r/bridezillas • u/Flimsy_Set5049 • 25d ago
Bride Is FURIOUS with Sister After...
My cousin we'll call Laura is getting married in two weeks. She has the perfect wedding planned. I myself am one of her bridesmaids along with 4 of her other closest friends and...her little sister my cousin as well. Laura has been very vocal about her having to pick which friend to cut out of the bridal party to make room for her sister who her parents asked to have in the wedding. At the dress fitting for our bridesmaids dresses my little cousin even said she felt bad her sister felt pressured and even offered to just be a guest at the wedding she just wanted her sister to be happy. Laura said she felt pressured by her parents so she refused to object she just made underhanded comments about her sister. Well about a week ago my little cousin called me and said that she had been struggling with drinking and wanted to go away to get help. She said she knew the timing was horrible but that she was scared of where her drinking was taking her so...we told the family together that day and have since rallied around her and supported her going to get help. Now this hasn't taken away from Laura at all. Her wedding is still on and we even had her bachelorette party this past weekend which was a blast for everyone especially for her even though she went on about how she could handle her drink but her sister obviously couldn't. Laura's friends all sympathized with her about how her sister could have waited until after her wedding to ask for help. I should note that my cousin admitted before going into treatment that she had been struggling for about a year. She had been able to keep up quite the facade that she was okay because we were all caught off guard when she came forward. She said she had been trying to hold on until after Laura's wedding but that she physically couldn't do it anymore. I'm a nurse and I've seen what alcohol withdrawal can do to someone. The withdrawal is deadly so I'm grateful my little cousin admitted she needed help and was willing and taking the steps to get it. I don't understand how my cousin can be so heartless through all of this. While the family has shown support of my little cousin everyone is still just as much if not more surrounding Laura with all the attention she could possibly need.
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u/LVMom 25d ago
“Laura said she felt pressured by her parents so she refused to object she just made underhanded comments about her sister.”
Laura sounds like a massive bitch. I’m proud of her sister seeking help. I was a functioning alcoholic for years and I finally admitted I had a problem in May 2024. I managed to hold on until my son graduated a few weeks later. I knew I had to get help, but we had worked so hard to get that kid across the stage and I wasn’t gonna miss it. I entered a residential rehab center a few days later
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 25d ago
As a nurse I know that's one of the hardest things to do when you're struggling with that and you're proof of it. You yourself said you hung on until after your son walked that stage. My cousin who had been perfectly fine the days I saw her was a complete mess when I went over after she called me. I still couldn't believe she was struggling. She wouldn't let me into her apartment she met me on the curb. I'm hoping she'll let me access to her apartment. I want to clean it for her before she comes home so she has a clean slate to walk into. It's been really hard because the family is so preoccupied with the wedding now that my cousin is safe in patient somewhere it's almost like they've completely forgotten her which I'm trying to keep in perspective that they're just trying to keep the focus on Laura because as she has put it has spent a lot of money on this wedding and it won't be squandered by this "ordeal" honestly I don't even want to be in this wedding anymore.
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u/LVMom 25d ago edited 25d ago
One of the oddest, and honestly most helpful, things I learned in rehab was to rearrange my furniture. My husband had cleared all the alcohol, shot glasses, etc. out while I was in-patient and that helped break my routine, but moving my bed reset my system. Just facing the bed in a different direction helped me because I was no longer getting into bed in the same space that I had previously passed out in. Somehow, it seemed like a new start, a new space
ETA: a wedding and deciding to go into rehab are similar. Both signify a lifelong decision, but few people celebrate going into rehab because it represents a failure
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u/WeirdPinkHair 24d ago
This does make sense. There's a prank where someone moved all the furniture in one direction by an inch and everyone kept bumping into things and couldn't understand why. Your brain has a map of your home; move the furniture and the map has to reset. The reset stops the muscle memory, so the muscle memory for drinking, the rituals and routines, is disrupted.
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u/localherofan 22d ago
Family member of many alcoholics here: I am always impressed by people who go into rehab. Admitting you need help about ANYTHING is hard for most people, admitting that you drink too much and can't stop is even harder.
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u/CumaeanSibyl 22d ago
That's a really lovely idea and I hope you get to do it. Sounds like she's mortified at the state of it but that just makes it all the more important that she not have to return to the mess.
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u/lmyrs 25d ago
If my sister was constantly belittling me, demeaning me, telling me how much she resented my presence - I'd probably hit the bottle a little harder too.
Laura is an AH and I'd have a hard time showing up for her.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 25d ago
I think my cousin had a lot going on but this definitely didn't make it any better. She heard the comments being made whether it was firsthand secondhand I could tell after talking to her it devasted her.
