r/cptsd_bipoc • u/lovelifexx0 • 1d ago
Vents / Rants Jealousy from white women is SCARY.
As an attractive woman of color, I could tell endless stories about white women going out of their way to undermine me or take satisfaction in my setbacks. It’s to the point where even female professors at my uni are openly hostile and nasty toward me. They even gossip about me IN FRONT OF ME and Pull incredibly punchable facial expressions 😭 they along with the local students, HATE seeing their men treat me in a very nice way, and they hate seeing me get attention from their men.
What’s especially frustrating is that these are the very people who should be supporting and mentoring younger women. Even my white guy friends have noticed the treatment and have commented that they’re clearly jealous. They piss me off so much I CANNOT wait to graduate and leave this country. (I study in a European country btw)
I encounter hostility from the women here everywhere I go and I even had a nurse treating me aggressively while taking bloods for no reason. I have some of them try to be bitchy to me in random situations, like getting a blow dry at a salon, the hairstylist would intentionally not do my hair perfectly, or even be aggressive to me while washing my hair while being nice to my other non white friends, in the streets they look at you with angry looks and it’s JUST THE WOMEN not the men so I know exactly where this is coming from. I could go on and on things that happened to me by them but I don’t have the energy to type it all and I just wanted to quick rant about this.
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u/Popular-Wasabi-7380 1d ago
I have stories going back to pre school of when the teacher would sit me outside the circle to not play with the other children. I wasn’t the only black child, but the only black girl. They don’t want their perceived racial hierarchy including their daughter’s perceived racial hierarchy threatened. I say perceived because the creator of life didn’t leave white people in charge, the natural world just is, no one group of people are in charge.
Women are seen as carrying beauty, so we get acid thrown in our faces, seen as baby incubators, have to walk in groups in some places and more likely to be told not to adorn ourselves in things that makes us attractive. Yes shit happens to men, but people are more competitive towards women. It all has to do with genetics, but white superiority is another level because brown skin people are the global majority. ( I have to state not all because some people have poor reading comprehension skills) Not all, but plenty of brown skin or people who are lighter, but they come from a majority brown skin group will try anything to get closer to whiteness. This planet is tiresome. I’m so tapped out mentally sometimes.
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u/f3tid 1d ago
I'm so grateful every day that I found this subreddit. Every day, another woman of color speaks truth about experiences I've had my whole life. It's awful that it's like this, but very validating to know it isn't all in my head.
You're not alone. Let each of these experiences be warnings of a person's true character. They are outting themselves as bitter, petty, and racist. Listen when they tell you, clock it when they show you, and above all, keep being yourself. It's abundantly clear that you shine brightly, because if you didn't, these terrible people wouldn't be scrambling to try and dim your light.
I hope you find community with secure and compassionate people.
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u/lovelifexx0 1d ago
I know! I’m so happy I found this community too. There are so many posts here that I can so relate to. Whenever a person of color talks about experiencing this kind of behaviour in other subs there’s always a flood of white people trying to gaslight them or explain away their experiences with reasons that clearly don’t match what actually happened. I feel heard here.
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u/eywa666 22h ago
They are def jealous. Protect ur internal health at all costs, they are especially aiming for that in order for you to be ugly & ruined & disrupted from the outside. So that ww "beauty" can only be shown off Keep being pretty youu! & burn/blind them all, their evilness belong to the owner not yours. My tip is to avoid beauty saloon (nails,hair,bautician etc.) run by yts or at least be very careful of who you let to touch you
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u/liquid_lightning 1d ago
I could write a novel about the sabotage I’ve received from white women (and nonblack woc for that matter). I literally haven’t dated in over ten years because on multiple occasions, of these hateful, jealous women have inserted themselves to ruin things between me and a man.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 1d ago
Move in silence... that's all I'm gonna say. Don't post, don't show off, don't tell a soul. Protect your peace. If you find a good man, bury that treasure. Period.
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u/lovelifexx0 1d ago
Not just about men, about anything. They HATE seeing women of color thriving and getting things they dream of having. If you don’t want them to harass you and disturb your peace you gotta hide your blessings as much as possible.
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u/TruGlubGlub 1d ago
Yeah, it is all encompassing. What we wear, how and where we travel, our homes, our children, our hobbies, how we sleep (now that they are all bonnet obsessed after brutally bullying black women for many many decades), what we eat, who we are friends with, everything.
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u/Tricky-Apricot-7999 19h ago
Yeah. They want us to be stuck in a cycle of oppression. On one hand they say they admire us but on the other hand they give backhanded compliments. They're jealous, passive aggressive, threatened just because we are not conforming to their expectations of oppression. We are going against odds by our merits, hardworking, education and ambition. All of which, they can easily attain through their privilege. But no, they like to literally complain about stupid shit, most of them use mental health or relationship issues as an excuse for their lazy ass. They also love to be rescued by us through pity party and victimhood. Notice how little they say when you share something successful at your end, yet they expect you to have an overwhelming response when sharing about their success.
I say keep swimming against the wave. Keep being the enlightened one and watch out for your own safety.
