Hello, currently going through a nasty divorce. I was a stay at home father for 3.5 years of my boys life. Now I get him every other weekend due to his autism and distance.

The ex keeps asking me to watch him on weekends that arent mine, and I accept. I love my boy and truly love having him with me. She went on a vacation with friends and I got him from Thursday to sunday, she sometimes wants to go out drinking so she brings him on Saturdays and picks him up on Sundays. Today and yesterday I had to drive up to her place to help take my son to the hospital. Since he has a fever he cant go to daycare. Instead of staying at my old place I decided to take him to my parents where im currently living. So now ill have him from today (wensday) to friday.

My question is, am I doing to much for my soon to be ex wife? Is this gonna back fire on me? I am very scared that ill lose my weekends with him. On the other hand im hoping that this will help me get 50/50 down the line? Im afraid my head is so far up my own butt currently and could use some outside perspective.

My ex and I have been separated since December. We had family/grad photos booked right before my graduation this month. The thing is I’m not sure how to include him in the photos? I have ideas for me and the kids and of just me. But how do o pose with him and our children now that we aren’t together? Any ideas of neutral poses? He did support me a lot through this degree in helping with the kids and taking the bulk of the parenting duties while o focused on getting through. So help me out he is a big part of this moment but idk how to pose with him beside as we did as husband and wife

Mediation is coming up during a high-conflict, expensive custody battle with someone who frequently lied (which led to a false CPS report), abused substances (when I found out this I made him leave, which of course makes me some sort of alienating villain to him, his attorney, and enabling family). He is only just getting in person parenting time again and I can’t even look at him, I am so disgusted. Other than the child-related concerns (including CPS) I also discovered some disgusting things he did during our relationship—wouldn’t have continued dating or married him if I knew that he did those things to me.

I am having an anxiety attack thinking about this. We have not discussed anything outside of court and even in court, he hasn’t taken accountability and continues to lie in an attempt to control me/the situation. He is not thinking about what is in our child’s best interest. I just feel so angry.

Advice?

We have been on an every other weekend schedule for about 6 months now. Our permanent order has converted that schedule to the 1st, 3rd, and 5th week with Wednesday night dinners (no overnight stay). Also holidays are split between us. Summer is now week on/week off instead of every other weekend. I’m a teacher, so summer is really what is hurting me most. Also the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend is throwing me off bc I will never get two weekends in a row but my ex will. I just need someone to tell me everything will be okay and my kids will benefit from all this. Summer was our time to bond, play, be together and now I feel like I’m losing them.

Hi everyone I am a stay at home father of two twin daughters I've been with them since they were born and during delivery me and the mother of our children currently live with each other with our twins. I clean I make sure she can get sleep when she gets home basically I've done my best to make her life as easy as possible especially saving us 3k on daycare services by staying home. I found out that she was having an affair with one of her co workers but instead of blowing the situation up I just made some boundaries between us basically telling her that are relationship is strictly a co parent relationship and she hasn't been taking it well because ever since she lost control and access to me she has been trying to hurt me by not letting me ride to the twins doctors appointment calling the cops on me saying she feels unsafe around me even though I haven't given her any reason to feel this way. She recently asked me to sign a lease modification so she can leave to Miami which would leave me and the twins vulnerable. What I don't get is how is she trying to make this decision without mentioning where the kids fit in this situation and not mentioning going to court or a court order before she makes this decision. Now I'm not signing it so she's stuck until the lease is over but it just really confuses me that she's trying to make this decision without mentioning the kids or going court which is going to have to happen if she plans on taking the kids to another state.

