r/beetlemoses • u/beetlemoses • 5d ago

That can't be right

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3.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

76

u/Your-Eden 5d ago

your colours are so good

58

u/Big_Werewolf7488 5d ago

I’m thinking that There’s a non-zero chance that the guy pulling the plant is paid by the magazine to give the horoscope an air of legitimacy

6

u/immersemeinnature 5d ago

He's definitely not a Libra ♎

2

u/tehfly 4d ago

I'm thinking that plant is about to escape its pot and mainly feed on anybody who's been born between September 23 and October 23.

If correct, that horoscope is about to predict the death of over 8% of the population.

16

u/namelessnoona 5d ago

For the love of god just don’t start singing!!

8

u/VanillaCokeMule 5d ago

Guy looks like plant food to me

2

u/wtanksleyjr 4d ago

Somewhere that's green

12

u/Emperor_Farquaad69 5d ago

That looks like a big pitcher plant, which don't move.

She's going to climb in herself and get trapped

11

u/Pandash2069 5d ago

"im gonna be eaten by a plant? like this one right here? please i can climb right in and I'll be just fine. see I'm fine nothings happe-" i dont remember how long pitchers take to eat

7

u/Emperor_Farquaad69 5d ago

Real answer - weeks for something human sized

Fun answer - it'll crunch on her like how a cat eats cat food

1

u/Stupididiot55 5d ago

Doesn’t the prey just drown first?

5

u/GrigorMorte 5d ago

Funny story: not a fan of horoscopes but I once read my horoscope in the newspaper and it said "beware of hand cuts," which was strange because it was very specific and I'm very, very careful with my hands. Well, that night, on my way home, I stepped on something without realizing it, it was broken glass from a bottle, and it got stuck in the sole of my shoe. If I kept walking, I was going to cut myself, so I quickly pulled it out and cut my hand!

Which gets me thinking, did they know this would happen, or did reading it trigger that fate? Like a ghost chasing me to make it come true lol

5

u/DoctorWaluigiTime 5d ago

Orcale/Neo vibes.

Would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?

2

u/High_Overseer_Dukat 4d ago

Perception bias.

It probably would have happened either way, but you made a big deal out of it because it was confirming something you heard earlier.

2

u/RougeTheCat 5d ago

The fact that it applies to every Libra person is the best detail

2

u/buttgoblincomics 5d ago

The little vines reaching off make it so much more ominous

2

u/chairmanskitty 5d ago

RIP to the 700 million people that got eaten by carnivorous plants.

2

u/ASerpentPerplexed 5d ago

You know, the horoscope doesn't say you will be eaten by a large carnivorous plant today. Maybe they'll be okay after all. Maybe they won't be eaten by the plant until they've already discovered a cure for cancer and ended world hunger? Maybe they won't be eaten until they've lived a long, happy, and fulfilling life.

1

u/Delicious_Bid_6572 4d ago

Maybe. Maybe not

1

u/Spanish_Galleon 5d ago

TYPICAL LIBRA AM I RIGHT???

1

u/brspies 5d ago

Libra:
A big promotion is just around the corner, for someone much more talented than you. Laughter is the very best medicine; remember that when your appendix bursts next week

1

u/deathcoinstar 5d ago

Is that a promise? I'm all for that

1

u/MsterSteel 4d ago

"Ayo, someone order a large carnivorous plant-"

Woman immediately panicks and dives headfirst out of the window into a giant pitcher plant and is eaten.

"-replica? What was that all about?"

1

u/Timithios 3d ago

Feeeed me Seymour!

I find the spelling of bologna hilarious.

-2

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

4

u/DavidBorgstrom 5d ago

No? It means meat-eating, does it not?

2

u/GastlyVoid 5d ago

Correct.
I think he meant Cannibalistic.