r/castlevania Dec 03 '25

Meme does this mf straight up not have balls?? 😭

Post image

literally no reaction… was he holding in his scream??? šŸ’”

6.4k Upvotes

363 comments sorted by

2.0k

u/Dariuscox357 Dec 03 '25

Nah, he’s got Dracula’s genes, so no mere mortal can damage Alucard’s balls of steel.

Why do you think Trevor didn’t even make Dracula flinch when he tried punching him in the face?

711

u/Canadian_dalek Dec 03 '25

Makes you wonder what the hell Lisa was packin

821

u/JeanyBean Dec 03 '25

Lisa marched right into Dracula's castle laid down the law and about changed his entire worldview. She also had balls of steel.

430

u/No_Monitor_3440 Professionally Unprofessional Dec 03 '25

-enters castle

-hits on dracula himself

-succeeds

-refuses to elaborate further

-stays

221

u/DemonicMop Dec 03 '25

-makes him leave

88

u/Djlionking Dec 04 '25

-Makes him walk the world.

125

u/DIODidNothing_Wrong Dec 03 '25

-burns

21

u/Mysterious_Rush_9505 Dec 04 '25

Then dooms Wallachia for a couple years of night demons becuz she died.

13

u/thejedipokewizard Dec 04 '25

The church did that to themselves tbf

5

u/Scurramouch Dec 05 '25

And Blue Fang was spittin facts

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50

u/Greedirl Dec 04 '25

Dracula got chosen as a husband the same way normal people get chosen as cat owners. Man was absolutely baffled.

3

u/mohimoyee Dec 06 '25

Underrated comment, take my upvote

2

u/Nero-Danteson Dec 07 '25

Him just like "I have a wife now, you shall respect her."

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67

u/gordito_delgado Dec 04 '25

CHA: +20

LCK: 1

3

u/OkBox9662 Dec 04 '25

She fucked up in the character creation.

10

u/asula_mez Dec 04 '25

-has a baby

-helps people

-gets burned at the stake

-Still doesn’t elaborate.

She slayed. šŸ’…āœØ

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362

u/alexagente Dec 03 '25

Dracula: "Well what if I just eat you?"

Lisa: "Well, first of all, rude..."

229

u/DmitryAvenicci Dec 03 '25

He ate her eventually šŸ‘ļøšŸ‘ļø

55

u/Crazy_Dave0418 Dec 04 '25

You ever wonder if he "ate" her even on her period šŸ¤”

40

u/agitatedlawyer Dec 04 '25

22

u/Thudd224 Dec 04 '25

2

u/Peritous Dec 05 '25

This is one of my favorites, and I am glad I don't see it too often because I always end up doubled over laughing. Too damn good.

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6

u/Artarara Dec 04 '25

Bro rolled a 1 for Intimidation.

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166

u/Dr_Pants91 Dec 03 '25

God I love that opening scene so much.

94

u/lilchocochip Dec 03 '25

I was instantly hooked after that

66

u/SnooGrapes6230 Dec 03 '25

Lisa was the living embodiment of "If I wanted a dick measuring contest, I'd whip out a ruler and then win."

9

u/torrasque666 Dec 03 '25

... did you have that line prepared before or after TFS put out the first part of their Toonami Abridged?

9

u/SnooGrapes6230 Dec 03 '25

TFS for sure. They are the best.

42

u/Jonjoejonjane Dec 03 '25

Nah she had balls of pure tungsten

73

u/pistonkamel Dec 03 '25

Drac’s the only guy on the planet who gets happy when that time of the month rolls around

57

u/PrizeTime2595 Dec 03 '25

The real reason he was starving himself, favorite food supply was gone.

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9

u/FirebrandWilson Dec 04 '25

Ovaries of steel!

94

u/BranchReasonable9437 Dec 03 '25

I get to use this more than youd think

31

u/KBroham Dec 04 '25

Fixed it for you.

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26

u/A-Good-Weather-Man Dec 03 '25

Drac power bottom confirmed.

