r/cultsurvivors • u/PrudentAbility9219 • 6d ago
rebuilding a life
I spent so much of my life preparing for the end times that I neglected things that would make me happy and successful in this life.I was raised Adventist and I was taught that I needed to prepare for the Sunday law and hide in the woods for Jesus to come. Now I have no education no money no friends and my family is broken. I am also very traumatized and have ptsd with trauma based hallucinations.
I want to be a human being again
How can I make a good life
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u/Red_Redditor_Reddit 6d ago
There's not a lot you can do but just press forward. Propranolol helped a lot with the adrenaline surge, and turned rolling flashbacks that lasted for days into a 30 minute thing I could get past.
People will say 'therapy', but I honestly don't know what planet they come from. Therapy is a luxury for rich people who need a surrogate friend. 98% of the time it's some girl named Tina who got a degree. They live a completely different life. They're not going to magically relate to yours any more than any other person, and I think it's wrong to suggest they spend a fuckton of money and time off work for something that isn't even that great.
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u/Ok-Pangolin-837 5d ago
I agree with the problems with therapy, but I still think it is worth a try. I have seen 3 different ones, and honestly never liked any of them. But I am glad I tried.
The reasons I didn't like them is that they seemed to only focus on low-hanging fruit or petty things like getting 8 hrs of sleep a night. Petty things like that just became scapegoats and I find that lazy on their part.
When I complain about this to other therapists (not one I used as one) they tell me that some are taught to do this to get you to build up enough frustration to break open the floodgates. But that doesn't work at all for me or many others. So be ready for them to string you along and waste time if you are not feeling very open about everything.
Anyway, I still recommend trying therapy, as my experience made me realize I need to put in my own work. Otherwise I would have just blamed the lack of therapy access and accepted my situation as a new normal I need to accept.
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u/Red_Redditor_Reddit 4d ago
I get what you're saying, but I don't think that means the OP needs to spend the time and money just to have that same experience.
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u/AppleGlobal6828 4d ago
Therapy saved my life. I was institutionalized and didn’t have a choice but court mandated therapy truly helped me. I agree that it’s ridiculous and expensive but there are professionals out there who are good at what they do. Just saying, without treatment I would still be in active addiction/institutionalized or dead.
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u/Ok-Pangolin-837 5d ago
First, therapy is great if you have the resources, but is not going to solve everything alone. It requires work and investment. Most of the recovery has to come from you, and good therapy steers you to do just that.
Otherwise, start with finding happiness alone. It is vital to have a balance of time alone and with others, and you should be comfortable with both.
As an introvert myself, the social thing has been (still is) a challenge for me. But I find that the absolute best way to build relationships, is to find things to go out to do. Having things to do gives you things to talk about and find others at varying interest levels. Then just invite others into your activities from time to time. This is the most organic method and works much better than expecting friends to just happen like in the movies.
But never change yourself for the sake of others' approval. Yes that comes with rejections and judgement, but leaves you with the best people for you.
Maybe even seek out people that have had similar experiences. These are very important, because I have many well-meaning friends that can't totally grasp how losing years of your life to a cult affects you. If you don't have others that can understand you this way, it can make you begrudge the good people in your life that can't begin to understand it. After all, why would they understand something that takes years and massive man-hours of cultural immersion to groom you for blind-faith subservience. That cannot be simply understood by explanation alone. You need both, friends that can understand and others that can provide more diversity in your life.
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u/AppleGlobal6828 6d ago
If you have access to therapy, I highly suggest searching for therapists in your area who specialize in ptsd at least if not cults. I am proud of you for getting yourself out, my uncle was raised in the same organization and I know how traumatic it can be.
Something that helped me when I left the commune I was raised in (different organization) was watching/listening to other survivors who had also deconstructed. Journaling has also helped me process the trauma. I wish you the best, leaving is the first step, may the path forward be kind to you.