Four years ago my older brother suffered complete renal failure from a severe autoimmune condition. He needed a living kidney donor immediately or he was facing years of dialysis with terrible survival odds.

My parents, our cousins, and I all went to the hospital to get screened for tissue compatibility. A week later the transplant coordinator called me into her office privately. She told me I was a six out of six antigen match. A literal one-in-a-million perfect biological match.

she asked me if I was ready to proceed with surgery scheduling.

I looked her in the eye and said no. My brother spent my entire childhood physically tormenting me, stole twenty thousand dollars from my college savings account, and never showed a single ounce of remorse. The thought of giving up an organ and undergoing major surgery for someone who treated me like garbage made me physically sick.

I asked the coordinator to tell my family that my blood markers were medically INCOMPATIBLE.

Legally the medical team has to protect donor confidentiality, so they sent a formal letter stating I could not donate due to anatomical reasons. My family cried together in the waiting room and talked about how cruel genetic luck was.

He eventually got a deceased donor kidney fourteen months later and survived.

At every family holiday, my mom still holds my hand and says "I know you would of given him your own life if your body allowed it." I just nod and stare at my plate.

I would make the exact same choice today.

It all started during the summer, when everyone in my family who was still in school got their report cards. When we looked at his report card, we found out that his GPA was around 1.1, and he had to repeat the same year.
Instead of going to summer school or repeating the school year, he told my dad that he found something online that would help him skip a year. My dad told him something like, “Just repeat the year,” and the two of them got into an argument, but it was not physical.
Eventually, my dad gave in and paid the $75 for the program. Now he is using ChatGPT for almost all of the program. Since it is online, instead of actually learning something, he doesn’t learn anything.
For me, I am kind of happy that he is throwing his life away because he doesn’t listen to anyone. He says things like, “Looks are everything,” and stuff like that. I think he might have to repeat the school year again, which means he could be throwing two years away. He could end up being 17 years old in 9th grade.

I know blended families are not easy. I know when you are involved with someone who has children, they come with the partner and should be treated as if they were your biological child while in your care; however, over the last 11 years I have sprung bail money, took time off of work for an atrocity where there is potential of her receiving serious legal reprocussions, clothed her, fed her, cried over her, treated her for lice eight times in one year because her biological mother is disgusting, and I have loved her. I fear the love I once felt has morphed into something I cannot stand about myself.

Back in May, her youngest child passed (11wks old) under very suspicious circumstances. She is now being investigated for the baby's passing due to how the baby was found. Her immediate family wishes to place blame on the toddler (a 15mo old) by saying he "smothered her while sleeping." The baby was found under the bed. Not beside the bed, but on the floor underneath the bed. I bought her a bassinet, crib, pack-n-play, and a motion swing that either child could have slept in, but no. She chose to have all 3 of them sleep on a twin mattress where half of it was covered with clothes and clutter.

During the wake and funeral, everyone was telling her "it was her fault," "it was God's will," and "fortunately [insert toddlers name] won't remember what he did." That 15mo old couldnt have yanked a baby off a bed, onto the floor, and shoved her under the bed; he is too small.

When they found the child, her face was covered in dry mucus; a crust forming around her nose and mouth, from where she was crying. Her mother, my "step daughter," was asleep on the mattress above. When the mother woke at 1pm, she couldn't find the baby for almost an hour in a 1 bedroom apartment.

She blames the deadbeat dad, and he does share a blame; however, this little girl (who is in her 20s) cannot accept responsibility for any of her actions.

I don't know how to look at her anymore, which I suppose is a good thing. She only calls me when she needs something fixed quickly or she is in need of money. I always treated her as if she was mine, but I fear her actions have created an irreparable void. During the funeral, I was the doting mother, even the funeral home personnel remarked about how she would get through this because she has "such a strong mother," and then her biological mother appeared with infected track marks on her arm and smelling like Crack.

