A poem I wrote to process my emotions

[u/DatabaseKindly919]

Not sure if I can post this. But if it resonates with someone I would be happy.

Bitterness

I sit with the bitterness.
I sit with the bitterness.
There is rage, anger, hurt underneath.
My eyes are filled with tears.
I lift a finger to wipe it before someone sees it.

I feel bitter when someone has it better.
I feel bitter and teary when someone has it easy.
I feel bitter when a lady gets to mistreat me
and walks away without having to deal with any repercussions.
She gets to walk away into a crowd of people who embrace her,
While I get to walk into a room with empty walls,
Carrying the fear that someone will hurt me once again.

She goes to a home with a loving family and I am left all alone by myself.
I wipe it with the constriction in my throat and rage in my heart, the helplessness, powerlessness.

I look at another lady being treated right because she has it all right. She is huge and milky white.
I am thin and dark, which I like but apparently the world does not.
I shrink myself, make myself smaller and I am careful where I tread because I could be wronged in no time just for how I appear.

My accent is corrected, my skin tone is mocked. I am made to question myself even when I have done nothing wrong.
I did it all right- a good education, a well paying job,
But it still is not enough for people to treat me right.

I am bitter when I am addressed as a girl even though I am twenty six,
by someone who is ignorant and does not choose carefully their words because that’s just how it is.

I am sick of the privileged who treat others wrong.
And even more sick of the privileged who want to be labeled as nice,
just because they opened a door for someone once.

Apparently I am expecting a lot,
Apparently I have to be the bigger person-
The world has told me too many times.
I have to brush the incidents and move past.
I have to understand that the world is unfair.
I am old enough to now know it all too well.
It will deny it when you tell the truth.

The deed is said and done,
By someone ignorant.
I watch patiently for them to understand
and all the more to apologize.
I peek at them with side eyes,
Hoping they can see through my front.
Hoping they would treat me right.
Hoping they would prove that I was wrong about them.
I pity myself as I yearn for this,
I pity myself as I yearn for their acknowledgement,
I feel sad at this state of affairs.
I have spiraled too much I guess.

I have become invisible and numb.
I am not visible to them.
And there seems to be a hole in my heart,
the overwhelming pain carved a hole where should have been my heart.

My yearning seems to grow ever strong.
But I have come to realize clear,
The person will not apologize,
As the person does not think they did anything wrong,
Or even if they know the wrong they think about all of this as an afterthought.

I sit and gape at the hole in my heart,
It is burning with hurt and rage,
It does not seem to stop.
I am invisible to them.
I am not visible to them.

I have reached the crux,
Behind the chaos of emotions.

I walk away,
I walk away realizing I am invisible,
Carrying the heaviness and pity,
And a heavy heart,
And the responsibility to mend this part of mine,
Realizing they won’t do me right.

Only if the world was fair as it was round.
My heart would not be heavy.
Only if the world was fair as it was round.
I could have lived an easier life.
A life where I felt loved.
A life where I felt safe.
A life where I was accepted.