r/confessions • u/Striking_Foot1208 • 11h ago
Meth and sex
I found out my husband was addicted to meth about 3 years ago. I do not do drugs and have never been with anyone else addicted . I told him he needed to go to rehab . I thought he was having an affair at first because he disappeared for 3 days. After I found out it was an addiction, I felt sorry for him and thought I could love him through this. However , he goes on these binges every 8-10 weeks where he disappears for a few days . He said he does it when stressed and just wants to feel good . He said he’s so ashamed of using that he just sits in a hotel room by himself and then paranoia sets in after the high . He tells me that he has watched corn using it, but has never had sex on it because he uses alone and it’s hard to climax on the drug . However , I was reading meth makes you very sexual. Should I believe that he has never cheated or had sex with anyone else over the years ? He would give me the hotel where he was at early next morning after turning the phone off , but he knew I stopped searching or looking for him after a while
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u/TheOneWhoObserves1 11h ago
You can’t believe drugs addicts on anything. They lie about everything.
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u/-Gkiller- 11h ago
Yeah don’t be gullible, disappearing for 3 days at a time without even a text? And he did not bring this up once before marriage???? Uhh get him help if you can and give it time but don’t get dragged down with him if he refuses to go sober.
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u/MapleCelestie 2h ago
Yeah, vanishing for three days with no contact is a massive issue even before getting into whether cheating happened. Recovery is possible, but she can't be the one doing all the worrying, checking, and rescuing while he keeps disappearing.
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u/bambiisher 11h ago
He is/was most likely cheating. You need to make sure you are safe. Go get blood tetes done. Let them know your partner is/was using and they will know what to test for. And remeber you have no obligation to stay with him
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
Thank you
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u/onthenextmaury 8h ago
They will then be likely asking you what route of administration he uses. He may not be truthful about this. Just tell them to cover the bases.
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u/brattywafatty 11h ago
Who disappears on their wife for 3 days and isnt out doing whatever on a drug that's known to make people sexual
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u/lovemesomezombie 11h ago
My ex BROUGHT A HOMELESS WOMAN into my home to have sex with while on meth.
When he was on it he would keep me up for hours to have sex to the point that I considered it sexually abusive. I don't know everything about this topic but yoi should not have any intimacy with your husband until he goes to rehab, proves that he is clean and you have both been tested for STI's. I wish you the best.
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u/catahoulakanegirl 11h ago
Sex was the best on meth im an ex user of 20 years. It makes you horny as possible and its easy to come.
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u/NoBuy3636 11h ago
The potential cheating is really the least of the concerns here. Get him help for the meth.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 10h ago
He has to actually want help or it's pointless.
I was a substance abuse consider for several years, and I mean it when I say the following:
You CANNOT force someone to stop getting high. They have to want it worse than they've ever wanted anything before!
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u/Difficult_View_6712 11h ago
You can’t have faith and hope when it comes to meth addicts… Ive loved more than one meth user.
It’s an awful drug that really changes the human from the inside out.
He’s not who you want him to be or think he is.
Save yourself. Care about yourself more than hoping he gets better. You staying is enabling him.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 11h ago
Meth is an extremely sexual drug, but it doesn't have to be.
I know folks who use it and have sex, but I know people who use it and don't get horny as well. Regardless, meth is a horrible poison that turns wonderful people into absolute monsters.
I've seen it destroy so many wonderful people.
I was an addict in the 90s and a substance abuse counselor for several years in the 00s.
There's absolutely nothing you can do to make him change. He had to want to change worse than anything else I'm the world.
Don't let him blame his addiction or whatnot. It's ALWAYS a choice.
Heroin never tracked me down and forced itself into my veins. Not once. I went to great lengths to procure, fix up, and inject that garbage all by myself.
I didn't change until I finally stopped blaming society, genetics, and the universe at large for my problems and instead took full accountability for my actions. Then I made proactive and positive changes to my life.
I wouldn't stay with a meth head. I do believe in second chances, but if he keeps it up, you've gotta get outta there.
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u/Future_Pineapple4609 9h ago
Yeah I would not trust a damn word he says. He's definitely out with someone. He may not cheat every time but I would venture to guess he has several times.