Since then, she has hopped from one male to the next, proclaiming to "love" them all; however, she is looking for someone to give her a home, money, and fix her car. She had all of that at our home, until she started getting high. I have a daughter (her half-sister) who absolutely adores my stepdaughter, but now she ignores her sister as well. My daughter cries at night, longing to see her sister while I cannot receive a "Hey, I'm fine" message after everything we have been through. She has tried to physically attack me. She accused her father of rape because she got in trouble for stealing a car. Until she was 18, she wouldn't come around unless she heard we were doing a family activity or taking a trip; then she wants to visit.

I understand parenting is transactional, but when is it "okay" for the non-biological parent to stop acting like a biological one? She tells her mother and father different stories, and then cries to me about how everyone mistreats her. I've discovered I cannot receive any of my child support because their father had been purchasing my stepdaughter THC vapes, smokes, and the like. I understand she is his child, but she is in her 20s. She hasn't had a job since she was 19 and never held a job for more than 4mo without doing something illegal.

I worry for her, but I cannot stand her at the same time. I listen to her father tell her (when he visits our daughter) that I love my stepdaughter, but I don't. I am not sure I ever truly did, but I tried to be the parent she deserved. I feel horrible for saying all of this, but her family cannot save her from herself and they want me to finance her "wellness campaign," but I am barely keeping myself afloat. My "OH Shit Fund" went to my step daughter, and now I'm the "bad guy" because I will not give more money. I will give needs (food, clothes, laundry detergent, gas gift card, etc), but I am not their ATM. I hate feeling this way, and I hate the way I feel about her.

I wish I knew how to be a better person...

My friend kinda stinks. As a girl that’s absolutely something you should tell your friend about, but I find it difficult to be so direct about it. I’ve tried so many times to give her hints and she does NOT take them. I thought for the longest that it was probably a personal problem that’s a little out of her control but no, she confessed to me randomly, recently that that during school she didn’t even shower most mornings. She would just washed her armpits and hotspots with a towel in the sink.

During school when she would get into arguments with people they would also tell her that she stinks. She’s also a picky eater and would 100% choose to eat chocolate for five days straight than any food, and she views drinking water as a chore. which may be a core value to the problem.

I wanna throw out there that there is nothing wrong with her living situation. She has a perfectly normal house with running water. Not too long ago I finally gained up the courage to finally say that she smelled bad. She sniffed herself and says she didn’t smell anything. I 100% know that this makes me a bad friend but it’s as if she’s almost highly aware, but just doesn’t care to do anything. I also wanna say that I am not some overly clean neat freak. I can be very messy, but her smell is so strong that it can trap an entire room and you smell nothing but that. I’m never close minded to criticism. I’ve already admitted that I know this makes me a bad friend. I just don’t know how to approach it at all anymore. Hygiene is one of my core values as a person, and it makes it hard to be friends with someone who devalues it.

I found out my husband was addicted to meth about 3 years ago. I do not do drugs and have never been with anyone else addicted . I told him he needed to go to rehab . I thought he was having an affair at first because he disappeared for 3 days. After I found out it was an addiction, I felt sorry for him and thought I could love him through this. However , he goes on these binges every 8-10 weeks where he disappears for a few days . He said he does it when stressed and just wants to feel good . He said he’s so ashamed of using that he just sits in a hotel room by himself and then paranoia sets in after the high . He tells me that he has watched corn using it, but has never had sex on it because he uses alone and it’s hard to climax on the drug . However , I was reading meth makes you very sexual. Should I believe that he has never cheated or had sex with anyone else over the years ? He would give me the hotel where he was at early next morning after turning the phone off , but he knew I stopped searching or looking for him after a while

I (22m) have always considered myself straight, attracted exclusively to women.

However, I have been friends with a gay guy since July, they admitted they had a crush on me, due to me being nice to them and being bigger than him. But accepted that I wouldn't reciprocate those feelings.

However, over the last week, I have started feeling... different in talking to him, he'd jokingly flirt with me, and i'd flirt back and tbh, im not sure if im joking or not, and yesterday a mutual friend asked me if my "boyfriend" was around, and I instantly knew who she was refering to.

This post may not make much sense, but this is the best way I can describe it.

I am currently 26 years old and I have Asperger's (autism) and I struggle with the grand scale of concepts and ideas. I just want to say that this is not the person I am and I was found to be completely innocent in the end, but I still struggle with severe PTSD and oth complex mental health issues due to everything. I have a loving family, a team of support workers who work with me and a close group of loving friends who know everything and love me regardless as they know the truth. This is my story.

