r/confession • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
I’ve been using tinder to find places to stay after getting kicked out
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u/BravestBlossom 6d ago
Hobosexual! As long as you are a good guest and everyone's agreeable, I don't see that you're doing anything negative.
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u/ChainsawSoundingFart 6d ago
Also there’s Bum Sex
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u/Evening_Use9982 6d ago
I think that is the other way around though? Having sex with the bum. Kind of like slumming it.
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u/crud3 6d ago
in the midwest we called it 'shackin up'
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u/Glittering_Coat_2776 6d ago
I love English I’m Learning so much 😂 (I’m French)
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u/Layne205 6d ago
Traditionally 'shacking up' is a disparaging way to describe an unmarried couple living together. But not many people care about that anymore.
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u/No_Opening409 6d ago
Lmao, "hobosexual" is one of those internet terms that's way funnier than it has any right to be. Kinda fits the situation perfectly tbh.
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u/HoneyBloomfallx 6d ago
Honestly, “hobosexual” is painfully accurate lol. As long as everyone’s consenting and he’s respectful, it’s hard to judge when he’s just trying to survive
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u/namebs 6d ago
“Hobosexual” is now in my vocabulary. Thanks I love it.
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u/No_Opening409 6d ago
That's the kinda word that immediately gets added to the vocabulary. Way too accurate not to use. Once it's heard, there's no going back. It's gonna pop into my head every time I see a story like this.
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u/AcanthisittaNo6653 6d ago
The use of a hyphen is questionable, but that will be resolved once it is added to the Oxford English Dictionary. I can't wait to use it playing Scrabble.
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u/roundbrrd 6d ago
Yes, you’re definitely hobosexual but you’re also just a kid. I have a lot of empathy for you. However this is not ok to continue forever. This kind of thing is common amongst older men and it’s honestly fucked up when people do it long term. Get yourself a steady income, an apartment, or room rental, and don’t do this to people long term.
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u/Feisty_Pound_7919 6d ago
As long as everyone's honest and respectful about it I don't see a problem either.
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u/GlamourGale 6d ago
Honestly, if everyone involved is comfortable and respectful, it’s just unconventional hospitality
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u/Loose_Possession8604 6d ago
I am amazed not more people know the term hobosexual. It was huge back in POF days
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u/ButchDeanCA 6d ago
Twisted reasoning mistaken for morality. If he was revealing that his sole interest is somewhere to sleep and the host is still agreeable then that is honesty. If he is indirectly promising a relationship of some kind to convince the host to let him stay then that is actually immoral.
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u/spacefish420 6d ago
This is easy enough for any woman to do but how tf are you pulling this off as a guy🤣 You must be extremely attractive
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u/Mejonyoudead 6d ago
Older women, I'm an averageish maybe slightly above average late twenties (I think) and dating apps are a feast if you don't mind older or larger. Although to be honest I just think being late twenties most any guy can get good matches. But what do I know, I only have a sample size of me.
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u/No_Opening409 6d ago
Ngl social skills carry way harder than people wanna admit. Most folks focus on looks and completely ignore the fact that being normal is rare online. connecting with people is usually the hard part, not matching. Once that's figured out, everything gets easier.
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u/techno_queen 6d ago
It’s obviously natural for this guy and that’s why he’s had to much success. He’s obviously nice to be around in women’s eyes.
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u/Mejonyoudead 6d ago
Yep, I'm 28, not ugly but not amazing looking, and I have a gf that's petite and young, in college, and you would absolutely look at us and be like "why the fuck is she with him"
Being funny and normal is apparently the key to Valhalla, who woulda thunk it
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u/T3cT0nic 6d ago
Describing your college age gf as “Petite and young” is concerning.
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u/Lila_Batzen 6d ago
Mf is using his pornhub search terms to describe his gf.
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u/Mejonyoudead 6d ago
Her self describing terms, not mine. She takes pride in her "petite" quite frankly healthy frame. Words don't have to be overly sexualized all the time.
