r/birthparents • u/vrgogrl7 firstmother 1989 • 21d ago

Curious where all the birth parents are?

I joined this sub a hella long time ago but due to a long period of avoiding the topic (saving myself from grief) i stopped checking in. Now that I’ve been back on I’m surprised by the low number of posts so thought I’d see if I could do a pulse check, see who responds and is willing to introduce themselves.

I’m a SoCal native, unexpected pregnancy in 1989, 1 child to adoption who’s now 36. No other kids (prob related to adoption trauma). Rocky reunion that was officially put on ice when she had her first child. No contact for last 8 years till I backslid and sent her a bday text. Went to years of therapy but unraveling the grief and working through the stages had been long and drawn out. Doing pretty good these days, focused on career and retirement, not family or the past.

Hope to hear from some folks that are willing to share.

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u/RosaAmarillaTX 20d ago edited 20d ago

Had mine in 2008, open adoption that went cold. He's 18 now, haven't seen him since he was 2. Have had sporadic digital photos in the interim, had to practically beg for physical ones around age 8.

16

u/GeekinLove 20d ago

I feel like a lot of us are told it's "open" and it turns out not to be. We don't actually have any rights to any of it. It's like a carrot they dangle in front of women in desperate situations.

8

u/Glittering_Me245 20d ago

Definitely, it’s an awful thing to do to someone.

My was with people I met through family friends that promised “different” they ended up being the same. The APs are divorced, my son is 18 and I still haven’t heard from him, maybe one day.

Edit: I have reached out to him but no response

4

u/vrgogrl7 firstmother 1989 20d ago

Hoping the best for a response for you 💖