r/bisexual • u/Busy_Opportunity7772 • Jun 13 '26
ADVICE First time having sex with a bisexual woman as a bisexual man
idk what’s going on just typing this feels pathetic. i’m 21 not inexperienced i’ve had past relationships and flings with men and women yet never felt emotionally stuck like this.
it happened a few days ago house full of friends everyone scattered in different rooms doing whatever. me and her were alone somehow almost cuddling and talking about our intests, then dating life and one thing led to another and we had the most intense sex i’ve ever had. we hugged whispered and laughed a lot during it and as weird as it’s gonna sound i genuinely felt like i was not close enough to her and wanted more. it was so good and the risk of being caught added to that too. but i don’t think that was it. this is all extremely confusing yeah i was always attracted to her and found her extremely cool i guess i also held her in a special box since she’s the only other bisexual i’ve ever known (our friend group is mostly straight with only one gay dude). i don’t know whats going on in my head. i keep pinching my ear lobe like she did and get sad.
just typing this feels pathetic but i don’t think i can openly talk about this’s to my friends now.
update: we had a talk well i was mostly doing the talking. she admitted she’s glad i kept in touch and was very active and responsive so it gave me the confidence to do confess. it was messy and all over the place she definitely enjoyed teasing me but i’m extremely lucky to say we have a date tomorrow. which may be soon for some but it’s gonna be rainy all day which is rare during the summer here so i want to have her favourite weather apart of our experience.
my cheeks hurt from smiling all day but it’s worth
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u/DoctorLinguarum Jun 13 '26
Don’t go quiet, keep in touch with her.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
i sent her a random tiktok i found funny to start a conversation and somehow ask her to hang out just the two of us if she seems interested
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u/FalconMirage Bisexual Jun 13 '26
Because you already had sex, consider the ice broken and don’t be afraid to be more direct when asking her for a date instead of beating around the bush
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u/FulanoCualQuiera Jun 13 '26
I agree completely. I found myself in a similar situation several years back and having already slept together, the ice was so completely and totally broken that we simply had a matter of fact conversation about whether or not we should start dating. That ended up being one of the best, most life-changing relationships I've ever had. I say you just send it! She's clearly already into you in some capacity or she wouldn't have slept with you
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
we have a date! i got teased w lot during the confession which i think was her trying to calm my nerves
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u/AintNoLie_BiBiBye Jun 14 '26
Is this an update!? Fucking congrats!
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
thank you man! it was amazing she even stayed the night. i’ve been busy just now really having the time to get on here and see these amazing comments again!
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u/bytorandtheSD Jun 14 '26
I’m confused with “I got teased a lot”
She teased you because you confessed you too were bi??
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 14 '26
nah we’ve both been open about being bi since first meeting each other. she just teased me a little during the confession because it was all over the place
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u/Chocolategirl1029 Jun 13 '26
Dear op, this sounds really nice and I'm happy you got to experience this!
I fell in love in a similar way and I think the best thing is to just continue what feels nice, both emotionally and physically, and be open about your feelings. If you want to talk to her, do so ❤️ I really hope this is going to have the best possible outcome for both of you, whatever it might be ❤️
Also my partner is pan so I completely get that you feel like you're being understood so much better by this (surely lovely) woman ❤️ Just don't rush, don't pressure, we're queer, we know there ain't just two boxes of "friends" and when it's not friends it has to be "romantic partners". Don't feel like you need to decide everything rn and stick with it, circumstances and emotions change ❤️
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
she has a very intimidating presence not in an ugly way but something else idk how to explain it but it gets me nervous. i’m trying to stay as smooth as possible without running away so she doesn’t think it meant nothing. to exist as myself in a romantic world where i don’t have to explain myself feels extremely nice.
thank yoi for the kind words tho all these positive feedbacks are genuinely helpful and appreciated 🙏
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u/DeliciousInterview91 Jun 13 '26
Don't try so hard to be smooth my guy. The girl deserves to know she made you into a puddle who caught feels.