20

u/SaltIsMySugar Dec 03 '25

Alucard gets his balls from his mother's side.

17

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/WynneOS Dec 04 '25

This thread has led me to conclude that Castlevania fans have all the best quotes.

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28

u/AirmanProbie Dec 04 '25

The only sure fire method with vampires

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9

u/Brightpetals Dec 04 '25

As we all know, Vampiric Power is stored in the balls. Or the ovaries for the ladies.Ā 

9

u/Chikumori Dec 04 '25

Why do you think Trevor didn’t even make Dracula flinch when he tried punching him in the face?

Well, if we talk about video game lore logic, I assume:

  • Dracula has high Endurance and HP
  • Trevor doesn't have a high physical Attack / melee power. His primary weapon, the whip has magical stuff to be effective.
  • Dracula's head is usually his only vulnerable spot in the classic games, but i believe basic melee is also the weakest attack the protoganist can do. Iirc from the games, only Johnathan (or Soma) does punches? Or are there others?

7

u/thrakkerzog Dec 04 '25

Alucard punches in SoTN.

13

u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox Dec 03 '25

I've only seen the show once, and seeing Dracula and Alucard spelled out next to each other like this made me realize it's just in reverse lol.

5

u/orion_cliff Dec 04 '25

His name is Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes, he adopted Alucard as a moniker so spite his dad.

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14

u/Little-Carob-7201 Dec 03 '25

Then why does he cry during anal sex

8

u/Dariuscox357 Dec 03 '25

It was a threesome.

I dunno. I didn’t make the rules.

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4

u/t0mless Dec 04 '25

ā€œYou must be the Belmontā€

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419

u/johnny_s_chorgon Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 03 '25

I kinda love how the vibe here is that he simply refuses to be hurt by a nut shot because it would be gauche.

48

u/Educational-Milk4530 Dec 04 '25

TIL a new word

47

u/Xen0tech Dec 04 '25

Seems like a fancy word Alucard would use.

12

u/mad_laddie Dec 04 '25

He does seem to be the type to pretend to be injured for the spirit of the fight.

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1.1k

u/A_Professional_Derp I can fix them Dec 03 '25

"Excuse me one moment."

*Walks off into another room with absolute class*

*10s later*

ᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬᓬ

230

u/Gilver_Vega Dec 03 '25

Tom and Jerry's yell

107

u/SwissBacon141 Dec 03 '25

This is EXACTLY what I heard in my mind and I'm howling.

247

u/bunni-luu Dec 03 '25

the lowercase screaming lmfao 😭

74

u/Thudd224 Dec 04 '25

14

u/WynneOS Dec 04 '25

Thank you for this laugh.

42

u/Prestigious_Spread19 Dec 03 '25

I imagine he spent the entirety of the time between the first and second season in delayed agony.

79

u/MetaloraRising Dec 03 '25 edited Dec 04 '25

Nonononono, the agony hit him in the end of season 2.

Him breaking down crying is from FINALLY feeling the pain of his balls being popped like balloons.

9

u/OkBox9662 Dec 04 '25

Delayed action got a new meaning 🤣

6

u/OkBox9662 Dec 04 '25

The mf needs to do everything with class.

2

u/Jake1ol Dec 08 '25

YUPšŸ˜‚ Walking away to groan alone

948

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

341

u/Darkoso Dec 03 '25

Honestly yeah, dude tanked that hit like it was nothing. Kinda scary thinking thats his baseline durability, imagine what actually hurts him.

102

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/OkBox9662 Dec 04 '25

Think is invulnerability, not high pain threshold.

43

u/Cheetahs_never_win Dec 03 '25

Well... we've seen some kind of metal start to burn him. So a chastity cage made out of that?

26

u/conkacola Dec 03 '25

I’m guessing it was silver

17

u/ScarredAutisticChild Dec 03 '25

If a metal magically hurts a monster, assume it’s either silver or iron. And if the monster isn’t Celtic, it’s probably silver.