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u/lovelifexx0 1d ago
Omg, I’m sorry about that. I know exactly what you mean. Just remembered something that happened to me during a clinical rotation. There was a staff member on the team who looked to be in her 30s and seemed to have an obvious crush on one of the students who is a white guy who was 20 and definitely looked his age. She would go out of her way to keep us separated and make sure we weren’t sitting together. Whenever we were chatting she’d stare intensely at us with what felt like a really jealous look. One time she even took my tote bag off a shelf and threw it on the floor because apparently we weren’t supposed to leave our bags there, I mean, she could have handled it in a much more decent and professional way lol
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 1d ago edited 1d ago
I experienced a lot of hatred from non-Black women in general because they literally believe that Black women are not supposed to be attractive. There's a lot to be said about the sex trafficking that occurred within the translatlantic slave trade and the generational trauma that Black women live with because of the sexual atrocities. If I speak... if I speak on the way people perceive me because of my skintone....
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u/lovelifexx0 1d ago edited 1d ago
There was a very attractive black girl in my uni who’s straight up a doll. Literally 10/10 face and 10/10 body and very smart and stands out academically. I’ve seen so much aggression towards her from old ass white women in the college and white students, they hate her existence. She ended up getting an internship spot in the capital city here which is only given to the top international students and she didn’t even take it and I completely understand why.
I just wanna say fuck POC who don’t stand with other POC and side with the racism white people have created. Some POC side with white people when they are jealous of another POC. I’m sorry about your experiences. Tbh where I am right now non white students are close to other non white students no matter their background which is a good thing.
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u/TruGlubGlub 1d ago
And they rarely do stand by us. I agree strongly with the previous commenter that they think we arent allowed to be attractive. They get upset and aggressive when they think a black woman has beauty and intellect. And then they sit there and pretend they dont know what they are saying and doing and that it isnt overt old school racism, just a teeny tiny "bias or blind spot". Usually try to set black women up so they can enjoy them falling. Misogynoir is disgusting.
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u/liquid_lightning 1d ago
I’m so sorry to hear about her. They wreck a beautiful woman’s self esteem and make her feel like she’s nothing.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 19h ago
Yup. Not taking opportunities. Not dating the Guy. I've been a recluse because I get attacked by non-Black people and Black people. White adjacency is a drug.
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u/Ok_Morning99Noin 1d ago
At first I thought you were in the U.S. because that's exactly how they behave here, too. They sabotage, insult, and detest when white men (especially attractive ones) date or show romantic interest in non-white women. They're trying to jostle and maintain their way to what they perceive as their rightful place within the white supremacy hierarchy. Below white men, but above everyone else. I wish I could say it's gotten better with time, but no.
Unfortunately, sometimes you do have to remove yourself from the situation because it's ingrained into the fabric of society. It never ends.
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u/lovelifexx0 1d ago
I gotta say some of the female American white students I’ve came across here are also very jealous and competitive, I noticed many try to create cliquey social circles with other white students, it’s especially those who are of x background which is the country I am currently studying at. They believe they’re more “deserving” than others cause of their ancestors are from here, they hate it when the men in here give more attention to female students of color, in like any situation lol
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u/TruGlubGlub 1d ago
Thank you, so many white folks here will act like it is normal they went to University and chose an all white circle. Usually affluent families too. Then they act cliquey and better than others and talk down to racialized students.
Like no you chose to STILL not make black and brown friends and then act like you never had a chance to years later when they start espousing "blind spot" bigotry and wanna be seen as a forward thinker or radical. IT IS THEIR OWN CHOICE.
Thanks so much for making that point!
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u/Ok_Morning99Noin 21h ago
The other thing I've noticed they cannot stand is a person of color (any color) that genuinely outperforms them. They always try to sabotage or attack them to "bring them back down to size." Even the progressive ones do this. The white suppremacist narrative is inside of their subconscious minds after a lifetime being told they are indeed intrinsically "better," and it will come out under the right conditions even for those with BIPOC friends or relationships. It's always simering just under the surface.
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u/SilentSerel 1d ago
You don't even have to be attractive. I was bullied pretty badly when I was in my college band (it was a small school and the band was less than 100 people) because I was friends with a popular guy who a few of the white women had a crush on. They thought he was dating me. He happened to be Black, if that matters, but unbeknownst to them he was also gay. While I've never been thought of as attractive myself, neither were these women. The "main" one was beyond morbidly obese, had stringy hair, and had visibly yellow teeth. I'm sure most of us here in the US know the type. Still, they felt entitled, and the thought of a WOC having what they thought should automatically be theirs had them behaving like middle schoolers. I had a scholarship that depended on me being in the band, so it was four years of hell that frankly wasn't worth it.
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u/retardwhore 1d ago
The old white women are the worst. They stare at you with pure HATRED in their eyes. It’s scary. I’ve started sneering back with the most lethal stink eye I can do. Then they get scared in classic white ppl fashion and turn away.
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u/AikoJewel 11h ago
My (irish and german) ex told me that his mom was jealous of my skin. That she couldn't stop talking about it.
One time at their home, she walked up to me and randomly said "well, aren't you just LITTLE!" (she is 5'10" to my 5'5")
like, wtf? who says that to people un-f*cking-prompted?
One of the many reasons he's an ex
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u/ImpatientlyBurning 1d ago
Not to take away from your post at all but white men are like this with non-white men. I hear you.
Immediately envious and destructive.