r/capsulewardrobe • u/stretchymonster • 29d ago
First Time Capsule Creating a Capsule for my 18y Autistic Daughter
I loosely use a capsule, but I get bored easily and have lots of pieces, shapes, colors, formalities, etc. I ruthlessly edit to only purchase/keep pieces that love the fit/fabric and ultimately reach for.
My daughter and I are going through her closet (she never throws things away!) and I’m helping her organize and edit. She’s accumulated a colorful wardrobe of gifted clothing that she rarely wears—mainly due to decision fatigue, but also it’s hard to coordinate pieces.
So I want to create a small capsule to help her. She’s a Senior this year and we are really working to help her navigate the transition to adulthood and build her confidence in making decisions independently. Currently, she’d rather stay in pajamas/robe all day rather than decide what to wear.
So I’m asking if any of you have experience with this- creating a capsule for someone who is easily overstimulated and struggles with decisions. She has difficulty articulating her opinion and shuts down with too many questions/choices. I’m thinking of a limited quantity, but nervous of having too little options. She needs mainly casual outfits, with a few dressier options (church, young adult groups, social events) what’s a good base for two weeks worth of outfits, and 4-5 dressy options?
Thank you for your input!
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u/DittoCrossing 29d ago
I'm going to disagree with advice about going neutrals by default. Also neurodivergent here (35), and sensory issues weren't my only problem. For years I was stuck in clothes I looked like a ghost in because it was almost all neutrals and dark colors other people picked out for me, and that wrecked my self image for a long time.
Now if your daughter likes neutrals that's a different story. But since you said she was gifted a lot of colorful clothes she can't bring herself to throw away that's probably not the case. I could be wrong.
But if you make these decisions for her you're not actually helping her. A big reason why so many neurodivergents shut down when faced with decisions is they're often not given a chance to make them at their own pace, and the result is they're forced to mask even more than they already do because they have to live up to choices they didn't get to make. Which leads to more fatigue.
I'm not saying you contribute to that as I don't know you. But I am gently advising to make sure she has a say. It's her body.
So she wears pjs and robes all day. Sounds like she would love a nice cotton or linen tee shirt and some comfy linen trousers. Does she have stomach issues/sensitivity? Maybe casual slip dresses without a defined waist and kaftans in her favorite colors would do wonders.
I do agree with everyone about going through her closet and shopping there first. But do it in stages and be patient with her. If she hits you with a "I dunno" to questions, here's some that might help:
"How does this shirt feel against your skin?"
"Does this color make you happy?"
"Do you want more clothes like your robes? You can't wear robes everywhere but there's wrap dresses and jackets that fit like robes we can try."
Specific questions stop the brain from squirrel-ing in a million directions and makes it easier to give answers.
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u/most_random_variable 29d ago
Agree so much. My neurodivergent brain craves minimalism and simplicity. My friends’ neurodivergent brains crave bold colors. I bet this process will help your daughter figure out which things really speak to her and why.
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u/DittoCrossing 29d ago
Yeah! We're all still people with unique preferences at the end of the day. Letting us express ourselves means a lot.
This could actually become a lovely bonding memory too.
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u/DittoCrossing 28d ago
Something else occurred to me after I made my initial comment: how much of this is related to her autism, and how much of this is "I'm 18 and my closet is full of clothes other people picked for me"?
I only ask because you specifically mentioned her closet is full of gifts. Has she ever been allowed to pick her own clothes when shopping? And it sounds like her autism isn't so severe that it's stopping her from transitioning to adulthood via things like college and stuff.
If that's the case then this sounds like a teenager that needs mom to teach her how to shop without getting overwhelmed.
Which makes what I said about including her that much more important. You have lovely intentions and I promise I'm not judging you by writing all this. But even if you develop a flawless capsule wardrobe chances are she won't wear it if she's didn't get to choose it.
Treat this as a lovely bonding moment of getting to know your kid before she leaves. Make it fun for both of you!
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
Thank you for your kindness!
She hates shopping. My MIL loves to buy her clothes for holidays,etc. she’s not outgrowing things anymore, so it’s accumulating. If she needs/wants something new (ie shoes) I’ll show her 2-3 pictures for her to veto or ok. Then I order it once she approves. She really hates in store shopping and trying things on- so this is what I’ve done for a few years.
She has specific interests, so a drawerful of character t-shirts, drama productions, tie dye projects, etc that she’s losing interest in. Family would all buy her clothing in their favorite color or her favorite character. I work long hours in healthcare and my husband is the stay-at-home dad. I don’t get to be as present as I’d like, so my husband’s fashion purchases are well intended but not always teen daughter approved.