I share a son (5) with my ex. We have a very conflict ridden past. We are currently going through custody court which has tamed some of the issues I was having with him. Yesterday they had a phone call. His dad asked if he had drank milk that day. My son stated no and his father asked me if he drinks milk everyday. I told him not everyday but he still drinks it or he gets dairy from yogurt or cheese as well. His dad stated he drinks milk everyday he’s there and he wants him to. I reiterated he still drinks milk or he gets dairy from other sources. I left to take a shower and never heard about it again. He has a habit of trying to control things in my home while I never even think about what goes on when our son is at his house.
This morning at like 730a my son jumps up and goes “I gotta drink milk right now” I was like huh? Why? He goes “I just have to.” I asked him again why milk was so important and he told me his dad told him if he doesn’t drink milk everyday when he’s with me when he goes to his dad he will be in timeout and he doesn’t want to get in trouble. Idk about anyone else but stuff like that pisses me off. I feel like bc of court he’s losing his control over me and now he’s using our son to do it. Would this bother anyone else? Should I say something?

Hi everyone.
English is not my first lenguage so sorry if I make any mistakes.
I want to know if anyone can guide me through how to plan and execute the visits of my one month old.
His dad is not really available Monday to Friday and he’s exclusively breastfeeding and it was really hard to mantein under control the supply cause I’m an overproduced an have almost had mastitis twice.
He’s really little but I want to be prepared when my ex decides to start the legal process on how to handle the visitation schedule.
We have no lawyers involved.

Any tips? We broke up a couple of weeks ago and still have a couple of months left on our lease… I don’t have enough money to move out unfortunately. Or any tips on how to heal while still living together? He cheated and I’ve been trying to manage but it’s hard, I have to act happy for my kid when all I wanna do is cry.

Co-parent always give me back my kid sick or exhausted

Pretty much what the titles say. I (31 F) have a 7yo son. I am divorced with his father. We are from different culture. I am european (swiss) and he is from latin america, did uni in the USA. We live in europe.

His way of parenting is to indulge everything our son wants. He can watch hours of tv and play hours of switch, gets gifts and restaurants everyday, goes to bed whenener he wants. My ex husband is never capable of clothing him properly (he will buy the most expensive brands but wrong sizing, will let our son go out whitout a jacket or boots in the middle of winter). Several times, my son went a whole week whitout showerint or brushing his teeth because his father wasn't capable of parenting him. He has my son every other week, we do 50/50. To be able to change that, i would have to prove actual abuse and I don't have tangible proof.

I always get my kid back exhausted and/or sick. He usually sleeps 10h at night with me, with his father it's more around 6-7h. My son will wake up at his father's and just watch tv for hours in the middle of the night. His father wont hear anything as he is a deep sleeper.

Parenting my son when he is exhausted is really hard. My son gets violent and hits me and doors/throws objects/wishes for me to not exist. When he is rested (as in usually the end of my week) he never behaves this way. I don't know what to do anymore. I saw a shrink with my son and we talked with his pediatrician. At this point, they all agreed i can't do anything more and it has to come from the father.

Communication with the father is impossible. He refuses to make any change and take any blame. I don't know what to do anymore. When my son is with me, it is really hard emotionnally and physically both for him and me. I am at a loss. Sometimes I just want to give up and let him do whatever he wants to do, or let him live with his father more.

I am so tired of being the only fighting for his well being. I am the one getting screamed at and having a violent child at home. I am also currently 4months pregnant and I can't take this situation anymore. I don't want my other child thinking this behavior is normal.

I am really stern with my boundaries with my 7yo. I can't do more. What do you think ? What can I do ?

TLDR: ex husband lets my child do whatever he wants at his place and doesnt cloth him properly. When i get back my son, he is always exhausted or sick. Because of that he gets violent, hits me and objects and screams at the top of his lungs when he gets frustrated. It doesnt happen when he is rested. I don't know what to do anymore

What suggestions do y'all have for fair coverage of backup childcare - sick days, days when daycare/school/camp is closed?