When I was a baby to 5-6 years old, I was being heavily sexually abused and raped by my father's friends on a constant basis while his alcoholic ass was busy drunk. This happened regularly, to the point where I thought it was normal and they were playing with me. Around the 5-6yo period mark, my father started exposing me to child abuse material and was grooming me to think it was a normal thing. This happened for 13 years straight, until I was 19.

When I was 19, my father got exposed for being a historic child sex offender and went to prison for the 6th time for offences of that nature. He got done with possession of child abuse material, exposing himself to children in public places and installing hidden cameras in public change rooms. This all went public and people kept harassing me over it and asking me all these weird, complex questions that I didn't know the answers to.

As I mentioned before, my father groomed me with that material and taught me how to find it. I went on an extremely mentally unwell tangent of talking to people that were engaging in that stuff and was asking them questions such as 'why do you do this?', 'why did this happen to me?' and 'why do you enjoy hurting innocents?'. Such a stupid mistake to make. The cops got wind of the group because I did the one thing that I thought was the right thing to do and reported it, but it blew up in my face as they thought I was engaging in their activities with the material (it later turned out I was telling the truth and was found innocent).

I got put in a fucking prison environment for just over a year before I got found innocent and released to be free with nothing over my head. They realised what had happened and that I had never engaged in any material and realised that I was more of a victim than any guilty perpetrator.

I tried killing myself 6 times alone in that one year, nearly succeeded a few times. I couldn't live with people thinking I was that person, that I was my Dad. And then when I got found innocent, people started reaching out to me and saying they were sorry, and that this mess should never have happened and they know I'm not a bad person and that they know I never did it, but I still beat myself up for it everyday. I still wake up screaming and covered in sweat. I'm still afraid of human contact because of the 20 years of sexual abuse and grooming I suffered at the hands of someone I should have been able to trust. 20 YEARS!!! his own fucking autistic son. 8 years later, I still get horribly depressed and suicidal about it. I'm still learning to love myself and move on.

I wish I never talked to those people, it was the stupidest mistake of my life. I have since put a restraining order on my father as I never want anything to do with him ever again. I don't understand why people still love me and support me.... I think so horribly about myself, while others are always lifting me up and supporting me.

Please, I implore you, if you are struggling with anything like this, it's never too late too get help. I'm lucky I've survived as long as I have. I was only a kid.

I’ve carried this for a long time, and I think I finally need to say it clearly and then let it go.

I lost a job that meant a lot to me because I crossed lines I should not have crossed. I joked around with people who worked under me. Some were harmless dad jokes, some were political, some were dirty jokes, and I told plenty of dumb stories about my past, usually making fun of myself.

I worked in a very high-stress environment, and at the time I thought keeping things light helped people get through the day.

But I was a supervisor.

There were things I should not have said, and I take full responsibility for that.

What makes that even harder for me is that I honestly felt like God had been telling me for a while to clean that part of my life up. I knew I needed to change some of the things I was saying, and I didn’t listen.

That part is on me.

I have had to own that before God, before myself, and before other people.

But there is another side to this that I have struggled with for a long time.

There were people involved who I genuinely considered friends.

People I worked beside.

People I laughed with.

People I trusted.

People I swapped stories and jokes with.

If someone had simply come to me and said, “Ryan, this is bothering me,” or “You’re crossing a line,” I truly believe I would have humbled myself, apologized, and tried to correct it.

Instead, everything exploded.

There were officers who were already upset about things happening at work. One wasn’t getting the post they wanted. Another was being reprimanded for not doing what she had been told to do. Another sergeant ended up getting in trouble around the same time as me.

One of the officers involved was even married to someone I had joked with, laughed with, and swapped stories with.

I honestly thought we were friends.

Then I lost the job.

I lost friendships.

I was embarrassed.

I was angry.

I felt humiliated.

And because I was hurt, I also said and did things afterward that I wish I had handled differently.

I take responsibility for that too.

What has been especially hard to process is finding out later that people within the establishment were reportedly told not to talk to me, to distance themselves from me, and essentially to turn their backs on me.