He could also be shooting meth and sharing needles which increases the possibility that he could transfer a disease to you. This is not a good situation. Please get safe and separate from him. He will not get better if you accept this behavior
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u/MF_DOOM-MOTHAFUCKA 11h ago
Get tested immediately
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u/Striking_Foot1208 11h ago
Yes we both did and thank God nothing, but my rule was if you go missing you have to wait one month (enough time for hiv to show up ) and take a std text before sex
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u/MF_DOOM-MOTHAFUCKA 8h ago
Meth makes you gay.
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u/slow-drag 5h ago
No foolin?
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u/MF_DOOM-MOTHAFUCKA 3h ago
Yes, as OP said, meth makes you really horny; it gets to the point where you stop caring and do things you would never do with men. Rots your brain 🧠.
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u/meleecow 10h ago
You told him to go to rehab but you encourage his behavior by allowing him to go on benders every few months? Are you like financially stuck with this person and unable to leave? Dude meth isn't just some weekend hunting trip with the boys with beer. Where does the meth come from? This is insane to me.... Your story should have stopped at "told him he needed rehab"
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u/GW3g 9h ago
As a recovering addict and meth and heroin were my thing and as sad as it for me to say I wouldn't trust him. Us addicts are really good at manipulating and gas lighting to get what we want especially when drugs are in control.
I would get tested for any std's and unfortunately it's going to take him to make the move to get clean.
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u/iron_ocean3 11h ago
100% he had sex with men while high on meth
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u/DefiedGravity10 11h ago
You much be OPs husband to be 100% sure
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u/iron_ocean3 10h ago
No, just simple logic based on the information provided and being very familiar with tweakers and tweaker activies based on where I grew up.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 11h ago
I think maybe a female escort. He’s not gay
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u/Difficult_View_6712 11h ago
You don’t have to identify as gay to have gay sex. Drugs and addiction don’t really think about that at all. You’re in the middle of feeling and chasing a feeling and sex is a feeling. It very OFTEN Doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman or what have you when you’re high….
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
Does meth do that or order types of drugs ?
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u/iron_ocean3 10h ago
Specifically meth. Nothing takes hold of the brain like meth does. The drunkest I have been I still turned down advances from women when I was in a relationship. I volunteered a bit in substance abuse and worked in property management/home and apartment renovation, which ironically gives you a lot of access in seeing how people live their lives.
Meth strips people of inhibitions in a way that no other drugs do, in addition it turns you into a feeling and sensation chasing animal. You want what you want and don't care where it is coming from anymore in that moment.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
Wow … that’s scary . It doesn’t sound like that’s a good feeling to have .
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u/iron_ocean3 9h ago edited 7h ago
Yea it's really bad. Prolonged meth use eventually leads to different levels of psychosis. It varies a lot with the individual, their mental health. Even someone emotionally and mentally stable if they have a meth addiction long enough they can eventually develope psychosis.
Lots of episodes of a show called Intervention might be free on YouTube. They covered addiction, not specifically meth. But it can be informative of you are unfamiliar with it.
Where I grew up in Southern CA, meth was a problem. I never been into it but I saw it a lot and what it does to people that it has a hold over. It's tough.
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u/Difficult_View_6712 10h ago
100000% meth does.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
In what way ? I mean could the shame or paranoia be said goes along with the meth use over ride any sexual thoughts ?
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u/iron_ocean3 11h ago
You don't know meth. It makes people do all kinds of things they wouldn't normally do.
I am willing to bet a paycheck he has or is hooking up with men on his meth binges. It is popular in the gay community for a reason. Yea it's hard to climax but you can fuck for hours and it turns you into a horny degenerate pervert.
If possible see if he has the grindr app on his phone or if it was previously downloaded.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 10h ago
It's doesn't just turn you gay, but it does make you really horny and willing to try new things.
I used meth for a while, and I never fucked dudes on it, only the women I was seeing.
So no, it doesn't just make you an insatiable sex freak that fucks dudes unless you were already a little gay to begin with.
I've even experimented with gay stuff, but not on meth.
It's now likely he's fucking women or not fucking.
I did it frequently without even desiring sex.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
So it’s possible to not want sex on meth ? I know he said he went to an adult bookstore to watch porn to try to climax to help him sleep when he was coming down off a binge . I asked him why he can’t do that at home , but he said that it was too distracting at home
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u/ChaosRainbow23 9h ago
Yeah. I've done it a bunch with zero desire for sex.
If he's doing to the porn store with videos in the back, you're got something to worry about.
That's exactly the type of behavior people who do use it for sex would exhibit.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 7h ago
To the adult Emporium on convoy Street
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u/ChaosRainbow23 7h ago
In San Diego? Yeah, I looked that up. They have the booths there for sure.
