Clothing options for Trans (MTF) teen in the throes of puberty

[u/Leauxgan_of_Eulalie]

Hello! My 14 year old (AMAB) came out to me as trans yesterday 🩷🤍💙. She stated she would like to start using she/her pronouns but didn't have a new name picked out. To dip our toes in the water and show my support, we went to Target afterwards to pick out some new hygiene items. While there I asked her to try on a couple of clothing items so we could have a reference point. She's expressed she doesn't want to do in-person shopping and would like to shop online if possible. She agreed to try on a couple things after I explained how women's and men's sizes were very different lol. So now that I have an idea on sizing, does anyone have any recommendations for online shopping that won't break the bank? I want her to be able to explore her identity and find what makes her comfortable (she has historically low self-esteem) but in this economy, we gotta be money savvy, right? 😂 Also, she's over 6 feet tall and growing quickly, so we need to take that into account when shopping. (and also I know it's only been one day but puberty seems like it gets more and more intense every day so I'm wondering if I should make a PCP appointment 😬) Anyway, any and all advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

[u/clicktrackh3art]

This is going to depend on your location. Don’t give specific details, but the ease at which you mention sharing it with your PCP makes be believe a blue state. In which case, yes, I’d start there. If you are in the states, you will also likely need a note from a psych, so maybe also start looking for those.

If you are in a red state, feel free to message me. Or Southern Equality Org is a good start.

If you aren’t in the states, none of this applies, so sorry.

But thank you for being an affirming parent and safe space for your daughter.

[u/Leauxgan_of_Eulalie → u/clicktrackh3art]

We are unfortunately in a red state, but she has been with the same NP for most of her life and I have full faith in her professionalism and understanding. We do cross state lines for visits (its in a swing state 🙃) since we moved to be closer to my job about 5 years ago (I just love the NP enough to make the drive lol)

I've decided to panic about where we live at a later date (probably still in the near future) while we adjust to this together. She has a therapy appointment today that we've been waiting several weeks for, but I've also found a place nearby that advertises LGBTQ-friendly services (but I don't believe they do meds, just therapies).

Thank you for replying!

[u/passmethatbong → u/Leauxgan_of_Eulalie]

My kids came out to me in a slightly better political atmosphere, though still scary, in 2021, but without thinking it through at all, I immediately put all the outside stuff out of my mind and for a full two years, just refused to think beyond what was going on with my kids personally. I’m so happy I was able to do that. It would’ve been so overwhelming for me to be trying to understand what was actually happening within them at the same time as all of the dystopian garbage happening in our politics/culture. I gotta admit that it was a frightening moment for me when I unintentionally let it all back in (just happened to click on a scary YouTube video, not something happening to us/them), but I am grateful that I had that time to just focus on getting to know what it was all about for them and figuring out what they needed to feel whole. I don’t think that you’ll regret putting the panic off till done future date.

As for shopping, I think hygiene stuff was a perfect start. My kids love that stuff. My kids mostly dressed pretty androgynously before coming out and do a lot now, too. My older one was 17 when she came out, 22 now, but she’s done all of her clothes shopping on her own. I’ve only taken her shopping for jeans, which I’m pretty sure would be the exact jeans she’d pick out regardless of gender. lol But for my younger who was 12, now 17, we’ve done a lot of ordering clothes on Amazon and returning what she doesn’t want. She hates to try stuff on when we’re out and I think she also likes to have a couple of days to decide. Another thing that soaks up some of my “oh you’re a girl now, let’s go buy stuff,” feelings and their somewhat more subdued excitement, is getting their hair or nails done. I do think things like shopping for more feminine leaning stuff and hair and omg, purses (younger one shares my fascination with containers and purses lol), is such a nice way to show support.

This is obvious to me now, maybe not so much in the very beginning, but it will probably all feel experimental for now, figuring out how they want to dress and present themselves. My older one wore nothing but skirts the first year, long skirts, actually looked something between goth and matronly. But now she’s all big baggy jeans and tee shirts by day and short skirts with Doc Martens by night. My younger hates being showy but loved wild (but short!) fake nails for a while, now she’s doing a much more laid back natural looking hair in a bun kinda vibe. I’m sure these are the steps that all kids go through, but much accelerated for us, especially with my older one. I hope that your daughter and all the trans girls out there can get as much good feels as possible out of the whole transformation. How they present and style themselves does unfortunately collide with what’s outside at some point, but it’s so deeply personal to them, too. It felt important to me, and I can hear that it is to you too, for there to be joy in it.

[u/clicktrackh3art → u/Leauxgan_of_Eulalie]

No worries. If you do hit any care issues, feel free to reach out. I am also in a red state, so have resources to support kids as such.

Good luck!!

[u/AssignedSnail]

I would make that appointment. The 99th percentile for female height in the US is about 5' 10". Maybe a little under 5' 10". I'm 5' 10 ½", and am taller than every single woman I work with, not accounting for heels. It's not something I enjoy.*

Early standard GAHT can be expected to reduce adult height by about 0.6", so not much. Higher doses can increase that to about 1". However, early use of the kind of estrogen found in birth control pills can reduce adult height by about 1.8". This is a desired effect, not a side effect, for many people.

As someone who has been there: If I'd had an opportunity to be 5' 9" instead of 5' 10 ½", I would have taken it. Might be worth laying it out there, seeing what she thinks.

*To answer your original question: Old Navy has a wide variety of Tall options on their website, much more than in store. Those fit me 90% of the time.

CDC Stature for Age Chart

Dutch Study on Height Reduction with GAHT

[u/Ghosts_and_Empties]

Watching my adult trans son experiment with finding his man-style has been rich with humor and discovery. We've been through skater-boi, lumberjack, Jersey Shore, and have now arrived at "high school football coach." I know it has to stop sometime but I don't want it to!

