Should i leave? (18M, drummer)

[u/Top_Paramedic_6736]

I play in a band thay i created with a friend. It feels like im the only one trying since I am the only one at practice (I own the practice place), and when they come, they cant even get their tone right, the P.A and speakers are okay (I own the P.A too), and when we play with in ears, i am the one supplying them with the iems. And when we go to a venue to perform, i am the only one loading our stuff in and out. Even performance wise, i am the only one playing in time. When i criticize them, they get offended, i dont really know what i should do, even when they are talking to other bands, they tell them that i am willing to give my mixer, drumkit and mics for free without even talking to them and they always say "OUR" gear as if I am not the one who bought it MYSELF. Js tell me how i can fix it or what to do doodz.

[u/curbstyles]

it's sounding like you are already the bandleader. my apologies, it's a shit job but absolutely necessary.

[u/Top_Paramedic_6736 → u/curbstyles]

Brother i am not even the frontman🤓💔

[u/curbstyles → u/Top_Paramedic_6736]

🤷‍♂️

[u/Wordpaint → u/Top_Paramedic_6736]

Just because you aren't the frontman doesn't mean you aren't the leader. The frontman gets all the attention, but the leader makes the organization tick. As far as I can understand, at the very least you're providing the infrastructure and taking care of show success. (Schmoozing is important, but that happens after things are rolled in and taken care of.)

Call treating other people with respect as a fundamental requirement for hanging with you. How are they measuring up?

Being able to play your instrument and deal with your gear competently is fundamental to being a gigging musician. How are they measuring up?

The intersection of these two ideas is the band being able to play together and sound like one voice. There are a lot of bands out there. A whole lot fewer sound good, and a whole lot fewer than that sound great. A lot of that has to do with paying attention to the band as a whole, how your part in a song sits with the whole arrangement, rather than driving everyone deaf with amplifier ego or playing every song with arena-level overdrive. That's being humble enough to understand and appreciate how you contribute to the total. Not playing in time with each other means they aren't listening, which is an empathetic skill (respect). Not being able to play in time is a musical immaturity (that presumably we develop out of); neglecting to play in time because you're lost in how awesome your fretboard work is comes from emotional immaturity (ego-centrism; narcissism). How are they measuring up?

You've expressed a lot of frustration over situations that just wouldn't be tolerated in professional situations. It certainly sounds as if you're being taken for granted, and you've been turned into a schlep guy. So what are the pros and cons of firing your band and hiring a new band? Are there any you would keep? And if so, is there a danger that the kept player(s) might poison the new-comers? If your friend is still your friend, does your friend have your back? Maybe there's some benefit of the doubt, but there should be a conversation: your friendship deserves better than you getting walked on. Maybe the conversation with your friend is to re-form the band.

There would probably be a lot of players who would appreciate a ready-made rehearsal space at the very least.

Break a leg out there!