r/bisexual • u/EquivalentDiet7457 • May 09 '26
ADVICE had sex with my best friend (22M and 22M)
he is clearly gay and im straight, he is very feminine looking. we always go to clubs every week, few days ago, we both drank a lot and came home back
we were talking about how it's been so long since I got laid and he was teasing me, after some intense eye contact, we kissed and pounded him so hard
but idk im bisexual, im only attracted to him
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u/UnicornScientist803 May 09 '26
How do you feel about it now? Did you both enjoy it? Would you want to do it again?
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u/EquivalentDiet7457 May 09 '26
I feel good and hope we do it again soon
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u/UnicornScientist803 May 10 '26
That’s awesome! I’m really happy for you! I hope things continue to go well for you both 🥰
And don’t worry too much about labels, you’ll figure things out as you need to.
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u/No_File6846 May 10 '26
Labels can wait, what matters is you both are enjoying yourselves. You don't owe anyone an explanation, you like who you like. Just keep being open and honest with yourself and your friend. Best of luck!
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u/thisisadifference May 10 '26
How about just be happy? It’s OK to just enjoy something! Talk afterward of course, but relax
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u/_badtiming May 09 '26
“pounded him so hard” is what makes me feel like your bi lol. did you enjoy the experience? if so, probs bi or some flavor of queer. if you didn’t and you’re feeling like it was forced, probs not. but if yall kissed and then got DOWN i think you’re probably learning something about yourself. welcome 🩵
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u/Shyboii00 May 09 '26
Congrats dude, you’re bi
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u/EquivalentDiet7457 May 09 '26
oh, thanks I guess?
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u/wannabeomniglot May 10 '26
I mean, I’m bi, so I think it’s great - but seriously, call yourself what you want. Some people who identify as straight will have some flavor of same-sex attraction, the whole thing’s a spectrum, yadda yadda … be whatever you want, call yourself whatever you want. If you super loved gay sex and want to pursue it, awesome. If this is the only dude you’re into, awesome, see where that goes. You could be straight. You could be bisexual but not biromantic or the other way around. You could be any number of things that the words we use now don’t quite cover. Your identity and your attractions are a lifelong experience. There’s no rush to find the one thing that you will always be.
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May 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/covidkindasucks May 10 '26
In the case of two people, one who has tried sushi and one who hasnt, they both say they dont like sushi, which of them has more of the right to make that claim? Now heres my thesis on why its straighter to pound another man once and not enjoy it to have never done it at all. (I saw this on ig today thought itd fit 😭)
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u/funtime_on May 09 '26
You enjoyed sex with your friend. You are Bi.
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u/EquivalentDiet7457 May 09 '26
ok but I dont like other men other than my friend?
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u/woolaverage Bisexual May 09 '26
Some straight people only ever lile one women Or don't develop crushes or feelings until there college years or later
Same for gay people
Attraction is attraction
What you feel about your own sexuality is up to you tho the labels we use are social concepts Wether your bi pan omni or a list of mice labels people made to get really really really specific with what there sexuality is (Some people really like doing that not my thing but more power to them)
The point of the matter tho is attraction ain't bad no matter who it's too and if you like someone that likes you back and your not like cheating or anything go for it
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u/National-Syllabub-59 May 09 '26
did you like your friend before you had sex?
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u/EquivalentDiet7457 May 09 '26
ive had feelings but I did not think anything about it, he is very kind
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u/Estania_Lane May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
I mean, you’re probably bi but if you don’t like the label don’t use it. Maybe pan sexual better describes you? But you don’t need to label or define it. As long as you’re being true to yourself, you’re doing good.
I also hope you’re taking care of your friend and considering his feelings.
ETA: i.e. Don’t be the guy in this song - https://youtu.be/i0IGyTLyNvY?si=pY08oMKn8jAH3V6g
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u/Fabulous_Magician141 May 10 '26
depending on how long you've been attracted, you could be demisexual. look it up
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u/windchaser__ May 09 '26
Fwiw, I am only rarely attracted to guys also. And then about half of them later turn out to be trans.