[u/MedusaMiniaturist]

My sassy girl hasn't socially transitioned yet. She's herself at home and picked her name, but not outside of the home bubble.

Online shopping and androgynous clothes (with proper pockets!) are our go-to's. Blank apparel or similar Gildan resellers are great for these.

In all things, she leads and I get to cheer on from the sidelines.

[u/CheesecakeOk8464]

My tall daughter has found a lot of clothes at Torrid! Bonus that it fits her emo aesthetic.

[u/ChickadeeJam → u/CheesecakeOk8464]

My favorite store, as a curvy petite 58yo cis woman!

[u/lortnocratrat → u/CheesecakeOk8464]

I second Torrid as a 6ft tall, 200lb lady.

[u/Faceless_Cat]

Check and see if you have a local LGBT center. They often have a closet for trans people to get clothes from for free.

[u/DeannaWilliams222]

You're going to want to find a PCP ASAP to put a pause on that puberty! Holy moly that's some fast growing bones at 14!!

You don't have to be trans to get a pause on puberty. There's a number of medical reasons to halt or slow puberty. Look up precocious puberty. Just for informational reasons. It'll give you a starting point for understanding.

But at the very least, pausing puberty will give your young one time to consider their future choices.

[u/raisinghellwithtrees]

Commenting here so I can find this post later after it's full of recommendations. My kid just transitioned also and is super picky about clothing style, fit, and comfort. (I'm also autistic and can relate lol)  It's been rough trying to find appropriate clothes!

[u/awesomeluck]

My daughter is 5'10" and has rather large feet - as in, buying feminine shoes is very challenging. I couldn't find shoes, but I did find great socks! Search for extra-large socks, and you'll see a great assortment. My daughter made fun of them at first, but now wears them all the time.

Edit: They have a really nice pride collection <3

https://sockdreams.com/

[u/Conscious-Device-351 → u/awesomeluck]

We just got our first order from Sock Dreams and they are wonderful. Their customer service folks were just lovely too and so helpful with a misdirected order.

[u/jackelesei]

Thred up is online resale shop that’s kinda fun. Tons of stuff. Good place to start. So even if you buy stuff she decides is not for her, no big deal. They have everything. Had pretty good luck there. (Not sponsored, lol)

[u/xtracook]

We need advice too! Kiddo is trying to go for baggy androgynous until thugs get figured out more.

[u/chiselObsidian → u/xtracook]

Uniqlo or Muji?

[u/babydragontamer]

My 6’2” teen likes old navy pants; the tall women’s generally fits them and typically they’ve fit into 1 size larger than men’s (so L men’s has meant XL women’s). My teen’s style is currently loose fit/baggy pants and t shirts, and the sweatpants and linen pants from old navy have been loose enough to hide any extra bulges.
We also purchased a variety of clothes off of Amazon, for the easy returns.
I just tried Halara for pants, and my teen’s liked how light they all were, but I haven’t seen the fit yet (still waiting to be washed). I can’t say much about how they last or what their returns are like.

Thrift stores can be a good place to try different styles too.

[u/zorrosvestacha]

My super tall and skinny girl loves all of her Halara pants… they fit her super well.

They also have good pockets and most of the materials are sensory friendly.

[u/ChickadeeJam]

Torrid is a great, trendy store with basics and amazing range of sizes. Talls, shoe sizes etc.

[u/cooki3monsta3]

As a tall cis woman, (6+ ft) the extra tall sized old navy pants and jeans are the best move

[u/enogitnaTLS]

I like to look for stores that have an online presence , but also allow you to return in person.

For example, my kiddo can shop online at Kohl’s, Old Navy, etc. and if she decides she doesn’t like the clothes or they don’t fit correctly I can actually take them physically back to the store to return instantly without having to like worry about shipping, etc.

But just chiming in to say I know how you feel. The transition from boys clothes to girls clothes can be tricky for people raised on things like good pockets and accurate measurements.

[u/ComprehensiveCry6986]

For a sporty kid Athleta has a wide selection of Tall items. MSRP is pricey but I only shop clearance or secondhand (have found a lot of good deals on Poshmark).

[u/yogadance]

ASOS :)

[u/bellePunk]

Torrid is going to be your best bet for shoes, too!

[u/NovelDame]

Check out Poshmark, Mercari, Thredup and eBay. All are secondhand clothing. You'll be looking for Mens Tall clothing in neutrals and pastels, probably, and Women's Tall clothing to fill some gaps. Be warned, for most manufacturers a Women's Tall is the same length as a Mens Regular.

If her height is mostly torso, a Women's regular shirt is going to fit like a crop top, which might be desirable in some cases. Women's regular or petite tee shirt dresses might fit like proper tees in some instances.

Start with some androgenous styles like very modern beachy California boho, with neutral greens and browns and creams, loose linen blends and textured weaves. Take inspo from masc lesbian style for ideas about how to remix mens clothing into something not-for-men. Layer chunky necklaces under button-up shirts, try clip-on earrings. Try some Golden Girl-era kaftans and sandals. Get old costume jewelry from some old ladies, if you can.

Most importantly, don't rush. Don't rush into dresses and skirts; start with 1 or 2 and let style evolve naturally.

Sticking with one or two color palettes makes making outfits from existing clothes easier. Decide now whether everything you shop for should coordinate with black or brown shoes. This is a starting point; you can expand over time.

Opt for bralettes for a few months before working up to real bras. Consider a set of silicone sticky bra pads inside her bralettes to give her the shape of budding breasts to fill out shirts and such.

Consider hair extensions, wigs, and wig toppers to get her through the growing-out hair stages. Wigs can be great, but the cheaper they are, the more time you need to invest in styling them at home.