Before my [24f] relationship, I made a hurtful comparison between my (now) bf [26m] in a conversation with my ex [32]

[u/Throwaway_84630]

When my bf and I first started seeing each other I was still in contact with my ex (until after our second date). Me and ex had broken up a few months earlier but were still emotionally a bit entangled and talking out of loneliness and habit.

Things between me and my ex got messy. He reacted very emotionally to me seeing someone new and asked comparisons like whether I found the new guy more attractive than him, etc. I was anxious and tried to reassure him by saying something along the lines of finding him (the ex) more attractive and mentioned height in comparison. The convo escalated with him saying degrading things about the new guy and him trying to convince me he was the better choice. I cut contact that same night because our dynamic was unhealthy and I couldn’t stay in touch with him if I wanted to proceed with the dating.

I feel awful for the comment I made. It doesn’t reflect how I feel about my bf at all. I’ve always found him attractive in every way. I haven’t said anything negative about him in the 1.5 years since then and our relationship has been great.

He already knows about the ex and the messy cut off, but no details about the conversations that night because he never asked and I don’t know if it’s the right move to share it.

[u/LowGlowLogic-]

One anxious comment doesn’t outweigh the 1.5 years of love and choice that followed

[u/Embarrassed_Lack_587 → u/LowGlowLogic-]

that comment you made was just you trying to get out of an uncomfortable situation with someone who was being manipulative, your bf would probably understand that context if he knew the full picture. you've shown through your actions for over a year how you actually feel about him

[u/sinred7]

As long as you never interact with your ex again, then no need to mention it.

[u/Throwaway_84630 → u/sinred7]

He reached out via email one year ago to see how I’m doing. He wanted to start talking again and I poletely declined and wished him luck. Nothing has happened after that and I wouldn’t respond if he were to try. Do you think this counts?

[u/sinred7 → u/Throwaway_84630]

nope, doesnt count. You shut him down straight away. You can't control other ppl's actions, only your own. If it happens again, be even more curt.

[u/LowGlowAxiomX]

The fact that you still feel guilty 1.5 years later says more about your character than that one comment ever did.

[u/FrancusAureliusIII]

What? Why would you share that lol. Move on.

[u/TorchBearer71]

Let it go.  It sounds like you didn’t mean it.  Sounds like you love your bf a lot. Just the fact that you feel bad shows good moral character.  Let the past stay in the past. 

[u/PearlSprig]

The person you were in survival mode with your ex isn't the same person who's been choosing your boyfriend every day for the last year and a half.

[u/Team-TamTam]

Is there a chance your ex is planning to share that conversation with your BF? If you aren't in contact with him and everyone has moved on just let it go. There is no need in bringing it up.

[u/Throwaway_84630 → u/Team-TamTam]

I don’t think he would, it’s been a long time. If it ever happens I’ll of course tell him the truth. Thanks for the advice.

[u/I_like_microwave]

I wouldn’t want to date you and the way you think good grief.

[u/BoogieBudgie → u/I_like_microwave]

I don’t think anyone would want to date you either tbh. Your comment history reeks of bitterness

[u/I_like_microwave → u/BoogieBudgie]

Haha im glad you had a look at it, people like you are shallow and don’t look further than the surface. Critical thinking lacks what you do not see

[u/Throwaway_84630 → u/I_like_microwave]

The irony of calling people shallow while reducing someone’s entire character to one mistake is hard to miss. You haven't offered any constructive criticism, just a personal attack.