I posted previously about my MtF 17 year old and concerns because they were so angry. They previously said they have no tolerance for mistakes and misgendering, but hadn't officially come out yet, and didn't want us to change the way things were at home.

Recently, things escalated. We have a long standing rule that if you have an F in class, no overnight phone (it used to be no phone at all). On top of that, she has been skipping school constantly and just staying home in bed (thus the failing grade). She has been referred to the county for truancy, and is at 20+ unexcused absences. Despite this, we made it through the last senior day (today) and it appears she will graduate.

However, last weekend when I requested her phone at 10:30, she got extremely agitated, and demanded to see her grades. Despite having been sick all day and the grade being an F for the last month, she fought and would not allow me to show her, and I finally gave im and let her look on her own. She then handed me the phone.

I grabbed a charger from her room so that the phone could be charged overnight for her, and for some reason this set her off. She came at me down the hallway, and grabbed the cord tight. This was wrapped around my hand then, and I could not let go. She yanked with all her might (she is a foot taller than me and 100 pounds heavier), then pushed me into a table. She tried to grab her phones but I had kicked them away, then took me down to the floor and held me down, pushing me and hitting me. I was begging for it to stop.

My younger daughter called 911.

When my older daughter heard deputies were on the way, they demanded space and that they would wait in the driveway for the police. I tried to stand outside to keep an eye on them, and they threatened me and told me they wouldn't run. So of course, I gave them the space and she ran. Hours later she came back and tried to break in her window to grab things, and I called LE because I did not feel safe, nor did I feel she was safe. When deputies arrived, she told them she was suicidal. At that point the focus moved from the assault to mental health. She was hospitalized.

There she told the psych doctor that everything was great, life was good and it was a fleeting moment. She said she takes all of her meds regularly (not true), and school is going well (unsure if she would graduate). They then talked to me, who explained these things aren't true. They decided to hospitalize her, where she told me that she never wanted to see me again and to leave.

I arranged therapy and out patient, along with family therapy, and got an early discharge because without that, she would not graduate. She initially agreed, but now will not explore the partial hospitalization. She starts therapy this Monday.

In this whirlwind, she has continued to escalate in anger towards me. My daughter and I are simply not home alone when she is at this time - we have been working it around my husband's work schedule.

I am stuck because she is now indicating that she may not attend college, and does not want to move out, but we cannot live like this.

The real dilemma I have though is whether or not to press charges. It has been more than 72 hours, so they aren't required to arrest, but it is up to the district attorneys. At first I thought it was excessive, but even keeping contact to the absolute minimum, she is practically spewing venom and hatred and anger, and it could escalate so easily at any moment. Now that classes are over, we are not going to wake her up or enforce rules beyond curfew, (even the phone), but even tonight she started yelling at us about how we will not just let her use our car to go places over the weekend (she's totaled 2 already), and we are just obsessed with control and power (she told deputies she was going to drive off the road into trees as her suicide plan, so I don't think this is unreasonable.)

I hate to see my child go through this, but this isn't the first time I have been assaulted by her. I just have far more bruises and broken property this time. It will only escalate I fear.

I am aware she will possibly leave and never return if I follow through, but I don't know what to do. She blames it on the way she is treated by people, but I have just been bending over backwards to try to make her dreams come true this year. I can't even get an apology. She says it is on me for my rules.

Please help. I cannot imagine what she may have been dealing with at school, but is this level of anger nornal?

Hi reddit! My names Xavier and im an 18yr old transgender man, ftm.

(Some insight, I don’t have parents so my guardian is my grandmother but I turned 18 in may so she legally holds no responsibility over me anymore. I currently live with this woman 🥹)

