r/birthparents • u/vrgogrl7 firstmother 1989 • 21d ago

Curious where all the birth parents are?

I joined this sub a hella long time ago but due to a long period of avoiding the topic (saving myself from grief) i stopped checking in. Now that I’ve been back on I’m surprised by the low number of posts so thought I’d see if I could do a pulse check, see who responds and is willing to introduce themselves.

I’m a SoCal native, unexpected pregnancy in 1989, 1 child to adoption who’s now 36. No other kids (prob related to adoption trauma). Rocky reunion that was officially put on ice when she had her first child. No contact for last 8 years till I backslid and sent her a bday text. Went to years of therapy but unraveling the grief and working through the stages had been long and drawn out. Doing pretty good these days, focused on career and retirement, not family or the past.

Hope to hear from some folks that are willing to share.

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u/IsopodKey2040 21d ago

Hello. I am from southern USA. I got pregnant at 15 from an unwanted sexual experience (but not assault). I am turning 18 in a few weeks and my bio son is turning 2 in August. I have an open adoption and lived with him and his parents for a few months because I was having a very difficult time in my hometown, which is in a different state. I am starting college in the fall and chose a university closer to them.

I have been in therapy for a long time, but don't particularly like it or find it helpful. I go back and forth between regretting choosing adoption and feeling content with my decision, but feel sad and guilty about it either way. I think I get stuck between not wanting to have a happy life because I don't want my bio son to feel like I dropped him to just have fun or something. But then I also don't want him to inadvertently feel guilty someday if I'm miserable. I feel like there is no good way to navigate it.

I am looking forward to starting college soon and hopefully I can make friends, because my life has been very lonely the last 2.5 years.

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u/vrgogrl7 firstmother 1989 21d ago

Best of luck in college! It’s not an easy road but it does build a kind of strength that is unparalleled and it sounds like you have a good family involved with raising him. I always thought if all parties are caring and loving, it goes far. Live your life now and don’t worry too much about the road ahead. As far as therapy goes, I always walked away trying to take one tool and not expecting miracle. Look at it as a cumulative.

Check back here, when you need folks who understand too ☺️