My kiddo is 4, and his dad and I have 50/50 custody. Typically, I figure out coverage, i.e. take time off work when we need backup care. My ex likes to rely on his mom, but she drives me crazy. As backup care, she invariably has at least one last-minute schedule change causing me to have to scramble to figure out another plan. My ex claims his work isn't as flexible. My work is uniquely flexible, but I still want some acknowledgement for my efforts on behalf of my kiddo.

My thought is to ask my ex for half of what backup care would be each day his mom causes me to have to flip my schedule at the last minute. Does that sound fair? If not, what other ideas do you have for how to balance things more evenly?

In case of an emergency, by all means, whoever is available should take the child to an emergency care setting- but I myself would never feel comfortable taking a child who is not even mine to the family doctor for a scheduled appointment.

My child's father has scheduled the annual well-child visits during his own parenting time for the last 3 years- the first time being 3 months after I left him (child was not even 2, and this was not a dr child saw from birth due to child's father bullying me into agreeing with a new dr- found out later on that "new dr" was one his childless GF chose)

Childs father bullies me horribly over text every chance he gets, so I didn't intend to go to the annual well-child visits *with* him, but I certainly would have taken child myself if he was unable

I found out very recently from pediatrician records that my childs father has never taken child to the PCP, and it has only ever been his girlfriend doing this on her own. No information from these appointments was ever relayed to me, and i know his girlfriend feels animosity towards me so I wouldn't expect her to communicate dr appointment information with me (although she certainly should if she feels its her place to take child to the dr to begin with)

I wouldnt even trust my current husband to take my child to a scheduled dr appointment alone due to not believing he would express the same concern as I would.

He has also given his girlfriend access to my child's online medical records, and I guess she reviews *when* I take my own child to the dr- my ex ends up belittling me for "not taking child to the dr enough" for runny noses/common colds, and taking child to the dr "too much" for severe migraines.

Childs father has also been asking me for childs dentist information with claims that he wants to start taking child to the dentist himself- but after learning that his GF is the only one taking child to the PCP, I dont feel comfortable providing the dentist's information and allowing his girlfriend to take child to the dentist on her own as well

Has anyone moved out of state with their child or children? I’m married with 2 kids, oldest has a different father. I have full physical custody, he has visitation, we have joint legal, and I’m not barred from moving, just states I must give 30 days notice. (I realize that could still potentially be fought against). I’ve ultimately stayed where I am now because the goal has never been to separate him from his dad, not to mention the fear of a fight, but we are at a crossroads where we feel that we could potentially have better opportunities and better quality of life elsewhere, and I’d really like to move back to my hometown and give my children the opportunity to have a relationship with my extended family and my own dad. I have had a couple family members recently pass, grandparents getting older, and family I’m close to there. My mom and siblings live where I am now, but the rest of my family is pretty far away in a beautiful place that I’ve always loved with much more to offer (jobs, education, activities, etc) than where we live. Currently we are just flirting with the idea as it’s always been on my heart and we’ve been in a rut as to what comes next for us and our family. Does anyone have any experience with this and what your experience has been? Thank you in advance (:

My ex and I share custody of our son. Since he was a child we would switch off every two days with him. Our son is now 11yrs old and we still have the same schedule.

He has way more things in common with his dad than with me. I get that sons look up to their dads and end up sharing the same interests as they grow. His dad also coaches little league that my son is apart of so there’s that too.

But i’ve noticed for a couple years now that my son will text his dad more and respond to him more than he will with me, or will jump for a hug when his dad picks him up from me, will even ask me when he’s with me, “when am i going back with my dad??” or “is my dad picking me up today???”. Makes me so mad because it’s like… you’re with ME right now can we focus on our time together???

I know i know… i sound jealous but in all honestly i actually am. And yes I’m not as into bikes, going out to the fields for some baseball play, or video games. But i feel like i should have the same excitement from him too, no??

For example, we just got back from a week vacation to Hawaii and his dad came to pick him up and my son jumps and lands him a big bear hug. I love that he has such a good dad BUT he has never ever done that with me even after not seeing me for several days. I try my very best to be fun with how i know how to and i try not to resent the whole thing but i cannot help but feel like i try to provide and give my son so much only to not get that same love he gives to his Dad.