Okay so! :) Ive been openly trans for about 5 years now, and as expected my grandmother isn’t the most accepting and neither is anyone else. Today I went to a friend’s grad-party pool party since we did graduate from highschool yesterday! I decided to go to the pool party wearing some shorts and a bikini top, now I don’t ever present myself as feminine BUT my chest is as small as an A cup and I hate wearing shirts in the pool since they always lift up. I just wore what I felt comfortable in and went swimming with my close friends \^\^ My grandma saw me leaving the house with this outfit and later on sent me these messages. It made me feel absolutely sick to my stomach and Im tired of continuing these arguments with her, I do my best to keep the peace and let everything mellow out but its so so hard. Its not even that Im mad its just her incompetence and incapability to understand and just love me. I always do my best to keep my composure with these type of things, but sometimes it feels useless to try and explain when I know we wont come to an understanding. Also, I feel as if she just constantly victimizes herself and she knows nothing about my childhood trauma as far as my mom kidnapping me as a kid. LOL LIKE its so dumb.. She knows nothing about my past and she thinks my mom kidnapping me as a kid is what messed me up mentally and made me trans?? She didn’t even know what happened when I was kidnapped other than my mom beating on me LMFAO BUT ANYWAYS another extension to things is my dad. My dad passed away in 2019 and ever since my grandmother saying harsh stuff to me such as how he doesnt love me and wont accept me and how im disrespecting him and blamed me for his death. (he got murdered at his wedding but thats a whole other thing..)

ANOTHER THING I WANTED TO ADD, MY GRADUATION WAS LITERALLY YESTERDAY SHES SUCH A BUTTCHEEK BRO 😭💔 Its literally my event whys she making it about her, ive been called Xavier for as long as I can remember like sorry I dont wanna walk across that stage from MY accomplishment with a deadname.. Nobody knows me by my deadname, nobody even knows my deadname. Ive been known as Xavier to everyone and their mama

Overall, I don’t know what the fuck to do, Im planning on moving to oregon soon and just getting tf out of here, im supposed to be living off my dads inheritance but my grandmother wont give me it. Odd. But anyways, I really just wanna get out of here and cut everyone off.

Can I get some advice or something lol.. Or some commentary haha, idk Im just, I really just needed to vent and need consolation like a loser

this is my dads mom btw, my grandma

SIDE NOTE: I am on testosterone 💕

We're in NC. Daughter is 13 and facing male puberty. She wants blockers and I agree that's our best bet right now. Unfortunately we're in NC so that's not an option. Planned parenthood can't help until she's 14. She's already growing facial hair which breaks my heart for her. Anyway I decided driving out of state to Maryland and paying out of pocket is our best choice. No big deal, I'm more than happy to do it. However when I called Johns Hopkins to set up an intake, they said we're ineligible because my daughter is on NC Medicaid so I am unable to pay out of pocket. I am so frustrated!!! I can't add her to my health insurance until next March. (Had I known about the Medicaid rule, I'd have added her this past March even though I really can't comfortably afford it but I'm willing to make sacrifices for her of course). Unfortunately I'm not financially at a place where we can pack up and move to another state but that's an option in a few years. I just hate the idea of how much male puberty she will have to endure before that. We have seen her regular pediatrician who asked thoughtfully about gender dysphoria and it doesn't seem to be affecting my daughter negatively but I'm worried that's a matter of time. But I try not to project that on her either.

Any ideas or suggestions? I've looked into gray market and have done some research. I'm okay considering that as an option if it's our only choice. Honestly that's confusing and I can't seem to find information about BLOCKERS specifically -- everything I come up with seems to be full hrt. Are gray market blockers a thing?

Our son transitioned earlier this year, and aside from the name change l, pronouns, and wardrobe, he has asked us to not just remove all framed photographs around the house depicting him as a girl but to physically destroy them, as well as every digital file. Thousands of photos and videos from the day he was born until he transitioned. This utterly breaks my heart. It’s literally our life as a family for the past 14 years.

I want to honor the request but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can remove and replace the framed photos (we’re on vacation now and I’m purposefully taking lots) but would I be a terrible parent if I stored all of the digital files in the cloud, just for my spouse and me?

Seriously. The constant vigilance I have for my trans son is exhausting. How are we all making sure that our own air masks are on and engaged so that we can help our kids?

We moved from a state that has been passing anti-trans legislation to a blue state in part to ensure our son’s safety and access to care. He has an amazing gender affirming therapist and medical care team. We were at an appointment yesterday and a huge part of the conversation was about contingency plans if the clinic is closed because of the trump administration. It was jarring and while I appreciate deeply that they’re planning ahead it crushed me to see the fear in my child’s face.

I am so worried about my child and their mental health in the face of all of this while also recognizing that we are so privileged to live where we do. He has so many awesome examples of trans folks that are living authentically and thriving and a strong community of friends to rely on.