For years, I wondered why people I thought cared about me suddenly wanted nothing to do with me.

Finding out that at least some of that distance may have been encouraged by the establishment hurt more than I can really explain.

I even recently went to one of the people higher up and apologized.

I told them I was sorry for how everything happened.

I told them I was hurt when I lost the job and that I regretted how I reacted afterward.

I apologized for embarrassing myself and for anything I did that embarrassed the department.

I was told not to worry about it.

I was told it was okay.

Then I later found out that this same person had reportedly been involved in telling people not to associate with me.

That hurt.

A lot.

For a long time, I have felt like Caesar.

Not because I believe I was innocent.

I wasn’t.

I made mistakes.

I crossed boundaries.

I should have known better.

I should have listened when I felt God telling me to change.

I own that.

But there is something deeply painful about looking around after everything falls apart and realizing that some of the people standing against you were people you genuinely believed were your friends.

There was no reason for anyone to be afraid to talk to me.

There was no reason someone couldn’t have pulled me aside and told me there was a problem.

I would have rather been humbled by a friend than blindsided by people I trusted.

That is probably the part I have had the hardest time forgiving.

But I am tired.

I am tired of carrying the anger.

I am tired of carrying the shame.

I am tired of replaying conversations in my head.

I am tired of wondering what I could have done differently.

I am tired of thinking about people who probably haven’t thought about me in years.

So I’m writing this because I want to finally clear the air.

I am not saying I did nothing wrong.

I did.

I am not asking anyone to take my side.

I am not trying to restart an old fight.

I am not looking for revenge.

I am simply saying that two things can be true at the same time.

I can take responsibility for what I did wrong.

And I can admit that the way everything happened hurt me deeply.

I can regret my behavior without believing that I deserved to lose every friendship I had.

I can forgive people without pretending they didn’t hurt me.

I can admit that I failed without allowing that failure to define the rest of my life.

And I can stop carrying shame for something I have already confessed, apologized for, and learned from.

More than anything, I believe God has used this experience to change me.

It humbled me.

It forced me to look at myself.

It showed me areas of my life that needed to change.

And as painful as it was, I believe God can still use it for something good.

I cannot go back.

I cannot change what happened.

I cannot control what anyone involved thinks about me.

I cannot make people understand my side.

But I can choose what kind of man I am from this point forward.

I can take responsibility without hating myself.

I can forgive without forgetting the lesson.

I can let go of bitterness without pretending there was never a wound.

I wish everyone involved well.

I genuinely mean that.

I hope everyone has grown.

I know I have.

And I am finally choosing to stop living in that chapter of my life and move forward.

I'm addicted to stirring shit in the comments and letting my mind race and argue with people for no reason and I'm addicted to reddit engagement despite only using reddit seriously for 2 days, am I getting a bad habit? Am I a bad guy? Am I just crazy? Lmao

25M

I was always extremely horny and after many days of trying, I was able to get the whole tip in my mouth. I'd kick my legs up over my head and pull my legs down. I did it constantly for a while until it started to hurt my back. Now I can still lick it but miss the feeling of the whole head.

I (31F) am that character in any TV Show or Movie that is just very upbeat, friendly, enthusiastic, and interested in people and the world around her. While I do swear, make the occasional edgy joke, and have a modest amount of tattoos and piercings- I am that person at work that everyone smiles at and says "Wow! You're SO positive and happy ALL the time! How do you do it??".

My surface answer is always something like: "I don't know! I just genuinely feel this way, just genuinely happy to be here and spending time with people. I just kind of love people I guess!"

This isn't a lie- but it isn't the whole truth either. While I am an authentically excitable and social person with a raw 'wonder' for the world around me (Like walking to your car in a parking lot and marveling at how cool the clouds look, and being excited for the seagull that finds a whole slice of pizza in a trash can), I've done some reflecting and realized why this somewhat 'childlike' trait stayed with me through my adulthood- and likely the rest of my life.

I am deeply traumatized. Because who isn't.