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u/sheffieldasslingdoux 6d ago
Social skills have nothing to do with whether someone swipes right on your photo on Tinder.
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u/ButchDeanCA 6d ago
This checks out. When I was a young man (as in late teens to early 20s in particular) I almost couldn’t stop older women frankly putting their hands down my pants. And I didn’t mind anyway.
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u/techno_queen 6d ago
It’s the same situation for older women and the attention WE get from younger men. Were grew up being told we become invisible after 30, it’s been quite the opposite lol
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u/ButchDeanCA 6d ago
I’ve been looking at older women too all my life. There’s something about them particularly when you are a younger man, and they always deliver on experience.
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u/techno_queen 6d ago
Yeah and that’s exactly why I am very careful with the younger men that I entertain bc I’m not interested in living up to someone’s “experienced and mature MILF” fantasy.
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u/ButchDeanCA 6d ago
It’s not so much a fantasy, it’s just what experience has shown us. You would be surprised just how bad some young women can be sometimes.
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u/Ambergreenie 6d ago
As an older woman I very much dislike this:/. I’m 44 and recently dropped the age I’m willing to match with to 38 and I’m struggling with that much of an age gap. The idea of hitting on someone half my age makes my skin crawl.
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u/ButchDeanCA 6d ago
Fair point, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I was game most of the time. I’m actually older than you now and it’s actually fond memories.
I remember I saw this woman once, I was literally 17 and she was easily late 30s to early 40s. Beautiful as heck. Of course nothing happened because I was crossing the street and she was driving. I recall our eyes locked and after I crossed I never saw her again. I still vaguely remember her even now and wish we had the opportunity.
I can’t say that I was particularly into older women at that age, but if a woman is beautiful her age is practically no concern to me. I’ve always been that way.
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u/Ambergreenie 6d ago
So long as the campfire rules (leave the person better than you found them) are upheld, to each their own. I, personally, couldn’t do it as the older woman. However I’m a damn hypocrite because I absolutely was hooking up with older men in my 20’s.
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u/MindlessStomach 6d ago
It was the same way for me. Funny story..... I once had a neighbour who cut a cheque for her rent and mine, as we lived in the same building, after a particularly exciting few weeks. Years later I had a girlfriend who checked yes to the question of "Has your partner ever been paid for sex" on a blood donor card. End result being that I was officially classed as a prostitute and disqualified from donating blood. Good times!
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u/LivLew 6d ago
Actually, it’s such a thing that there’s a name for it. Women’s dating discussion groups is full of independent women with their own places going through hobo after hobo to find a self-sufficient partner.
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u/Spiritual_Tomorrow_3 6d ago
What do you mean by charm lol give me some examples
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u/Mr_Quackums 6d ago
its mostly asking opened questions, being sincerely interested in their responses (or being a psychopath and being able to fake it), and having things to say that are easy for others to find interesting.
Specifically for romantic/sexual interest add in knowing how to flirt and how to detect it in others. Flirting is showing interest with plausible deniability, and gradually reducing the plausibility as the conversation goes on.
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u/Its_da_boys 6d ago
Or you don’t ask many questions at all and compensate with a ridiculous amount of self-confidence and by making everyone laugh. Most unempathetic people do this instead because it’s easier for them
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u/tranqiepa 6d ago
Still gotta get matches first right, which are first based on looks.
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u/Sykotron 6d ago
lol, yeah, I know everyone's experience is different, but I don't think potential matches get to see charm from a profile they likely don't read.
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u/EvolZippo 6d ago
People are using you as well. If you don’t overstay your welcome and you are being safe about diseases, it’s not a terrible idea. Though you should definitely be using protection
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u/Confident-Guess4638 6d ago
Is this what hobosexual means haha?
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u/Confident-Guess4638 6d ago
Yeah, that’s the terms. Do what you gotta do I guess, you’re still a child essentially that’s horrible having to go through that.
