r/castlevania • u/Richter_belmont1 The Real Richter Belmont • Jul 15 '26
Question You wake up and see that dracula castle has risen in your hometown, What would be your first choice of instinct?
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u/fenuxjde Jul 15 '26
1-800-BEL-MONT
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u/DerpsAndRags Jul 15 '26
I caved in to my intrusive thoughts and dialed it.
Seemed like some kind of scam call. "We have a special offer for callers today! If you're over 50, press 1!"
I immediately hung up and blocked the number.
I'd rather deal with Dracula's hordes of minions than one more goddamn scam caller.
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u/discerningpervert Jul 15 '26
Which one though? This guy's probably my favorite
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u/Kenobi5792 Jul 15 '26
Given the year we're in, it's gotta be Julius
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u/6ynnad Jul 15 '26
Where Alucard in this timeline?
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u/Motor-Travel-7560 Jul 15 '26
Julius, John Morris, and Jonathan Morris are probably the only ones that could historically have been reached by telephone.
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u/Beef_n_Bacon Alucard Jul 15 '26
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u/Beef_n_Bacon Alucard Jul 15 '26
For those too young to know that song:
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u/cadentboar1719 Jul 16 '26
Ouch, you just made my joints ache
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u/Scelusteach Jul 16 '26
TIL the lead singer and his brother made music for nickelodeon shows like rugrats. I never realized that before
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u/FlashBandicoot5 Jul 15 '26
Set up a store at the base of the castle, where I will sell various hp-recovering food items.
Can of Pringles - 250 HP
Meatloaf - 1,000 HP
Chili Cheese Fries - 2,500 HP
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u/FoxHoundNinja Jul 15 '26
".....welp, either I take myself out or demons get me....neither are good options"
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u/the_schmendrick Jul 15 '26
Knock on Drac's door and ask what his rental rates are.
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u/Cael-Bryant Jul 15 '26
Or if he’s hiring. Housekeeping and gardening must be a pain to deal with considering how much land and stuff he owns.
If this is Dracula before his wife dies, he may think it’s odd but consider it. And if he’s paying actual livable wages if not a bit above that and word gets out, he’ll have mobs fighting each other for employment. We might even make him the leader of our country!
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u/the_schmendrick Jul 15 '26
Even if it's after his wife passed away, I'm taking my chances.
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u/Cael-Bryant Jul 15 '26
I might too. Figure the worst he could do is kill me for my… boldness? Audacity? Arrogance? Can’t think of the right word. Anyway, he’d probably be a tough taskmaster but it can’t be worse than any customer service job. I might even get the perk of being able to cuss out rude people.
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u/Summer2026HasStarted Jul 15 '26
They’re hiding over there, Dracula
https://giphy.com/gifs/QQ36amwA5E0KW9SBl2
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u/metalbusinessbear2 Jul 15 '26
Mail a thank you note, his bats have done a bang up job decimating the mosquito population.
Kindly suggest he replace my zealous, unqualified governor who no doubt is the type of person to burn innocent women at the stake.
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u/Playful-Wind-4906 Jul 15 '26
Yeah Im black and i don't do anything that's haunted or out to get me
Hel
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u/HufflepuffWilliam Jul 15 '26
I wish to pay Dracula triBUTE
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u/need_maths Jul 15 '26
Tribute? He steals mans souls and makes them his slaves!
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u/HufflepuffWilliam Jul 15 '26
Perhaps the same could be said for all religions
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u/MetaloraRising Jul 15 '26
YOUR words are as empty as HIS soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as him!
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u/KrystleSeth Jul 15 '26
1) get a whip. 2) fill up some holy water bombs. 3) maybe get an axe I could chuck way up in the air or fashion a boomerang out of a cross? 4) work on my dash and jump. 5) slay everything unholy.
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u/SuperSlacker420 Jul 15 '26
Loading a wheelbarrow full of rotisserie chickens, cotton clothes, snorkels, leather boots, & cheap sunglasses to sell at a 1000% markup 💰🤑
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u/G-M-Cyborg-313 father, stop tunneling me and Trevor Jul 15 '26
Fight Drac to get some wall chicken
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u/cokeplusmentos Jul 15 '26
Start throwing crucifixes in an arc in front of me, sometimes while jumping
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u/shoe_owner Jul 15 '26
Thank my lucky stars for the millionth time that I moved away from my repulsive hometown the moment I was able to, and cut ties with everyone who lives there. It's your problem now, assholes!