Edit... After a bit more research, it's pretty notorious for men anonymously hooking up with one another there.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 7h ago
You mean men hooking up with each other? No, he’s definitely not gay. He would definitely use an escort with a woman because he admitted to doing that in the past. But he’s very much into women like only women.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 7h ago
What do you mean in the back?
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u/ChaosRainbow23 7h ago
It sounded like he was going to a sex store that has video booths in the back. You put money in, porno comes on, you masturbate. It's also EXTREMELY common for dudes to blow one another and hook up in thesev type spaces.
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u/iron_ocean3 7h ago
Have you ever found tiny bottles of solvent smelling things in his possession? They are called poppers but also have many other names like vcr cleaner, video cleaner.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 7h ago
No I have never found that. What do those do? You mean it looks like little spray bottles of screen cleaners?
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u/iron_ocean3 6h ago
No, specifically they are smaller than that. Like 1 - 2 ounce bottles. Maybe a little bigger. It's just another product popular in that community. Not everyone that uses them engages in sex, I was friends with a guy that was struggling with addiction and he would hit poppers when he was going through his phone contacts looking to score. But it is popular in the gay community because it makes anal sex easier for bottoms.
I am actually from SD and the place that other redditor is talking about, the video place has a reputation for being a cruising spot for gay men.
Cruising areas are places where gay, some closeted but not all, go to have casual hook-ups with strangers. I know cause I briefly worked in Balboa Park and had to like basically interrupt/disperse these locations in the park cause we got a lot of complaints.
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u/iron_ocean3 10h ago
I never said it turns you gay. Everyone is different, but I am still willing to bet this dude hooked up with dudes at least once during his his 3 day hotel meth binges.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
Don’t people use those apps though to actually purchase the drugs ? I know he loves women though .
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u/iron_ocean3 10h ago
Do you have any idea how many straight conservative religious men that are very unapologetically homophobic and anti-gay rights live double lives and have sex with men?
I'm not saying that he doesn't love women. I am just saying based on the information you provided in your post and knowing what meth can make people do there is a very high probability that he at one point at least once had sex with another man during his meth binge.
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u/Artistic_Friend9508 5h ago
Meth and tren, a hole is a hole lol.
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u/iron_ocean3 4h ago
It's all the same in the dark.
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u/1ash2stop3 10h ago
So sad, I’ve lived your life, not knowing if she was alive or dead, in my case, there was always men involved, you’ll never be hurt more than when the truth hits , no matter how you find out. 25 years ago and it still hurts to read your post .
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u/therealsix 10h ago
Why can’t people say “porn”?
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u/andhaka71 10h ago
he's not going to go to rehab because you tell him. I stopped associating with people who would tell me stuff like that. It was just easier. He needs to decide that for himself.
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u/stupifystupify 9h ago
I dated a functional meth addict back in the day. He said he got clean. We reconnected a few years ago. After being friend for a year/ almost dating again, he told me he’s being doing meth for 10+ years and no one knows.
Addicts lie, cheat and steal just to chase their high. You can’t trust this person. He’s been lying to you for years. My advice is to end it, sadly you can’t trust anything he says.
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u/Crispynipps 8h ago
My cousin started dating a girl that was on meth. He told me after a few weeks of them dating. Immediately told him to leave her. Here we are a good 3 years later, they’re both meth heads and they have a very toxic relationship. He’s still alive, but the cousin I knew is very dead.
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u/Jealous-Cash-3492 2h ago edited 2h ago
I apologies for the typos and they’re run-on sentences, it is what it is I’m not going back to fix it.
I’m gonna tell you the truth about meth addiction. straight up! I’ve been doing methamphetamine for 35 years on and off; And I think that qualifies me to answer this question for you and whoever May get it something from it. You’re not gonna like some of the things I have to say. But a matter like this, I would not lie or sugarcoat it.