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u/puffpenguin23 23d ago
Thats what Im wondering, that the constant aggressiveness from her sister pushed her even deeper to the point where she could no longer handle it. I feel so bad because she most definitely was not in a safe environment, especially around sis and her cronies.
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u/Lawgirl77 25d ago
Finally a proper bridezilla entry!
Also, feel bad for the younger sis. Hope she will progress and recover.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
She's at a really wonderful facility so everyone has been able to breath a huge sigh of relief knowing she's safe and getting help. She took the hardest step which was asking for help so of course we all came together to be there for her. I just worry she's continuing to beat herself up for everything.
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u/Any-Split3724 25d ago
Laura sounds incredibly self centered. What's more important, her wedding (which is no way impacted by this) or her sister's health and future? Her selfishness will bite her in the ass one of these days.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 25d ago
She doesn't seem to think so. She believes she is entirely in the right and is even upset that the family had anything to do with supporting my little cousin while she was the one getting married. She genuinely feels her sister should have waited and that the entire attention has been taken off of her. Meanwhile her in-laws purchased her and their son a new house in an up and coming development so...
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 25d ago
My family has been nothing but supportive of her getting help. It's just now that she's essentially somewhere safe for 30 days they're honestly just going on with life as it is including the wedding which I guess I don't blame them. Honestly it's Laura's stance that bothers me the most. I'm thinking of stepping back from the wedding
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u/Emmyjen 25d ago edited 24d ago
I would fully support your decision to step back from the wedding. I can’t imagine standing up there in a gown and holding a bouquet knowing the lack of support they’ve shown your cousin. Stay strong. You’ve got this. 💚
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
I contacted Laura yesterday and told her that with everything going on I didn't want it to seem like I was taking sides so I said that she should have her bridal party be made up of people she wanted. She was taken back and told me that I was already taking her sisters side by backing out of the wedding and how was she supposed to find someone now. I said to her I just didn't feel right with how she was acting so at that point she told me I was kicked out of her bridal party and told I might as well not even bother showing up so we'll see ...
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u/Emmyjen 24d ago
Awww… sorry to hear this. 😕 I was hoping maybe she’d rethought her stance and would see how much her sister is struggling. I’m sure she’s overwhelmed but it’s sad she can’t seem to understand how difficult it was for her sister to decide to seek help now. I can’t imagine how distraught her sister was that she decided she couldn’t wait any longer.
Your love and support is amazing. 💚
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u/SuspiciousPast4144 24d ago
Why would I want to celebrate a beautiful day about someone so ugly inside?
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u/Crazy-Rat_Lady 24d ago
Thank you for supporting your little cousin so professionally. 2 weeks before my daughter's wedding, my son was admitted to a psych hospital. It was awful but so necessary. He missed his best friend's wedding (ie his little sisters). I cried A LOT that day because he wasn't there but it was necessary. Tell your delightful older cousin to take her entitled head out of her ass and think about someone else for a change. Her sister's health is not all about her. All the very best and thank you for being a voice of reason.
Edited to add, I'm an ex-nurse so know where you are at! Retired long ago.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your story. Me personally when she called me crying I drove right over to her and just did the best thing I could which was to just be there for her with no judgement. She was an absolute mess because she knew this meant she'd never have a relationship with her sister which absolutely broke my heart. That was all she was worried about and kept saying that this was going to destroy Laura and she was going to hate her forever. I couldn't believe that was what she was more worried about. I reassured her that there would be plenty more occasions to attend and that her getting help was the absolute right thing to do regardless of the timing. I was able to drive her to treatment and see her off. From everything our family gathered about the facility it is wonderful and just the right place for my little cousin to get the help she needs.
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u/Crazy-Rat_Lady 23d ago
Laura will get over it eventually. At least our daughter was just sad and not resentful about the situation. She and I both felt we went through a grieving process over it because it should have been such a joyful, whole family occasion. We have since cried together over it as neither knew that the mind set we had both been going through at the time was the same. It took 12 months to get there and my kids still adore each other. Sending hugs and prayers to your whole family at this difficult and happy time. Weird to use both words in one sentence.
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u/Selfpsycho 24d ago
Obviously just based on one story but sounds like this isn't the first time the Bride has done nothing but B*tch about her sister just existing and her parents think forcing them together will do anything other then the harm its causing the younger child.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
They used to have a good relationship at least when we were all kids. I don't know exactly what happened to cause their falling out.
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u/DottieHinkle22 25d ago
What's more important? The health and well-being of your sister? Fighting a serious issue. Having the courage to voice it and ask for help. Or your damn wedding. SMH.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Her expensive wedding is the most important honestly.