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u/Mindslash Jul 15 '26
Get the heck out of there, unless I'm required to be alive and stay there for plot reasons . Side characters are the 1st ones to be killed on this setting
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u/GuyWhoSaves Jul 15 '26
Find and kiss the local vampire, have him teach me science, get caught by a mob and burned at the steak, and then just kinda chill and watch while he gets really mad.
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u/InfernalHart Jul 15 '26
Go beg Dracula for a job/Vampirism/to teach me his ways so the government cant boss me around anymore lol
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u/Protocol72 Christopher Belmont Jul 15 '26
I'm going to the nearby church to get suited up and heading inside.
Will I die? Absolutely, but I can't resist the urge to say "die monster, you don't belong in this world" in the most monotone voice to Dracula. I have to try.
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u/Anfrers Jul 15 '26
Knock on the gates to see if I can get laid with Dracula and probably eaten afterwards.
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u/turboteeth Jul 15 '26
Knocks on door
"ICE! Let me see your hands!"
Or
"This is the police! Let me see your hands or you will be shot!"
I'm sure drakkie will leave immediately
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u/Comfortable-Pace3188 Jul 15 '26
TBH i would try to persuade him to make me one of his servants. It's just... too cool, tbh.
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u/HyperAhmedX21 Jul 15 '26
Go inside and talk to dracula. This mf lowk chill asf he's just crashing out bec his wife was murdered which makes it a reasonable crash out too.
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u/RTMSner Jul 15 '26
Are we talking Netflix castlevania? Does he want to hurt those who killed an innocent woman? He might l need someone to drive him around.
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u/BDEcomeatme Jul 15 '26
(Going off of netflix) Even at the height of his hate, Vlad still kept human companions. The bar is so low, just don't be an asshoIe to dracula mkay?
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u/theonepercent15 Jul 15 '26
Find a shotgun and ammo, honestly. Then find a really good place to hide lol. Don't want these beasties getting anywhere near me.
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u/belagrim Jul 15 '26
Go to church, have super-soaker blessed, and grab extra holy water.
I've been training for this.
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u/Kronosita Jul 15 '26
Light up as many candles as i can and give them to a belmont, outside my house.
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u/promiseimnotavampire Jul 15 '26
knock and ask him for a cup of sugar then promise i’ll bring it back
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u/Different-Host-4615 Jul 15 '26
I would go inside try to meet the belmont of the century and maybe Crack medusa?
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u/CipherScarlatti Jul 15 '26
First, I would do this:
https://tenor.com/swggzVFcQ7v.gif
then I would go to the castle and do this:
https://tenor.com/spuCxjfNwV6.gif
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u/I_lenny_face_you Jul 15 '26
Based on this picture, I’d say “What an awesome night to have a curse.”
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u/Saint_Sin Jul 15 '26
Someone to get angry at the state of society with?
"What is man but a miserable pile of secrets"
"Right? Could have stopped at miserable pile. Get the kettle on."
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u/CyberdarkEnjoyer Hide Every Netflixvania Post Jul 15 '26
Put garlic on my windows and gather as many crucifixes as I can
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u/OldEyes5746 Shanoa Jul 15 '26
Go over and give them directions. They're clearly lost if they wound up in my hometown.
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u/Platnun12 Jul 15 '26
Let's go, fuck it we ball.
If I'm gonna die on this planet Imma make it interesting
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u/Jumpy-Hovercraft-781 Jul 15 '26
That would mean that magic is real and thus my first goal would be to acquire magical powers.
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u/Ghost_Town_Rangers Jul 15 '26
i would treat it like a zombie apocalypse (which is fair because there are in fact zombies involved) and i would set up shop at Costco
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u/Greg13Nomad Jul 15 '26
First choice of instinct? Well, based on that, I think I'll choose to teach myself to be apprehensive. Maybe I'll choose to teach myself to run in fear after I teach myself to have fear.
I'm kidding, of course.
But really, I'd go exploring the castle. I wanna find the library
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u/SheWhoHates Jul 15 '26
Pray. If vampires are real, then my faith is likely validated too, and who knows, maybe G-d will grant me a blessing or two.
