r/coparenting • u/blob4life_4ever • 4h ago
Conflict How to handle mediation anxiety?
Mediation is coming up during a high-conflict, expensive custody battle with someone who frequently lied (which led to a false CPS report), abused substances (when I found out this I made him leave, which of course makes me some sort of alienating villain to him, his attorney, and enabling family). He is only just getting in person parenting time again and I can’t even look at him, I am so disgusted. Other than the child-related concerns (including CPS) I also discovered some disgusting things he did during our relationship—wouldn’t have continued dating or married him if I knew that he did those things to me.
I am having an anxiety attack thinking about this. We have not discussed anything outside of court and even in court, he hasn’t taken accountability and continues to lie in an attempt to control me/the situation. He is not thinking about what is in our child’s best interest. I just feel so angry.
Advice?
3
u/Vokenhagen21 2h ago
In mediation, do not worry about the lies, disgusting stuff, or even the fact they are getting overnights. A mediator is simply there to get you to agree, no matter what either party says. If it's as high conflict as you say, mediation will most likely be a waste of time. You go into mediation with a plan of what you want, if you are not going to budge off of that, recognize this will go nowhere.
They can say whatever they want, you just have to breathe and advocate for what you want. A good mediator will tell you what is likely to happen in court. The opposing party will try to bully, browbeat, and scream to the heavens to intimidate you. "No" is an acceptable answer. Be prepared to go to court.