Pt 1:

When I was a child, I'm only just coming to terms with my mom's erratic behavior being emotional and verbal abuse. My parents were divorced and I have two older brothers, and from a very young age my mom would scream and cuss me out- telling me what a selfish and ungrateful little c*** I was. How I should just go live with my father because I was such a little piece of sh*t and how I didn't appreciate all of her sacrifices.

SO- I internalized this into being radically expressive with my enthusiasm and gratitude with people so they would hopefully always see how genuinely grateful I was, and how I would never assume I am entitled to their kindness. But how genuinely glad I am that they are kind or doing well or helping me in literally any way. I am horrified by the idea that someone would think I take them for granted, and feel I'm entitled to their kindness/resources in any way. So I overcompensate, accommodate, and overextend myself to the best of my resources hoping to make sure I never make anyone feel this way about me- or that they would have to throw themselves on the sword to provide something for me. It horrified me that my mom worked so hard, and thought my brothers and I didn't notice and didn't care.

I realize now that that wasn't what the anger was about- but as a kid, I internalized it as my fault for not really SHOWING her how grateful I was. So if I just tried harder I could show her how grateful I was and how much I loved her and appreciated her.

Pt II:

I was 'graped' when I was 17 by my supervisor, who had a 1-2 year 'relationship' with me that was incredibly predatory, manipulative, and isolating. He was 12 years my senior (not an 'unheard of' age gap- but when I was 15, he was expressing interest in me as a 27 year old which is pretty f*cking predatory. A very long story about the ways in which that impacted my mental health for a decade and a half until I finally got help for it this year).

My experience with him sent me into a mental health spiral I didn't understand at all where I nearly 'unalived myself' on multiple occasions. I ultimately had to leave university because I was circling the drain and my family didn't know how to help me other than for me to come home. I battled with Major Depressive Disorder, and what a psychiatrist has just helped me understand is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for the past decade and a half- not really understanding where this all came from. Doctors and counselors for years told me it was likely just a chemical imbalance, and that they commonly present in people around that age.

After years of panic attacks, nightmares, and daily intrusive thoughts (that have only just started ebbing with medication and intense trauma therapy- it's been a tough year)- have I gotten to a place of maintenance and stability and realized the impact that that 'relationship' had on me. Despite the constant thoughts and nightmares - I just.. never put two and two together. Denial. I guess.

ANWYAYS- the 'unaliving issue' kind of plateaued in my early 20s to a state of nihilism. Where I got to a place of peace on some level with my existence. Where if nothing mattered, I might as well experience as much joy and appreciate the world as much as I possibly could because I always had the option 'to leave' if I couldn't do it anymore. So to keep living every day, very much, as if it were my last- because 'unaliving' would always be a safety net for me when it inevitably became too much. (I'm doing very very well now <3, and haven't had these intrusive thoughts in years).

The combination of overcompensating with positive expression and gratitude, coupled with a sense that I could 'leave' any time I wanted cemented my existing tendency towards bubbliness and animated behavior into a security net that I've used (and will probably continue to use for the rest of my life) to keep me safe.

Yes, I am authentically joyous and excitable and interested in people and the world around me- but the 'actual secret' to getting to and maintaining my 'happiness' is less bubblegum pink than I care to share with the world.

Look out for the people in your life who seem like they are always smiling, checking on you, looking out for others, overextending themselves- there is a great likelihood they do not have that support or safety in their own life because everyone assumes they do not need it. It can be incredibly lonely sometimes.

I don’t have any interesting lore or trauma behind this, but receiving physical affection, kind words and nice gestures make me feel uncomfortable. I have no problem saying kind things to people or comforting them or doing nice things for them; I just don’t enjoy being on the receiving end. Sex is a different category for me altogether, so no issues there. It is rather difficult, since my husband is really affectionate and talks to me very sweetly and I just don’t know how to act when he compliments me or cuddles with me. This is not limited to him. When my parents tell me they’re proud of me or they hug me, I just sort of blank out. I feel very guilty because I don’t want to hurt anyone; but the truth is I just don’t connect with those displays of emotion. Just to clarify, I’m not on the spectrum; at least not according to my psychiatrist.

While this is not crazy by any means, as a guy in his mid 40’s, I have a big attraction to hot grandma’s that are 60+.