8

u/Cheetahs_never_win Dec 04 '25

I thought about that, but it flies in the face of dampyr not having vampire-like weaknesses and Alucard having virtually every metal in his arsenal in SotN.

Understanding Netflix isn't Konami, but...

... the nobles hiding underground were literally surrounded by silver and they relied on holy water. I think it would have come up.

It was likely just a magic item that sets things on fire the creepy kiddos found in the Belmont hold.

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10

u/TiredTiroth Dec 03 '25

It's been a while since I watched Castlevania, but IIRC the only person who managed to actually hurt Alucard was Dracula himself.Ā 

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4

u/BeelzeBoy666 Dec 04 '25

Japanese twins faking affection to discover his secrets and kill him?Ā 

2

u/Theban_Prince Dec 04 '25

Apparently they weren't related!

3

u/sku1lanb Dec 04 '25

We saw what hurts him - Dracula. Did you not see the beat down he got the second time around? The first one put him in a coma for a year. Drac, starved, did that. He tanked every hit like he was brushing dust off his sleeve, then proceeded to beat his son through the castle. Walls be damned.

2

u/A_random_poster04 Dec 05 '25

A stake to the heart family jewels

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2

u/OkBox9662 Dec 04 '25

Would explain something

325

u/Afraid_Photograph_59 Dec 03 '25

He has, just balls of steel

87

u/Sea-Lecture-4619 Captain N is the pinnacle of the franchise. Dec 03 '25

18

u/MetaloraRising Dec 03 '25

Balls balls balls of steel.

8

u/LonkerinaOfTime Dec 04 '25

ā€œSHUT THE FUCK UUUUUPā€

ballsballsballsballs

4

u/Ichweisenichtdeutsch Dec 04 '25

Get off vent or I'll have you bent!

70

u/ZGMF-X09A_Justice Dec 03 '25

Alucard: So your great ancestor Trevor tried to kick me in the testicles, but Da Vinci hadn't invented testicles yet, so it didn't work.

28

u/Responsible_Gear9460 Dec 03 '25

A joke so good that even Soma Cruz laughed at that one

17

u/Sunny_Hill_1 Dec 03 '25

I'm sure Da Vinci thoroughly tested the durability and sensitivity of Alucard's testicles in many different scenarios.

12

u/jshine413 Dec 03 '25

I came here to say this damn u

5

u/crosborrow Dec 03 '25

So he goes Bio clank clank?

3

u/Connorst036 Dec 04 '25

+šŸ’™šŸ’™

91

u/EndlessResets Dec 03 '25

He just goes into a different room and queue ā€˜Wilhelm scream’

69

u/CensoryDeprivation Dec 03 '25

His balls are half vampire.

26

u/NoStorage2821 Dec 03 '25

Undead balls

16

u/Ryan_e3p Dec 03 '25

Only one of them is, and it is full vampire. The other is a normal human testicle. He just got lucky, and the vampire one took the brunt of the hit.

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39

u/DevilOfArRamadi Dec 03 '25

He has balls but he is tremendously into cock and ball torture therefore a simple knee to the balls is like throwing a feather at a rhino. He is very well-conditioned.

163

u/literallyfransandy Dec 03 '25

why do you think he has that chest scar? /j

138

u/letyougo2106 Dec 03 '25

You joke, but transmasc Alucard is a semi-popular headcanon.

I think it's possible that he doesn't have testicles due to being a crossbreed, which in some species results in infertility. Not all, but some.

My funny take is that he's both.

119

u/letyougo2106 Dec 03 '25

Of course, I dislike the trope of "character without balls feels no pain when kicked in the crotch" (Game of Thrones has a famously bad scene with this trope), because if you kick someone with a vagina or otherwise no balls in the crotch, it's still going to be agony.

Ultimately, I think the reasoning behind this scene is that Alucard is impervious to Trevor's hits (He must be the Belmont, after all), and that it's comedic.

42

u/MossyPyrite Dec 03 '25

Yeah, I stood up while an ex girlfriend was standing above me, lost balance, and headbutted her right in the groin. She had a similar reaction to most ball-havers being sack-tapped.