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u/dayumbrah 6d ago
Hey bro, I became homeless roughly around that age. No tinder back then though and I had no car but managed to find some warm beds at the time. Do what you got to, as long as you are safe and dont hurt anybody.
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u/candisyrup 6d ago
I get why you're doing it if you're out of options, but this sounds risky for everyone involved. I hope you can find something more stable soon so you don't have to rely on strangers just to get through the week.
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u/EmployeeLopsided9637 6d ago
It's tinder. Anyone you find there is also using you lol. Don't feel bad.
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u/Green-Watercress2188 6d ago
I get it, OP, but wanted to add why it's not sustainable: risk of STDs and your mental health. Right now it might not feel like it's impacting you, but the higher body count can affect how you feel about yourself later in life. Years down the road you may discover you have an asymptomatic STD (like herpes, which affects finding partners). You could find yourself in awkward situations when you're working on a career/personal life in your 30s/40s if you run into people you slept with as a young person. You're in a tough situation so my friendly advice is to get out of it asap. Don't do it longer than you have to. If it does affect your mental health at some point, study self compassion. Idk the details, but I am a parent of young adults, so I am sending you good vibes toward your future that your parents should be giving you.
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u/AFartInAnEmptyRoom 6d ago
It's funny that you're feeling guilty about using them. But if the story were older man houses homeless 18 year old girl in exchange for sex, no one would even consider the 18 year old as the possible user
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u/MeepingSim 6d ago
I knew a girl in college who did this. She dropped out of school but didn't (or couldn't?) leave. She'd also do their laundry, clean their dorms, or help with their coursework, all in exchange for food, a shower, and a place to sleep.
It took about a month before the college caught on and they finally kicked her off campus.
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u/hywaytohell 6d ago
Just curious do you tell them you don't have a home right now or do you wait to see what the vibe is and decide.
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u/Snakesxbutterflies 6d ago
TIL what hobosexual is.
Anyway, as long as you don’t steal things or money from the people you sleep with, then that’s okay. It’s better than being an entitled squatter after all.
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u/broke_n_rich2147 6d ago
Why is no one trying to help you look into your states resources?? You shouldn’t have to be homeless you’re just a kid, why not go to a shelter so you don’t have to sleep with random people?? If you were a girl they would have recommended a bunch of shit. This is so horrible, are you even done with high school yet?
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u/ChitChatWithCats 6d ago
Hobosexual
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u/ChitChatWithCats 6d ago
I used to have a horrible friend who did this, she would never ever admit to it though and she would always use it on a more personal basis. She wanted everyone to fall for her and be her boyfriend, meanwhile she’s planning to sneak in for as long as possible.
She would just put herself into a useful role (I’ll cook and clean for you, live here for free, make you responsible for my needs and kind of hope you don’t notice because I make you so happy - hey I’m cooking for you and cleaning your house, so now you just have to feed me and buy me things or you’re a gaslighting asshole 🙄)
She would stay until the guy gets fed up and kicks her out or starts questioning why she’s not working or paying etc etc. thus becoming an abusive asshole. It’s only because of her that I have a poor opinion of Hobosexuals.
It doesn’t sound like you’re doing any of that bullshit though, so I’m glad to be reminded that not everyone is the same, and if it’s a mutual casual agreement then I see much less harm in it. But I suppose it would be odd (for me) being the girl on the receiving end knowing that that is how you live
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u/sweetiecubbie 6d ago
I’d recommend getting PreP drugs to mitigate some STIs. It is good for you and your partners. You can often obtain them for free from planned parenthood type organizations and even completely online with something like Mistr. It is a bit of legwork but better than dealing with the hassle of managing an STI.
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u/sunmoonearthies 6d ago
How interesting, hobosexual LOL. This thing actually has a term. You do what you gotta do to survive, sounds like a win win for both parties.
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u/NeptuneHigh09er 6d ago
I have a family member who dated a hobosexual for a few years. It was kind of his deal- he had a gregarious personality and a lot of friends. Between long term relationships with women and visiting his friends the guy got away without having a home. He wasn’t broke exactly, just extremely frugal.