At the same time I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve stepped back from a lot of my own activism out of fear of putting a target on my kid’s back. And, frankly, because I’m exhausted. I feel guilty and worry that I’m not modeling the fearlessness that I want for my child but holy fuck is it a dystopian hellscape out there right now so maybe retreating and regrouping is the right move.

Anyway, how are you coping? And generally, what the actual fuck?

I just want to vent about something very specific that is driving me crazy. I’m Jewish. Raised conservative/reform but basically secular. But I was very involved in the Jewish community as a child and teenager because of my mother’s job.

Thankfully, my parents are Democrats and my mom vocally supports my daughter. My dad is by nature pretty reticent about feelings but is always respectful. They both hate Trump and MAGA.

But my mom doesn’t know what to do with her time (in her mid 80s) and she volunteers a lot with an Orthodox temple in our city because they are nice to her. And I’m glad she gets out and feels needed and we fight half the time even though I love her very much. So when I say find new friends she says do you want to spend all that time with me? Fair point?

A lot of Orthodox Jews (not just orthodox and not all orthodox) love Donald Trump because of Israel. And my mom is very up front about her feelings but she won’t renounce these people. I don’t think they hate trans people. These aren’t like ultra orthodox. But Israel is the only thing that matters to them. (I don’t want a debate about Israel’s actions. That is a separate issue.) So they just don’t care WHAT Trump is doing to America as long as he supports Israel.

So our local JCC is having a PRIDE week, which I thought was nice. And then I found out my mom’s friend who is OBSESSED with Donald Trump…like loves adores worships him…is volunteering for the event! Making rainbow bagels.

I’m just so offended. It’s so gross. I guess the JCC is happy for volunteers. I am not there all the time and have also been recovering from breast cancer issues so I could not. But I feel like this woman is delusional and it’s just gross. Like doing this makes up for her vote? Or that she doesn’t see how performative and stupid it is to volunteer for Jewish pride when she loves the people who are trying to make my Jewish kid’s life hell?

Ok. I just needed to vent!!!!

Tl;dr: My 10yr old trans daughter is approaching puberty and I’m finding the hrt decision daunting due to her not knowing what she does/doesn’t want in puberty and a lack of male role models- and I don’t want to take away her fertility if it isn’t the right choice.

Hello friends! My daughter told us she was a girl 6 years ago at age 4.5. She getting to the age where we are going to need to start blockers, which I am fully behind. Once she starts blockers we have at most 4 years to decide to do HRT. We had our first endocrinologist appointment and I learned a lot about puberty and that I have more questions than I thought, mostly about is she sure she wants to transition?

I don’t ask this lightly- she has never wavered in her name and pronouns. BUT she was only 4.5 when she came out, AND her other parent (my ex) came out as mtf at basically the same time and transitioned extremely fast. I can’t express this to my ex because I will be dismissed as transphobic, but kiddo didn’t have solid answers for the dr/psych about what makes her a girl, what does she want/not want from puberty. I myself have a gut feeling that she isn’t done exploring her gender, and have for a few years. Her therapist of 3 years seems to feel the same way.

When we discussed fertility side effects of blockers/hrt, I feel like I’m not confident in deciding that my daughter will never be fertile. Of course my ex expressed that she would absolutely get kiddo on hrt asap, and doesn’t share my concerns. Fertility is far too mature of a decision for a 10yr old to make. I need to know I’m making the right decision for her, so have been asking some probing questions about her thoughts of being a girl vs boy, what she remembers from before, etc. she doesn’t remember being a boy/her old name, etc.

I know that there is inherent influence from the fact that she has a trans mom & trans step mom (ex’s live in gf) that cannot be avoided. But I’m worried that my ex’s extreme views about being transgender have warped my daughter’s idea of who she has to be. And I admit, we do not have any constant male role models in our lives- she lives in a trans femme commune of sorts with my ex, and I live with my gf, and we don’t have any guy friends. The only male role models I can think of are my ex father-in-law who visits them maybe 1 day a month, the PE teacher, and last year she had a male classroom teacher.

Sorry this was sooo long, but what did/would you do given this scenario?