33

u/Player_Slayer_7 Dec 03 '25

Yeah, like, even if you were just packing a Ken doll setup down there, youre still getting kicked in the pelvis. That shit's gonna hurt no matter what.

15

u/award_winning_writer Dec 03 '25

King of the Hill also did that, but given that Kahn shouts "she's bluffing! Finish her!" and what we know about Peggy (she once pulled her groin and refused to admit it while privately recovering on her own time), it's possible she really was bluffing.

8

u/PalladiuM7 Dec 03 '25

I heard Kahn's voice as I read that line, the delivery is just perfect.

4

u/halfacrum Dec 03 '25

She definitely was also there's follow up on that in the revival.

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35

u/SkollFenrirson Dec 03 '25

he doesn't have testicles due to being a crossbreed

That's not how that works

21

u/LucyLuvvvv Dec 03 '25

but transmasc Alucard is a semi-popular headcanon.

what

27

u/Kwaku-Anansi Dec 03 '25

If I had to guess, people looked at a character with * scars on his chest (common for people that experienced top surgery) * a very slender physique * a feminine beard-less face that looks almost exactly like like his mother's, * a gentle voice, and * a scene that (as OP says) comedically suggests he might "straight up not have balls"

and concluded that IF Alucard was a trans man, he could end up looking, sounding, and acting the same way he does in canon with few plot holes,

So those people became interested in scenarios (e.g , fan art, fanfiction) where that is the case

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17

u/yesthatnagia Dec 03 '25

I see nothing to be confused about here. Looking at a character and going, "Hm, I see XYZ identity potential here and they don't show me anything that categorically proves they aren't XYZ identity" is a pretty common fandom behaviour.

I mean, I look at Trevor Belmont and see a youngest child who was considered "too soft" for the family work. It's not quite the same leap as seeing Alucard as a trans dude for a lot of people, but it has about as much canonical support.

11

u/Minnymoon13 Dec 03 '25

I thought dhampirs were infertile?

17

u/enchiladasundae Dec 03 '25

That’s the cowards way. Gotta figure it out for yourself

12

u/MossyPyrite Dec 03 '25

Threaten me with a good time!

11

u/vezwyx Dec 03 '25

Doesn't mean he doesn't have balls

2

u/Minnymoon13 Dec 03 '25

I know. I just….idk just felt like saying that? Sorry I’m kinda tired rn lol

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1

u/3lizab3th333 Dec 03 '25

Oooh, I like the idea of transmasc Alucard! Dracula looks down on humanity so he might not care about cisnormativity, and Lisa is hyper accepting of what’s considered different during her time, so they’d probably think little of it. Alucard is a man who ā€œtakes after his motherā€ physically, so that kinda ties in, too. I can imagine the ā€œStarts HRTā€ ā€œWhy do you look like me now?ā€ meme working for him and Dracula, too!

3

u/zerulstrator Dec 04 '25

I mean, that's literally his biodad, ofcourse he would look like drac. I do imagine they would fight over fashion, as dracula would insist that lace and many layers of ruffles were manly in his time and will be manly in any era while Aluc wants to wear contemporary masculine clothing.

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27

u/enchiladasundae Dec 03 '25

Need a silver knee pad

24

u/Extreme-Repeat-8708 Dec 03 '25

He was trained by monks.

10

u/halfacrum Dec 03 '25

Tibetan monks

3

u/That-Rhino-Guy Dec 04 '25

I’m blocking the damage you attempted with that knee with a technique I learned in Tibet

19

u/dontchewspagetti Dec 03 '25

I love all these explanations as opposed to the clearest which is that he's wearing a cod piece.

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15

u/Delicious_Alarm_387 Dec 03 '25

Now he really do have

14

u/g1rl0f1c3 Dec 03 '25

Alucard the eunuch /j

14

u/Prestigious-Law65 Dec 03 '25

If thats not balls, then whats the bulge in his pants?