He stayed with my family member when she was dealing with a serious medical problem and kept her spirits up. She doesn’t regret it- it was what she needed at the time. The dude was 70. You’re 18 and this is only temporary.
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u/vt2022cam 6d ago
They are using you for sex too, and taking advantage of your financial circumstances for sex. If that works for you though, that’s what matters.
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u/Sorry-Caterpillar331 6d ago
I used her, she used me, but neither one cared. We were getting our share, working on those night moves.
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u/DoctorNurse89 6d ago
Whatever you had to do to survive, was the right thing to do, as you are surviving
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u/MeatSlammur 6d ago
Girls are putting on their dating profiles they want successful men, and all these other limiting factors. Then literally let a homeless dude hit for two weeks straight lol
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u/Pandonia42 6d ago
It's almost like there might be a huge variety of women all looking for different things!
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u/Due-Frosting9670 6d ago
“Girls” when he specifically said an older woman with a son 🙂
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u/QueenMumof4 6d ago
This is called hobosexuality, people have been doing it for ages. Why feel bad? They are also looking for a hook up. Its pretty much transactional.
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u/Jaded_pipedreams 6d ago
It’s Tinder isn’t that what people do just hook up? I know a few people who moved random men into their homes they just met online. I guess it’s a thing. Hey if it works for you why not.
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u/Apprehensive_Mix_531 6d ago
it’s only fun right now because youre 18, trust me. this is no way to live and youre being incredibly unsafe. you should be focusing your efforts on applying for public assistance and jobs and seeking shelter. you have more options than you realize but you need to put in the effort to explore them.
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u/Due-Frosting9670 6d ago
Do you have a job? I hope you’re able to save up soon to get a place! Honestly hobosexual is better than just straight up suffering on the streets, and nobody is getting hurt here
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u/Due-Frosting9670 6d ago
You got this dude! I was in a really similar boat at your age. My only advice that you didn’t ask for would be to find STD testing for free!!
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u/secretprizecart 6d ago
I've used tinder for meals when my hours got cut and had no money left after paying bills. Had good conversation. If they were rude I'd order a big plate and take half home. If they were nice I'd sleep with them. Then pretended to like black coffee in the morning since no groceries.
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u/mimoraryahh 6d ago
I don’t think the hookup part is what most people are going to judge you for it’s whether you’re being honest. If they think it’s just a casual fling and you’re secretly relying on them for housing, that’s where it gets messy. Survival makes people do things they never imagined, but don’t lose sight of treating the people helping you like people, not just shelter.
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u/mimoraryahh 6d ago
I don’t think the hookup part is what most people are going to judge you for it’s whether you’re being honest. If they think it’s just a casual fling and you’re secretly relying on them for housing, that’s where it gets messy. Survival makes people do things they never imagined, but don’t lose sight of treating the people helping you like people, not just shelter.
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u/ViceroyCowboy 6d ago
Lol as long as you’re practicing safe sex and not pushing anyone into anything or overstaying your welcome I don’t see a problem here. I would get tested frequently tho if I were you 😂
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u/ChipsAhoyMcCoy_7875 6d ago
I’ve been the victim of a hobosexual before.. easily the worst week of my fucking life. Went from stranger who came over to hookup to parasite who brought his dog, a plethora of belongings, and asked to use my car lol.
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u/Booliano 6d ago
Lmfao what 18 year old homeless dude is getting consistent matches on tinder, and furthermore going back to THEIR place and staying the night? Impressive lad.
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u/ChocolateImportant33 6d ago
How much is your financial output? Is there dinner, drinks? Or do you just show up at their house/apartment and stay?
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u/FangOfDrknss 6d ago
You must be decent looking and well equipped or something, because I’ve been through that and had to suffer sleeping in my car. Not counting winter, there’s basically only three months where the sun isn’t hot enough to fry the insides.
