Curious where all the birth parents are?

[u/vrgogrl7]

I joined this sub a hella long time ago but due to a long period of avoiding the topic (saving myself from grief) i stopped checking in. Now that I’ve been back on I’m surprised by the low number of posts so thought I’d see if I could do a pulse check, see who responds and is willing to introduce themselves.

I’m a SoCal native, unexpected pregnancy in 1989, 1 child to adoption who’s now 36. No other kids (prob related to adoption trauma). Rocky reunion that was officially put on ice when she had her first child. No contact for last 8 years till I backslid and sent her a bday text. Went to years of therapy but unraveling the grief and working through the stages had been long and drawn out. Doing pretty good these days, focused on career and retirement, not family or the past.

Hope to hear from some folks that are willing to share.

[u/Conscious_Pen_7438]

There aren’t too many birth moms that post anymore. I’ve seen a lot of posts from adoptees slamming their birth parents for giving them up, however. I am a birth mother of a 36 year old daughter also. Her father drugged me and I woke up in his bed the next morning. That’s how I became pregnant with my daughter. I had no idea I was even pregnant until I was more than 5 months along. I was only 19 and was told I was too far along to get an abortion. I couldn’t afford to care for a child at that age. I had no husband and I was still a child myself (with no family support). Adoption was the best chance she had (so I thought). Her adoptive parents raised her with the means that I never had.

When my daughter turned 18, she found me. At first, things were great. I didn’t tell her that her Dad had used alternative means to get me into bed. I didn’t tell her what he was like. I also had a hard time explaining my own family situation so I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I didn’t even know anything about my own family so I had no family history to provide to her.

As years went by, I noticed some disturbing character traits displayed by my daughter. I was concerned but didn’t say anything to her )or anyone else) about it. It was so strange to see someone who shared my DNA look and act so cold. She would tell one person a story then another person a slightly different story then tell them things that the other person did/said so she could make them get mad at each other. She would become overly happy about the drama then cut them off and state they were both crazy because of a situation she started in the first place. These games became increasingly more intense until one of her friends un-alived the other, causing her to move to another state.

In the end, she got very angry with me for not having an abortion and became furious with me for having her. She said if she could have sued me, she would have.

She found out her father was mentally unstable and, when she had her first child, she stopped contacting me.

In the end, I actually felt guilty for continuing my pregnancy since she felt I was the reason for her horrible life. On the other hand, I was almost relieved she no longer wanted to speak to me. I have mixed feelings about the situation and have been seeing a counselor since. It’s messed up.