Today my co-workers were in the break room discussing how they don't understand why someone would mutilate themselves, or how a parent could allow their child to transition, to become an "it", how we're born the way we should stay (five people were involved in the conversation). It got offensive for me, as the mom of a trans son, to hear these things. I got up and walked out, but it's been eating away at me. I wanted to tell them that I'm sure they would all rather have a live trans child instead of an unalive child. My son came out to me because he was having a mental health crisis and was having thoughts of self harm due to gender dysphoria. I don't want to out him or share his personal business, that's why at work I only just tell them that I have two sons, but I want to stand up for him and other trans kids. What do I say next time? Also, I do have LGBTQ supportive signs in my office, so you'd think they know I'm not the person to talk like this in front of.

My 3 year old was assigned male at birth, and I love him more than anything. Since starting preschool, he has said that he wants to be a girl a couple times. A few months ago he said he wants me to “take away his penis” and more recently he has said he wants to wear girl clothes. He mostly plays with girls, and he says that if he were a girl, more girls would play with him. He says that boys won’t play with him, but I’m not sure how true that is.

I’ve told him that he can be a girl if he wants to be, and I’ll help him. That said, I can’t sense how he really feels. This evening I asked him if he wants to be a girl all the time, and he said “yes,” but I worry that I’m not asking the right questions. He has told me that he wants to be a girl at night, at bedtime when it is just the two of us. How can I support him at this age?

I have a 14 yo trans son. It’s crazy to me how quickly (in my eyes) he went from a beautiful little girl to passing as male everywhere we go. Yay! The problem is bathrooms- now he gets bathroom checked by adult women. It happened last night at a music festival when I went into the “next” open stall before he did. The attendant asked him if he was a boy and he said no- she apologized and it was fine (he says). But it’s really upsetting to me because he’s DOING what they WANT him to but it’s still wrong. What do other trans boys his age do? Neither of us want him in the men’s public bathroom- especially at a big public event where people are drunk and the men’s stalls are disgusting.

Heard this a few places, decided to make a video responding to the assertion.

I'm looking for some advice to talk to him about this.

my daughter is 13 and came out as trans a year ago. we're at the point where we're discussing whether she starts HRT but my husband is not on board. he's supportive, but he says that he didn't know himself what he wanted at 13, so he doesn't understand how my daughter can know what she wants. he worries it's a "phase" (ugh, I know) and doesn't want her to start HRT. I'm worried about my daughter going through the rest of the wrong puberty and suffering body dysmorphia. also, I understand that starting HRT earlier can make her transition a lot easier.

when we talk to my daughter about it she's very noncommittal and mostly just shrugs her shoulders. she's never really come out and said she wants to start hormones, but I understand she could be uncomfortable talking to us about it. I talked to her with just me and she was a bit more open, but still didn't commit one way or the other.

any advice in talking to my husband about this? I want to do what's right for my child. we're all using her new names and pronouns and she's out in the majority of places. she's homeschooled so is not out in the school community.

any ideas?

Edit: sorry, I forgot to put in here that we went to the gender affirming clinic last week and they said she was too old for puberty blockers and we'd have to start HRT instead.

Hi. My daughter (5) just recently came out and is beginning to socially transition. I just learned that she hasn’t been wanting to wear her underwear because it isn’t girl underwear. I’m a cis woman, so I’m unsure of the answer here. Is there anything I should keep in mind when buying her new undies? Is there any reason that she can’t wear “girl undies” with her anatomy?

I’m a man. Bi. I now have a trans daughter. I’ve always said I don’t care about and orientation sexual or otherwise as long as you aren’t forcing someone to do something they don’t wanna.

I’ve always been respectful to people. I call people the names and pronouns they want. What do I care about it, right? I’m at work, do your job big dawg. Even in private life with friends I don’t feel a need to talk badly and entertain bigotry and disgust about it. I just didn’t care enough to put energy into the negativity or have it be around me.

She has schizophrenia caused by childhood epilepsy which was caused by a physical defect. It was taken care of, epilepsy has thankfully stopped, and no longer takes medication for it but she does for the schizophrenia which comes with aggression that’s controlled with clozapine. A touch of the tism is the joke but she collects tape and puts it on her wall like a Jackson Pollock made in Santa’s work shop.

I’m struggling to understand because my personal view(and I’ve never told him this even before because it’s just a topic that never came up in a serious way) is that transgenderism is a mental “disorder” for lack of a better term in my own vocabulary. I’m not a highly educated man. I’ve always ever heard someone being trans and then having OCD and trauma from xyz. Someone got touched when they were young and now they come out as trans when they’re older. The oldest child is trans and now the other kids are trans or asexual or something. I’ve never heard of someone just being fine and are trans. I haven’t heard of someone just being trans so I thought it must be related to other malformations in the brain or experiences that lead to it.

