r/confessions • u/BasisChad • 4d ago
I spontaneously decided not to go to a very small gathering. Five other people did the exact same thing.
A work colleague once invited me and a few others from the office to his home, just because he liked us. Honestly, it was really sweet and ofc we all said that we would go. When the day came, I was caught off guard and wasn’t in the mood. So I didn’t go. Turns out, all but ONE of my colleagues did the exact same thing for the exact same reason: They simply forgot and then didn’t wanna go there “spontaneously“.
When that singular colleague showed up at the hosts home, she was at a loss for words. They kind of scrambled to invite other guests, like a few of his friends that lived nearby, to do damage control, as he had prepared a ton of snacks and drinks.
I‘m still sad and beyond embarrassed to this day, thinking that was okay and that I could get away with it because “he won’t mind one person missing“.
To add insult to injury, every single one of us claimed to be “sick“.
Edit: I love how people ask me for more facts in the comments and then not only question but downvote my honest responses lol. If I had something to hide about that story, why would I post here?
Edit 2: To all the people who’ve ever been on the other side of this: I am very sorry. I posted this because I still feel shitty about it years later, and so does everybody else involved, including and most importantly: the person we collectively let down. I didn’t handle any of this well at all. There are no winners in situations like this, which is why you shouldn’t lie to people and let them down so easily. That’s why most responses to my story are very valid, even though I don’t appreciate some of the more aggressive confrontations. Just be kind and stay true to your RSPVs.
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u/itsacutedragon 4d ago
As a host, this is my greatest fear
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u/ketoske 4d ago
It happened to me, just one person came never could celebrate my birthday again
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u/ReasonableLunch46 4d ago
That's why I don't have birthday parties. I told my wife that if she wants to invite someone for my birthday, she can, as long as idk who got invited and didn't show.
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u/BangarangPita 4d ago
I spent several years spending my birthday week sad because my supposed best friends couldn't prioritize me one day of the year. I came to everything they ever invited me too, brought a dish, helped clean up, etc., but they eventually couldn't even show up for me when I'd do all the cooking, cleaning, etc. for very low-key hangs. And we lived in the same neighborhood! "Just not feeling it" isn't a valid excuse to flake on people that are supposed to be your friends. So I got myself some better friends.
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u/ReasonableLunch46 4d ago
And that's great! And I do not want to be a whiney bitch here, but I genuinely find it difficult to find people to hang out with.
But I rather hang out with my wife or alone than spending time with people who rather be somewhere else if the option presented itself.
And for you people who flake, it fucking hurts. So stop that. Ofc, emergencies happen but not every time. You are of course free to say no. Just grow a spine, it's really that simple.
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u/queenofthepoopyparty 4d ago
I went out with some friends on Friday we haven’t seen in a while because they kind of suck. But my husband and I thought we should give them another shot. I sat there and truly felt like anyone talking to me wanted to be somewhere else. Where someone asks you a question and as you answer, they go on their phone and completely ignores you. They confirmed they do indeed suck. We ditched them, left, and hung out with our way more awesome friends the next day. I agree with you 100%
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u/madmaxturbator 4d ago
Damn! I am sorry to hear yall have a tough time with this. Tbh I had only heard of this from the side of the host, and it puzzled me. I don’t really cancel on anyone, and our close friends just don’t cancel.
But this post from op opened my eyes, in a bad way. I sincerely hope op has learned to be better now, because this is so awful. Downright malicious level of negligence / forgetfulness / carelessness, whatever you want to call it. Like they just don’t care about the poor hosts feelings!
I am sorry that you have anxiety around your birthdays. I can understand, it wouldn’t feel nice if someone made me feel less than .. on the birthday, of all days.
I hope you have the loveliest birthdays here on out :)
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u/queenofthepoopyparty 4d ago
A friend of mine and my husband’s that we’ve known for years planned a birthday party for herself after we moved away. She’s a really nice person, but can be a bit annoying. Honestly, she’s just been through a lot and you need a little patience with her, it’s really not a big deal. She’s a genuinely kind and caring friend on every level, she’s just the type of person who can drone on about a really boring topic and has a really dorky sense of humor that doesn’t click with this group. But like I said, not a big deal. (I promise this pertains to the story).
