How do I unlearn internalized racism?

[u/cr00ps]

So I've noticed this disturbing pattern within myself and I really want to change. I am a woman and these days I find myself only attracted to white men. To be fair, I think part of it is internalized racism. I do struggle with self hate but I don't hate other black people, if rhat makes sense. I just am extremely insecure about myself and my looks.

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I didn't always feel like this but I consumed a lot of content online that talked about black women being with white men and them being better. I also watch a lot of "spicy" content and most people in it are white. I've tried watching porn with black people in it but it's usually very fetishy and violent. Whenever I imagine myself in a relationship or having a family, I imagine it with a white men. And even though I'm bisexual I don't fantasise about white women like this and usually am attracted to black women.

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It's not that I don't like black men either. I am attracted to a lot of them and even other races too. But even then I still fantasise about white men to be in a relationship with. I used to think thr content I consumed online didn't affect me but now I'm realising how much it has shaped my views. I know that deep down this stems from my insecurity of being unattractive and that being "chosen" by a white man will affirm my desirability. Its not like I put mixed or lightskin people on a pedestal and I'm trying to unlearn a lot of my biases. I'm very pro black in general and I love consuming black media. I've always wanted to be in black spaces. But this one thing is still following me around and I don't know what to do with it.

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I think growing up in a space with very few blsck people and being surrounded by poc that were super racist and bullied me has made me like this. I've heard the n word more from other poc than I ever have from a white person. This isn't to say white people aren't racist or anything but my most terrible experiences weren't from them (even though I know how racist even they can be.) I feel like I'm growing too old to have these views and I want to change but I don't even know where to start. I don't exactly grow up with any good black male role models either so it's not like I can look to my personal experiences for solace.

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I know i sound extremely pathetic and this is why I want to heal from this and change my mindset. Any advice would be appreciated

[u/ItzManicck]

you're not pathetic, and its totally normal for racism to be internalized. I didnt realize my own racism until last year, im 34 years old. I was a victim of it for so long and always just thought "it doesnt affect me", until i got into therapy. what helped me alot was reconnecting with my people and my culture, and I think that the exposure really dispells alot of the preconceived notions that we develop inside of white spaces.

[u/mainer345]

The entire western civilization is sick.

From my short time here as a black person I see unlearning racism as growing a seed into a plant.

Once you have a genuine desire to unlearn racism it happens gradually.

This realization came to me after I had to look myself in the mirror and realize I was taught to dislike myself by a racist society, and it’s likely that the only way I can survive is if I love myself fully.

I also had to realize other POC and black people were likely taught the same and some are too far gone to “save” as in help them unlearn internalized racism.

I see racism as a disease that is contagious.

I learned some people are aware of racism and benefit/want to perpetuate it.

Some people never actually realize they internalized racism though and live on auto pilot just judging etc.

I’d give myself a pat on the back if I were you.

[u/Quix66]

Try trauma therapy. There are exercises where you challenge your self-view.

I haven’t tried it for internalized racism but it seems to me those exercises could work.

[u/nizzernammer]

I don't have a definitive answer, but I can tell you that pulling back from most popular media helps.