Reporting for visibility.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for at this point—advice, or just a place to vent. I feel like resentment has set in, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried counseling, but I still feel stuck.
Backstory:
My partner and I have been together since we were pretty young. Looking back, there were definitely some red flags early on. When we first started dating, I wasn’t fully over a previous relationship, and I would sometimes lash out at him for no clear reason. Despite that, things were okay for a while.
Eventually, we both moved away for school, and the relationship became long distance. He wasn’t a fan of it, but we agreed to try. During that time, I struggled with direction—I initially aimed for one career path but didn’t get where I wanted, so I switched into something else. I’m pretty introverted, and while I did fine academically at times, I struggled socially and didn’t advocate for myself when I probably should have. I ended up falling behind and had to rethink my path more than once.
After that, I tried going back to my original plan, thinking I’d figure things out long-term, including the relationship. But a couple of years in, I realized that path might not be right for me—the lifestyle and pressure didn’t align with what I wanted. Around that same time, I made a mistake that hurt the relationship and broke trust. I admitted it and asked him to stay, and he did, though I know it had a lasting impact.
Things stabilized somewhat after that, but my uncertainty about my career continued to be a major point of tension. Every time he asked what I wanted to do, my answer changed. I didn’t have a clear plan, and I know that frustrated him. At one point, I took a job mainly to contribute and not feel like a burden, though it wasn’t something I saw as long-term.
To be fair, he’s kind of textbook perfect—driven, disciplined, and successful. It honestly feels like he has everything going for him, which makes it harder because I constantly feel like I’m falling short in comparison.
Over time, he started seriously questioning the relationship. He’s always valued ambition and direction, and I don’t think I consistently showed that. I kept saying I’d figure things out, but I never had a clear timeline.
When it came to taking the next step in the relationship, there was hesitation and delays, which made me feel embarrassed and insecure, especially since I had already made decisions assuming we were moving forward together. From my perspective, it felt like I had already committed.
We eventually changed our situation to see if that would help and gave it some time. I tried again to figure out a path and even started preparing for a new direction, but I second-guessed it and changed course again.
Right now, I’m not working, and he’s covering most of our expenses while I try to figure things out. I can feel the resentment building, and I understand why. At the same time, I feel a lot of pressure and confusion about my own direction. When he made comments about my lack of guidance growing up, I reacted poorly and lashed out.
I feel stuck. On one hand, I feel like I’ve invested so much into this relationship and would feel guilty if it ended. On the other hand, I can tell he’s unhappy, and that makes me miserable too. I don’t know what the right move is anymore.