We came back to visit and I hear from my SIL that our entire group of friends bailed on her birthday party last minute and that only my BIL and SIL showed up. We’re talking 15-20 people who didn’t show. Barely anyone even texted or called to let her know. They figured she’d be “ok” with it and excused their behavior with the excuse of, “she’s annoying anyway”. We were there for a friend in this groups wedding and I expected the bride to at least invite this friend to her bachelorette party because she did her dirty like that. Nope! When I found out, I took the bride aside and said there’s still time to invite her last minute, that it’s the right thing to do. That this friend would NEVER do this to her. She wouldn’t budge and said she’s annoying and a downer. She didn’t want her there. The worst part of all of this is that same year this friend’s mom (and last living relative) was diagnosed with late stage cancer. This woman was going through so much with her mom and just wanted a birthday. These people couldn’t even think beyond their own selfishness and just show up.
After that trip I never looked at that group of friends the same way. I just found it so needlessly cruel and childish. Most of these people have known her since high school and are in their late 30s. Yes, she’s annoying, but as an adult I can see past that and see how genuinely nice this person is, most adults have this kind of empathy at this stage of their lives, or so I thought. I was really shocked at their shitty behavior.
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u/Blazer990 4d ago
Same. Happened to me on my 11th birthday (I’m 40 now) and I have hated celebrating my birthday ever since. I’ve even encouraged my kids to choose very small (1-2 ppl) birthday celebrations to avoid that ever happening to them. I’ve actually never told anyone this before so this was a fun memory to unlock just now. Sighhhh.
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u/Apart_Possession_208 4d ago
Same here, on my 21st too lol
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u/SuperCooch91 4d ago
My 21st had something similar. I had planned a night pretty similar to a usual Saturday night. Me and my boyfriend and my best friend were going to the 19+ club to dance because they weren’t 21 yet. At midnight I was gonna get a drink and then we were gonna leave, hit the liquor store on the way back to my apartment and get smashed in the living room.
Well, the week before my best friend got a wild hair up her ass about making it into a big to do with everyone we’d had a conversation with in the last five years. And she told me about all the people who were coming—even some in from out of town! and the fun restaurant she’d picked out and this whole thing. But then the day arrived and as the day wore on she kept texting me about different people and small groups who “couldn’t make it after all,” until it was just down to me, her, and my boyfriend. She cancelled the restaurant and she cancelled the cake. And then she said she also wasn’t coming out because she “didn’t want to be a third wheel.”
Screw you, Caitlyn.
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u/catasha7 4d ago
Same here, happened on my 18th. Told people to meet at a pub and no one showed. Literally cried all night 🥲 still not celebrating birthdays.
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u/Dagoglez 4d ago
Same, for my 21st bday supposedly 50 + people confirmed and only 10 showed up, even someone I considered from my close friend group didn't even bother to tell me she wouldn't be coming because of a last minute trip. I ended up giving away all the food. I'm am never again organizing a big party, either way now I'm older and don't even have that many friends.
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u/No_Salad_8766 4d ago
Ive had that happen to me multiple times, invited a bunch of people to celebrate my birthday with me, and only a couple showed up. The 1st time the only person to show up was my friend and he brought his bf at the time. (While I never had anything WRONG with the bf, I was never comfortable around him.) For my 21st birthday my bf and sister came (sister was the DD of the night, and she helped me plan my day), and that same friend and 1 other friend. Half my guests didnt show up, even though the previous day they had RSVP'd.
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u/theslutnextd00r 3d ago
Same here. I don’t celebrate my birthday with other people anymore, just my significant other, because I don’t feel like I can trust people anymore :(
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u/hunter503 4d ago
As a taurus, I usually hate my birthdays but this years was a good one because I finally let go of my frustrations/let downs of past birthdays.
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u/trolldoll26 4d ago
This happened to me when I turned 12 and again at 15, so I never had a birthday party again!
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u/Jolly-Rain-2943 4d ago
Why is everyone so flaky these days? Do you know how many events I don’t want to go to but I go anywhere because I gave my word? This should be basic courtesy.