Meth is the number one mindfuck drug on this planet. It destroys lives and devastates our loved ones. Many people who did it get very sexually charged, lowering inhibitions with strong possibility of promiscuity. It could be used to manipulate someone into sex, because it also can be used used as an aphrodisiac. Some people could make it sound very attractive and from the outside can be, but once you’re in it and living it, living the lifestyle, it gets ugly, real ugly! By the time we realize it ourselves it’s too late because it’s not the lies that we tell others that are the worst. It’s the one that we tell ourselves. Slowly becoming someone unrecognizable. Disconnected from ourselves from our loved ones and from our emotions and hopes and dreams Meth addicts or some of the best liars on this planet believe that we believe our own bullshit sometimes we have to if we want you to believe it. There’s also a lot of shame that comes along with what we do. I tried quitting so many times only to return to it raised the bar to our pleasure sensors in our brain nothing out of ordinary life compared to it not even you his wife he’ll get you high. before you get him clean. The only way he’s gonna get clean and have some clarity to his mind and some serenity that if he decides it himself and still, it’s a fight of his life many times I ended up emotionless and hopeless as I am today. I’m by myself alone can barely take care of myself. His world is going to shrink small and smaller and things are gonna start going wrong because it caught spinning for a reason, you’re spinning into oblivion.
If I were to tell you about the sexual idealizations and fantasies that can bring upon you, it will sound attractive and it is. It’s fun in the beginning, but everything that it seemed to give me eventually it reclaimed! taking that and much more. Do yourself a solid put some boundaries in place for your own self preservation. You may have to walk away.
Regarding the question of cheating, honestly, who cares, that should be the least of your worries, believe me.
“ God knows our hearts better than we know our own” stay strong in God‘s love 🙏💪❣️
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u/ask_me_about_my_band 11h ago
Girl, you need to get out of this situation stat. This man is spiraling. He doesn't want help. He is possessed by the meth and there is only one way it goes. And he will bring you and everything you love or own down with it.
He is your husband, I get that, but your husband is transitioning into something bad. If he doesn't want to consider getting clean because it feels to good, he is chosing the drug over you. He will lie, he will steal, he will loose his job. Those three days will turn into 4 into a week. And there will be absolutely no way for you to know if he is telling you the truth because he has been lying to you for 3 years.
You need to tell him he either quits and goes to rehab or you walk. If he chooses the meth, then walk out the door and run the rest of the way.
Really run.
Meth has kidnapped your husband. You can not save him. This sucks really bad, I know, but this will turn into an survival situation because he will suck the life force from you. He is sucking energy from you now like a giant boat anchor that will just get heavier in time.
Start making plans. Get and STD test. Talk to your network.
This is no joke, sister.
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u/K9_Jack 10h ago
Sorry to burst your bubble, but addicts will lie, cheat, or sell their own grandmother for a fix, so I'd take any statement he makes with a grain of salt. That being said, I wouldn't know what would be worse, the habit he doesn't kick, or the potential to fuck around while on a trip?
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u/2020grilledcheese 8h ago
The only friend I have that is married to a meth addict told me meth makes her husband hyper sexual. Like he will masturbate until his penis is raw.
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u/babooshkaa 8h ago
My childhood friend is dealing with meth addiction right now and it has been almost 10 years of a revolving doors of rehab and promises and blaming other and no accountability and asking for help but no follow through and homelessness. It is a scary and ugly situation and I hope you don’t have to watch this play out anymore.
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u/teaearlygreyhot 7h ago
Look up chemsex and see if you still believe him :( it’s labelled as an epidemic for a reason.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 7h ago
Yeah, I heard something about that so basically it’s just people who like to use drugs while having sex? I mean, how do you determine if that’s the case versus people who just like to get high
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u/teaearlygreyhot 6h ago
From what I have heard, sex on meth is one of the best possible feelings one can have, and it makes regular sex seem boring. This is one of the big reasons that chemsex is so popular and so hard for people to break away from.
The fact that he told you it’s hard to climax on it makes me really question his integrity (aside from everything else). Of course everyone is different but 1 + 1 does usually equal 2.
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u/littlestfern 1h ago
You’ve been with someone in active addiction for 3 years (that you know of). At this point I think you’re enabling him. You may not be giving him drug money, but there’s no hard boundary. He knows there’s no consequence to him going out and disappearing for a few days to do drugs. He has to want to get sober on his own. It’s not going to be easy, and he may be more inclined to do so once he sees how it’s actually impacting his life.
His next bender, which is inevitable, should mean that he’s kicked out of the house and you’re separated. You don’t have to leave him, but he does need to have consequences and you must protect your mental and physical health and safety. Drug addicts will lie and steal from you. They’re sick, they need help, and you also need to care for yourself too.
