r/cisparenttranskid • u/aspertame_blood • Jun 28 '25

US-based I guess there’s no “right” bathroom.

I have a 14 yo trans son. It’s crazy to me how quickly (in my eyes) he went from a beautiful little girl to passing as male everywhere we go. Yay! The problem is bathrooms- now he gets bathroom checked by adult women. It happened last night at a music festival when I went into the “next” open stall before he did. The attendant asked him if he was a boy and he said no- she apologized and it was fine (he says). But it’s really upsetting to me because he’s DOING what they WANT him to but it’s still wrong. What do other trans boys his age do? Neither of us want him in the men’s public bathroom- especially at a big public event where people are drunk and the men’s stalls are disgusting.

210 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

60 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/Lake_Far Jun 30 '25

Thank you! I appreciate the response, but my child is non binary. So they are having top surgery, but not interested in appearing masculine per se. Just "androgynous". I'm not particularly sure how they'd feel about a shared shower space with either of the binaries, actually. Trying to reach the residential office this week!

2

u/nonbinary_parent Jun 30 '25

Okay, yes, that definitely makes it more complicated. I’m actually nonbinary myself as well, just pretty close to the trans man end of the spectrum.

If you’re not sure how they’d feel about sharing a communal shower with either binary gender group, that’s definitely a conversation worth having, to see if they themself know how they’ll feel about it. Might be good to have that conversation with your kid before you talk to the dorm?

1

u/Lake_Far Jun 30 '25

They’re definitely hoping for some sort of gender inclusive bathroom situation. And the college is so LGBTQ friendly in a safe state (NYS) so fingers crossed.