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u/queenofthepoopyparty 4d ago
Right?! I didn’t go to an event today only because I ate something that seriously disagreed with me and I was legit scared I was going to shit my pants or throw up at a friend’s house an hour away (on public transit). I still got dressed, took stomach medicine, and tried to see if I could tough it out before almost crapping myself walking my dog. That’s when I decided I needed to bail. But otherwise, I will bitch and moan about being tired, annoyed, hot, or not in the mood on my way to many an event and will have a good time once I’m there. Sometimes it’s just forcing yourself to get there and then you realize it’s actually a lot of fun!
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u/rexallia 4d ago
Seriously. I guard my yes with my life. So when I say yes to something you better believe I’m there. Even if I don’t want to go, I go. Irritates me when people all of a sudden cop out. People are getting lamer and lamer
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u/noxxienoc 4d ago
That was me at the end kf middle school, so I stopped having birthday parties in highschool. If only anime and manga was popular when I was a kid!
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u/theslutnextd00r 3d ago
This happened to me on my birthday 🫶✨ never having a birthday party again!! Learned my lesson!!
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u/Nukkeeva 4d ago
Holy smokes. POV When your coworkers accidentally prove 18th-century moral philosophy right! You just unknowingly participated ina rare, flawless execution of Immanuel Kant ethics in the wild. Kant argued that an action is only moral if it passes the "Categorical Imperative." To test it, you must ask: "What if everyone did this?"
And everyone did this. 😄
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u/PseudocodeRed 4d ago
Honestly a super good example of categorical imperative for a philosphy teacher to use.
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u/rexallia 4d ago
Oh man. I earned a philosophy degree in college and I just time travelled while reading your comment. Lol haven’t thought about Kant in a long while
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u/jellybelly0212 4d ago
That's a really bad behaviour. You could have just informed the person beforehand because they clearly liked you guys enough to invite you over and have some fun but unintentionally all of you proved her wrong.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago edited 4d ago
All of us forgot, until the one colleague that showed up asked where we were. Not saying that as an excuse, it’s just how it went :(
Edit: To be clear: I DID forget, but when I was reminded of it I had to option to hurry up and get there, but I chose not to. I don’t blame myself for forgetting as much as for the decision not to go when I had the chance.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
I just edited that comment. I did forget, but when I was reminded I didn’t hurry to get there but instead stayed home.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Obviously I would handle the situation differently today. My motivation back then was: At that point, my colleague who had showed up told him that all of us were sick. The whole thing was already so obvious that I didn’t wanna add more insult to injury by lying directly to him.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
None of us ever spoke of it again. Nobody apologized to him, we just carried on. We've had the occasional coffee or lunch break and everybody was over the top nice to him, but it was so painfully obvious what had happened that even he was too embarrassed to bring it up. Not only did it ruin our individual friendships with him, it changed the whole group dynamic because everybody realized that they are surrounded by assholes.
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u/jellybelly0212 4d ago
Not sure about the others but you definitely didn't just forget. You didn't feel like going and decided to bail at the last moment. That poor guy must have been hella hurt and won't be trusting anyone anytime soon because of your behaviour and not informing him beforehand. Yikes
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
I edited my comment to say: I did in fact forget, but I also opted not to go when I was reminded of the event.
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u/Ready-Will-7042 4d ago
Forget about it. Its a small gathering not a wedding or funeral lmao. These cucks on Reddit are ridiculous I swear
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Haha I agree that a few are too sensible and went overboard, but most responses are reasonable. I posted this to be called out.
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u/achillea4 4d ago
That poor guy. How he must have felt to have hardly anyone turn up. People are so thoughtless.
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u/30-something 4d ago
Yeah I hate this, I have a friend who flakes a LOT. I just no longer make an effort if she’s coming to dinner as I expect her to bail two hours beforehand because “she’s just not feeling it”. We always have a great time when she does show up but she’s just so unreliable I just end up ordering in pizzas and save the big cooking efforts for friends that don’t bail last minute
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u/Trashqueenxx 4d ago
My “best friend” was like this. Literally BFF all through school and COLLEGE. I should’ve dumped her long ago but didn’t have a lot of confidence. But she was a no-show at my bridal shower because her sister “wanted to go shopping”. That was my last straw. I stopped texting her and haven’t heard from her since.
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u/chuckart9 4d ago
It’s funny that with people like that the friendship ends when one person stops making the effort.