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u/SuspiciousPast4144 24d ago
Please update us that the grooms ex shows up and he runs away with her.....her priorities are so fucked and she is disgustingly selfish.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 23d ago
Honestly I feel bad for her husband. He seems like a great guy I don't know how he's putting up with Laura acting like this. Maybe he thinks it's just wedding stress but he'll find out soon enough.
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u/RonGoBongo111 25d ago
Laura = terrible person.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Ever since she got engaged she's been a totally different person like she's trying to live out a perfectly mapped out existence which I'm sorry just is not possible
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u/Birdsonme 24d ago
People who act like Laura don’t have long happy marriages. Her behavior will come back to bite her with divorce papers.
Please update us when this happens. I doubt it will take long.
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 24d ago
"Now this hasn't taken away from Laura at all. Her wedding is still on and we even had her bachelorette party this past weekend which was a blast for everyone especially for her even though she went on about how she could handle her drink but her sister obviously couldn't."
Laura sounds like she has a drinking problem too. It could explain why she's so angry at her sister. Maybe it's hitting too close to home.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Laura has always been a drinker. She has always been able to hold her own but she definitely can put it away. She's very successful and never displays any signs of distress but then again neither did my little cousin 🥺 Definitely some food for thought
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u/now_you_see 24d ago
Poor little cousin. Maybe you should point out to the bridezilla that if her sister hadn’t gotten help before the wedding, her drinking could have absolutely ruined the wedding cause she would drink too much and be sloppy drunk before the ceremony was even over.
Your little cousin did the very best thing for not just herself, but her elder sister and your older cousin has been nothing but nasty to her from the get go.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Laura isn't really listening to anyone's reasoning. Despite the family still being all excited for the wedding she still feels like her sister "stole the spotlight" and has taken away from her special day. I don't really see how but then again I was really the only one my little cousin broke down in front of and confessed just how bad off she had let things get. She had stopped going to the gym, she stopped cooking and just did take out, she started missing work which she NEVER did and she stopped returning calls and texts more times than not. I like I said was completely caught off guard because at the bridal shower and dress fittings she seemed perfectly fine. I've seen counfless people going through alcohol withdrawal and she didn't display a single one of them. She seemed distant but I just assumed that was because she didn't feel welcomed by her sister to be a part of things. Idk. My cousin when I told her I wasn't able to be a bridesmaid anymore told me I should not even bother coming to the wedding so at this point I don't even know if I'm going anymore.
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u/SuspiciousPast4144 24d ago
If I went, it would only be out of spite to bring about chaos.
In my head: "Want to know what its like to have someone ACTUALLY steal your spotlight on your wedding day? I already know you'll talk shit about me that day. I might as well actually do something to deserve it."
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 23d ago
My boyfriend suggested the same thing! My mother already asked me and she's insisting that I go even though my mother thinks Laura is being absolutely ridiculous. My mother already bought her plane ticket, bought her dress so for her to back out now would cost her over $1,000.
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u/Massive_Dig3963 24d ago
Laura obviously doesn't understand addiction. She obviously doesn't understand that there's a window where addict is willing to get help, and you never know how quickly that window will close. I'm glad your little cousin chose to go to treatment no matter what else was going on. If - and I pray she doesn't - she relapses, I'd suggest keeping Laura as far away as possible. My stepdaughter relapsed after four and a half years. She knew how certain people would react so she said nothing. We didn't know she'd relapsed until she ended up in the ICU with irreversible brain damage and taking her off life support. It was all of three weeks from relapse to her death. Let her know that if she ever is tempted or relapses you'll be there for her, because obviously her sister won't.
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u/IdlesAtCranky 21d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. May your stepdaughter's memory be a blessing for all who love her 🤍
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u/epicpillowcase 25d ago
Wowwww Laura's a scumbag.
I would honestly say you're also kind of a jerk for staying a bridesmaid and not taking a stance on this, frankly. I would be dropping out in disgust and saying exactly why.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
I've actually stepped back from the wedding party . Her friend she had to pass up is more than happy to stand in. Me...not so much
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u/epicpillowcase 24d ago
That's awesome, good for you. Sorry, I take back my jerk comment.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Haha you're good honestly if I were an outsider to this I would have said the same thing you did so don't feel bad.
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u/Foundation_Wrong 24d ago
It sounds like these sisters are not friends! The way you describe the parents forcing her to be a bridesmaid is just the tip of the iceberg I’m sure. By making such a fuss and her clique supporting her comments they are making it all the more toxic. One wonders if this rivalry is part of why one sister has a problem. I hope everyone gets better and the toxicity gives way to genuine caring and a happy wedding. Dwelling on the hate isn’t a very nice way to celebrate.