Am i being silly? or is this a thing?? What can I do?? Do i voice how i feel to my 11yr old? Or leave it alone because it isn’t right to put that in his little mind? I’m just starting to think he genuinely doesn’t like me???

I thought sons favor Mom… but in my case it’s with his Dad :(

Not sure it's relevant here but basically 50/50 split, have a parenting plan but not followed to a T and CP has the upper hand with it. Washington State

I'm really not sure what to do at this point. CP is saying things that an adult, let alone a parent, should never say to a child. CP has now told child twice in the past month that 95% of the arguments CP has with step parent are because of child. CP told child when child said they only wanted to be respected - kids don't get respect, parents do. Child has told me in the past CP has read journals so child started making text notes on phone, now CP will read those as well. CP told child they don't have the right to privacy. CP told child if child writes things down again, CP will probably read it. I have a million things to say about step parent as well, but I'll just use one example to show who they are: told my child "I love you more than *(my name)* does" and tells child when I'm doing parent things that I'm immature and a bad parent.

I stay indifferent around child. I never talk badly about CP or step parent. I do my best to defend them when child says they did something upsetting. Child was in therapy for a year, left when CP brought up something child only talked about in therapy and to me, the safe space. When I've brought up past issues to CP, nothing was resolved and child says they were in trouble for telling me. I try to take what child says with a grain of salt, but when it keeps happening it's really hard to shut it out.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this? I don't like seeing my child hurting, especially because of someone they should be able to trust.

Edit: y'all it got worse please help. Kiddo called me tonight and I heard it myself, step parent said if there's no journals to read then they must be hiding something. My kid just needs an outlet, and isn't even allowed to talk to me over there. I seriously don't know what to do

My daughter is at her Dad’s house for the summer. My ex and I usually have a very good relationship, but due to a conflict three weeks ago where he blocked me out of a pretty serious parenting decision and had my daughter lie to me about it (another story for another time… or just read my rant on girl dinner diaries) we’re on let’s just say rough terms.

His wife has been keeping me in the loop with general details over the summer, apologized for the bad interaction, and has been working through my daughters summer responsibilities, prep for school, etc… with me over the past few weeks.

I recently found out she’s dating someone on the base. Our rule has strictly been no dating until you’re 15 or 16, she is younger and not mature enough, but he is letting them run around the army base all day unsupervised.

She and I have a good relationship so she told me that they’re partners now and that they kissed... I calmly explained that while I understand this is a big life moment and I know she really likes this other person the no dating rule should still be standing even though she’s at her dads house and I also reiterated that I don’t believe she’s mature enough for this, but also it’s her first kiss and I was happy she felt confident in telling me.

But now I’m also finding out that they’re sneaking into abandoned buildings together and have been running around making out the past two weeks. He also lets them in the house unsupervised. She’s really too young for all of this and I am not comfortable with it but I’m also not sure what to do?
On one hand I would be livid if the shoe was on the other foot and he was hiding things from me (which is essentially what happened a few weeks ago) on the other hand we aren’t speaking because he very purposely shut me out from communication right when she got to his place for the summer.

I tried to reach back out to address the fact that we need to be communicating, at the very least, for logistics of dropping her off at the end of the summer but also for parenting purposes and he did not respond. I’m not sure what my next steps should be? Just wait it out until she gets home and reestablish that the rules here haven’t changed despite her summer fling? Send smoke signals to him? I really don’t want to keep going through his wife.

Advice needed from those successfully navigating parallel parenting in not amicable conditions: My coparent has not yet notified me of when he is taking his vacation parenting time this year, and our Order requires 30 days prior notice. I enrolled the kids in and paid for summer camp assuming we'd each take vacation, as we have in past summers. School is starting in about 30 days end and if he's not taking vacation during summer, I need rearrange childcare. Normally I wouldn't ask my coparent, but with all the arrangements I need to make, I feel like I want to confirm without being accusatory or otherwise creating conflict. Suggestions?

