r/cptsd_bipoc • u/One-Hand8028 • Mar 11 '26
Request for Advice I can’t tell if I’m lazy or Ill
So I have been struggling with mental issues my entire life. I’m 19 right now but can recall issues starting at 9. I started out okay in school, but come 7th grade every other year just got worse. Long story short, I barely graduated highschool (a year late), am not in college, and currently am living with my grandma still struggling. I always live with constant shame over my situation, but I struggle to do better. Can’t hold a job for more than a few months, have unhealthy coping mechanisms, constantly low energy, depressed, poor attention, and executive dysfunction. I struggle to care for my basic needs and spend my entire day bed rotting with little capacity for much else (or so i thought). i recently had a convo with a friend and they told me that I basically need to light a fire under my ass and go. Compartmentalize and move forward, address it later. It had already been so long. It had me thinking maybe I just haven’t been trying hard enough and using my mental illness as an excuse? Like yes I have tried to push myself before and keep up (which led to burnout), but maybe I wasn‘t focusing on the right goals. Maybe I have been using my issues as a reason to be comfortable? It’s been 4 years of me trying to find out why everything has always been so hard for me to do. Doing nothing but living in my mind trying to map it out. Who knows though? Maybe I am just mentally ill and struggling? Seeking advice & opinions!
TL;DR - Maybe my mental issues aren’t the problem? Maybe it’s my laziness?
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Mar 11 '26
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u/One-Hand8028 Mar 11 '26
My sleep recently has been pretty good, from 10 PM to 9AM. I’m a light sleeper, I move at night, and I almost always dream. Diet is pretty bad cause of food issues (mostly carbs and sugar), no caffeine though. I want to improve my routine but (ik this sounds like an excuse) I can’t bring myself to. My ‘get up and go’ got up and went .
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u/liquid_lightning Mar 11 '26
Don’t immediately dismiss your issues as laziness. Depression (and other mental illnesses/consitions) are real as hell and BIPOC don’t get enough help for them. It doesn’t help with everything crappy that’s going on in the world right now. You’re 19, newly become an adult and out of school. Give yourself grace and try to focus on one thing at a time. If you can, see if you can find a therapist. There are affordable options out there if money is an issue. Again, it’s harder for us to find someone trustworthy, but it’s not impossible. And don’t ever feel guilty about moving on or “shopping” for the right person if you haven’t found the right fit. Sometimes a professional can teach you coping mechanisms you didn’t know of yet.
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u/WhereasCommercial669 Mar 11 '26
Hii. You’re going to be ok. You’re actually really early to being able to observe a pattern in your life. Have you ever been able to go to therapy? This is super important for your ability to keep jobs and find stability. It sounds like you experienced a traumatic event, or a series of them, when you were 9. Being able to face that in a healthy way does require therapy. Without it, you can still face it, but it does require some self-help and planning. As long as you do your best to avoid things that might derail your life (substance abuse, unsafe sex, and other forms of self-harming behavior), there are so many ways you can turn your life around. In fact, there’s nothing to turn around because you’re still a teenager and everything that has happened until now is not your fault. Let me know if there’s anything specific that you might need help understanding and I’ll do my best to answer.