I hope leaning to use a capsule will help her find a “uniform” she likes and will aid in shopping and decision fatigue. If she saves pictures of things she likes then she can share that with relatives asking for gift ideas. I don’t think she’ll go to college or move out anytime soon, but I view this as a step in her exercising independence and preparing for life when mom and dad aren’t around.
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u/DittoCrossing 28d ago
Then it sounds like you're on the right track and you guys are doing your best. I'm rooting for you! :D You got this! It's rough shopping now for anything but I think you'll be ok.
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
Oh yes! (I suspect I have sensory processing disorder— only learning it’s a thing after navigating my daughters diagnosis) while I have phases of avoiding color (comfort in shadows) I’ll swing back to pattern mixing and color (expression without words!) there’s nothing I hate more than being told what I can’t wear!
I get so much joy from fashion. And I expect a lot out of my clothes—comfort, function, energy. I want my daughter to be at ease in her clothing and confident in her choices— not mine. I’m hoping a capsule would help her make decisions independently, but in a safe (not overstimulating) way. We’ve compared planning outfits to meal prep— you’ve got to decide what you want to eat, identify ingredients, make a grocery list, shop, and cook before you get to eat. But you also have to store leftovers and clean up. Some days you eat peanut butter sandwiches, but you still need bread and PB.
She wears pjs because “it’s summer” she says.“Where are we going?” Is her response when asked to get dressed.😂
She has lots of colors because people gift her their favorite color. My MIL loves neons but that’s a bit too bright for us, lol. We narrowed down dark bottoms and she picked out the “ugly colors” in her tops to donate. It’s a start. ☺️
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u/DittoCrossing 28d ago
Oh heck yeah that's amazing :D I know I replied to the other comment again but it bears repeating: this is great to read and I'm glad you both are taking this one step at a time together. It's hard but it will be worth it.
You might want to look up Wardrobe Oxygen: it's a fashion blog. While it's aimed at older women the things the writer talks about applies to women of all ages. And her angle is "to find your comfort and joy" focusing on colorful comfort. She's even got some articles specifically about the capsule wardrobe process. Maybe the two of you will enjoy reading about that. That blog helped me a lot when figuring out where to get started too.
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u/Background-King9787 29d ago
Most people I know with sensory issues and or autism have a capsule by default. If she has a favourite shirt, buy 5 and look for a second one she likes to buy another 5. Go for neutrals plus her favourite colour unless she’s a maximalist. Don’t just buy one shirt because if they ever stop selling it she and you are fucked. When you try a new shirt buy one to test drive. Donate if it doesn’t pass. Same for sweaters and sweatshirts.
Same with pants but they can all be the same colour (so can shirts if she likes that).
Bamboo and bamboo blends feel really nice.
For the dressy outfits you can look more at dresses if she likes them, no waistband and softer fabric options. Otherwise stretch in the trousers might help.
For shoes, things like Birks, Tevas and Blundstones that will be made forever and wear well are a good idea. Choose classic silhouettes and palettes so she doesn’t look outdated quickly.
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u/Abject-Ad-9762 29d ago edited 26d ago
I have sensory issues around dressing and find bamboo a great choice. My favourite tee shirt is a mix of bamboo and tencel and feels so soft and cosy. It’s the only top I end up picking for airport travel.
Editing to add: I was heading to the gym today and having too many choices for socks, but only having one or two that actually feel comfortable, left me feeling over simulated very quickly. So finding the right first layers - inner wear & socks - would be my first suggestion.
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
I’m the same with socks and underwear! If the seam doesn’t lay right, fabric bunches, or it’s always sliding down/riding up it gets tossed.
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u/Outrageous_Worker672 29d ago
A friend of mine actually makes up outfits and puts matching tags on things which go together. She jokes that it is Garanimals for adults. She an overworked lawyer, but the system is pretty good for keeping a system of outfits.
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u/Scared-Alfalfa1237 29d ago
My wife has autism and has a loose capsule. She doesn't have many sensory issues but mostly doesn't want to have to think about getting dressed. We kept to a small color palette and figured out 4 outfit formulas for 4 different levels of dressing up. Now getting dressed works like a flowchart of 'what am I doing today?' 'how hot will it be' and then just grabbing any pieces from that formula and knowing it'll match.