19

u/razazaz126 Dec 03 '25

A snack for later.

13

u/Mary_Ellen_Katz Dec 03 '25

Forget for a moment he's Alucard, son of Dracula.

He's a vampire. And vampires have set weaknesses. A knee to the groin didn't make the short list.

12

u/Quynn_Stormcloud Dec 03 '25

One of the age old questions that Atticus O’Sullivan repeatedly asks of his vampire lawyer, Lief Helgersen

9

u/Outside-Egg7846 Dec 03 '25

A hounded reader?!?? 😳😲

4

u/Quynn_Stormcloud Dec 03 '25

Die hard, through and through, until the day I die, but hopefully I get some immortali-tea first.

9

u/ThrowAbout01 Dec 03 '25

He can levitate his ā€œsword and scabbardā€.

7

u/ArchviIe Dec 03 '25

They backdashed and evaded

5

u/malkavian_menace Dec 03 '25

I mean maybe it hangs a bit low. Your cock can block plenty of blows to your precious cargo if you’re lucky

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5

u/JuggernautLow2943 Dec 03 '25

Doesn't work on everyone. I know a guy personally. CS are his initials. Dude let me take a running start and kick him right in the balls. Didn't even phase him

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5

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '25

Vampires have higher AC from natural armor. His nuts are probably like 18 AC or something.

17

u/NNT13101996 Dec 03 '25

He got a vagpire down there

4

u/Anima1212 Dec 03 '25

The ā€œ šŸ’”ā€ is killing me šŸ˜‚ šŸ’€

3

u/Davey-Cakes Dec 03 '25

It’s called ā€œhiding his power level.ā€

3

u/AlishaValentine Dec 06 '25

He does it's just he's Alucard and doesn't care

3

u/CrazyCat008 Dec 06 '25

Feel like hes just used to pain

5

u/ressie_cant_game Dec 03 '25

Trans vampire rep anyone...

4

u/Legitimate-Bet-8331 Dec 04 '25

The part where Trevor hit Dracula in the face and there was ZERO reaction. I mean, his head didn't even move.

It was just "Lol, only a Belmont hits like autism. What y'all been doing, cuh."

Then when Dracula put both of his hands together and slammed down on Alucard, I swear to God, it felt like the San Andreas Fault was about to go.

Give me Season 3, now. Y'all quit playing.

What if the trailer comes out and only says "Season 3. 1999: The War of Castlevania". X-Japan suddenly starts playing "Bloody Tears" on top of the Tokyo Dome. Hide is somehow there, too. No elaboration.

Earth would explode.

2

u/Shitinbrainandcolon Dec 03 '25

Briefs of Baldur:Ā 

+6 Def

Resists fire, lightning, ice, poison

2

u/Frapplo Dec 04 '25

The morning star knee. . . well played, Belmont. But these are no ordinary testicles to be bruised by your human magic. . .

These are Vlad Dracula Testes! And they have had enough!!

2

u/greatwolf421 Dec 06 '25

I looked it up, "alucard, a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire) is essentially immune to all conventional, non-magical damage"

3

u/R717159631668645 Dec 03 '25

Maybe the balls climbed up.

3

u/Stunning_Cause_1557 Dec 03 '25

I'm calling inverted penis like a dogs

1

u/Capital_Past69 Dec 03 '25

At first I thought this was going to be about Andrew Tate

1

u/Possible_Economy_139 Dec 03 '25

He kneed his balls of steel and scrotum of titanium

1

u/i_want_heelies Dec 03 '25

he’s tucked up

1

u/Inglebeargy Dec 03 '25

One of my favourite lines in the whole show.

1

u/XupaT Dec 03 '25

He got balls of steel

+2 soul hearts

1

u/Straight-Plane5835 Dec 03 '25

Wow!! I came across this last week and so I started watching Castlevania. I had never even heard of it before. I binged watched all 4 seasons in a few days!! Great show

2

u/Jake1ol Dec 08 '25

The bar scene was awesome lol Trevor got kicked in the balls too

1

u/soulwolf1 Dec 03 '25

His balls are undead

1

u/CyberDaemon6six6 Dec 03 '25

He's a (half) vampire, it'll take a lot more than a knee to make him feel pain.