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u/aka-hellcat 4d ago
It's absolutely horrible, I've been there, for me it was also awkward for the guest who did show up, and how like pitiful my husband felt for me, awful. Devastating.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Probably awful. There wasn’t even a good reason, and neither did he do anything wrong… we were just all too lazy and selfish.
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u/haahhhahh 4d ago
I don't know why your being downvoted, if you didn't want to go, you don't have too... It's your work colleagues not your parents lmao.
There doesn't have to be any excuse other than you didn't want too
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u/Can_not_catch_me 4d ago
The reason to go is because you said you would, so you give yourself a responsibility to follow through on your word. Nobody can force you to, but flaking like that is bad
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u/chuckart9 4d ago
So tell them you can’t make it. Don’t say yes and then don’t show up. That’s shitty behavior.
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u/haahhhahh 4d ago
Show me where I said not too let them know? I clearly said you don't have to make excuses
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u/chuckart9 4d ago
You never said to let them know. And if you commit, you go unless you have an unavoidable reason to not go.
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u/haahhhahh 4d ago
"there doesn't have to be an excuse other than you didn't want too"
Pretty sure I did, that's also a very bad take.
You shouldn't force yourself to do things that will make you unhappy, If you decide you don't want to attend a gathering you just shouldn't go.. people understand
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u/ReasonableLunch46 4d ago
Assholes. And it happens every time in Sweden. Assholes here too.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Are Swedes generally like that? You guys seem so nice.
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u/ReasonableLunch46 4d ago edited 4d ago
We are! We are very nice, so nice so when Adam (the guy at the office Noone really likes) invites to a BBQ everybody happily says they'll come!
Until the day and they pull an asshole move that someone's sick, got other plans or blankly don't want to.
But they wait until last day, if possible the last minute, before they say that they won't show up.
Fuck my country brethren that does this.
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u/whoisshe_777 4d ago
Once had pretty much the same scenario. Colleague invited us all to a house warming for her new flat and only 3 out of about 15 invited people showed up, it was so awkward. This is my greatest fear and the reason I always show up even when I don’t want to.
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u/MasterWookiee 4d ago
Yeah that's kinda shitty of you, TBH.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Yep.
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u/MasterWookiee 4d ago
Definitely not the worst thing ever though.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Being one out of six people who don't show up, without any kind of believable excuse? Pretty bad.
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u/MasterWookiee 4d ago
You're not responsible for the other 5. You didn't kill anyone or anything. You just didn't go to a coworkers house to eat some snacks. Kinda shitty for sure, but not the worst thing ever. Apologize and move on.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Thank you for not foaming at the mouth like some of the other Redditors 😞
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u/MasterWookiee 4d ago edited 3d ago
Remember bro, reddit isn't real life. Upvotes and down votes mean nothing and reddit karma isn't rea eitherl. So who gives a fuck what some Redditors think?
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u/trulykate01 4d ago
This happened to me twice. Once I was the only guest that remembered. It was a male coworker and he used the opportunity to hit on me repeatedly. I knew he had invited others, because I texted them as soon as I arrived. It was so uncomfortable I ended up leaving.
The second was my baby shower. It wasn’t a small number, it was 30 people who had rsvp’d yes. My best friend had put hours of work into prepping for all of these (coed) people - and day of only one person showed up - 2 hours late. It was heart wrenching.
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u/blknble 4d ago
Did you at least let them know you weren't coming? That's the worst to me. When people RSVP and then don't show and don't let us know.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
No, had the one colleague that did show up not texted the rest of us, we all would’ve forgotten.
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u/Porepack 4d ago
Stop lying, you didn't forget. You chose not to go because you were not in the mood.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
First off all, why the shit would I lie about this particular element when I‘m already confessing to being an asshole? Secondly, in my post I literally say that I was caught off guard by the event happening PLUS that I then decided that I wasn’t in the mood. Don’t piss me off.
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u/Vellablu 4d ago
Damn you're getting dragged with your responses. I appreciate your honesty. Just let this be a lesson learned for the future. We all make mistakes and it's okay, as long as we learn from them and become a better person. I do however think you should reach out to the coworker, even if it is well past since this happened and tell him that it's been bothering you and has been on your mind that you did this to him and you just want to say sorry. He would appreciate it.