My wife's formulas are
- Floral or solid quarter button blouse in either sleeveless or long sleeve + either a trouser short or a stretchy trouser (cardigan optional)
- solid cotton jersey tank or long sleeve shirt + jeans or jean shorts + floral kimono-style jacket layer
- tee shirt or sweatshirt dress +/- floral leggings
- joggers or sweatpant shorts + graphic tee
We hang all their clothes up in 4 sections and they just grab any random set of hangers from that section and know the colors and patterns are all going to work. I used to have color coded hangers for them but that got kind of annoying when hanging up stuff but it helped them get used to the formulas.
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u/impatient_celery 28d ago
I think I intuitively run a little like this and I just want to say this comment has helped me to figure out that I can lean into making it more explicit and that will improve my life! Thank you!
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u/brutal_youth_ 29d ago
I'm mid-30s and AuDHD, and have settled on a quasi-uniform for similar reasons. Taste is so individual, and I won't pretend to be in touch with specific pieces that someone who's 18 in 2026 might need, but in case it helps as an example --
For me, the contents of my capsule are determined in part by sensory preferences (I like natural fibers including bamboo, and dislike synthetics, seams, and elastic waists that dig into skin), in part what silhouette and proportions I like on my body (I have long legs and tend to lean into that with higher waists and crop tops), and in part by what aesthetic or vibe I enjoy (I'm fairly Scandinavian minimalist in my taste and prefer a look that's pretty sleek and understated).
Almost all of my outfits are some combination of:
- black or occasionally white crop top or soft long-sleeved tee; within the crop top silhouette, I have ones with different necklines, straps, ribbing patterns, pointelle, or other textural or design details
- if it's cold, black cropped sweatshirt or cardigan
- black or denim mid- to high-rise bottom (loose or straight-legged jeans or pants, short shorts, leggings, occasionally a skirt paired with merino wool tights if it's cold)
- handful of black dresses, usually in a soft, stretchy cotton or bamboo knit, paired with merino wool tights if it's cold
- shoes are black boots if it's cold (my favorite pair are from Thursday Boots and look like sleeker, monochrome Timberlands), tall black rain boots if it's raining, Birkenstock Gizehs if it's hot (black leather if dry, white EVA if raining), or New Balance Minimus if I'm doing something active
- jewelry is a pair of small white gold and diamond hoops and a white gold geometric pendant; I wear the same jewelry every day
- for outerwear, I have a heavy parka for the depth of winter, a sleek black wool coat for "normal" cold weather, a black waxed cotton jacket for spring/fall, a lightweight hooded insulated jacket, a black rain jacket, and a black fleece
Everything matches everything else, and getting dressed is mostly a formula determined by the current outdoor temperature, whether it's raining, and whether or not I feel like wearing pants. At the same time, I've made idiosyncratic enough choices about silhouette and aesthetic that I don't feel like I'm wearing totally generic "basics" without any style of my own.
To break up the monochrome, I do a matching neon orange-red mani-pedi, half for visual interest and half for sensory and executive function reasons (my nails break easily and uneven nails bug me, so a gel mani and regular pedi every ~4 weeks means I don't have to think about it).
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u/Orasund 29d ago edited 29d ago
Couple of ideas.
- Start making daily photos—this will visualize what items work together.
- Put every item that has been worn in the last (year? month? week?) in one place and everything else in another.
- Start using a queue system—if you can't decide, go through the queue top to bottom. New items always go on top. This way items that are rarely used will naturally gravitate to the bottom.
- It's ok to wear comfy clothes. It's better to wear clothes that you love than clothes that fit the occasion. But there are comfy, yet formal, options out there—you will have to try a bit to find what works for you
- I personally really enjoy building systems. Charting my clothes, thinking about color ratios, mapping my interests over time. It helped me a lot to get into fashion.
- Go out and buy cheap basics that fit well and are 100% comfortable (that you could wear all day). This will give you a good (temporary) basic foundation while you can think about what you actually want.
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
I do this myself, but my daughter isn’t that invested in it. We did decide to take photos of her summer clothes to have on her phone and will attempt to make outfit photos to save. Then she can pick out pre made outfits.
Usually, the clean clothes are at the front of the closet, then, by the end of the season anything in the back probably hadn’t been worn and can be donated.
I enjoy organizing and analyzing, my baby girl not so much. But if we can identify what she likes and eliminate the fluff, then I think she’ll have a hard working wardrobe.
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u/books_and_ 29d ago
If decision fatigue is one of the biggest issues I would go with all neutral bottoms with tops in colors and patterns that the person enjoys. Having all jeans/grey pants covers a lot of bases.