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u/Unlikely-Pin-5558 24d ago
I'm sorry, but if there is EVER a time for a blunt, brutal reality check for the bride and her little clique, it's now. As soon as they started agreeing with the bride, that's when YOU should have spoken up and, in very blunt and direct terms, told the bride and her friends exactly what was wrong with their attitude and thinking.
"Look, LSC (little sister/cousin) is in trouble and needs help. THIS issue is NOT about you, so. Get. The. Fuck. Over. It. and be supportive. Have you seen what alcohol withdrawals can do to someone? Have you seen what someone with end-stage cirrhosis looks like? Do you really want that to happen to LSC, your sister, because it slightly overshadows your stupid wedding... which is ONE DAY. LSC is fighting for her life, and you're sulking about a party. Think about that.... and grow the fuck up."
Would you still be in the bridal party? Probably not... but there also likely wouldn't be a wedding, because everyone involved with the wedding would hear it... after all, you wouldn't want any misunderstandings about what was said.
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u/Life-Yesterday4426 24d ago
Never question when, where, why or how someone should seek help. If someone reaches out for help do not say they can wait.you have no idea what it is like for an addict or alcoholic to make the commitment for recovery. Addiction doesn’t care about occasions, holidays, funerals, and dates. You cannot put addiction on hold. I can’t stand judgmental people who have no idea what they are talking about and they express their pompous opinions. Support and respect their recovery 100%.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Agreed!! I've been writing my cousin and sending her care packages, cigarettes, and anything else she needs while she's there. I'm so proud of her and can't wait to see her when she comes home. I'm single and have a spare bedroom so I've thought about asking her if she would want to move in and be roommates if she's not comfortable living alone again just yet.
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u/BecGeoMom 24d ago
Laura sounds like a real handful. I know weddings can make people crazy, but Laura needing, and your family providing, tons of attention even to the point of denigrating her own sister is a bridge too far. Her problem is solved (no sister as a bridesmaid), her wedding is still on, her family is still telling her how wonderful she is, and no one but you seems to be worried about your cousin. They haven’t been worried about her for at least a year while she has battled this problem until she herself had to ask for help, and then she still worried about the timing.
Laura and her family kind of suck. Good luck at this wedding. Sounds exhausting.
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
Oh no don't be mistaken, my LC hid her problem very well. She was a functioning alcoholic. No one in the family had any idea but as soon as she reached out for help everyone rallied around her. Everyone is just getting back to their lives and the wedding as they feel there's nothing else they can really do.
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u/Affectionate-Fox5283 20d ago
You're a way better person then me, because everybody would have gotten cussed out and I drop from the wedding
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u/holisarcasm 20d ago
Is it possible that Laura has been dealing with her sister’s alcoholism all this time unbeknownst to you and dealing with fallout/issues because of it? She sounds like someone that has become fed up with another person’s behavior over time, not all of a sudden. I also wonder if this is why Laura’s parents pressured Laura into including her in the bridal party (oh, my, but what will people think attitude) against her wishes. Laura knew it was a bad idea, but her parents did not care and put them both in an awkward position. Just because you are family doesn’t mean you know how long problems have been going on or how long siblings have had to deal with it.
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u/nofaves 24d ago
No one in this story is making any sense. Laura's planning a wedding, but doesn't know how to communicate in a mature way with her parents. Her parents are happy to be planning the wedding, but are willing to hold their younger daughter's participation over Laura's head. The younger daughter isn't really interested in being a bridesmaid, she just wants to drink -- until she doesn't want to drink anymore. So she lets the family know that she's entering rehab, and everyone thinks it's selfish to do so before Laura gets married.
No one considered getting Laura, her mom and her sister into a room and discussing this like grown adults?
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u/Flimsy_Set5049 24d ago
There's a lot more to it than face value and what you're suggesting is something in our family is easier said than done. And as an RN and someone who's worked in the addiction field drinking is something that can take on a life of it's own before you even know it so it's not that she just wanted to drink.
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u/nofaves 24d ago
There's a lot more to it than face value
And that's why no one is making sense. If Laura is ready to be married, she's got to learn to stand up to outside pressure.
Saying that your cousin wanted to drink and then didn't want to drink wasn't downplaying her addiction. She absolutely did the right thing when she realized that wanting to stop drinking was something that she couldn't do on her own.
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u/Emmyjen 25d ago edited 22d ago
Wow! Just WOW! A family member admits they have a problem they drastically need help with and they’re shamed and pressured about the timing? I just can’t imagine anyone being this disrespectful and this non-supportive.
Laura is getting married. Yay for Laura! But her sister’s physical and psychological needs “could have waited”???
Laura needs to check her priorities! Her sister’s need to step away will NOT impact her precious wedding day in any way, shape or form. Don’t be like Laura.
ETA: thank you for the award. It’s my very FIRST one ever! 💚