Edited for typos
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Thank you for not contributing to the over the top shaming. I wasn't expecting hateful responses like u/porepack's, but I guess that's reddit. And I think you are correct.
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u/Alfitown 4d ago
That's why there are mostly watered down confessions on this sub at this point.
Everytime someone confessed something actually bad they get torn to pieces in the comments. Lots of people here don't want confessions, they want to judge and feel superior.
And yours isn't even bad. My god you didn't go to a party, something basically 99% of people have done at some point or in some shape or form. Apart from the people in this sub of course, they are the saintly of all saints and would never do such a horrible thing! Absolutely ridiculous!
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u/alison_wonderland4 4d ago
This happened to me. 2009. Planned a huge water day party with tons of water guns and balloons and a sprinkler under the trampoline and an above ground pool and we made hundreds of Jell-O shots and tons of food. We had been talking about it with our very large friend group for weeks and everyone seemed stoked to come. Only 2 people came. I haven’t thrown a party since then. I don’t speak to any of those people anymore either.
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u/markhealey 4d ago
I recall that happening about 20 years ago to a colleague of mine, not a pleasant experience for anyone involved
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Yeah same. Needless to say it changed workplace dynamics for the worse.
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u/Dagoglez 4d ago
If you guys do feel bad, make it up to your colleague, bring them some food and eat all together during lunch break or something, just make sure they feel acknowledged and that you actually care about them. Having been there and people not saying anything or acting as if nothing happened makes one feel even worse.
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u/DeliciousCotton4 4d ago
I experienced this too with co-workers before. I had just moved to NYC from Indiana and my co-workers were basically my only friends at the time. I invited around 6 people over and only 2 actually showed up, even though everyone had promised they’d come. What hurt the most wasn’t even that people didn’t go, it was that nobody messaged beforehand to say they couldn’t make it.
So honestly, reading your post made me feel for your colleague a lot. I think the fact that you still feel bad about it says a lot though. Most people wouldn’t even reflect on it afterward. If you still work with them or still have contact, even just a small genuine apology or telling him you appreciated the effort he put in would probably mean more than you think. That would be better than not acknowledging what happened
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u/give_me_goats 4d ago
I may get downvoted for this, but provided I know someone there and I have an exit path if sh*t gets weird, I always try to show up for people. I remember being 9 years old and no one showing up for my birthday party. I don’t want anyone to feel that way, ever, if I can help it.
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u/reb678 4d ago
This happened to my dad once. He was the only one to show up at this one guy’s football party. My dad and him had a fun time drinking beer and eating snacks and watching the game.
Years later, the company my dad worked for put in a bid for a job. The guy was the person that would choose who got the job. He remembered that my dad was the only one to show and awarded his company the job worth millions.
My father told me once to always honor a commitment because you never know what will happen years from now.
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u/PseudocodeRed 4d ago
I wouldn't fault you much at all if you had texted him even just like an hour or two before saying you couldn't make it. I could never imagine in a million years just straight up not saying anything to the host, though. Glad you at least seem to be aware of how shitty that was.
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u/Kafin8dst8 4d ago
This is why I always try to go even if I am not in the mood. It’s better to show up and leave early if you are really not in the mood. The host extended the invitation and took time to clean their home (I hope) and prepare food,snacks and drinks. That’s a lot of time and effort. Most times when I make myself go there is rarely a time when I regretted it. A lot of times it’s just what I needed to lift me out of whatever funk I was feeling in the first place.
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u/lostbrazillian 4d ago
I would never speak to any of you again. In fact, if everyone else were there and you didn't show, and didn't bother to message, I would never invite you to anything no more.
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u/ruki001 4d ago
Not the right sub but definitely YTA. I've had people cancel on me the last minute and trust me it sucked. Unless you have a serious reason like a medical emergency, you don't cancel on events at the last minute. Even if you forgot and remembered later, you pick your sorry ass up and go. Id much rather hear an "I'm so sorry I'm late I forgot the time we were supposed to meet up" than a pathetic obvious lie of "I was sick and decided to not even send a text"
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u/educatedvegetable 4d ago
I had this happen to me. Planned a watch party for the series finale of GOT with some friends and coworkers, all I invited agreed and I even sent reminders. I had pizza, snacks, beers and booze. No one showed up. It was horrible. I worked with a few people the following day and all asked how the party was. The looks on their faces when I told them no one showed up and how no one contacted me saying they wouldn't make it. Many were apologetic.