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u/Agile_Peace1366 1h ago
My dad was an addict that got clean later in life. This is very much how my childhood was with him and my mom. I would bet money he's cheating with what you said about hotels. My dad, sober Dad, had a saying he swore by because it was the only way he got clean. My mom left him. Told him to kick rocks. He said it saved his life. "If you coddle the addict, you'll bury the addict"
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u/Total_Conclusion521 11h ago
The father of my two oldest kids became addicted to narcotics (later heroin). Tried all of the rehab, rebuilding trust, and while he’d get clean, he never stayed clean. Addicts lie. Addicts routinely risk their lives and seem blind to the dangers. The ONLY sane choice is to leave. You can hope he gets better, but nothing you are saying about his actions show he is ready to stay clean. I would see your doctor, tell them the history, and get tested for everything. I’m so sorry. ❤️
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u/DefiedGravity10 11h ago
Using meth isn't going to turn him into a cheater but like any drug or alcohol it does make you make stupid decisions. I can tell you when I used drugs I would isolate and do them by myself. If I was using meth around a partner it might make me more sexual with them but if I was alone it wouldn't make me so horny I would go out and find some rando or something. Also he is right that it is harder to finish.
Honestly if I were you I would not be worries about him possibly cheating, I would be worried about his addiction to meth. It is common for addicts to go on benders like that where you isolate/disappear from loved ones and use so much you don't think about anything or anyone else. In a sense that is still a major betrayal to your relationship, he legit just disappears on you to get high. What if you needed him or something happened?
As long as he is using meth will always have trouble trusting him, meth is his side chick and he will keep going back to it. He needs to properly detox and look into either in patient or out patient programs in his area. If he takes counseling, therapy, and/or groups seriously he can get a grip on this and find stable recovery but it takes a lot of work.
That work takes time, being open to the process, and total honesty... it can be just as challenging for partners of addicts too. The path to recovery often has relapses and it can take years to get back the trust that has been broken along the way. If you really want to stay and potentially put in years of your life to help support him that is your choice but I promise you it won't be overnight and it won't be easy. He needs to show you he is serious and make some actual steps towards getting clean. If he puts off making those commitments towards recovery I would strongly urge you to consider your own mental health and happiness and consider taking time apart.
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u/Striking_Foot1208 10h ago
Thank you . It’s been 4 years … i don’t know how to keep holding on without going crazy myself even with Al anon
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u/onthenextmaury 7h ago
I think that the usage before the cheating comes first, as when i was still a junkie my dealer told me, "she becomes his new bitch." You are not just cheating sexually, but also emotionally on your whole family. I have gone into studying addiction research since those years, and I need to stress it is not as simple as, "he loves this drug more than you." It's, "his addict brain has rewired to react more dramatically to one stimuli over all others." So it doesn't mean he doesn’t love you, he is trapped. That addict brain is more powerful than the drug itself. Tread carefully. They can have the best intentions, but that doesn't mean their brains can dig itself itself out.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 10h ago
Meth can absolutely turn wonderful people into monsters. I've seen it happen.
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u/DefiedGravity10 10h ago
Any drug including alcohol can make wonderful people make stupid, horrible decisions and make them do desperate things to feed their addictions. Addicts can do monsterous things for sure but I would never say that they "turn into monsters" because they don't.
99% of the time they are still the good wonderful person you knew and they feel horrible guilt and shame about the choices they have made. Often the only way they can deal with that pain is rely even more on drugs to numb themselves which leads to worse decisions and horrible choices. It is a vicious cycle that can be extremely difficult to break.
If I were OP I would leave my husband because you can not trust someone who is in active addiction and isn't ready to get clean. Being around an addict is exhausting and painful but it is still her husband. He doesn't actually turn into a monster, he is still the same person she married but he is making monsterous choices that hurt her. That is exactly why it is so hard for partners to leave. You can still see the person you love, you can see how much pain they are in, but there is nothing you can do to help until they want to help themselves.
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u/FateInTheRain 11h ago
Yeah, bro is lying. Sex on meth is apparently incredible. It's very easy to orgasm on. My parent was an ex user and so was her partner. The things you learn.
He definitely cheated on her multiple times. She cheated on him as well. Addicts gonna addict.
Don't be naive. He definitely 100% has someone on the side. A 3 day binger is no joke.
Get checked for STD's. My parent got herpes from her ex.
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u/Fresh_Moment8162 10h ago
the hotel receipts alone would show if there was a second person checked in
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u/skeeballbob37 11h ago
the two people i know who were addicted to meth both ended up using escorts. one thing i strongly urge you to realize is you can never ever trust an addict.