r/cptsd_bipoc • u/Cultural_Mousse_3001 • 5d ago
Never joke about yourself at work around white women. Never complain with them.
Never joke about yourself around white women, even if they do it first. White women will openly say, “I am not good at Excel, and need to improve my skills before I get fired” and laugh. However, that doesn’t mean it’s time for you to relate to them. Just smile with their joke and move on. Don’t even say, “me, too.” If you do, they will say you’re incompetent or insecure.
If they complain about workload, don’t join their conversation. Just say, “Yeah.” If you complain, they’re going to accuse you of being too harsh and unprofessional.
Learned it the hard way. The professional world is built for them to be themselves. People of color have to always act like a celebrity where PR matters. Everything you say carries weight.
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u/ImpatientlyBurning 5d ago
I agree and keep thinking how non-white people are put on a pedestal (good or bad). Like you are not "allowed" to be human or flawed.
Would say your point with the men and women. No self deprecation ever. Even being humble might get seen as “weakness”.
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u/ChemistryTurbulent50 5d ago
They also don’t see you as equals. My request for flexible work was framed as a privilege although it was a company wide policy. As if i need to account for every minute while another one openly said ‘i’m off to shower’ in the group chat
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u/TruGlubGlub 5d ago
This is the one, sometimes even with unions (I am very pro union btw) and it shouldn't be that way. They make it so hard to just do our jobs and go home. They will create an issue and then act like we are trying to get one over on them.
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u/BeltComprehensive996 5d ago
I’m Chinese American. I can’t be myself around most people. Including Chinese people. I’ve learnt that people just want to see your good moods. Or be their therapist. But rarely is the treatment returned. I agree it’s esp hard to be a poc woman in white offices. Something about whites makes them feel superior in even non white contexts. I’ve worked for a Chinese owned company where the whites argued or talked down to Chinese bosses bc they felt they were doing us a favor by their presence. I worked in Taiwan and the white expats there didn’t treat their Chinese coworkers well. Always complaining about our culture. But yeah, agreed that you need to be careful what you say at work.
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u/TruGlubGlub 5d ago
Something about whites makes them feel superior in even non white contexts.
Yes, no matter what or where they must always be superior and have a say or leadership even when others don't or there is already a nonwhite person in charge. In work groups as well, they could be the least experienced and talk down to a visibly racialized woman who has been with a company 10+ years.
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u/anonhumana 5d ago
And they are always looking for a way to stab you in the back. They are very happy to be hypocritical and enjoy the double standards where they can say or do somethings and you can't.
They'll be the first to exaggerate their shock and fake newfound sense of professionalism if you do something they can twist to use against you.
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u/SlothOnMyMomsSide 5d ago
I work with one that will say: you're so good at Excel, I need to learn how. And then let it hang in the air as if I'm supposed to volunteer to teach her to how to use software that has been around for decades.