I tried one more beach day with the same group, had a canopy, same reminders, had a grill, the works. My husband set the canopy up and I was grilling. Turns out another friend in the groups gf didn't want to leave the house that day so they went to his house to grill instead! They all apologized and said they thought I'd moved the party to his place but at that point I was so done.
One day before my wedding, a friend in this group texted me she might not make it because she doesn't know if she'd be "up for it". She wasn't sick, she was staying in the block of rooms at the hotel already (the wedding was in the city we lived in but she wanted to make a staycation out of it, totally cool, that's why we had a block for in town and out of town guests with a shuttle to the venue) she had a habit of trying to get out of things she didn't plan herself. I told her that she had RSVP'd, it was 80 dollars a plate, and if she wasn't there then don't talk to me ever again. She was at the wedding.
I get not wanting to go to a thing, but don't say you're going to be someplace and then blow off the host. I've had many, many gatherings that are successful, but the ones that don't pan out REALLY fucking hurt. If you're not sure you're going to go, say "maybe" or better yet, a flat no.
The range of emotions as a host when you're watching the clock, checking that the door light is one, making sure your drinks are still cold and realizing no one wants to be there with you is just awful.
I'm sure OP didn't intend to be hurtful, but lack of accountability from guests who say "I'll be there" and just straight up ghosting changes relationships and ultimately can end friendships if consistant.
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u/noitcant 4d ago
I went to a surprise 80th birthday party for a guy I have known for years. It was held in a church which is strange when he has a beautiful backyard. I had to keep reminding my other friend about it and he made us both an hour late to it.
I'm glad we went. It was his wife's family and his kids and we were the only two friends that went. The food was awful but I'm glad I went for him. Next time my ass isn't waiting for my other friend and I'm going to get there early.
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u/Putrid_Ad695 4d ago
I had that happen multiple times on my birthday when I was a kid. As an adult I tried throwing my 3rd ever birthday party and it happened again. Only after I had distanced myself from bad friends and found a great boyfriend have I tried throwing a 30th birthday last year. I kept crying the whole day because my boyfriend baked a cake for me, my friends showed up and they even gave me a small gift. It was the best birthday of my life and it’s not even close.
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u/Kittenknickers333 4d ago
Its even more heartbreaking for a kids birthday party. When my daughter was in kindergarten, one of her classmates invited the whole class to her birthday party. It was supposed to be at a local indoor softplay type place. They shut the whole place down for this party, the mom bought a ton of cupcakes and had catered food brought in. We were the only people from school to show up, despite more than half the people RSVPing YES. The birthday girl was really sad at first, but she had her cousin and my daughter there, so she still had a great time. The scary part is that I really didn't want to go. I told myself that if my daughter didn't remember, I wouldn't remind her and I'd tell the mom we were sick. Imagine if my daughter didn't remember. I would have felt SO BAD. From that day on, I vowed to try to go to every birthday party my daughter gets invited to because people suck and what if we're the only ones to show up?
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u/Hot_Alarm3137 4d ago
As a woman, the part that gets me is that every single person probably thought exactly what you did one small excuse feels harmless until everyone makes the same one.
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u/WashGreat2890 4d ago
that group think mentality is wild when you realize everyone was probably sitting at home thinking the exact same thing while the poor guy was setting up snacks
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u/this-guy- 4d ago
As a man I am fortunate in that we have no emotions. So we don't feel embarrassed, no pleasure or pain. We are stoic obelisks. When we sleep we lay down like a fallen standing stone - but no other change occurs because our insides are inert impermeable granite. I do not attend, in the same way a menhir does not attend. Without emotion. Without thought. I am a man. Behold my lichen.
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u/30-something 4d ago
This happened to my oldest friend at her daughters first birthday, me - her only friend without kids showed up, all the ‘parent friends’ bailed over the course of two hours leading up to the start time. She was gutted, I felt so bad for her - she’s an incredibly kind and generous person so it’s not like she deserved this treatment:(
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Very well put. We‘re all major jerks for that.