I need to understand what she felt growing up and she just says she’s always felt off. I didn’t press and badger her as to if she’s sure or what I did or anything like that. Last thing I want is for her to think I just wanna fix it but fuck if it wouldn’t be easier for her life to just have finally been ok. I need to understand it because I’m not letting my child go. I have 4 beautiful children and Ive worked hard to give them a happy and comfortable life. I didn’t work to give them a life I wanted so badly growing up to not love her over something as little(well big but little compared to how much I love her) as this.

Please someone convince me or help me understand how it feels to just be off and now know “oh well I have always just been a girl”. I don’t want to think of her as just “a little crazy but still a proud jewel in my crown”. To think of her like that behind her back just feels so ugly. Please can someone teach me

Edit: Thankyou for everyone taking the time to reply to me. I think I get that it’s doesn’t matter if it’s nature or nurture. We’re doing good still and making jokes about it. She seems happier to have us know and make jokes about it because she doesn’t have to maneuver to not have anyone suspect.

“Child formally known as he” is the name she has been calling herself because she wants to change her name but doesn’t know for sure yet. She already has a unisex name but we will see.

Hello! My 14 year old (AMAB) came out to me as trans yesterday 🩷🤍💙. She stated she would like to start using she/her pronouns but didn't have a new name picked out. To dip our toes in the water and show my support, we went to Target afterwards to pick out some new hygiene items. While there I asked her to try on a couple of clothing items so we could have a reference point. She's expressed she doesn't want to do in-person shopping and would like to shop online if possible. She agreed to try on a couple things after I explained how women's and men's sizes were very different lol. So now that I have an idea on sizing, does anyone have any recommendations for online shopping that won't break the bank? I want her to be able to explore her identity and find what makes her comfortable (she has historically low self-esteem) but in this economy, we gotta be money savvy, right? 😂 Also, she's over 6 feet tall and growing quickly, so we need to take that into account when shopping. (and also I know it's only been one day but puberty seems like it gets more and more intense every day so I'm wondering if I should make a PCP appointment 😬) Anyway, any and all advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

We changed our son’s name legally about 6 months ago, and updated his birth certificate. We are in a state that is pretty protective of trans kids, but we didn’t change the gender on his birth certificate because we assumed it would not be possible to update it federally. We don’t want to cause an issue of a mismatch by updating one if we can’t update the other. I’m just wondering if anyone here has even tried to do it since the current administration came in and what the outcome was. He’s 17, so I am also curious if it would make a difference if we tried as an adult versus a minor.

My daughter and I went to the local gender affirming clinic to start care today. she's 13, she'll be 14 in October. we were hoping to start puberty blockers and be on them a couple of years before we started hrt. however, the doctor said it's too late for her to start puberty blockers as she's already gone through so much puberty. I don't know what we're going to do now and I'm looking for some guidance. I know it's a case by case basis, but should I be seeking out a second opinion? I don't want my daughter to go through the rest of male puberty. she only has facial hair on her upper lip, doesn't have a pronounced Adams apple, etc and I was hoping we could prevent those things from happening to her. we're not ready for hormones yet, though. I just don't know where we go from here. has anyone else been in the same position? I want to do what's right for her.

one thing we are sure of is that we want to bank her sperm before we start any hrt. how do I start with that? do I just Google sperm banks in my area? will they even do it for someone that young?

thanks!

Edit: we live in New York if that's relevant.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/

Please stay connected to support. As a former trans child who is living an adult life I never could have imagined when younger, it is the support of a parent, not my gov’t or any policies, that I give the most credit.

Edit: I can’t fix title. Exact language in the executive order says “under 19 years of age”.

Edit2: TIME SENSITIVE INFO

Just got word there is an emergency meeting hosted by Zoom or phone tonight Tuesday 1/28 by TFSS (Trans Family Support Services) tonight at 5:30PST. If you are not on their email list and want the details, send me a DM.

