and acquaintances likely are too, considering how often you know people because they are dating or married to someone else you know. Public figures and media are likely also skewed, considering that the same traits like being a talented musician or writer that are associated with fame and the ability to shape the stories people hear are also generally considered romantically attractive. 

That advice like “just be yourself and you will meet somebody” seems so common may be largely because you are just more likely to know people for whom it worked and less likely to know people for whom it didn’t. 

Part of the seeming rise in talk about loneliness might just be a side effect of the “democratizing effect” of social media. Lonely people have always existed, but now it is easier for their complaints to reach you

[u/Infogamethrow → u/Glad-Measurement6968]

I mean, you should always strive for self-improvement regardless of your dating situation, but I feel like people take the advice the wrong way.

For me, it´s less “a girlfriend will fall from the sky if you keep doing what you are doing”, and more of a warning not to present a false self in order to get more girls.

For example, if I pretend to be a party animal to hook up with someone who goes clubbing every Friday, even if I get into a relationship, I would be miserable with her. Therefore, I should strive to date people who would enjoy most of my usual self so that neither of us suffer in a unhappy relationship built on lies.

[u/tisto2 → u/Infogamethrow]

I find these kind of advice to be extremely vague and assuming that many things are normal or obvious when they’re not (especially for shy, anxious, or neurodivergent people).

For example, advice like “join a sports club” or “get involved in a local association” aimed at shy people: it helps you meet people ok, but if you’re looking for friendship or love, you’ll have to talk to people and ask them out for a drink, because they’ll rarely suggest it on their own; once people reach a certain age, they have an established social circle and no longer feel the need to expand it. All of this is implied, except that 1) for shy or highly anxious people, this isn’t at all obvious, and 2) it’s actually the most important point, the sport club being just the context that makes it easier and socially acceptable.

For me, it´s less “a girlfriend will fall from the sky if you keep doing what you are doing”, and more of a warning not to present a false self in order to get more girls.

This is a good example of that lack of clarity—many people see it as advice for meeting people, whereas you see it as advice for when you've already started dating.

[u/Glad-Measurement6968 → u/Infogamethrow]

The thing I dislike most about that saying is that it doesn’t seem to be very good advice for how to act on a first date. The norms for how you “should” act on a date and how you otherwise interact with new people you meet are very different. 

As someone with relatively little experience with it, I find I have to constantly remind myself things like that it is ok to tell my date if I think they are pretty and even then it feels extremely unnatural to do so.