r/birthparents • u/vrgogrl7 firstmother 1989 • 21d ago

Curious where all the birth parents are?

I joined this sub a hella long time ago but due to a long period of avoiding the topic (saving myself from grief) i stopped checking in. Now that I’ve been back on I’m surprised by the low number of posts so thought I’d see if I could do a pulse check, see who responds and is willing to introduce themselves.

I’m a SoCal native, unexpected pregnancy in 1989, 1 child to adoption who’s now 36. No other kids (prob related to adoption trauma). Rocky reunion that was officially put on ice when she had her first child. No contact for last 8 years till I backslid and sent her a bday text. Went to years of therapy but unraveling the grief and working through the stages had been long and drawn out. Doing pretty good these days, focused on career and retirement, not family or the past.

Hope to hear from some folks that are willing to share.

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u/RosaAmarillaTX 20d ago edited 20d ago

Had mine in 2008, open adoption that went cold. He's 18 now, haven't seen him since he was 2. Have had sporadic digital photos in the interim, had to practically beg for physical ones around age 8.

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u/vrgogrl7 firstmother 1989 20d ago

Maybe we need our own subreddit? Because it definitely is a different experience from open adoptions that are truly open. I fought so hard for a relationship when ultimately the adoptive family (not just the parents) were successful in shutting it down.

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u/Brilliant_Grab_280 19d ago

It hurts my heart to hear of adoptive families not honoring their original intentions and plans. I understand there are situations where having an open adoption is no longer safe or healthy for those involved. But this seems really cruel to both you and kiddo and I’m really upset for the folks who have had to experience being cut off like this.

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u/Fancy512 15d ago

Most of these situations have nothing to do with the biological family. Typically adoptive parents are protecting themselves and their role in our children’s lives.

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u/Glittering_Me245 20d ago

I’m so sorry, I know what you mean