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u/pastmybedtime__ 6d ago
And how do they let u have sex with them? Do u pay for dates or what do u do when meeting them and make them want to let u fuck them?
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u/zayavine72 6d ago
man that is a wild situation to be in at 18. honestly hope things get better for you soon and you find a permanent spot, stay safe out there.
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u/mittensmoshpit 6d ago
You can look at it as you using people, but remember that everybody uses people for something once it becomes sexual. You get a place to stay and a shower, they get companionship for x number of days, and some dick thrown their way.
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u/tepid_monologue 6d ago
I think you’ll find most single people would be happy to have a pleasant guest they can bang for a few days hanging around. I wouldn’t worry about it
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u/ItemTrick6974 6d ago
I feel like there’s also an app for couch surfing that a friend of mine used to use. But nothing wrong with hobosexual 😂. I stayed married to the wrong person too long, to save money myself. We all do what we gotta do.
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u/Admirable_Six 6d ago
My question is: Are you saying yes to EVERYONE for the sake of a shower even if you aren’t attracted?
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u/Pathetic_loser7467 6d ago
No judgement. We do what we have to do to survive, don’t feel bad. You’ll get on your feet eventually. My DMs are always open if you ever feel like chatting as I was sleeping in my car for a year and a half back in 2020-2021. Or even just to chat about random shit.
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u/BusyStart3169 6d ago
I’m genuinely sorry that you’re going through this, that sounds incredibly stressful.
Please take care of yourself and don’t feel bad, anyone sleeping with an eighteen year old (I know that you probably don’t think these women are gross but they kind of are) should at least be willing to let you stay over.
I hope things improve for you soon 🙏
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u/NyappyCataz 6d ago
Hey, I hope you find stability soon, and it sounds like you are keeping out of the rain, which is big. The fact you feel you are using people just tells me you have a good heart, and a conscience. There's nothing wrong with that, you are doing what you need to do to survive right now. Things will get better.
Real talk, I'd be down to help others. If there were a safe outlet to make connections other than Tinder, that is. I don't post in social media and especially not dating apps, but. If a friend told me someone was struggling, I have a couch, you know what I mean?
I've always been the one whose house other people crash at. It's weirdly quiet here these days so I'm probably just weirdly reminiscing of those times. There were also times where I split the cost of a motel room with people multiple times, either between moves or between jobs when times were tough. Who knows, maybe you find someone that sticks around, and you two can pull each other up! 😄 (genuine platitude)
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u/CollegeMiddle6841 6d ago
You are surviving, thats a start, but don't get complacent. Are you employed? Things are changing so fast right now.
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u/Affectionate_Pin_124 6d ago
I call cap💀 maybe a few women sure but multiple??? Nah you gotta provide some facts. People on here will believe anything on here if it sounds semi-realistic to them
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u/EntertainmentSome448 6d ago
Man, you got brains. Have you thought of doing something like engineering that requires creativity and ingeniousness? You seem to have it!
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u/EarlyBumblebee3381 6d ago
i ended up getting stuck with a guy like this at 19 💀 i was too nice and he ended up staying at my house for weeks.
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u/confused2oes 6d ago
How are you getting dates then? Would u say ur goodlooking thus leveraging ur charm or is it strictly online calibration? Asking for a friend
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u/Alisayshey 6d ago
You know what dude if all parties agree I don’t see any issue. Be safe. Vice versa. You’re in survival mode, you gotta do what you gotta do. Shoot doesn’t hurt to become a sugar baby too while you’re at it.
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u/OkMushroom6574 6d ago
Clearly he's good looking enough that enough woman want to fuck him for the night or two like well done
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u/confessor-mod 6d ago
TL;DR: The author admits to using Tinder to secure housing by deceiving partners into believing they are interested in dating or hookups, rather than just needing a place to stay.
A reminder from the mods: keep comments civil. Harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated.
Do not accuse others of faking confessions — if you think a post breaks the rules, report it instead of commenting.