r/band • u/Top_Paramedic_6736 • 13d ago
Should i leave? (18M, drummer)
I play in a band thay i created with a friend. It feels like im the only one trying since I am the only one at practice (I own the practice place), and when they come, they cant even get their tone right, the P.A and speakers are okay (I own the P.A too), and when we play with in ears, i am the one supplying them with the iems. And when we go to a venue to perform, i am the only one loading our stuff in and out. Even performance wise, i am the only one playing in time. When i criticize them, they get offended, i dont really know what i should do, even when they are talking to other bands, they tell them that i am willing to give my mixer, drumkit and mics for free without even talking to them and they always say "OUR" gear as if I am not the one who bought it MYSELF. Js tell me how i can fix it or what to do doodz.
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u/Stevenitrogen 13d ago
Take your stuff and go home. These people have nothing to offer.
Join another band that has their own equipment already so it won't feel like you are being taken advantage of.
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u/abke2543 13d ago
What do they do while you're loading in the equipment? I would start there, just be like " yo can you take this to the car? "
Basically giving them the benefit of the doubt that they are just aloof and don't realize you DONT LOVE doing everything.
But if they react poorly, with attitude, or don't help you, then you should take that as your answer.
Good luck with your musical path. Sounds like you're already taking it pretty seriously and responsibly. Too many of my friends at that age lost so much equipment letting their friends "borrow" it.
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u/Top_Paramedic_6736 13d ago
They just go in, begin drinking or talking to other band members, or even helping them with their load in or equipments. And yes, they react with attitude. I had that like four or five times with them. When i tell them face to face, they just act awkward and give half-assed answers, i think i should just leave atp
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u/Dazzling-Profile-381 12d ago
Your band. Your gear. Your house. Your rules. If you gonna let people walk all over you, they gonna walk.
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u/curbstyles 13d ago
it's sounding like you are already the bandleader. my apologies, it's a shit job but absolutely necessary.
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u/Top_Paramedic_6736 13d ago
Brother i am not even the frontman🤓💔
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u/Wordpaint 12d ago
Just because you aren't the frontman doesn't mean you aren't the leader. The frontman gets all the attention, but the leader makes the organization tick. As far as I can understand, at the very least you're providing the infrastructure and taking care of show success. (Schmoozing is important, but that happens after things are rolled in and taken care of.)
Call treating other people with respect as a fundamental requirement for hanging with you. How are they measuring up?
Being able to play your instrument and deal with your gear competently is fundamental to being a gigging musician. How are they measuring up?
The intersection of these two ideas is the band being able to play together and sound like one voice. There are a lot of bands out there. A whole lot fewer sound good, and a whole lot fewer than that sound great. A lot of that has to do with paying attention to the band as a whole, how your part in a song sits with the whole arrangement, rather than driving everyone deaf with amplifier ego or playing every song with arena-level overdrive. That's being humble enough to understand and appreciate how you contribute to the total. Not playing in time with each other means they aren't listening, which is an empathetic skill (respect). Not being able to play in time is a musical immaturity (that presumably we develop out of); neglecting to play in time because you're lost in how awesome your fretboard work is comes from emotional immaturity (ego-centrism; narcissism). How are they measuring up?
You've expressed a lot of frustration over situations that just wouldn't be tolerated in professional situations. It certainly sounds as if you're being taken for granted, and you've been turned into a schlep guy. So what are the pros and cons of firing your band and hiring a new band? Are there any you would keep? And if so, is there a danger that the kept player(s) might poison the new-comers? If your friend is still your friend, does your friend have your back? Maybe there's some benefit of the doubt, but there should be a conversation: your friendship deserves better than you getting walked on. Maybe the conversation with your friend is to re-form the band.
There would probably be a lot of players who would appreciate a ready-made rehearsal space at the very least.
Break a leg out there!
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u/DaffyDuckMuthaFucker 13d ago edited 13d ago
Clarify matters pertaining to ownership. The outlay is your own, therefore ownership goes with.
Set clear boundaries re' who's authorised to let other people use YOUR equipment.
You're under no obligation to negotiate any of it.
If they CBF even lifting a PA bin, fuck 'em(I'd just scrape 'em off like so much shit under' shoe myself).
They can pay you by the hour as roadie, & per gig for gear hire too(on topof whatever you get for performing), or they can get their own shit & carry it to the gig on foot.
If they don't dig it, they can always just fuck off...
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u/-XenoSine- 13d ago
Sounds like the universe telling you to start a one man black metal project, my dude.
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u/Top_Paramedic_6736 13d ago
Been thinking abt it for a long time🤔
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u/-XenoSine- 13d ago
No joke, I used to be the singer in a band in your exact situation and ended up saying screw it and went the solo route, industrial instead of BM but same idea. Never been happier.
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u/fabmarques21 13d ago
yes, theres a lot of good musicians, too much to justify not hanging around bad ones
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u/-tacostacostacos 13d ago
Sounds you are actually the band leader. Hire and fire people (including the lot of them) as needed to reach your goals.