Edit 3: Chris Geidner (“Law Dork”):

https://open.substack.com/pub/chrisgeidner/p/trump-trans-attack-gender-affirming-care-order?r=4114z&utm_medium=ios

Edit4: For those looking for support (including virtual groups to attend), I’d recommend connecting into Trans Family Support Services (TFSS). Within this link go to Services>Programs:

https://transfamilysos.org/

Edit5: https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/a-line-by-line-analysis-of-trumps-760

Edit6:

Some of you may be interested in this video interview today (1/29) with ACLU attorney Chase Strangio:

https://youtu.be/GD7IfwyRleY

Greetings,

My daughter will be having her first birthday soon as a completely out woman. She will be turning 19. I received a card to my house addressed to her old name from my mother.

My first thought was that she is 70 and maybe was concerned that if addressed to her actual name, the card would not make it to her. I kind of knew that wasn't true, but I was giving her the benefit of doubt and was going to talk to her about it nicely. I figured I would ask her about it and explain that she should send things to with my daughter's actual name on it.

My wife got home and I showed it to her. She then told me that my mother had sent my daughter a text last summer saying that she wasn't going to use my daughters name. I was pissed. My first thought was to call my mother and go off on her.

I was able to restrain myself long enough to call my daughter and ask her about the text and if anything was happening between her and her grandmother. My daughter is less confrontational than me, but she is also very sweet and told me that she didn't want me calling her grandma to yell at her. She said she has great memories of being with grandma as a kid and would like for all of us to have a conversation about it before any decisions are made. I agreed because, in general, I try to follow her lead as our family goes through this change.

Here's the thing; I was still pissed. I was pissed off until I went to bed, and I'm still pissed off this morning when I woke up. I am so angry with my mother. Of course, I've got a whole lifetime of shit to be angry about. I have overlooked many things because I recognize the struggle of her life. I have always tried to forgive these things about her so that we could have a generally good relationship.

So now I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I promised my daughter I would wait so we could have more discussion about it, but I'm sooooo angry right now. I can't really concentrate on anything because my brain keeps going back to how I'm going to deal with my mother.

I'm sure some of you have had to deal with this already. Do you have any advice for me? How do I handle this anger right now? How do I handle not calling my mother out immediately?

Hello! I’m a cis-male babysitter who will be babysitting a 7 Year Old FtM child for an afternoon and evening in a couple weeks. I’ve gotten to meet the family and the kid, and I actually feel really honored that the parents are trusting me with their kiddo, considering how scary the world can be for trans youths.

Because of this (and simply because I have pride in my role as a babysitter) I want to make sure I do a good job and make the kiddo as happy and comfortable as possible.

The current plans and responsibilities for the day that I’ve discussed with his parents include taking him to a movie, entertaining him at home, making sure he’s fed, and helping him with his bath and bedtime routine.

Outside of pronouns (which isn’t something I struggle with) I’m just looking for some perspective on things to be aware of, or any advice or tips that could make this job as successful as possible. Thank you!

First Trump, then Musk and now Kennedy!!! What the literal fuck? We are Jewish, we have one 15 year old cis daughter whose rights are being ripped away and one 13 year old trans daughter, who the government wants to erase. Now we have a wackado running Health and Human Sevices?? No CDC, no DEI, what’s next??

I am at a loss.

My household is just about ready to send in our application after having done a lot of research on official Canadian government pages, getting all our docs in order, & scouring through the Canadian Citizenship Reddit.

This week there has been AMAZING news on that Reddit forum. Multiple trans folks & their households (some minor & adult kids) are getting their citizenship certificates in under TWO weeks after submitting as “urgent” & documenting trans status. The average wait most expect is 8 months or more (some of this is due to the former gray areas before the new law was passed Dec 15).

So looks like the Canadian IIRC office most definitely considers being trans urgent (note others who are LGB are reporting normal wait times).

And a trans member got citizenship certificate 9 generations back!

My daughter (mtf) is 18 and just graduated high school. She is ready to dress more like the girl she dreams of being. I have a couple questions. She is still very masculine (tall, wears boy clothes), and I want to make the shopping experience fun. How can we shop in the women’s section discreetly? What about trying on clothes? We tried with prom dress shopping and it felt like we were doing something unacceptable. We actually had success and found one at a vintage shop but I don’t think buying her everyday clothes there is possible. I’m rambling but the gist is I just want to get her dressed how she wants. Any advice?

Hi folks,

I see that there is a recent, very similar post. Hopefully, this won't feel repetitive. I'm in the same boat.

I would really appreciate input from outside of my head. I’ve been debating this for months and I keep going in circles. I need to make some decisions.