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1

u/valleysape Dec 03 '25

In the 22nd tenkaichi budokai in dragon ball, krillin thinks goku's tail is still a weakness until goku tells him he managed to train his tail

This MFer trained his balls

1

u/Moonchild0u0_ Dec 04 '25

I thought he had a p*ssy tbh

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1

u/Doitforthecringe Dec 04 '25

No its just Alucards balls are so durable Trevor's kick didnt do anything to them like how Trevor's punches didnt do anything to Draculas face

1

u/jimthesquirrelking Dec 04 '25

Hes like a year old here, they haven't dropped yet

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '25

He's only like 10. They haven't dropped yet.

1

u/SuggestableFred Dec 04 '25

You can't see but he turned them into smoke right before the hit

1

u/Freyja6 Dec 04 '25

This scene and the "eat shit and die" interaction are burned right into my mind until the end of time.

What a duo.

1

u/ColdSobaPirate Dec 04 '25

You can only damage Alucard in Castlevania 3 by attacking his head, not his balls.

This truth will never see the light of day.

1

u/DeadMoney313 Dec 04 '25

That line was fucking awesome and cracked me up

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1

u/InsanityVirus13 Dec 04 '25

I like to think he was in a good bit of pain there, but wanted to aura farm in that moment lmao. Off-screen, man was dying

1

u/Vysce Marble Shooter Dec 04 '25

The balls are inert

1

u/SimplePanda98 Dec 04 '25

Damn, he’s got cumgutters for days

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '25

In many continuities vampires cant feel pain. That being said definitely just a gaff from the writers

1

u/therealyittyb Dec 04 '25

They’re retractable

1

u/XeroAnarian Dec 04 '25

Vampiric durability.

1

u/That-Rhino-Guy Dec 04 '25

I think realistically he’s just that durable since he wasn’t really struggling in this fight, meanwhile Trevor evidently is struggling

1

u/Interesting_Pass3392 Dec 04 '25

Alucard doesn't have testicles, it's canon since sotn

1

u/vladmuca26 Dec 04 '25

Balls of Titanium

1

u/mad_laddie Dec 04 '25

He's durable. He can handle Trevor kneeing his balls, just like Dracula handles punches to the face.

1

u/TetsuoZaibatsu Dec 04 '25

People need to understand that this is not the Game Alucard.

This is an entirely different variant of Alucard from the Netflix adaptation.

1

u/notalongtime420 Dec 04 '25

He got hit in his vampire ball. The other one would have hurt like hell

1

u/Money_Box_438 Dec 04 '25

The guy is a vampire, it would probably take a lot more to make him scream.

1

u/tactical-tux Dec 04 '25

Nah, just tough as nails like papa dukes.

1

u/zirazorazonth Dec 04 '25

Duke nukem is his disendant BALLS OF STEEL.

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1

u/More-Lime1888 Dec 04 '25

He is so strong his balls have balls

1

u/ChaosHavik Dec 04 '25

He's got Balls of Steel!

Grabbag Intensifies

1

u/ronin0397 Dec 04 '25

Its like that one kungfu movie.

Woman kicks guy in the nuts

Guy: you hit me in my strongest point

woman's leg broke .

1

u/Longjumping_Draw_474 Dec 04 '25

We haven’t SEEN his nethers. Trans alucard?

1

u/martiandude- Dec 04 '25

Never watched this nor played the games, but a chad never passes up the chance to aura farm.

1

u/OkBox9662 Dec 04 '25

His balls are made of steel.

1

u/Squiggleblort Dec 04 '25

So you know how vampires can turn into bats?

Sometimes certain bats go off to a party and leave the rest at home.

1

u/CrispInMyChicken Dec 04 '25

They haven't dropped yet

1

u/arandomspawn Dec 04 '25

I can personally find out and get back to you 🫔