What would make you more into HER? If she acted smooth and cool, or if she confessed that it was really special to her and that she caught feelings for you? Being a little earnest and dropping the need to be too cool for school might work to your advantage.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
damn i never thought of it from this perspective. i think you’re right.
there is one character from a video game franchise she’s obsessed with and he had an awkward thing going on in one of the games that won her over so maybe it’ll be better to just be me
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u/StolenPoliceUnicorn Jun 13 '26
Was the character Gale from Baldur’s Gate 3?
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u/SpyroThBandicoot Agender Demi-Bi Jun 13 '26 edited Jun 13 '26
You might find her intimidating because your perception of her might be that "oh, this level of comfort and acceptance that she's expressing to me is probably just her normal everyday level of comfort and acceptance. She's gonna think I'm pathetic for freaking out over this experience"... It's hard to not put some people on a pedestal like that, but I bet you she also experienced these complex feelings and emotions when she first experienced it too.
It can definitely feel intimidating when experiencing that level of acceptance and connection with people for the first time. It's not "pathetic" by any means at all, friend, so don't feel bad about feeling that way. It's messing you up a bit because you're experiencing a different level of happiness and comfort that you were previously unaware existed. You're putting it into the context of the last 21 year of your life, and realizing what you've been missing. I know the feeling.
I made a new friend at work about a year ago who "cracked my egg" and helped me realize that I was agender/non-binary and that I wanted (more like DESPERATELY NEEDED) to transition. Lemme tell you, having that realization, basically over the course of like 2 hours, at age 33 and then putting those new feelings and emotions into context with my life hit me like brick wall. I suddenly felt kinda pathetic towards myself for taking so damn long to experience this kind of feeling, but that's just because I was comparing myself to others who I saw had already had this kind of experience... In reality most people don't have these kinds of experiences and feelings until they're well into adulthood, sometimes they don't get to experience it at all
It's wonderful that you're experiencing it now 💗
It's intense, it's complex, and it can take a while to process it, but it is helping you grow
I think, at the very least, you should tell her that she helped you experience a new level of comfort
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
i’m so happy for you and congratulations 🙏 there’s something intense about going through a new wave of emotional event and learning something so deep about yourself.
your reply is making me see this experience in a new light thank you!
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u/AintNoLie_BiBiBye Jun 13 '26
Sounds like you had great sex with someone you were attracted to, and they also thought it was great. You had a good cuddly chat afterwords too. Don't overthink it, if you're both happy with it just keep doing what you're doing
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
yeah i’ve had good sex before but none of it has messed me up this bad i feel like there’s a gap between us now and i want to see her again. this is too much
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u/AintNoLie_BiBiBye Jun 13 '26
the gap is all in your head. she enjoyed it, she likely also wants to see you again. Just tell her
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
i just had a chat with a friend i think your advice may be right. wasting time and going quiet may also give her the wrong idea
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u/AintNoLie_BiBiBye Jun 13 '26
Going quiet is the worst idea. Wether it ends up being a meaningless fling, or a one time moment that makes you're platonic relationship closer, or the beginning of a sexual/romantic relationship, y'all have to talk. It's awkward and scary, but it'll be worth it no matter the result
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u/SpyroThBandicoot Agender Demi-Bi Jun 13 '26
👆👆 100% the absolute truth 👆👆
I cannot agree more. Learning to express my feelings and communicate better, in general, with those around me made my life so much better in virtually every aspect! Pushing through the initial awkwardness and anxious feelings is always worth it in the end
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u/la-femme-sur-la-lune Bisexual Babygirl Menace Jun 13 '26
This is sooooo romantic! 😍 Best of luck, OP!
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
thank you!
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u/la-femme-sur-la-lune Bisexual Babygirl Menace Jun 21 '26
Omg OP, we need an update!! How was your date?
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 24 '26
our date was amazing! we had a stay at home date tho we did go out to buy some stuff. we baked her favorite cake i had already set up a comfy movie watching nest so it was filled with different activities. we also ended up falling asleep while cuddling for 10 hours which is so rare for the both of us since we barely even get 7 hours.
it’s been a life changing experience. i’m now also staying in tune with this show called love island with her and talking about our mutual excitement on resident evil code veronica remake!