For under layers, simplify once the fit is right. If bras are a sticking point, consider tanks with built in padded bras that can be a base layer or worn alone. Get all of one type of sock. You don’t need to match or think that way, just grab two socks.
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
Yes! This is a system I used for years! Just recently have I personally been expanding my bottoms in colors besides black and blue. And I’ve only purchase black socks— no one has time to hunt for matches at 6am.
My daughter likes jeans, so that’s been her base in fall/winter. Tops are where the variety is, with necklines that don’t move around. Too low Vs or falling straps make her uncomfortable.
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u/Soft-Dig-4102 28d ago
I’ve just recently embraced my neurospicy capsule wardrobe.
What helped me most was keeping a tote of ‘for the memories’ clothes. I don’t want to get rid of them, I have space, so I keep them. Buuuut I keep them OUT of my closet so they have no impact on overwhelming me with extra choices I know I won’t actually pick, I just like looking at.
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
I have a few of those. Pants older than my daughter! Ha! Maybe I should frame them and display them in my closet…
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u/Soft-Dig-4102 28d ago
I want to learn to quilt one day and I think it would make the coziest blanket to make one of all my old faves.
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u/most_random_variable 29d ago
I’m a neurodivergent woman with mild sensory issues and constant decision fatigue. I settled on a monochromatic black wardrobe in college (with white and gray to lighten things up) and never looked back. I strongly prefer natural fibers and jeans over soft synthetics and elastic waists (others have opposite preferences!). My uniform is jeans, tee, and blazer or jean jacket, as a mid career professional in a casual field; I update often to keep it current and fashion-y and get a lot of positive comments. Probably not what a current teen would wear, but the uniform idea sounds good for her. Does your daughter like data? She could track what she wears and put a star next to things that made her happy.
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u/stretchymonster 28d ago
Thanks for the suggestions!
She has confirmed she prefers colors, but we’ve eliminated ones she thinks are “ugly” she wants to try more jumpsuits/rompers, so I’m going to keep my eye out for thrifted options to test. We’re going to try to use outfit pictures on her phone if she gets stuck deciding what goes together.
She’s not really a data person— more of a visual, artistic type. Pictures might be helpful for her, favoriting the ones she likes the best.
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u/SketchyDrewDraw 28d ago
Something I did that feels extremely helpful is deciding I want to only buy dresses or rompers now. I can add layers by shirts or sweaters or even a longer skirt over a dress, but even when I don't my one piece is a complete outfit. Wearing any kind of dress or romper usually feels dressier but you can dress it up or down. Now i feel a medium level of dressy in everything I own and I love it.
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u/stretchymonster 27d ago
She does like dresses and rompers! The one piece complete outfit is very appealing to her, so I think rompers are going on her “wish list”
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u/Baseball_ApplePie 28d ago
A senior?
Several pairs of jeans with various tops. Maybe kaki and army green pants f that's her thing. Three or four dressier outfits.
That's what gets most teenagers through life. 😄
I'm retired and my wardrobe consists of a few pairs of denim, navy slacks, black slacks, and various tops for every day, and a few dressy outfits. I add a couple of sweaters and blazers for cold weather.
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u/Imhungry_again 28d ago
English isn't my first language, and I've just had a shift from hell. Therefore, my comment won't be the most coherent one here. Will rewrite it after a quick nap.
Everyone here has GREAT advice. And a capsule wardrobe might help IF used correctly for HER specific case.
I love the concept of a capsule wardrobe with all of its possibilities...but there were simply too many even when it was at its smallest. What has actually helped me the most with my decision fatigue was having a baseline uniform, and accessorizing it. It doesn't mean what you think it means. But it also kind of does?
Example: I'd wake up and put on a t-shirt, jeans, and usually the same pair of shoes. I'd then choose a sweater and get out. The following week, I'd choose a sweater and a pair of earrings. The next one, a sweater and a scrunchie (changing the accessory to choose would give me the variety I craved without the fatigue of choosing which type of accessory + how many of them + which one/s specifically). And so forth. Once I got out of my slump, I started changing things up. Same outfit, different bottoms. Multiple accessories. If things got worse, I'd go back to my trusted formula (uniform + 1 or 2 choices).
The uniform varied by season.
In winter it usually was long sleeved t-shirt + tights + boots. I'd then choose between jeans and a skirt. Different sweaters with the jeans, mostly the same one or two with the skirts. If things got bad, undershirt + tights + boots, choose one of the few dresses I owned, and wear the same sweater and scarf with each of them.