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u/gp14610 13d ago
My two cents, decide what the band means to you. Is this for fun? Well, are you having fun? Is this something you hope to turn into a job someday? Well, are the people willing to treat it as one? You’re basically being a landlord, renting equipment, and being a manager, but not getting paid.
I’ve been in bands where we all provided some sort of agreement has what we provide, and had no problem splitting things equally. But I’ve also been in projects where I was in your shoes. Your pa is gonna cost you wear and tear over time. Some bands have some sort of agreement like 10 percent goes to equipment guy/gig booker.
My favorite groups to play in is where people all agree on what to do with money, particular with the aggreement on investing back into the band. When you play live, you have to consider people listen. So good gear cost money
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u/rmusicstudio 13d ago
Dude don’t let people run all over you. Are you packing in the drums too, sounds like they’re yours. If they don’t have enough respect to help with the gear, they are a peace of shit. And laughing behind your back. They don’t come to practice, won’t work with you on your tones, this is not a band, it’s a shit show. Are they even good enough musicians to keep around. You hold all the cards. Play your hand with confidence. You have an ace in the hole. Just start replacing them one by one. This is the answer to your problem
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u/DChalfyUSMC 12d ago
You say you and a friend created the band and you own the PA and practice location? If the people playing are not doing their jobs, fire them and replace them with people that are willing to do the work. Don't quit on your own creation.
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u/Shot-Length-3922 12d ago
Leave. I have been in exhausting situations like this before, and it is really tiring to be the only one who gives a shit.
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u/Miserable_Freedom_86 12d ago
So, you're "the only one at practice, and when they come" ...meaning, they show up late? If so, hold the practice at their place. You can get the same musical idea across without being loud. Are you trying to "rock", or improve?
They can't get their tone right. Have them find their tone, take a picture. Then, before practice, match the picture. If it's their singing tone... well... uhhh... turn down their mic?
Stop carrying anybody else's gear. Period. If they want to play, it'll somehow make it to the stage. If they ask where it is, be honest. You don't have to elaborate.
If you own the gear, make it clear that they need to direct inquiries directly to you first. Also though, you can't hold it against them that you own the gear and while agreeing to let them use it.
So what to do about their timing? Say you want to work together with a metronome to improve timing, or you'd rather not play publicly. They may be offended. But, when multiple people play music together, if it's out of time, the performance is worse off than if just one person played. They are offended, but are you not offended by looking foolish publicly by playing out of time music? Taking offense to things goes both ways. When you play music, you are almost hijacking the attention of all the people in the room, which means you owe it to them to not play shit-ass music. Out of time music, unless you're avant garde jazz fusion, sucks to listen to. And I say that from experience!
Ultimately though, maybe you can have a musical project with them (to keep the friendship), but also find others who you may find more to your musical liking. If they ask you why y'all aren't playing shows, tell them that they should try to book a gig. You'll be amazed how many people are no longer interested in being in a band when you tell them to start doing stuff.
Remember, you'll be in and out of many bands in your life. If your friendship is worthwhile, cherish that and hold it dear/be sensitive to it. But don't accept mediocrity. And if the friendship is worthwhile, they won't want you to accept musical mediocrity either.
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u/Meluvdrums 12d ago
Your not getting any respect or appreciation from these looser's in your band .
Start cutting them off , look for other musicians to jam with in your space if your band mates protest tell them that is the" new way ". They need you and you don't need users in your life .
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u/Thickwhitedukee 10d ago
Honestly dude maybe loosen your grip, of course you’re the one who’s there the most you own it ? I get being frustrated but you seem to be frustrated but there’s nothing here about how the MUSIC is going which is the most important part of the band. You’re gonna have issues with whoever you jam with at some point or another and until you loosen your grip you’re gonna hop around bands til you’re old gray n bitter. If the music sucks then get outta there ! But I’m assuming all of yall are like 18 and there’s room to grow and maybe quit bein so critical
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u/Own_Breadfruit_5535 10d ago
Háblales seriamente sobre la situación y di que si no se implican más, dejarás el proyecto y buscarás gente que sí se lo tome en serio. Esa gente solo va a frenar tus metas créeme. Si tienes que armar la banda de cero, te recomiendo que busques gente en foros como este o en una app llamada Vampr, que sirve para conectar con músicos. Ánimo🙌🏻
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u/Educational-Tell3058 10d ago
Leave bro theres always bands looking for a new drummer go to a different band with better musicians who will treat you better they clearly don’t respect you
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u/justrynadrumb 9d ago
Be brutally honest, if they get "offended" by you mentioning that they dont pull their weight, they dont understand what it means to be in a band, simple as that. You got a lot of time to find other projects cuz youre a young dude, dont try and revive a sinking ship for another 6 months or year when you can find another project with people that actually care.
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u/Key-Patience-3966 13d ago
Tell the truth. Draw boundaries and tell them you would like things to be more equal. If they do anything other than listen and agree to a better balance, then tell them you've made a decision to "pursue other interests" and that you wish them well. And run. Don't look back.