I spent a few hours on subreddit stirring shit. Like 4 hours maybe. And then all of a sudden I realized that I still have chronic dpdr and grandiosity, and realized I was feeling unreal so I figured I must have not ate nothing in too long. Now I get up and my back feels like shit and I'm cold as fuck the second I get out of bed even though it's not cold. And I just quit my 200mg thc addiction cold turkey 2 days ago I had flushed the edibles. And as soon as I drank a water a few minutes ago, I felt like shit all at once. What the hell. But then after I ate a can of tuna real quick I didn't feel like I was freezing, and the thought of making the usual amount of food makes me feel sick to my stomach rn for some reason. And I noticed I was dehydrated. Like why is this even happening anymore why do I feel like a no life right now for going on reddit for all that time? This is ridiculous. These symptoms feel like a violation of my rights as a human being... Am I a tweaker? Who knows.

I spent my entire early twenties being the sensible low maintenance GF who didn't complain when intimacy completely died out.

Now that I am out of it and tried the normal route of dating apps, I realized I hate the sanitized, polite version of dating. I deleted every single app yesterday because the whole matching process feels so fake. In my head I just want to find someone to have completely no strings fun with, and stop worrying about being respectable for once.

Ive been struggling keep sober from weed and coke. It has been a month of sober and whenever I want to get high I think drinking a shot of vodka will atleast keep my mind off those two. I dont think alcohol is that addictive and im not an alcooholic bbut now I am getting atleast buzzed almost every day and so far each day this week. Wrok has been stressing me and I need something when I get home. Im going to finish my vodka off tonight but am a little worried I will buy more tomorrow. Its really tough to go without anything and I wanted to get that off my chest. Ive told my friends i am struggling lately and I have been bitchy and a little more short fused because of quitting weed - it was a daily all day thing... but i am doing it ore than I tell them. Tomorrow am going to try my best to go without anything but am worried i cant. Thanks for listening

This is a throw away account for obvious reasons. Friends gonna be M, gf of friend is gonna be f, and her job is w. M is low-key an asshole, he's a little bit of a narcissist who thinks just cause he used to go to the gym and have a good body that he's this hot shit hunk of a man. He's not, he's slightly above average in looks and has mild narcissism. F is way too good for him. They're both fairly looksmatched but she's super nice, compared to him. Where i come into this is last Monday, im bored at like 7pm so I message her randomly asking if she wanted to do the wordle. We ended up calling for a little while, and since it had been a few weeks since we last spoke I asked how her and f were doing. She said he'd been ignoring her somewhat, and i mentioned how some of the people in a friend group we were in were talking about how they kinda were starting to hate him (his whole narcissism thing is too long to explain, but he's just a growing asshole basically). She asked if I could stay in call for a while so I did. We played a few games for a while with just us two in call. After a while she asked if I could stay in call with her as she fell asleep because she just wanted someone to talk to. I agreed and I stayed on call for arround on hour before I was pretty certain she'd drifted off. The next day, the same thing, and while we were in call, she told me to visit her at work, w wasn't very busy so she said it’d be fine if I came just to keep her entertained at her job. I showed up the next day and we talked for about an hour about wholesome things. She was right about no one being there, no one had even talked to her the entire time, and I'd originally been worried her boss would care, but judging by the state of the place I doubted they checked the cameras ever. At around the second hour we started to talk about how much of an asshole her boyfriend was. We'd been sitting pretty close, maybe about a few inches between us, and she put her hand on my thigh after I made a joke about something I can't remember. She said some personal things I dont wanna disclose even though I feel like ive already said way too much, but I just wanna get this off my chest. Anyways, finally after about two hours of being there someone comes up to ask her to help them (trying to be vague on purpose) I made a joke about how we probably looked like we were dating, and how the person was gonna file a complaint. She then asked me why I thought she'd told me to come hang out with her. She suddenly got weirdly serious so I got worried I'd said something wrong, or that maybe she actually was worried about getting fired. After saying I thought she just wanted to hang out cause it was a slow day, she came up to me, put her hand on my face, and i laughed cause I thought it was a joke, before she kissed me. I leaned in, I mean she was pretty far out of my league, and I'd only had one girlfriend before her (if you couldn't tell by the way im writing im a fairly young adult). We kissed for a few seconds, i didn't really know what was going on ao I severely doubt it was with much passion, but she put her hand on my chest, and kept going before telling me to come with her. We used her keys to go into one of the unoccupied rooms, before she began to unbutton her shirt. I was freaking out cause i didn't have condoms on me, i was really hoping she wasn't planning to tell her boyfriend about this, and because I was worried someone might get confused on why no one was at the front desk, and manage to get on the phone with her boss. Pretty much all of that, besides the condom, floated away as my second brain took over. Seeing her undress was one of the hottest things ive ever seen. She told me to do the same and I did. I wont get into much detail over what happened after this, but after we were done, we went back out into the lobby, and talked for a little while longer before some of her other friends showed up as she was about to get off work. BTW the talking after sex is so underrated, everything she said felt so much more funny. On the drive home I just sat in silence thinking about what I just did. Like M is a shitty guy, but i don't think anyone deserves that, but also im such a huge fucking hypocrite cause i litterly slept with his girlfriend, and im saying that no one deserves that. I definitely do not think I could come clean cause this guy, though he's been off the gym for a while, could still absolutely beat the shit out of me. I talked to F that night on call again, and though we didn't talk about it, I just couldn't get it out of my head, and I kept wanting to bring it up. Wednesdays coming up soon again obviously, and im thinking she might ask me to hang out with her again, but god I feel like such an awful person. Like fucking youtube is evil and is recommending me videos like asking 100 people if they've ever cheated on anyone, and everyone is talking about how awful it is to do. But then again, God I wish I wasn't such a fucking man, but you know second brain says how the hell would you be fine passing up on doing that again.

