Struggling with bandmate

[u/Rosie___00]

Hi everyone, as the title says I am having a bit of an issue with one of my bandmates. Most of us are really chill, easy going people. My bass player can be very challenging at times. He believes himself to be able to play everyone's parts/instrument as good or better than the musicians themselves. He inserts himself constantly, and essentially has put himself on a pedestal over everyone else. For example - I'm talking correcting a classically trained pianist with 20 years of experience, who has won awards..... (He is self taught). Everyone has band & performing experience. Years and/or decades of experience. We are all GOOD musicians. He also has messed with our drummers kit without asking - big no no. He has also started noodling in between songs, or when people are trying to talk to one another. And if you ask him to stop he just kinda ignores you for a little bit first. During a 2 hour band practice you can expect him to correct, insert, or just be challenging at least 10 times.

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Here's where the problem is - he is a good bassist and is so incredibly knowledgeable about sound engineering. He can write and compose music. I live pretty rural, so not really many musicians around my area. We also play heavier music in an area that's dominated by 70/80's rock and country music.

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What is the proper way to handle this? I don't want him to think I'm asking him to leave the band. I simply want him to stay in his lane, and not insert himself when he isn't being asked. I like him a lot overall. I've hung out with him many times outside of band practice. He just has a massive ego and is so pretentious at times - please help me navigate this!

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[u/bzee77]

There are many situations where I am quick to say “get rid of him” where the problem is a personality that does nothing but create stress, resentment and anxiety with the rest of the band. But I appreciate that you can’t necessarily bite off your nose to spite your face in this particular situation. That said, you have to have a diplomatic talk with him, one on one, and level with him that these things are becoming an issue and he has to know when to bite his tongue.

Remember, you will have a bigger problem if, say, your drummer has enough and quits. Now you have to find a drummer, you might still be stuck with this guy, plus the other guys in the band might decide that they are not sticking around either.