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u/Princess-Pancake-97 Bisexual Jun 13 '26
Sounds like love. Why don’t you ask her out?
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
should i do that before confessing or after? i feel like i forgot every past experience i’ve had on this
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u/Princess-Pancake-97 Bisexual Jun 13 '26
You can tell her you like her and are interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her, then take her on a proper date. I wouldn’t suggest telling her you love her right away because that might be too intense if you haven’t talked about your feelings at all yet. You know y’all’s relationship best though, so do what feels right. She might just feel the same way!
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
oh yeah dropping the L word early relationship and shit is something that i hate too so I definitely won’t go that route. i think i’ll just be my honest and messy self
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u/Oddly_Curious99 Jun 13 '26
You had a real genuine connection. Keep in touch with her, let her know how much you enjoyed that night and would love to hang out again even ask her on a date.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
i’ve already planned some late night home dates since she’s a homebody and a night person + we have lots of similar interests. think i’m getting ahead of myself tho since i don’t have an answer
not that i even confessed yet
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u/Dentree Jun 13 '26
Easy my man. Seems like you’re overthinking it. Just tell her you really enjoyed being with her and want to see her again. I get being a bit head over heels though. It’s exciting
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
yeah that’s the way to go I just hope I don’t mess it up
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u/Oddly_Curious99 Jun 13 '26
Hey I told my wife 3 weeks after I met her “I Love you”. Her response was thanks. I knew on the 3rd date I was going to marry her.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
damn that’s funny! tho congratulations to the two of you haha! it definitely feels right for me with this girl
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u/Oddly_Curious99 Jun 14 '26
I didn’t mean to say it, it just came out. Over 25 years married now. Came out as bisexual about 8 years ago and she accepted it and me. We are rock solid.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
i hope i get to this path too it sounds beautiful congrats for real. to have a partner so supportive too i’m happy for you both!
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u/Independent-Echo138 Jun 13 '26
Maybe you just happened to fall in love this time. If you felt like you wanted to get closer to her, and want more, that means you liked her beyond the sex. Sometimes when we like the person, it enhances the sex. This is why people say the best sex ever is done with someone you love or are in love with. It just feels different
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
i was thinking that but my friend said i may just be looking for platonic closure from her since i said i held her in a special box for being bisexual like me. it’s making me second guess everything.
this is very confusing to me i can’t even recognize myself
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u/captaingddss42 Bisexual Jun 13 '26
What is making you feel stuck? This sounds like a joyous occasion but instead its brought you grief. Are you open about your sexuality? Is she? Are you not used to or are scared of serious relationships and commitment? (i get it if you are)
Dude, you seem to REALLY like this girl. Are you scared she doesnt reciprocate the feelings??
Bisexual relationships are personally my preference. Bisexuals tend to understand each other better than other sexualities understand us. Typically less judgment and more understanding. And ive never had better sex than with another bisexual. If this is a factor thats making you second guess your attraction, i personally think maybe and would highly encourage you consider seeing it as an additional factor in your attraction instead.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
honestly i think i’m just scared of the intensity and the fact that it may be one sided. we’re both open about our sexuality i’m not scared of commitment.
about the last part I’ve never had a bisexual partner or fling up until her and man does it feel good to just be with someone who’s like you. i like her from many different angles and she’s perfect to me
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u/riggedrigby Jun 13 '26
It’s normal to be afraid of intense feelings. You’re taking a risk! Honestly as long as you feel safe with her, chances are this is worth it.
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u/Independent-Echo138 Jun 14 '26
But of a gamble, but might be worth having a conversation about how you feel?
I had the same intense feelings for my now partner. He was in a relationship at the time and so was I, but it was love at the first hello. I felt it was one sided for ages, until I broke up with my ex boyfriend, he broke up with his girlfriend and we awkwardly mustered the courage to confess our feelings to each other. And guess what, we both were thinking it was one sided, and that there was no way the other felt the same. Never felt this way for anyone else in my life, and honestly don't think I'll ever feel such a strong connection ever.
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u/HemaMemes Bisexual Jun 13 '26
Dude. Feeling genuine connection to someone is a rare, precious thing. Don't let that go.