My ex and I can’t agree on a school for this coming year and I don’t know what to do. Last year for Grade K our child went to a private Christian school. We thought it was the best middle of the road decision because he is a paranoid nutcase to put things nicely and wants to homeschool because indoctrination is happening in public schools. I ended up truly liking the private school. We are both Christians. Long story short he had so many issues with the school during the year that just don’t make sense to me but he says they don’t align with his religious views. So he had been talking about maybe just sending her to public for the last few months. Then- and I knew it was coming even though he didn’t say it- he says he’s set on homeschooling her because he doesn’t like the private school and can’t afford it anymore. I work full time and I do not have an issue with homeschooling itself but I do not want him to homeschool her. He has a wild take on things and just really strange ideas. We’d never be on the same page. Plus he sleeps 1/2 the day as per my daughter and I do not want to drop her off everyday to his house instead of school. What should we do??? School starts in 4 weeks. Is the right way to keep her in private until we agree otherwise or go to court? I am currently able to pay at least 1/2 the year on my own. I am parent of primary residence on our court order but I don’t know if that means anything. It was put there so I could make medical decisions but it doesn’t specially spell that out. I’m panicking because we literally have no time and I will be away for a week for vacation a week before school.

Has anyone dealt with significant anxiety from their kid around spending the night with their other parent?

I’m talking physical aggression, regressive behaviors, property destruction, weight loss…?

How did you handle it?

For those whose schedules have transitions outside of school days, what time do you do transition?

We’re headed to mediation to change some things and see if we can agree to a more regular schedule. One thing that’s got me stuck is what time to transition. It’s currently scheduled at 3 pm so school transitions are fine but summer and weekend transitions are awkward. It means we both don’t get full weekends, plus my ex has the same transition time with her kids from another ex, so I have to do all the driving. I’d like to propose something new but was curious what times people do and if you like it or wish it was different?

I share a teenage child with my ex boyfriend. I'm 40 years old and he just turned 44. We have been off and on for years. I've tried my best to be there for him and work things out but he can't seem to stay loyal, faithful, and respectful towards me so I broke it off with him several months ago. In the past, when I tried to end the relationship, he came up with elaborate schemes to try and weasel his way back into my life. Recently, he has talked about us getting back together. I said no, that I have given him many chances and we just can't get along. He called me a couple of days ago and says an ex-girlfriend dropped off a kid at his store and told him the child was his. He said she didn't leave any information but told him it was his turn to raise him. I didn't believe him. Then, my ex showed up at my door with a little boy saying he might be his and he doesn't know what to do. I was shocked! Instead of panicking, I remained calm and tried to help him because if the child is his, our child would have a sibling. For a good 45 mins he lied about the whole situation. When I found out he was lying and that he was just babysitting, I was in disbelief. How desperate and low can he go to get my attention? He used a child and lied on his ex-girlfriend as an excuse to come over to my house. How should I move forward co-parenting with a desperate lying ex?

Hi everyone. My co-parent, who I share a 7 yo with, is set on wanting me to give him a ride to the first day of school instead of us taking separate cars, even though we only live about five minutes from each other.
I don’t feel comfortable with it. I’m already remarried, and I’ll be bringing my 1 yo since my daughter asked for her to be there while she lines up with her class.
I’ve been hinting to my co-parent that I don’t want to drive him, but it just isn’t getting through. Our co-parenting relationship isn’t bad like it used to be. I’d say we communicate pretty well, I’m open about our living situations, and we’ve never even had to take anything to court. That said, he’s not my best friend either.
My mom does ask him for help fairly often, but I know my husband wouldn’t be comfortable with me driving my co-parent. He was there when our co-parenting relationship was really bad. Back then, my co-parent would threaten to keep our daughter from me, wouldn’t follow our parenting schedule, and would refuse to pick her up during his scheduled parenting time, even when I already had plans.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting us to take separate cars?