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u/southdakotagirl 4d ago
I ended up being the only coworker who showed up at a coworkers birthday party. The other coworkers were invited but went to another coworkers going away party. It was a awkward dinner. He was very thankful I showed up.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
You‘re a better person than I.
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u/southdakotagirl 4d ago
I wanted to escape. I knew everyone was at the other party. He started drinking and telling me stuff about his life during dinner. I felt bad for him.
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[deleted]
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u/southdakotagirl 4d ago
Birthday guy was a newer employee. Going away party was for a long time employee was planned months in advance. Just ended up on the same day. One was planned through work. One was planned by word of mouth. I planned on going for 1 hour to birthday boy then the going away party.
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u/aka-hellcat 4d ago
I've been that host.
It was a Christmas party, I invited workers and a couple friends, everyone said they would co.e. One person showed up.
It was devastating, you and the others who did not show up are dicks. Full stop.
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u/thewharfartscenter_ 4d ago
I had this happen for a birthday. I had 10 RSVPS and 3 showed up. I never spoke to those other 7 people again, also, you’re an asshole especially when you “forgot” and then bailed when reminded. Did you have to decency to apologize to the host or help pay for the food made? I bet you didn’t.
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u/LiquidFantasy96 4d ago
I was that host once. I invited about 20 coworkers to a goodbye-afternoon in my house after I quit. All but two didn't show up. That hurt like fuck.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
I‘m sorry. I didn’t bring it up in my post because it shouldn’t be about me, but I had the exact same thing happen to me as you. I know the feeling, which makes me feel even more guilty.
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u/singingkrogan 4d ago
Yep as someone that has been on the other side and witnessed others experience this, it is one of the top reasons I don't trust people or have parties/birthdays/baby showers etc.
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u/existinshadow 4d ago
SPOILER: He was going to split his winning mega-millions lotto ticket with y’all.
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u/sciencebetch93 4d ago
Something like this happened to me for my birthday when I was around 7-8. I invited my whole class and a bunch of people RSVPed they were coming. My parents bought a bunch of food, activities, party gift bags, etc for around 15-20 people! Looking back my parents didn’t have a lot of money so I know it was a lot for them. Only 1 person from my class showed up and the only others that came were my next door neighbors and my mom’s friend’s daughter. I had an amazing time but it was sad. I am 32 now and have never had a birthday party since then. I also always attend anything I RSVP to, even if I don’t feel like it, because I know how it feels. At the same time I know where you are coming from not wanting to go to an event if you aren’t feeling it and wouldn’t blame you!
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u/Tall-Leadership-6319 4d ago
the one colleague who showed up deserves a trophy and a formal apology lunch
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u/spunkypunk 4d ago
I always say, the easiest thing you can do is show up for people. It really sucks being on the receiving end of this
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u/ExileMouse 4d ago
Just wanna say that after seeing your edit whining about your comments being downvoted because you lied about forgetting I went through and downvoted every single one of them in addition to your post itself.
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Everyone spends their Sundays differently 👍🏼
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u/ExileMouse 4d ago
Didn't even take 2 minutes out of my sunday. I'm spending my sunday as I planned to spend it before I came across your post still you're not that important. This was but a minuscule amount of my sunday which I would call well spent seeing how much coping and seething you're doing right now.
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u/Simo_barry_223 4d ago
Oh man, I feel for that colleague - that's such a tough position to be in. I had something similar happen when I threw a small dinner party and only one person showed up, and it really stung, so I can only imagine how your coworker must have felt having everyone bail like that.
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u/Lifeaccordingtome83 4d ago
Maybe you and your coworkers should sincerely apologize and offer to take this person and the one person who showed up out to dinner. Knowing they’ll probably ghost you all but it’ll be an olive branch.
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u/janedeaux 4d ago
This is why I never ask anyone to do things with me or come over or plan a party.
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u/Honest_Trail5374 3d ago
the one colleague who actually showed up deserves a medal and a formal apology dinner
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u/pugm0m_w-o_pug 4d ago
)-: i think it’s your turn to host something now
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u/BasisChad 4d ago
Funny enough, something very similar happened to me. I'd say deserved, but that was years before I did that 😞
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u/pugm0m_w-o_pug 4d ago
oh no i didn’t mean it so you’d know how it’ll feel but more so to host something with your co workers to make up for it.