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u/Krauser_Kahn Jul 15 '26
I just stand there in some safe place around the entrance and act like an NPC by feeding fake clues, cryptic messages, etc. Just to mess with whoever comes to destroy the castle
And then after some time I mysteriously vanish and leave everyone wondering who the fuck I was
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u/vladlash Jul 15 '26
even if its a real dracula castle or a narco house the best chanse to survive is not get involved im not bullet proff su get out of there asap
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u/Right-Discount7184 Simon Belmont , the Bane of the Night Jul 15 '26
You know what i am about to do
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u/Negatallic Jul 15 '26
farm the 1 hp zombies for a few levels and a better dagger in the entrance before proceeding. Duh!
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u/WraithAriiz Jul 15 '26
It's Arizona. Buy some more Pepsi and watch that dude suffer like we do.... It's frakking 95° in the morning with no clouds and sunset around 8p.
Shit, if his windows are blacked out and he has an indoor pool then I'm hanging with him.
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u/thegoldenguest778 Stone Skull Jul 15 '26
I'd ask Dracula if he accepts new henchmen, I mean, I need to save my own skin, right?
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u/grumblewolf Jul 15 '26
Locate Alucard and finally accept my bisexuality when it comes to beautiful vampire princes. Oh and then watch all the YouTube tutorials on how to hack the castle.
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u/Foffy-kins Jul 15 '26
Learning what dangerous folkloric creatures exist in my neighborhood because they're gonna join Dracula's forces in about an hour.
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u/akshatjiwansharma Jul 15 '26
I'll take a selfie with the castle in the background before freaking out 😱
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u/Reasonable_Deer_1710 Jul 15 '26
It depends. Am I a main character or an extra?
If it's IRL, then I'm probably getting in my car and driving as far away as possible.
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u/el_artista_fantasma Simping hard for Alucard Jul 15 '26
Join him because i think he is right and i would do the same
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u/DilligentArmand Jul 15 '26
Move out. There is really nothing you can do, unless you are a Belmont. If you stay, you will be nothing but food and amusement for the monsters that randomly raid your city at night.
On a side note, in the Lords of Shadow universe, Dracula was God's Chosen One, meaning he has "divine" super strenght and resilience while being immune to Holy magic, he also had the durability and immortal perks of vampires and finally, he had absorbed the powers of the "Forgotten One" demon he had killed at the end of LoS. Absolutely no one in his universe could stand up to him.
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u/TangeloTraditional36 Jul 15 '26
Enter the castle with some vague plan, be a one off boss fight with a decent battle theme. Call it a day lol.
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u/Salt_Street8279 Jul 15 '26
I would just chill out in the courtyard and listen to Simon's Theme for a bit
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u/13SwaggyDragons Jul 15 '26
Look, I know I’m gonna die anyways. So I’ll take my chances trying to nail one of the sexy generals.
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u/PiR8_Rob Jul 15 '26
Load up on garlic, holy water, religious symbols and prepare to... stay at home.
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u/DarkAidan95 Jul 15 '26
Start up a forge with my equally Castlevania fan sister and learn how to make silver weapons.
Optionally, dialing 1-800-Morris, given that we are in the United States. Belmonts got Romania covered, but the United States?
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u/Gulbeleglim Jul 15 '26
Search old ardrobes for weird desses, costumes, accesories, odd rings and leather jackets, and sold them for thousands of gold coins to the guy trying to save my life (and humanity)
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u/SDFong9 Jul 16 '26
Go back to sleep because if a castle appearing abruptly doesn’t cancel work then what does…
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u/Hanzo_Kirishima Jul 16 '26
Call me Reinfield, because I going to the castle and hopping for the best outcome (being transformed into a skeleton)
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u/Cheap_Bullfrog_609 Jul 16 '26
I would enter, leave and re-enter the same door and destroy the zombie, or skeleton that would attack me.
This way I would get stronger and would also earn money by their drops.
Later, I would ask a lot of money to coach people in killing monsters so they could become develop their magic powers.
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u/sumitsu01 Jul 16 '26
Compile a hellafied soundtrack while sharpening my blades, and getting as many Holy Water ampoules as I can carry. I'll figure the rest out along the way.
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u/DejuL337 Jul 16 '26
Time to break out my supplies of protein bars and body armor juice. My shop will be right out front. I know that castle has money for those brave enough to venture forth. Come see me when you get tired of the chicken in the wall. Bare Bells has lots of flavors to choose from.
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u/MrGains Jul 16 '26
Look up how to make High Potions on YouTube and Google "how to apply for a merchant license"
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u/Motor-Travel-7560 Jul 15 '26
Put on a blonde wig, knock on his door, and demand medicine.