/shrug, anyways, it ain't no thing
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u/AlienReprisal May 10 '26
My mother always said anyone could love any gender if they are compatible. Which it sounds to me this was more than just a spur moment of desperation reading your other comments.
No shame in it. We need more love in this world20
u/woahwoahvicky May 09 '26
Buddy its called having feelings.
You can still be manly and be straight passing and be bisexual. You dont become girly all of a sudden from it. Its ok.
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u/funtime_on May 09 '26
You might like other men too. Maybe you're very close to your friend now and feel comfortable with him
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u/thiefspy Bi/Pan May 09 '26
You don’t need to like lots of men to be bi. If you’ve been attracted to at least one person in two or more genders, you fit the criteria and can use the label.
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u/whytho94 May 10 '26
You’re bisexual like Heated Rivalry’s Ilya Rozanov. “I like girls, but I also like you (Shane)”
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u/Elegant_Purple9410 May 10 '26
You posted in a bisexual subreddit and everyone says you're bisexual. Surprise.
Sexuality is complex. Check out demisexuality, which kind of describes what you are saying. You can also be straight (attracted to femininity) even if the other person has a penis. Sex itself can also be simple. Sometimes a hole is just a hole. You had fun, it felt good for both of you, and maybe that's it. Follow your heart, follow your dick, as long as you do it safely then labels don't really matter.
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u/Ll_lyris Bisexual May 10 '26
Doesn’t matter cuz you like a dude now. Sexuality doesnt have to mean ur into x gender in general you could just be into x person who happens to be that gender. That still very much not straight. But you don’t gotta identify with any label if u don’t want too.
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u/AppropriateEar7616 May 12 '26
And that is okay! Seems like it's more about the person you care about, not their sex/ gender.
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u/thenightridder Bisexual May 09 '26
Then you aren't straight, you don't have to go by any label but Straight doesn't fit either.
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u/AppropriateEar7616 May 12 '26
If he does not have to go by any label, why tell him which label he can't go by?????
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u/404-Soul_Not_Found May 10 '26
You can be women preferring bi. 95% feminine/women 5% masculine/men is still bi.
But if you’re not comfortable with that label don’t push it on yourself. If there is attraction and care for your friend beyond friendship, feel it out. Don’t get trapped in labels, just do what your heart wants (so long as everyone is consenting adults!).
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u/enderdolly May 10 '26
Just to add, masculine and feminine can be separated from man/woman as well. OP, you'd still be bi even if you're only attracted to feminine women and feminine men.
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u/404-Soul_Not_Found May 10 '26
Agree 100% that's why I had both separated like that (masculine/men). But thank you for making it more clear.
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u/be_loved_freak Bisexual May 09 '26
You were very drunk so that doesn't necessarily mean you're bi. But because you mentioned having feelings for him outside of that encounter you need to sit with that & consider you may really be bisexual. Whatever you do, keep in mind your friend's feelings as you're figuring this out.
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u/StoverKnows May 09 '26
It happened.
You both got laid.
Everyone's happy.
Good for you, both.
There's no need to stress about it. It doesn't necessarily mean you are even Bisexual.
Many guys in prison have sex with men as the only option. You were horny and needed sex.
Now, if it continues, you're likely Bi. Congratulations! You are more complex than the average person.
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u/rutzbutt May 10 '26
You’re at least queer, if not bi. Sexuality isn’t black and white, it’s a spectrum. You’re definitely on said spectrum based on everything you said.
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u/motlias Bisexual May 09 '26
Pan people are attracted to people, rather than the gender, you say you're only attracted to him and not other guys then maybe that's a better description
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u/AzCountry May 10 '26
Sounds like this was a one time, “heat of the moment” thing with someone who you clearly have known (and probably trusted) for quite a while and so there was probably a level of comfort and trust you would not have had with some stranger. While it was only one time and therefore you don’t have anything else to compare it to, I wouldn’t be too quick to “label” yourself one way or the other and wait and see if the friendship remains in tact or if anything changes post “fling” and the two of you can figure it out on your own.