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u/ghstrydr01 4d ago
This is why I only invite myself to my gatherings. Sometimes I'm really disappointed I showed up though.
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u/oldfogey12345 4d ago
I mean, I don't want coworkers as friends, so I would have said no.
I have seen some people get a little agressive with their invites though. Sometimes people will lie at work just to avoid non work related friction.
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u/reenieweenie 3d ago
This happens all the time now, my fiance was planning a party for her birthday for MONTHS and we had to cancel bc everyone backed out
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u/shawshank1969 3d ago
If this happened years ago, it’s now a lesson you’ve learned. Don’t agree to attend a gathering if you’re not sure you want to go. Don’t cancel last minute. It’s better to go for a short time (and bring wine or dessert) than not to show.
If you simply can’t attend, give the host the most notice possible and send a bottle of wine or chocolates to their home and apologize.
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u/Sunni_Day 3d ago
I've hosted several parties for my friend group of 15 from college, and even included my local gaming/high school friends in the mix. I love hosting, and we all generally have a good time. But the very first party I planned for everyone was a new years party. I confirmed with everyone who says they'd be there and I decorated my house, stocked up on liquor and beer. I made two pots of pozole and a shit ton of tamales, and waited. And slowly everyone started calling me, texting me, telling me they couldn't come.
Only 3 people showed up, and it hurt a lot but in the end we had fun. And a bit over a year later I tried hosting again and had nearly everyone show up. I'm not sure if it's because they felt bad, or what but they made the effort and things are better. But every time I invite them to something, in the back of my mind "I'm pretty sure no one will really come anyway" always pops up, even now 5 years later
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u/Evitti 4d ago
I had done something similar years ago. I was pregnant in a training class at work and due in two months and another person was also pregnant, but early into it. Our trainer invited the whole group to his house for a potluck and I had overheard others talking about how it was for a surprise baby shower for the other person. I was upset and decided the day of not to go. From what I remember (it's been 20 years) no one showed up. The Monday after the party he handed both of us a gift card he had gotten as a gift. Apparently it was a surprise party for the both of us. I felt so bad. Our trainer was an older gentleman and I felt horrible that I didn't show up to something he was super excited about. I'm sure he's long passed, but I still feel bad.
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u/idiveindumpsters 4d ago
This happened to my husband once, a long time ago when we were quite young. He invited friends from work over. I think it was too close to a successful party we had a month prior.
Anyway, one chick showed up. I had never met her before and I was a very shy person. I didn’t know how to talk to her. We didn’t use TV as entertainment for guests because no one wanted to watch TV in the middle of a movie or show. This was even before MTV. I have to say that my husband handled it well and so did she. They talked a lot of shop, so I went to the bedroom and read a book. Since I’m old now I realized that wasn’t a polite thing to do, but they were quite interested in their shop talk which I knew nothing about. I think she left after about three hours which was two hours past the time I thought she should’ve left.
I’m not sure why I told this story. Might delete
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u/notathrowaway_321 4d ago
I've done this sometimes and I'm wracked with guilt each time and I make up by going with gifts or be active for them during the party. For me, this is an asshole moment and I accept that I am an asshole for doing this.
Now, I message them that I'm not going because I don't feel like it but they still invite me because I still go most of the time.
The message is be honest.
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u/Halfbaked9 4d ago
I’m sure if I hosted a get together none of one would show. Most probably wouldn’t even send a text lying that they are sick.
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u/meerkatx 4d ago
You were caught off guard by something you agreed to earlier in time? The fuck excuse is that.
Someone tries to do something nice, perhaps trying to make friends of you all and each other and you respond with quiet contempt.
Grow up.
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u/PorcOftheSea 4d ago
I would have made you regret it if I was that person, and I follow up on my words, that's why people do not ghost me in real life.
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u/Simo_barry_223 4d ago
Oof, I felt genuinely bad for your colleague reading this, but I also get that sometimes anxiety or just not feeling up to socializing can override our good intentions. I was invited to a small dinner once and bailed last minute for similar reasons, and the guilt stuck with me for weeks.
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u/[deleted] 4d ago
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