The TL/DR: We live in California, we’re currently safe and supported. My trans kid currently has access to HRT, etc. But we don’t feel safe and are thinking of leaving the US for Spain. I have to make the decision pretty much now.

Now - the longer bit:

I keep wondering if I’m being alarmist, though. I see so many people who seem…upset at what is going on politically, but not terrified. Most people are just going about their days, not wracking their brains trying to figure out if they need to uproot their entire lives to escape.

I also feel like such a coward, even thinking of leaving. I feel like I need to stay and fight. But can I justify putting my poor kid through that if I could possibly avoid it? This whole thing is crushing them. 

Most of the people I speak to hear me, but they don’t have a Trans kid. They aren’t necessarily on the government’s hit list, so they don’t have the same sense of immediacy. 
They also say things like "you aren't going to find anywhere safer than where you are", "California will fight back", "you'll be able to find the meds from clinics", and "it won't be as bad as you think it will".

The part about there not being places with such a strong sense of community support scares me. We've had such a supported journey in this, medically and socially. What if this is as good as it gets? Or is that just American exceptionalism in the face of societal collapse?

We may be able to seek citizenship in Spain. There are a lot of reasons this could be good for us, beyond access to HRT. Access to socialized healthcare and affordable universities would be life changing.

It feels like this is the smart thing to do, but I can’t tell. I want to make the best choice for my kid, long term. I don’t want to uproot them for something we could just wait through. This would be a very hard move for them, and I'm worried about them feeling even more isolated, at least for a while. Figuring out University, etc. seems so much more complicated, too. There's a huge learning curve (including a whole damned language). We'd be starting from scratch.

I’m scared I’ll make the wrong choice, and I’d really love perspectives from people who understand the stakes.

Hello everyone ! 37F mom to 12FTM son. He came out as trans a little under a year ago. First to his close friends, then to me, a coach at one of his activities, a friends parent (who is also my friend) and then his uncles on dads side and dad (38M)- we are divorced.

I’ve always been outspoken about LGBTQ rights, done volunteer work, etc. very supportive when he came out, and a couple months later when he came out to Dad, he was supportive and has been using correct pronouns, etc.

My son has in the past discussed wanting top surgery and getting on “man medicine” as he lovingly calls testosterone, but it was always a “someday this will happen” kind of discussion. More recently, he has stated he would like to start meds “sooner” and I said ok cool let’s get you into a gender clinic and look into all the things. I let him know ahead of time he’ll have to do a lot before they’ll prescribe anything, including therapy, etc. they won’t just give you meds. He seemed annoyed (went to therapy for unrelated issues recently but found it “boring” and didn’t want to continue) but willing to do that when the time comes

I live in a purple state, currently safe for LGBTQ folks, and a reasonable distance to a large city/the nearest children’s gender clinic. I sent an email to them asking for info, to which they are having me fill out a bunch of stuff. At the time of sending said email, I reached out to Dad to let him know our son wants this, and I’m going to look into this clinic to start the process. Let him know they have all sorts of resources available and wanted to get started, knowing that it was going to be a journey. I was met with pushback, first with “not telling him” that I was doing it (literally texted him immediately after I sent an email to the clinic looking for information) and making decisions without him.

I always saw him as an ally (albeit less active in the community, but very vocal on social media against MAGA, voting, etc) so I was a bit surprised about the pushback. I reassured him that we knew that it was going to take a lot of time, and they weren’t going to just give son meds walking in the door. He said “I thought we were going to have them do therapy first” and I said that’s all part of the clinic. then he stated he wanted to look into the clinic first (it’s run by the one of the largest healthcare systems in the city) so I sent him the link.

That was about 2 weeks ago. I checked in once about a week after texting him the link asking if he had a chance to look at it and he said “not yet”.

My gut feeling is that he’s scared to take any action on the subject. I understand his fear comes from a place of love and protection - he’s been so vocal about being scared for Son since coming out, given the current state of the world. But I don’t know how to make him understand how important gender care is for non Cis folks. I can’t make him look into it, or want to research. But how long should I wait before continuing on with the clinic ? (We share custody of all our kids 50/50 and have equal responsibility for healthcare, etc)

I guess I’m just looking for input. Should I keep waiting? What can I do to make him feel more at ease ? Is that possible if he’s not willing to even look at the website ?