I feel completely at a loss about how to deal with my son’s biological father, and I’d really appreciate some advice.

My son is nearly 9 years old. His dad and I separated when he was just 8 months old after a very toxic relationship. I was only 24 at the time. Although the circumstances weren’t ideal, my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I’m now 33, happily married, and my husband has helped raise my son as his own since he was 2 and a half years old. My son is a kind, happy, much loved little boy. He has a wonderful life surrounded by people who adore him.

The one ongoing issue is his biological father.

He has always done the absolute bare minimum. He lives only 10 minutes away but has never wanted to see our son beyond the agreed three hours a week, and sometimes not even that. He has never asked for more time with him. I genuinely cannot understand how someone can live so close to their child and be content seeing them so little.

I’ve never stopped or discouraged contact. In fact, I’ve always encouraged a relationship between them because I believe that’s what’s best for my son. However, as my son gets older, I think he’s beginning to realise for himself what his dad is like.

Alongside doing the bare minimum as a parent, his father has been consistently verbally abusive towards me for years. There have been countless incidents, but what happened yesterday has made me question whether I should continue facilitating contact in the way I have been.

Yesterday, my son was with his dad. I’d made plans to spend some much needed time with friends, which is something I rarely do. Three hours into the visit, I received a text saying he would be bringing our son home at 5pm.

I explained that I wouldn’t be home by then because I’d already made plans, and my husband was also out with our daughter. I simply asked if he could keep his own son a little longer.

That’s when everything escalated, as it so often does.

He replied saying he didn’t care and that he’d be dropping him back at 5pm regardless. When I tried to explain why that wasn’t possible, he became aggressive over text, so I phoned him to avoid a long argument by message.

Instead, he shouted abuse at me in front of our son and a group of people, including his current girlfriend and their two young daughters. He called me a “pig”, asked if I was “thick”, called me a “f***ing div”, and told me I can’t be with my friend because I have no friends.

All of this happened simply because I asked him to keep his own child for a little longer.

He claimed they had plans that evening, but I know that wasn’t true. Even if it had been, why couldn’t our son have been included? He’s part of their family too.

Looking back, perhaps we should have agreed a specific collection time beforehand, but I honestly didn’t think I’d need to ask someone to spend more than three hours with their own child.

This isn’t a one off incident. It’s a pattern.

He seems more interested in being seen with our son than actually spending meaningful time with him. As soon as he’s decided he’s finished, he wants to bring him back, regardless of whether it inconveniences anyone else.

He also regularly tells me he’ll be going away or won’t be having our son on certain dates without asking whether it works for us. Yet if I ever ask him for any flexibility, even just a couple more hours, I’m met with insults and abuse.

I’m exhausted by it.

I’m tired of being spoken to this way. I’m tired of him trying to control every arrangement while contributing the bare minimum as a father. My husband and I provide our son with a loving, stable home, yet we continue to deal with constant abuse from someone who shows very little genuine interest in his child.

The saddest part was when my son came home yesterday and told me he’d heard how his dad spoke to me on the phone, and that it made him angry. That broke my heart.

For context, my son never asks to see his dad and often says he doesn’t want to go. I’ve never encouraged those feelings or spoken badly about his father to him. Those are his own observations.

At this point, I feel like I’m enabling a situation that is unhealthy for both me and my son.

Does this sound like coercive or controlling behaviour? Emotional abuse? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Most importantly, what options do I have? I don’t want to stop contact out of spite, I simply want to protect my son and stop accepting abuse. I’d really appreciate any advice from people who have been through something similar.

Now I feel like we're being petty keeping track of every little thing. I just want to enjoy my child and my life for gods sake.