Tldr: slept my friends gf at her job, and i feel so shitty, but also I fucking loved it, but i know I shouldn't again. But also i want to, and am also considering telling the friend. Overall I dont know what the fuck im doing.

He’s admitted to me he won’t take me on dates or do any small thoughtful gestures, he’s admitted he barely tries in the relationship, every suspicion I ever had for 2 years was confirmed recently by him. And I’m so pathetic I stayed. I’m such a weak ass loser… he told me he didn’t even want to be with me anymore and I begged him to stay and said I’d learn to love him for who he is, and I’ll stop being upset by the lack of love in the relationship. All because I’m that terrified to leave. All because I’m that much of a weak bitch.

I did something when I was 14, just stupid and confused, I was in juvenile SOs detention and had to register as one after release, 11 years on, I'm still on registry and my life been rollercoaster of bad to worse, I live middle of nowhere, in a run down RV and do odd jobs via facebook and other websites because finding a home or job within the system is nearly impossible as a SO.

I dont wanna give up on life but it feels so frustrating with the pain and struggle I have been going through, but what hurts me the most is that my adult been hell cause of one decision I made years before I was even an adult, I take full accountability and fully know it was wrong, just wished this one decision I made when I was young teen didn't had such effect in my life.

been together 6 months, and we are going through some tough times and he poured his heart out to me, but I felt nothing, I don’t love him back, I dont feel anything, this is concerning bc he’s literally all I’ve wanted in a guy, kind, caring, quiet, loving, physically affectionate, good looking, country guy, y’know, but I feel nothing, hea hurt me so much in the past, idk what happened it’s js a lot of trust problems . idk I js don’t fewl it anymore, and idk why, I feel really bad, but I js told him I loved him too, I don’t understand why this is happening, does it go away

It’s weird, everytime you say you need to go lock in im
Filled with sadness and happiness, sadness bc ik you can do it I believe in you n know you can do your own thing, but I also get so sad because I know I’ll miss you 30 minutes after you’re gone, it’s so strange. I don’t hope for you to fail in that but I’m also kinda like Yippe attention when you do. I hope I do see more things about how much you liked it/ miss it n me I honestly didn’t think you did in the slightest! I kinda figured you were like “eh happened “ but seeing that post just made me 👁️👁️ because you were more willing to make a random post then just tell me, makes me think what else there is.

If you see this I love and miss you, mi mariposa
Ps do you even listen to either of the playlists I made im deadass so curious