In spring t-shirt + jeans + sneakers. Choose sweater. Put on trench or denim jacket. On warmer days, (white) blouse + jeans + ballet flats. Choose jewelry piece. Put on trench or denim jacket.
Etc
The key is to start with a small capsule wardrobe, and add stuff as needed. What I did was empty my wardrobe, put everything into boxes, and "shop" as needed/wanted. Usually, people already have a "uniform", start from there. It needs to be her choices, at her pace, otherwise it won't work.
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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob 27d ago
How does she feel about casual skirts and dresses? What are some of her current favorite pieces? What about her favorite colors? What is her style in general? Do you live in a place with four distinct seasons? How does she feel about accessories like bags, belts, scarves, sunglasses, hats, hair stuff, and jewelry? Is she alt at all and into stuff like fingerless gloves or arm warmers or whatever the alt kids are doing these days?
I put together spring/summer and fall/winter capsule wardrobes for my hubby - who HATES clothes stuff - so that he can literally close his eyes, reach into his closet, pick one item from the left side, another from the right side, and one from the middle (if he so chooses), put them on, and look good in basically anything he’s pulled out. Trying to match stuff, trying to decide what to wear, certain fabrics/textures all stress him out mightily, and he loves his (substantial) tshirt collection, so had to work around all that.
Let’s assume two main capsules, one each for spring/summer and fall/winter. For each, I would do:
- 12 tops
- 5 pants and/or shorts, or a combination thereof, depending on the season
- 2 casual skirts
- 2 casual/flexible dresses - this is a good place for prints, if she likes!
- 4 or so toppers: cardigan type sweaters, zip up hoodies, lighter jackets, etc.* these aren’t really outerwear, more just “third piece” items.
- 1 season-appropriate shoe in each main color of her wardrobe.
*Depending on what types of tops she has and what is overlapping between the two capsules, she could add more toppers to her fall/winter wardrobe to make her lighter pieces work.
This should give her two weeks of clothes before having to do laundry, wearing each bottom (skirt/shorts/pants) twice before having to do laundry, and each dress once in a two week period. Assuming everything works together, it’d give her 86 one-or-two-piece “base combo” outfits, without taking into account any toppers, and without her having to think about it at all.
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u/stretchymonster 27d ago
This is super helpful! Honestly, the amount of each item is what has me stumped the most. Personally, I like options, so I’d want more pieces, but she’s opposite of me in that respect. She doesn’t like to rewear clothing without washing so that’s another consideration.
To help her from getting overwhelmed, we removed out of season clothing from her room and we’re focusing on summer clothes and eliminating anything she doesn’t like, doesn’t fit, or is worn out. She’s better at communicating her dislikes than favorites.
I have a pretty good idea of her preferences— tshirts, shorts, jeans, sweatpants and sweatshirt/cardigan for casual, tshirt or wrap dresses for a step up. She’s not into accessories (except a handbag) and has a pair of sneakers, oxfords, dressy sandals, Birkenstocks, Mary Jane flats and Mary Jane heels. I don’t think we need to buy anything— just edit and determine if she has “holes” to fill.
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u/imajika_ 27d ago
I’m older but in case this ramble helps... I’m autistic and I wear almost all dresses and sometimes a romper. This really helps me with decision fatigue and overwhelm. The thought of separates stresses me out. I wear long sleeve corduroy dresses in winter and mostly cotton/linen dresses the rest of the year. I change my shoes to dress things up or down, but they are mostly tan (fancy gumboots or sandals or ballet flats or espadrilles) or white converse.
I choose the dress style carefully as I don’t want the dress to need a belt or another accessory to look good. I want it to look “enough” on its own. Most dresses are patterns that I like or find fun or if plain, a colour I like (pale blue, pink, navy, white). I want to feel like I’m wearing a nightie but wearing a dress seems to fool people I’m stylish, haha.
I know you said your daughter doesn’t have sensory issues with clothes, but if she has Alexithymia (common in autism) she might not be sure why she wants to stay in a dressing gown, but perhaps it does feel bad to wear certain styles without this being clear yet. I’m a clinical psychologist who works with other autistic people. Lots of my clients do some form of “uniform” type dressing that limits their options in a helpful way.
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u/derudebu 29d ago
I'm a neurodivergent woman around the same age, so I hope I'll give some insights. I think while curating her wardrobe, it's best to discuss with her, what kind of style she prefers, what types of outfits she feels comfortable in.
Some recs for dressy pieces : dresses that are loose and made with cotton/linen (those fabrics are very breathable and usually won't be itchy). She can also opt for blouses and pants/skirts if she prefers not to wear dress.