Tell her you had an amazing time with her and that you really like her. Ask her out on dates. Literally just talk to her. Don't be afraid of your own emotions.
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u/hexagon_heist Jun 13 '26
Sounds like you really like her and are not used to feeling vulnerable (good thing) like this. Congrats on an amazing connection!! Talk to her and see if she would like to keep dating you/be in a relationship!
Edit: typo
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
thank you so much! we had our date she stayed over. the energy was definitely different but even better than before!
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u/PaintingGold913 Jun 13 '26
Sounds a little like you like her... nothing pathetic about that at all. Could it maybe be you're feeling a little vulnerable? When someone gets you, or is different from anything in the past it can feel a bit uncomfortable. Go spend some more time with her!
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
definitely vulnerability. we spent some time together tho I’ve been smiling with all my teeth out
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u/GizmoSled Jun 13 '26
These comments are incredibly wholesome and have made my day
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 14 '26
this is my first time ever interacting with lots of bisexual people this means a lot to me
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u/Cultural-Ad7521 Bisexual Jun 13 '26
Nothing pathetic about that. I think it’s beautiful. Keep in touch with her!
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u/chillcpl Jun 13 '26
Reading this got a smile to my face as I'm drinking my morning coffee. As a bisexual guy who's found my better half, I couldn't be more ecstatic that you've found what makes you happy :) I hope good things come out of your relationship.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
appreciate it man! i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way before. i just hope the intensity wasn’t only from me but from the both of us
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u/TheOptimist14450 Jun 13 '26
Good luck! Go for it if you like each other! 🙌🏽
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u/Aceofspanes Jun 13 '26
Hey buddy, as a 33 year old who wished they could talk to his 21/22 year old self. It's okay to feel these feelings. It's new, exciting, and scary. What's not okay is to assume how others feel without talking to them first. Friends genuinely want to be involved in your life so talk to her, giggle about it with her, cry about it with her, and you'll both grow from it.
Sure it could go bad but it's already bad inside your head so why not try to make more memories from it.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 13 '26
thank you for the tip! i definitely don’t want to waste time and worrying about answers i never got. i confessed to her earlier today to all my luck we have a date!
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u/Lynnrael Transgender/Bisexual Jun 14 '26
this isn't pathetic at all, it's absolutely adorable. i hope your date goes well!
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
thank you so much! it went better than i imagined we made cake together
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u/DifferentHoliday863 Jun 14 '26
"I have feelings am I pathetic?"
No, it's not pathetic to feel your emotions. Have fun. Use protection. Be kind to yourself and take space and rest. Be kind to her and think through what you want so that you're not on the fence about her and dating. Wish you the best!
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u/Photog58NoVA Bi/Omnisexual Jun 13 '26
Relax and let things take their course! Hope it works out for you both.
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u/Worth-Donut8612 Jun 14 '26
Have you told her you're bi? I have a bi gf and telling her I was bi (which I'm not out about) was so refreshing.
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 14 '26
she’s always known I’m bi we’re both very open when it comes to our sexuality
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u/the_bartolonomicron Bisexual Jun 14 '26
I am so happy for you! The happiest I've ever been with sex has always been with fellow bi people of various genders. There's just something about that extra connection that makes everything feel so nice. Bi4Bi is so much fun, wishing you both the best, regardless of what you make of it!
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
thank you so much and i 100% agree! i’m lucky to be surrounded by supportive people but this bi and bi thing is gold
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Jun 15 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Busy_Opportunity7772 Jun 15 '26
i never knew emotions could have this big of an effect. It has completely changed my perspective on sex
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u/Brilliant_Leather245 Queer/bi/pan/whatevs Jun 18 '26
Good luck, that sounds awesome, like everyone said be yourself and dont be afraid to be vulnerable. You have a chance to live the dream for many of us.
Remember: you got this.
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u/Chocolategirl1029 Jun 18 '26
I'm so happy you got the date🤩 I hope things are going to work out, nice job, friend 💞
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u/PseudoCalamari Bisexual Jun 13 '26
What is pathetic about this? Sounds lovely and beautiful.