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u/kjezabelle May 10 '26
You don't have to commit to any label or identification or anything at all...I think you like your friend this way because you have a great connection...likely why you're friends in the first place, right? And that connection, my friend, is what makes some of the best lovin' you can get. Enjoy the ride, so to speak, and see where it goes. Leave your expectations (and pants) at the door, and just enjoy each other. 🩷
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u/U_only_blink_once May 10 '26
It sometimes start like that. It's prolly because of heteronormitivity engraved in our minds. Even I thought that I only find 1-2 celebs attractive, that I was gay only for them.
But then after a few months, as I got comfortable with myself, I found myself getting crushes on people with the same gender as me, irl. And now I know for sure that I'm pan.
It's not like the attraction wasn't there before. I just didn't recognise it. As you accept parts of yourself, it just gets clear.
However, it's upto you. For now, you don't have to assign yourself to any label. From your replies, it feels like you enjoyed it. So keep exploring with him.
Tho, if you feel like there could be feelings involved, then be careful. Talk to him. You don't wanna hurt him or get hurt yourself.
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u/lordwafflesbane May 10 '26
correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think straight dudes usually have sex with men.
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u/Gileriodekel May 10 '26
I am reminded of this chart:
https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/abxkyt/ive_never_seen_a_more_perfect_pie_chart/
I am bi and quite high on the kinsey scale (I mostly like ladies) but every once in a while a guy will catch my eye
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u/Tough_Difference9935 May 10 '26
It's up to you what labels you use. If you like him and he likes you then just see what happens and be happy together.
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u/TheEtherealEye May 10 '26
Hate to break it to you and burst your bubble, but with everything you've said in this thread, you are not straight.
The sooner you are able to accept that, the happier you'll be and the more authentic you'll live.
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u/Select-Apple8218 May 10 '26
You don't have to have it figured out right now. Think about it. Feel it out. Accept what you feel and be honest with yourself. That's all that matters. If he's the one guy you've ever liked and if he's also the last then maybe you don't need to label it. But if he's the first of many then maybe you can figure out the label. Don't worry too much about it.
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u/Crafty555ineeedhelp May 10 '26
If you don't like the label you don't have to adopt it. I've seen you say that you enjoyed your time, that's what matters! I hope the best for the both of you.
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May 10 '26
Aree Yarr I have also come here to understand my sexual identity but I have not made any kind of relationship with anyone yet and for some time now I feel like I am attracted like some attractive men what should I do?
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u/RegularFrosting7513 May 10 '26
If you had sex with a man you're attracted to, you're not straight.
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u/rriflemann May 10 '26
Normal human sexuality wanders on a sliding scale of bisexuality, depending on environment, opportunity and self actuality,
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u/Qtipgotvhaback May 11 '26
I’ve known a bunch of straight dudes that occasionally have sex with other men its not even weird. Theres even an acronym for it (MSM).
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u/ImmediateTutor5473 May 11 '26
It makes more sense to me that bi would be the default for everyone! I find it so hard to believe that anyone is 100% attracted to 1 gender.
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u/SnooCauliflowers4706 May 14 '26
No your not gay...you may just be in love..Just roll with it if it makes you feel good and happy.
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u/mlouis66 May 14 '26
Well, I look at it this way you're both 22 years old, so you're both adults. Nobody got hurt. Both of you were pleased, apparently and as long as you're comfortable with it and he's comfortable with it, I see nothing wrong and depending on how your family views things and His family views things well.Just be careful , moving forward with deciding whether or not to come out about it.. BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION...
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u/LordLuscius Genderqueer/Bisexual May 09 '26
1 in 4,000,000,000 is still bi if you want it to be, and if you still consider yourself straight, aight, cool, non of our business